If You Give A Noob A Monkfish

Not to long ago on my epic adventure through Runescape I found myself once again leveling slayer. As I was busy slashing my way through my assignment I saw an all to familiar line of text: Anyone have food?!!??!???! Now through months of trial and error I have discovered the best response to this question is silence. However on occasion the questioners advance is not halted by your silence and he will call you out by name asking for food. Should this happen go to plan B: spouting gibberish in a foreign language. Anyways back to the story, I was going full swing into plan A to counter his request when another player (who will remain anonymous) began unloading a barrage of insults. Now normally I could care less for the written battles of noobs with their "ur's" and "U's" and the ever popular "ur mom's". However in this case it was like watching someone punch a guy in a wheelchair. I was starting to feel quite sorry for this poor little noob; who for the remainder of this tale shall be called Bob the noob. Feeling sorry for poor Bob and becoming rather tired of his relentless cries for food I decided maybe I had a way to help him. Having just finished my assignment I offered him my remaining four monkfish for an equal value in nature runes that our slayer task often dropped. However as I was about to seal the deal with Bob the player who had been insulting him for his gear and his sexual orientation for the past ten minutes swooped in and offered to undercut me. Now seeing as the food for runes trade was my idea and he had just come from insulting poor Bob I became rather pissed at him. And being pissed I undercut him back with the fine offer of free. It turns out giving noobs free things was a bad idea.
Well along came Wednesday and I was happily doing The Curse of Arrav (only 3 more quests to the cape ). This is when I received a fine message from none other than Bob! Well Bob was ecstatic upon finding his first clue scroll and began to explain how he was going to get third age armor from his clue. I congratulated him and asked him what he had gotten the clue off of to which he responded: a ham dude. This is where I had to explain to poor Bob that there are different levels of clue scrolls and that he would not be getting any third age armor. Well Bob was determined to complete his clue scroll despite this minor setback. The clue however was much more complicated than Bob had believed with riddles such as "Speak to Party Pete". So being completely stumped Bob messaged me again requesting help. Being in a generous mood I decided to help him (mistake number two). So I of course began handing him teletabs and dragging him all across Runescape. When finally after defeating a mighty bear and digging nearby bob had reached the end. And what riches he had discovered! Black plate legs (worth 1000) and 350 gold pieces! and all it had cost him was a little time and 5 of my teletabs (worth 5000).
Well the next day Bob began talking to me again and lamenting to me his sad tale about how terrible his gear was. Now seeing as mithril cost next to nothing I offered him a set. Well ol' Bobbo was ecstatic about this. I bought the full mithril set for him and told him to come my world and that I was at the Grand Exchange observing all nine types of market failure simultaneously. This is where things got to be a little weird. Bob informed me that he had no runes to come to Varrock and that I should come to his world and go to Draynor where he was to give him free stuff. Seeing as I was doing Bob a favor and I was busy shoving newt eyes into irit vials I told him there was no way I was going to hop worlds and run over to him to hand him free stuff. Now it turns out Bob has rather a serious temper and threw a string of insults my way to let me know how he felt about the whole situation; after which he put me on ignore.
Well I thought I had seen the last of Bob, but it turns out Bob is rather gifted at revenge. He also has a legion of noob friends it appears. Using these two assets Bob began his revenge. I have been regularly for the last couple of days been getting messages asking for things such as a full rune set (which Bob has been saying I gave him apparently) or if I can kill strange out of the way monsters. So I have learned something from all of this.
Plan A (Silence): Solid
Plan B (Foreign gibberish): More solid
Plan C (Feeding noobs monkfish): Failboat