My story that I wrote on paper, then Word, then Sals.

Chapter 1: Into the night

It was a stormy July 3rd and a boy named John was laying in the Oka Park watching the stars when all of a sudden he sees something unparticular. “What was that?” Wondered John. Whoosh! A cool breeze of air made John shiver following a huge crack of thunder. Rain fell. But John had no shelter. He got up looking for a place that was still open at 12:00 in the morning. Soon, 5 minutes later, he found a shop called Circuit Town. “Hi little boy, we stay open so look around!” said one of the employees. John didn’t look he just layed on the ground next to the bathroom. At 5:00AM he saw the two things in the sky again. This time he reacted.

Chapter 2: The pick up

It was 7:00AM. John was up and the store was crowded. John walked out of the store and something lifted him up. John was about to speak when the thing interrupted and talked first. “Hello John. I am fire dragon and the other dragon you see is Ice.” Roared Fire Dragon. “How do you know my name and why do you want me?” asked John. “Well we have been spying and we have been seeing the trouble you go through, being a homeless boy and all.” Roared Ice Dragon. Really that isn’t the true names of the dragons. “We are really named Zilla and Warrior so call us that. We are going to take you to our land. Get on Ice AKA. Zilla’s back so we can go!” When they arrived they saw tons of magical creatures. “Welcome to Chapter 1: Into the night

It was a stormy July 3rd and a boy named John was laying in the Oka Park watching the stars when all of a sudden he sees something unparticular. “What was that?” Wondered John. Whoosh! A cool breeze of air made John shiver following a huge crack of thunder. Rain fell. But John had no shelter. He got up looking for a place that was still open at 12:00 in the morning. Soon, 5 minutes later, he found a shop called Circuit Town. “Hi little boy, we stay open so look around!” said one of the employees. John didn’t look he just layed on the ground next to the bathroom. At 5:00AM he saw the two things in the sky again. This time he reacted.

Chapter 2: The pick up

It was 7:00AM. John was up and the store was crowded. John walked out of the store and something lifted him up. John was about to speak when the thing interrupted and talked first. “Hello John. I am fire dragon and the other dragon you see is Ice.” Roared Fire Dragon. “How do you know my name and why do you want me?” asked John. “Well we have been spying and we have been seeing the trouble you go through, being a homeless boy and all.” Roared Ice Dragon. Really that isn’t the true names of the dragons. “We are really named Zilla and Warrior so call us that. We are going to take you to our land. Get on Ice AKA. Zilla’s back so we can go!” When they arrived they saw tons of magical creatures. “Welcome to Gielinor. . When you get off look where you’re stepping. You don’t want to step on a pixie. Don’t you? Said Warrior. “No sir, I mean dragon sir.” Stuttered John. The dragons and John walked into Gielinor.

-It's not a RuneScape story
-Horrible grammar
-It wasn't that interesting

I'm sorry to say that I have nothing good to say about this story.

Ok well I wrote this in..4th grade I think.


~DragonMaster

I know you've requested this to be closed. But judging by the way you're currently writing I can guess what the original story may have been like. Try and take the feedback he's given you to work on a better story in future.

Also - just because one person gives you a bad first rating, there's no need to give up.

~Magical

Still. It's like everyone hates me for some reason.

Really? We are generally a little hostile to people who can't be bothered to type properly etc. but if you neatened up then I'm sure you'd start to feel welcome and involved.

~Magical

Oh. Well I dont kno elglish real well. My friend normally helps me.

Posting on this forum will probably make you improve - look at most people's first and most recent posts.

Still - don't give up :-)

~Magical

A writer needs to know how to take critisism, I don't hate you, I just didn't like your story. Just read other stories and you'll learn. I read alot of books, it's how I learned to use proper grammar and writing skills.

Try writing this story again, maybe it'll get better.



Magical, since when do you post on the Rs Stories Section? If you started, look at my story lol.



~No, not real, just Fake.

Magical, you'd better read my story to.

Yeah, I'm in to threatening people to get what I want now.

Repost the story and work on it.


I'm into threatening people, who threaten people, to do something before they do it for me!



~No, not real, just Fake.

I think I can guess. It's not any good to me, though. I could barely keep myself from utterly hating MANSLAYERSMI. I just hope that DragonMaster will improve soon, or I'll...do something...

It's my second time in here :-) I'll take a look at yours now.

I'd like to see the original story, though.

~Magical

Well I love my stories greatly (so did everyone else I read it too). I can write a 1+ page story about anything. I love to write and everyone loves it. Who's MANSLAYERSMI? And Luna... what...will...you..do?


~DragonMaster

P.S. I will rewrite the story.

Nobody hates you.
You just have to wait for people to post. You're not going to get like dozens of posts from just one day.
Cool story but,
START A NEW PARAGRAPH WHEN SOMEONE SPEAKS.

MANSLAYERSMI was this guy who posted 20 plus stories at a time, just to write the first chapter of all of em, he never ever continued, until some of us presuaded him to actually try! I think he tried then...


~No, not real, just Fake.

You should probaby post this in the Library, since I can't tell how it's a Runescape story.

EDIT: Okay, it is a Runescape story after all. You're fine, my bad. I'll try to write a review later on.

Ok then

~DM

The story isn't horrible, not by a long shot. Just saying though: I remember "Dragon Rider" being the title of a book. I thought it was horrible.

Whaaaat? we are? lool