The Ancients
Prologue
I crouched down behind a rock. I knew I would regret this for the rest of my life but there was no other choice. A man walked from the great walls of Falador and strait past the rock I was behind. He was clad in steel armour and wore a blue headband. “Go on!” hissed the Forest Mage “Do it!”
I charged a fire blast spell and released it.
It sailed through the air.
The man screamed.
He exploded on the spot.
The other mages teleported into the city. I heard the sound of screaming citizens and angry guards. Then I teleported into the city. This was the start of war.
Chapter 1
My name was Dezek. When I was four, I discovered my talent and love for magic. It all started with my father, Dezan who had once been a powerful mage. He would buy me a couple of runes once a week and I would cast curse spells on rats in my home town, Varrock. As months went by I slowly got better and better. My dad would enter me into infant magic competitions and I won five gold medals in a row and the whole town started to notice me. When I turned seven, I was offered a job at Aubury’s magic store, I would stack shelves and take in deliveries and in return Aubury would teach me the basics of battle spells.
By the time I was twelve I had just mastered the fire bolt and by now magic was starting to bore me. I couldn’t wait one whole week just to cast a few spells! When I turned thirteen though, all that changed and dad put me in the teenage wizard guild. I was the happiest person in the world, or so I thought.
Chapter 2
All the teenagers stood by the cage that contained the demon; they all cast water blasts and heavily splashed the beast but nothing more. “Pffft” I muttered with scorn. I cast a fire blast and it hit the demon between the eyes sending it flying into the other end of the cage. The other teenage wizards glared at me and I sensed they were going to say something before the voice boomed through out the tower:
Would all teenage wizards report to rune recognition class!
As I left with everyone else, I heard one of the senior wizards voice.
“Well done Dezek!” he said “I see you’ve finally mastered the fire blast. Here’s a little something for your troubles” he slipped me a couple of gold pieces.
“Thank you, sir” I said. I figured that there would be enough time to get some runes before lessons. After lessons was more difficult as the rune stand was more crowded at that time.
“What will it be today, Dezek?” sighed Sulla, the owner of the teenage wizard guild rune shop. I scanned the shelves, blood runes were very tempting but they were far too expensive. “Just some nature runes, Sulla” I brought out a small bag and emptied it. Five hundred gold pieces fell out.
With my newly bagged runes, I headed off to class. Rune recognition was my favourite subject and I sat down at my desk. A senior wizard stood next to a chart with pictures of runes on it, he pointed to runes and told us to name them.
“Nature rune, mind rune, wind rune, body rune, death rune, life rune” we all chanted. Next he drew two runes on the black board; one had a pair of wings on it and the other had a star. “Can anyone name these runes?” he asked. Many people raised their hands. “Philip?” the senior wizard asked.
“That’s a soul rune, sir”
“Very good, and the other one?” Philip paused and looked at the teacher blankly. I raised my hand.
“Dezek?”
“That’s an astral rune, sir and it is used for lunar spells”
“Excellent, Dezek!” The next thing the teacher did was put up a picture of a Law rune. “Can anybody tell me the use of a law rune?”
Only I raised my hand. The wizard glared at his class. “How many of you studied last night?” he demanded. The teenagers looked at one another, guiltily. He sighed. “Dezek?”
“Law runes are used for teleportation”
“Brilliant, Dezek!” I smiled to myself. I was top of the class in all lessons at the wizard’s guild and the teachers paid close attention to this. I expected they would give me some sort of reward in the graduation ceremony that was happening this week. Perhaps it would be a year’s supply of free runes!
The graduation came sooner than expected.
Chapter 3
On the today of our graduation, I could hardly contain myself. We were marched into the main hall in groups of ten and then spread out in rows of five. Many parents had gathered to see their children graduate from a lowly apprentice into a proper mage; I saw my dad in the front row beaming at me as he did every year. A senior wizard walked out in front of us, took out a piece of parchment and then started to read:
“It is with great honour that I present the following mage apprentices their promotion to a mage. Philip Costa, Mary Timber, Henry Vant…” One by one he named all the teenagers, except me! After he had named everyone I was extremely worried. What was happening? But then the senior wizard took out a second piece of parchment and read it out: “And it is with even greater honour that to our top pupil, Dezek Taylor I present him with a double promotion!” I gasped. A double promotion! “Dezek, I here by promote you to sorcerer!"
As the new mages scurried off to find their parents, I ran off to my dad. I expected to see him smiling bun stead he was solemn with pain in his eyes. Slowing down in front of him, I waited for him to say something. “Son” he said “I’m taking you out of Mage School”
Chapter 4
I glared at my father. It was the morning since I had been removed from the wizard’s guild and I had not spoken to Dezan since. As I finished a blood sausage that was laid before me, I eventually decided to ask. “Son” Dezan said the words slowly “I took you out of that school because I’m putting you in an ‘exclusive’ guild”
My heart missed a beat. “An exclusive wizard’s guild?”
“This guild is for only the most powerful mages; Sorcerers like you!” I hardly ever smiled but now it was impossible to contain a large grin. Strangely enough though, my father did not.
On the first day of my new school, me and Dezan got into his cart and we were carried away from home by two mares’. He did not look at me for the entire journey but I ignored this and decided to prepare. I arranged my runes into different pouches: four pouches for my elemental runes, one for death runes and one for my nature runes. Then I polished my lava staff that Dezan had bought for me on my eleventh birthday and tucked it into my blue robes. Soon the cart came to a gentle stop and my father told me to get out. I looked around, we were on the outskirts of Rimmington and there were no buildings. “The guild is through there” said Dezan pointing at a small cave.
“But that’s just a cave”
“It is in the cave” he said glumly “Now GO!” It was a tough squeeze but I eventually managed to make it through the entrance and into a long tunnel. It was a odd place to hold a guild and as I thought this I did not see the cluster of cave imps that I crashed into. They swarmed the tunnel in a frenzied squeaking and I fell to the floor screaming. Laughter suddenly burst through the cave then a huge hand with long yellow nails shot out, grabbed me by the scruff of my neck and hauled me into the darkness.
Full Version: The Ancients
Chapter 1 isnt a chapter. it's a paragraph...
strait= straight
although an intresting read so far
strait= straight
although an intresting read so far
It is interesting but please make the story longer.
Overall: 9/10.
A simple story, very easy to follow and read. Very good so far, continue the good work.
Spelling:10/10.
No spelling errors I have found.
Grammar:10/10.
A few mistakes, not enough to take off a full point (or mark).
So far, a good story. Take your time with the rest of the story, do not rush and add a bad next chapter because your readers are asking you to write it.
Take your time, make them wait.
A simple story, very easy to follow and read. Very good so far, continue the good work.
Spelling:10/10.
No spelling errors I have found.
Grammar:10/10.
A few mistakes, not enough to take off a full point (or mark).
QUOTE (snowballer @ Mar 21 2009, 04:46 PM) 
The Ancients
Prologue
I crouched down behind a rock. I knew I would regret this for the rest of my life but there was no other choice. A man walked from the great walls of Falador and strait past the rock I was behind. He was clad in steel armour and wore a blue headband. “Go on!” hissed the Forest Mage “Do it!”
I charged a fire blast spell and released it.
It sailed through the air.
The man screamed.
He exploded on the spot.
The other mages teleported into the city. I heard the sound of screaming citizens and angry guards. Then I teleported into the city. This was the start of war.
Chapter 1
My name was (From what I understand, his name is still Dezek? If so, change was to is) Dezek. When I was four, I discovered my talent and love for magic. It all started with my father, Dezan who had once been a powerful mage. He would buy me a couple of runes once a week and I would cast curse spells on rats in my home town, Varrock. As months went by I slowly got better and better. My dad would enter me into infant magic competitions and I won five gold medals in a row and the whole town started to notice me. When I turned seven, I was offered a job at Aubury’s magic store, I would stack shelves and take in deliveriesand (to many ands, this one is not needed) in return Aubury would teach me the basics of battle spells.
By the time I was twelve I had just mastered the fire bolt and by now magic was starting to bore me. I couldn’t wait one whole week just to cast a few spells! When I turned thirteen though, all that changed and dad put me in the teenage wizard guild. I was the happiest person in the world, or so I thought.
Chapter 2
All the teenagers stood by the cage that contained the demon; they all cast water blasts and heavily splashed the beast but nothing more. “Pffft” I muttered with scorn. I cast a fire blast and it hit the demon between the eyes sending it flying into the other end of the cage. The other teenage wizards glared at me and I sensed they were going to say something beforethe (a) voice boomed through out the tower:
Would all teenage wizards report to rune recognition class?(This is a question, so you should add a questionmark.)!
As I left with everyone else, I heard one of the senior wizards voice.
“Well done Dezek!” he said “I see you’ve finally mastered the fire blast. Here’s a little something for your troublesperiod.” he slipped me a couple of gold pieces.
“Thank you, sir” I said. I figured that there would be enough time to get some runes before lessons. After lessons was more difficult as the rune stand was more crowded at that time.
“What will it be today, Dezek?” sighed Sulla, the owner of the teenage wizard guild rune shop. I scanned the shelves, blood runes were very tempting but they were far too expensive. “Just some nature runes, Sulla” I brought out a small bag and emptied it. Five hundred gold pieces fell out.
With my newly bagged runes, I headed off to class. Rune recognition was my favourite subject and I sat down at my desk. A senior wizard stood next to a chart with pictures of runes on it, he pointed to runes and told us to name them.
“Nature rune, mind rune, wind rune, body rune, death rune, life rune” we all chanted. Next he drew two runes on the black board; one had a pair of wings on it and the other had a star. “Can anyone name these runes?” he asked. Many people raised their hands. “Philip?” the senior wizard asked.
“That’s a soul rune, sir.”
“Very good, and the other one?” Philip paused and looked at the teacher blankly. I raised my hand.
“Dezek?”
“That’s an astral rune, sir and it is used for lunar spells.”
“Excellent, Dezek!” The next thing the teacher did was put up a picture of a Law rune. “Can anybody tell me the use of a law rune?”
Only I raised my hand. The wizard glared at his class. “How many of you studied last night?” he demanded. The teenagers looked at one another, guiltily. He sighed. “Dezek?”
“Law runes are used for teleportation.”
“Brilliant, Dezek!” I smiled to myself. I was top of the class in all lessons at the wizard’s guild and the teachers paid close attention to this. I expected they would give me some sort of reward in the graduation ceremony that was happening this week. Perhaps it would be a year’s supply of free runes!
The graduation came sooner than expected.
Prologue
I crouched down behind a rock. I knew I would regret this for the rest of my life but there was no other choice. A man walked from the great walls of Falador and strait past the rock I was behind. He was clad in steel armour and wore a blue headband. “Go on!” hissed the Forest Mage “Do it!”
I charged a fire blast spell and released it.
It sailed through the air.
The man screamed.
He exploded on the spot.
The other mages teleported into the city. I heard the sound of screaming citizens and angry guards. Then I teleported into the city. This was the start of war.
Chapter 1
My name was (From what I understand, his name is still Dezek? If so, change was to is) Dezek. When I was four, I discovered my talent and love for magic. It all started with my father, Dezan who had once been a powerful mage. He would buy me a couple of runes once a week and I would cast curse spells on rats in my home town, Varrock. As months went by I slowly got better and better. My dad would enter me into infant magic competitions and I won five gold medals in a row and the whole town started to notice me. When I turned seven, I was offered a job at Aubury’s magic store, I would stack shelves and take in deliveries
By the time I was twelve I had just mastered the fire bolt and by now magic was starting to bore me. I couldn’t wait one whole week just to cast a few spells! When I turned thirteen though, all that changed and dad put me in the teenage wizard guild. I was the happiest person in the world, or so I thought.
Chapter 2
All the teenagers stood by the cage that contained the demon; they all cast water blasts and heavily splashed the beast but nothing more. “Pffft” I muttered with scorn. I cast a fire blast and it hit the demon between the eyes sending it flying into the other end of the cage. The other teenage wizards glared at me and I sensed they were going to say something before
Would all teenage wizards report to rune recognition class?(This is a question, so you should add a questionmark.)!
As I left with everyone else, I heard one of the senior wizards voice.
“Well done Dezek!” he said “I see you’ve finally mastered the fire blast. Here’s a little something for your troublesperiod.” he slipped me a couple of gold pieces.
“Thank you, sir” I said. I figured that there would be enough time to get some runes before lessons. After lessons was more difficult as the rune stand was more crowded at that time.
“What will it be today, Dezek?” sighed Sulla, the owner of the teenage wizard guild rune shop. I scanned the shelves, blood runes were very tempting but they were far too expensive. “Just some nature runes, Sulla” I brought out a small bag and emptied it. Five hundred gold pieces fell out.
With my newly bagged runes, I headed off to class. Rune recognition was my favourite subject and I sat down at my desk. A senior wizard stood next to a chart with pictures of runes on it, he pointed to runes and told us to name them.
“Nature rune, mind rune, wind rune, body rune, death rune, life rune” we all chanted. Next he drew two runes on the black board; one had a pair of wings on it and the other had a star. “Can anyone name these runes?” he asked. Many people raised their hands. “Philip?” the senior wizard asked.
“That’s a soul rune, sir.”
“Very good, and the other one?” Philip paused and looked at the teacher blankly. I raised my hand.
“Dezek?”
“That’s an astral rune, sir and it is used for lunar spells.”
“Excellent, Dezek!” The next thing the teacher did was put up a picture of a Law rune. “Can anybody tell me the use of a law rune?”
Only I raised my hand. The wizard glared at his class. “How many of you studied last night?” he demanded. The teenagers looked at one another, guiltily. He sighed. “Dezek?”
“Law runes are used for teleportation.”
“Brilliant, Dezek!” I smiled to myself. I was top of the class in all lessons at the wizard’s guild and the teachers paid close attention to this. I expected they would give me some sort of reward in the graduation ceremony that was happening this week. Perhaps it would be a year’s supply of free runes!
The graduation came sooner than expected.
So far, a good story. Take your time with the rest of the story, do not rush and add a bad next chapter because your readers are asking you to write it.
Take your time, make them wait.
For one thing, this is a very nice and original plotline. You may want to add Chapter one into the prolgoue and call chapter two chapter one, since chapter one has no dialogue and is just a monologue about his life up to that point. Other than that, it looks good. I really want this to turn out a good story, and I'm sure it will, but please remember not to make your characters overpowered, such as, a fire wave at eighteen or something. In the game it may be easy to cast a new spell, but in real life I'm sure it would be much harder to cast magic spells of that power. However, this is all up to you.
This is fantastic! I loved the idea of a wizard school for teengers (without being lame like harry potter, lol) and the ability to make such a vibrant story with some simple (and very spot on) info from the actual game. I also agree with Finway about the chapters, maybe 1 could be a prologue and 2 would be 1. Anyway, I'll be tracking this story, and I can't wait for more.
Okay. I know I havent been writing for a long time but I going to contiue this story 
By the way thanks for rating this story, John Adams and thanks for your support, Finway and Arbitrary. Here is the next part.
~Snowballer~
By the way thanks for rating this story, John Adams and thanks for your support, Finway and Arbitrary. Here is the next part.
~Snowballer~
Okay. Chapter 3, 4 and 5 are out now!
Sorry about the double post =(
I like it! Good plot and I havent seen spelling or grammer errors. Goos job!
This is a "lo-fi" version of our main content. To view the full version with more information, formatting and images, please click here.