Journey To Varrock

PROLOGUE

The people of the Tree Gnome Village have lived in peace, Until the Khazards attacked their village and took their orbs, The only thing that protects the gnomes. Now they are being guided by a human from Yanille named Dizzy Whom they believe, can rescue them from Evil and bring them to Safe lands. With the Gods by His side Dizzy truly knows he is the one to save the gnomes.

Chapter 1: The Escape

One Month after the Khazards invaded the Gnomes. Life has been different in Yanille. Dizzy worked at the hunting shop in Yanille as an Assistant.
In the night while dizzy was getting ready for bed. Saradomin and Guthix gave him a vision.

[i] Dizzy, We know your a peasant looking for his true meaning on Gielinor. This is it, you must Rescue the gnomes." Said Saradomin.

"How am i to do that? i do not have money for supplies or anything?."

"Find the money and the supplies in your heart, The Fate of the Gnomes are in your hands now."

Dizzy accepted and Saradomin was suprised by his faith and acceptance.[i]

The Gnomes knew that Dizzy was their savior also. The next day, they gathered and planned an escape plan. Dizzy also was a cup-bearer for the king of Khazard. Dizzy asked if the gnomes,whom were slaves now, give up their land so that he may bring them to the land that The gods want them to go to.

The King declined which made Saradomin furious. He started torturing the king and a few of these punishments were.
Sickness
Death of the first born son
Swarm of locust.
Flood
Famine.

Soon the king couldn't take it and let them go. Dizzy knew that the king would change his mind eventually so they had to escape right away. Khazards would never enter the forest so Dizzy and the gnomes hid in the forests of Camelot.


TO BE CONTINUED
~dizzy

I haven't read it fully, but Saradomin can't torture people, Guthix stopped all God interference.

YOU RIPPED OFF THE FREAKING BIBLE? All this appears to be is the story of one of those bible prophet dudes (Moses maybe? The guy who parted the red sea, got the ten commandments, and burned a bush.) put into semi nonreligious, Runescape based terms. So really, you took the Bible and barely rewrote it to cover tree gnomes instead of Jews or whatever. (A sunday school graduate I am not) Although it's not too bad, the idea really isn't your own, is it? So you're basically plagerising god. Congratulations.

EDIT Did you have to cast yourself, or someone with the same name as the prophet?

Yeah you did rip off moses. Now god will torture YOU!

your story's ohkay, you need to capitilize the i's and thre's capital letters in the middle of senetences.
for example
Now they are being guided by a human from Yanille named Dizzy Whom they believe, can rescue them from Evil and bring them to Safe lands. With the Gods by His side Dizzy truly knows he is the one to save the gnomes.

Whom-whom
Evil-evil
Safe-safe
with the gods by his side, (comma) Dizzy knew blah blah blah
good luck with your story and don't give up.

I have quite a few things to point out.
1) There are major capitalization problems in the story. I suggest running the story through a spell-check that might check for that type of thing.
2) There is no "King of Khazard," although there is a General Khazard who runs the area.
3) Throughout the entire story you seem to be just stating things, not explaning them. Try to use description and show, not tell.
4) You appear to be making a Biblical Runescape story. Although some may consider it to be a bad thing since you're "ripping off the Bible," I think it's an original concept to these forums, and I'm okay with it as long as you don't claim it's your own.

This is pretty cool, interesting blending between Biblical stories and RuneScape. The story itself is pretty monotonously phrased, but there are short paragraphs and short chapters (so far), so it's not that bad.

If I can make a more specific suggestion, I would advise you to not use lists in your story. Put everything into prose, work it into the narrative. Go into more detail, delve into the character's mind! Make Dizzy alive, give him hopes and thoughts of his own. Don't make him a flawless hero. Give him ideas and sadness (like Moses) unrelated to the central event of the story. Expand your horizons!

Good luck, and remember to run your story through Microsoft Word. It will fix most of the spelling and grammar errors that I've spotted in your story.

Very original plot, to bad you cannot exploit it.

I'd like to see you improve. You have my support.

See this?

*Raises arm, and a glimmer of insanity appears in eyes*

That's a wing. You're under it.

Drillbit Taylor much? ^

Anyways, I lol'd at most of the above