CHAPTER 1: A FATEFUL MEETING
The man known only as Snake walked down the streets of Varrock. He eventually came to the town square. He wore full dragon armor and a pair of rune boots. His weapon was an abyssal whip.
At town square a man wearing absolutely nothing but a skin-tight shirt and green pants was yelling, "I need free stuff!". Damn noobs, thought Snake. Suddenly the bald noob walked up to him.
"What the hell do you want noob?" asked Snake.
"How much for those fine looking sausage links in your hand?" asked the noob.
"It's an abyssal whip nooblet, and no you can't buy it unless you have the proper money."
" I will give you a bucket and 12 clay. How's that sound?"
"NO!!!! You have to give me 1.5 million".
"Wait, let me calculate. 1.5 million equals one million plus .5...DAMMIT, I need a calculator!"
"You noob, one million five hundred thousand!"
"OH! Can you teach me to make that much?"
"Hell I got nothing better to do."
The noob followed Snake as he went to Draynor to teach the noob woodcutting...
CHAPTER 2: WOODCUTTING
Snake gave Noob a bronze woodcutting ax and took Noob to the woods. In the woods, Noob saw a group of noobs chopping down a yew tree.
"Hi guys! What clan are you in?"
The noobs gave no response.
"Those are MAC-RO-ERS Noob. That's a big word! Can you say it?" asked Snake.
"MAC-RO-ERS"
"Good for you! Now let's cut down that tree right there." Snake pointed at a regular tree and the noob went to the extension of the Earth and began to chop. The tree started wobbling and shaking. Noob fell to the ground crying. The noobs ax head flew off when the tree bagan its shaking. The ax head plunged between the eyes of some random guy.
Snake walked up to the guy and pulled the ax head out of his nose. He then walked up to the ent and said "Screw off" calmly. The ent shriveled and died. The noob had his thumb in his mouth and was rolling on the ground crying.
"Did scary ent hurt you Noob?" Snake asked sweetly.
"No! B-B-But I am go-gon-gonna have ni-ght-mare."
"Oh poor noob! Give me the goddam ax handle!"
"Here!" The noob placed it in Snake's hand. Snake fitted the pieces together and told the noob to try again.
The noob started cutting the tree. A log fell from the tree. The noob picked it up and just when he brought his head up from collecting it, a log hit his head and knocked him out.
"Goddam it, now what? Jagex has never made this type of update. What a stupid random! I know what to do."
Snake picked up Noob and took him to the Wizard's Tower bridge and threw him over. Noob splashed up from the water and started yelling at Snake.
"You dirtbag!"
"Come on out! Let's try this one more time."
Noob splashed and screamed all the way to the shore and Snake picked him up by the scruf of the neck and handed him his ax back.
"One more try! If you screw up we move on to something else."
Noob went to the tree and chopped until he finally cut it down.
"Ow! MY FOOT!" A level 56 walked up to noob." I'm gonna kick your cabbage!"
"Yeah right." Snake walked up to the 56. He threw 56 into a tree and plunged a sword into his stomach. 56's last dying words were: "What type of sword?"
"It's a dragon scimmy." Snake then pulled his sword out and suddenly noticed Noob talking to someone. Snake walked up to them.
"What's your name?"
"Ash and I am gonna give this guy two mil for the Wine of Zamorak."
"It's a once in a lifetime opportunity!" siad noob.
"You're a scammer aren't you?" asked Snake
"Yeah-I've had a ton of people ban me and I just get a day off of the game or something, then come back and keep going."
"What's a scammer?" asked Noob.
CHAPTER 3: SCAMMERS AND THE WILD
The Chaos Temple was an old structure. The gang that consisted of Snake, Noob and Ash the Scammer entered. Noob looked around the building. Tons of Zamorakian priests were in the area. Noob stopped Ash.
"Before I take the wine can you explain to me what a scammer is?"
"No. I will tell you after you get me the wine."
"Fair enough."
Noob walked to the wine and looked at it. It was blood red. Snake was yelling at Noob not to take it and it was a trick. Noob took it anyway.
"FEAR THE POWER OF ZAMORACK!" siad a very powerful voice.
"Who the hell is Zamorack?" asked Noob.
"OH THAT'S IT YOU ARE SO TOTALLY SCREWED."
"For what? I don't have a clue who the hell Zamora--"
Suddenly fire spewed out of the floor and the Noob started burning. The Zamorackian mages started attacking him as Noob ran. Ash was at the door and held the door closed as the noob tried to escape.
The noob's last dying words were: "Kill him Snake."
Ash grabbed the wine from noob's bones and laughed in an evil tone.
"Hey, Ash, follow me." said Snake.
"O.K"
Snake led Ash to the wilderness ditch. Snake jumped it without a flinch.
"Come on Ash, jump!"
Ash walked back and ran as fast as he could. He then tried to jump but fell into the ditch.
"Damn you and your random event updates Jagex!" yelled Ash.
"You're telling me." added Snake.
"Help me out here!" yelled Snake.
Snake took his dragon scimmy and put it down into the ditch. Ash grabbed it and Snake pulled him up. Suddenly, Ash yanked the sword out of Snake's hand.
"Dammit I was too careless!" The scimmy was too heavy for Ash and it fell out of his hands and onto the ground.
"Fine, I"ll defeat you with my bare hands!"
Ash took a mithril scimmy out of its' sheath and started swinging at Snake. Snake dodged and crouched down. He kicked out and tripped Ash. He screamed as he fell. Ash lunged his scimmy at Snake from the ground. The tip of the scimmy was inbetween Snakes fingertips the next time Ash looked.
Ash then kicked out and tripped Snake. Snake slit the webbing between his fingers. Snake screamed and then backflipped onto his feet.
"You son of a nice doggy!!"
Snake ran and jumped over Ash. Ash jumped up and started swinging wildly at Snake. Snake jumped over the wilderness ditch.
"You chickening out?" asked Ash.
"No, I just wanna fight over here."
Ash stared at the ditch. Dammit he would do it. He would make the leap! He walked back and ran. As he ran Snake jumped over the ditch and grabbed his scimmy from the ground. His dragon scimmy took a huge slash at Ash's legs and Ash screamed as he fell over and his legs stood there without a body attached, bleeding.
"You cheated!" whispered Ash.
"So what? It doesn't matter. I probably will see you in Lumbridge when I meet up with Noob."
"And I'll keep my scimmy."
"And I'll kill you again. See you there."
Ash lay there, bleeding all over the grass as he watched Snake walk away. The last thing Ash thought was "I have about five minutes to scam something from someone in Lumbrige to use against Snake."
CHAPTER 4:ENEMY RESISTANCE
Snake entered the front gardens of Lumbridge Castle only to find Noob yelling at some guy. Snake came up closer to listen in.
"No way you stupid noob!" yelled some guy in full guthans.
"Your armor is seriously worse than bronze you loser, so give it to me for five gold coins." replied noob.
"No! Stupid noob!"
"Hey what the hell are we fighting about?" Snake butted in.
"Who the hell are you?" asked the guy in guthans.
"He's the guy who's gonna kick your cabbage into next year!" yelled noob. A bunch of noobs crowded around Snake, Noob, and the guy in guthans. The crowd shouted: "Fight, Fight, Fight!"
"So you think you can whoop my cabbage?" asked the guthans guy.
"No that was Noob there saying that, but yeah, I could whoop your cabbage anyway." replied Snake.
"Fine then, feel the wrath of my guthans armor!" The man charged at Snake. Snake side-stepped out of the way. The guthans guy yelled as Snake stabbed him through his armor and pulled his scimmy out of the back of his head, only to have an eyeball on the tip of the scimmy.
"Ewwwwww!!!!!" yelled the crowd. Blood oozed out of the guthans guys helmet and dripped to the pavement. The guthans guy screamed and eventually died.
Snake grabbed all his stuff. Suddenly, some guy walked up to him.
"You pulled out my eye and stole my guthans you love-child!"
"Oh. You must be the guy behind the armor. I'm sorry but this stuff is officially mi-" Snake was cut off by arrows being shot at him from the top of the walls of Lumbridge Castle. On top, two men stared at Snake.
"Ash, level 56 guy that Noob pissed off when he accidently cut down a tree that landed on your foot." said Snake.
"Oh, he's good. For being down there and not being able to see any of our features--"
"Cut the crap, what the hell are you doing here?" yelled Snake.
"We are here to kill you." yelled back Ash. Snake knew that voice anywhere.
"Where'd you get the arrows?" asked Snake.
"Oh. I jacked them off of some person claiming to be the range guide." was his reply.
"cabbage-lover." said Snake.
"What was that? Oh your cabbage is dead!"
The figures jumped down and Ash took out a training sword while the level 56 took out a magic staff. Ash attacked first, swiping brutally at Snake. Noob meanwhile was sneaking up behind the level 56. Noob poked him on the back. When the level 56 turned around Noob slapped him in the face.
"Oh, you call that a nice doggy!-slap?" The level 56 slapped Noob and Noob was thrown through the wall and into the Lumbridge chapel.
Meanwhile, Snake took out his dragon scimmy and parried Ash's attacks. After a minute of parrying, Ash attacked high which left Snake just enough opening to kick Ash in the nuts. Ash screamed and fell to the ground clutching his nuts whispering "You love-child!". Snake put an end to him and was then put on fire by the level 56's magic attack.
Snake walked casually up to the fountain and put out the flames. When he looked at the level 56 he said "Oww".
The level 56 stared and stared. "Holy crap! How can I beat a guy who isn't even intimidated by my strongest atta--wait a minute, let's get my main out."
The level 56 logged out. Suddenly another guy appeared wearing full mystic. He attacked Snake using a spell that froze him. The new guy then used his most powerful attack, Fire Barrage. Snake was completely on fire. Snake walked to the fountain casually again and soaked his body in it.
"Oww, that hurt pretty bad you love-child."
Snake ran at the new guy and jumped over his fire spell. Snake then cut the new guys staff in half, along with the new guy's body. "Damn you!" was his final words.
Snake walked away from the castle and to the chapel. He found Noob sprawled over Father Lawrence.
"Sorry Father." Snake picked up Noob and threw him over his shoulder. They needed to go to Karamja. Snake had to kill the most powerful monster in the world and show all that he was not a level 126 prone to tricks and that anyone who messed with him would get their cabbages whooped.
Bonus content from first four chapters!
Bios:
Scammer
Level: 37
Wears: Nothing except a mith scimmy (That he scammed)
Gold: 10 (also stoeln)
Likes: Scamming people,
Dislikes: Jagex, Being banned, Zezima
Story: He is your standard scammer who has been repeatedly temporarily banned.
Tz-Jok-Jad
Level 702
Noob goes to watch Snake at the Fight Caves.
A Person in full Guthans
Likes: insulting noobs, (coz he can)
Dislikes: Noobs
The noob could say his armour is worse than bronze and tries to buy it for 5gp
Ah yes, you can now use another character (ME!)
Name: powerent
Wears: full rune, but had to sell dragon long and dragon dagger with super strength poison potion cause turning f2p (true story =[ )
Weapon: Rune long
Characteristics: Nice, helpful, PWNZ0R! Level 74, with 37 ranged and 46 mage, likes to alch willow longs =-]
Grumpy Mod(AKA: 1 4M n0t 4 n00B)
Level: 3
Wears: A Gold Crown and a Muteing Wand
Likes: Muting High Level People for money
Dislikes: Low Level People, Other Mods, Anti-Muting Wand
Story: Came from the flax fields, and as a level 3 was alway taunted...so no takes his revenge by Muting people. Is the leader of "The Power of 3."
Mutant Autoer(AKA: Account number 29342)
Level: 3
Wears: A Bronze Pick, and Enough Rune Essance to Kill a God
Likes: Giving sterotypical responce(I know you are but what am I)
Dislikes: Jagex(Or as he says Jadex), people report him
Story: Came after account 29341 was banned. However collected all the Essance that the other thousands of accounts had got, and decided that he would train up runecrafting instead. But was blackmailed into serving 1 4M n0t 4 n00B, who he then looked up to as a father....Demented noob...2nd member of "The power of 3"
Cronic Lier(AKA: My main is Zezima)
Level: 3(Can you see a pattern?)
Wears: Tight leather trousers, No Shirt, and a stick
Likes: To wander around impressing guys with his name...
Dislikes: Girls(Unless they are really guys)
Story: After getting dumped by a GF, he desided that actually girls were evil, and being a level 3 couldn't kill them in the wilderness. So he decided to make sure no girl could ever have him again. Eventually he got the hots for Account number 29341, and as the banning wish of that account, he will serve Account number 29342 for the rest of his life...or until something better comes along. Is the third member of "The Power of 3."
The Forth God(AKA: Level 3.5)
Level: 3.5
Wears: A chain of sausages(referance to the start of the story), a dragon kite shield...(a badly gluded normal shield), Knitted Wool(painted red for that dragon look).
Likes: People to ask "How much for those fine looking sausage links in your hand?", and to talk about his amazing level.
Dislikes: people noticing that he has a wolly jumper on, people noticing his smithing is terrible, People noticing that 3.5 is lower than 4.
Story: To be summoned by 'The power of 3" As a last resort(I.e. they see a pointy shadow) and will then protect them using his super weapon...
Bluejayfan94
Level: 60
Wears: full rune (g) and uses rune scimmy (sadly my attack is only 57
Likes: making money, killing annoying little noobs
Dislikes: Noobs, Choobs, member beggars (Its ture, there are some)
Other: Uses magic and melee, not alot of ranged.
Favourite prayer is: (made up) When i go below 10% my health a giant Blue Jay (They Rock!!) [Blocked due to abuse] over and picks up my opponent and throws them into the Bronx
CHAPTER 5:THE FIGHT CAVES
Snake was walking out of the fight pit with the highest level monster in the games hide thrown over his shoulder. He now wore a lava cape. Noob ran up to him.
"That was awesome when you stuffed the magic staff down its' mouth and blew his head clean off!"
"Yeah I guess--"
Suddenly, an army in full guthans started running into the caves and surrounding everyone. People screamed and ran as the guys in guthans slaughtered them yelling: "Where is Snake? He killed one of our kind!"
"I am right here stupids!" yelled Snake over all the talking and ranting of the guthans warriors.
"Oh my god! There he is!" yelled one. Snake rolled his eyes. The more he made enemies the more he delved into the world of stupidity. Meeting Noob was the biggest mistake of his life. But at the same time he thought it was good because now he had a bunch of people to kill every minute of every day.
"Die Snake!" Snake dodged an attack at him and took out his sword. He decapitated the guy and grabbed his spear. Snake threw the spear into this guys helmet. It penetrated and came out the back end with pieces of brain attached to it.
"Yay violence!" Yelled Noob from the background. Snake looked back and saw four figures behind Noob. One grabbed Noob by the head and shoved him into a giant sack. Snake ran after them but they teleported away.
More guthans guys attacked. Snake dodged spears and snapped them in half. Suddenly a defense pure wearing nothing but the guthans and a bronze sword walked up to Snake.
"Fear me" Said the level 4
"Fear this." And Snake kicked the level 4 in the gut. He was sent flying through more guthans guys until he hit the wall and a huge crack was heard as lava spilled upon the guthans guys. One of them, their leader, Snake thought, contained the lava with an ancient magiks spell. More Guthans guys came. Suddenly, a guy in full rune showed up with his rune longsword and started whooping the guthans guys.
"Who the hell are you?" asked Snake as he parried more blows and killed some more people.
"The names Powerent and I'm here because I have a friend who was killed by these losers and wanna kill all of em'!" He was drenched in blood by now. Snake was too, but he did not care. He licked his lips and tasted the iron like taste of the enemies blood.
More came and Snake saw the leader of them standing on lava near the bank. Powerent pummeled some more guthans guys and screamed as one of the guthans guys stabbed his back. Snake ran over to powerent and sliced the guthans guy in half. Powerent muttered a word of thanks and pulled the spear out of his back. The leader of them walked across the lava in, not guthans, but a Zamorak mage outfit.
"You killed one of ours!" he yelled.
"Who?" asked powerent.
"Read chapter 4 stupid!" yelled the leader.
"Whats your name?" asked Snake.
"I am Leader." he replied.
" Oh lord, another cabbage-lover." whispered Snake.
"I heard that! Now you will die!" said leader.
Leader used a fire spell and tried to set Snake on fire. Snake used a water shield and the flames diminished. He shot the water from the shield at Leader and Leader jumped out of the way. Snake stopped the water and made it hit Leader's back. It then slithered around Leader's body until he was enveloped in it.
The water then whisked Leader over the lava where the water boiled and Leader screamed. Eventually the screams stopped and Snake made the water set Leader's body down. Powerent threw up all over Death, who was picking up the dead bodies.
"Just for that your next." he said.
Leader's body was skinless and all that was seen from the outside was white flesh. Snake touched it and it stuck to his hand like glue. Powerent threw up again. Death picked up Leader's body.
"Snake, why are you doing my job for me?" he asked.
"Cuz' i can" replied Snake.
Suddenly a voice, Noobs voice, entered Snake's mind.
"I am using the force Snake." Noobs voice said.
"Uh-Huh." was all Snake could say.
"Using the force I can speak to you through my mnd."
"Noob, I am going to be nice to you for once." said Snake softly."Turn off your friends chat if you're gonna be stupid."
"Oh, Snake you're no fun!"
"Where are you?"
"Some kinda altar. I think the chaos altar."
CHAPTER 6:THE NOOB GANG AND EVERYONES PAST
Snake teleported to Varrock and so did Powerent. They ran through the throngs of crowds until they got to the chaos temple. Surrounding the altar were two level 3'sl and a level 3.5.
"Who the hell are you?" asked a level 3.
"Snake, you?"
"Mutant Autoer."
"Cool name but I have to kill you if you don't release Noob."
"I'll kill you first!"
"Bring it!" said Snake.
"No you bring it!" Mutant Autoer said.
Snake muttered "The bad guys get stupider and stupider" and took out his dragon sword. Mutant Autoer suddenly started throwing rune essence at Snake.
"What the hell?" yelled Snake.
"Fear my essence!" said Mutant.
Snake ran at Mutant dodging all the essence he threw at him. Snake then stopped in front of Mutant. Mutant took out a bronze pickax and struck Snake in the torso. The head of the pickax broke on impact and bounced off Snakes torso and into Mutants head. Mutant was dead.
"My name is Chronic liar and if you don't stop killing my friends I will get my main, zezema to kill you!" said a noob behind Snake's back.
"You don't spell Zezima that way loser!"
"Yeah you do! Now die!" Snake dodged his stick and decapitated the noob.
"Who's next?" asked Snake.
Suddenly, the stained glass in the front of the room was shattered by some guy wearing full rune(g). He killed the level 3.5 with his rune scimmy and stabbed through the chaos altar killing some other guy.
"Noob police here to kill all noobs related in this kidnapping." He showed his badge. Powerent looked at it.
"So what--" Suddenly the ground shook as a giant monster came up from beneath the ground of the Varrock fountain. Bodies flew through the air. A voice said "It is time, Powerent, to face your destiny."
"O.K now what the hell is going on?" asked Snake.
"Hell IS what is going on!" said the voice.
"Who are you?"asked powerent.
"I am the dark lord Zamorak and have come to take the life of Saradomin's son."
"Who? Me?" asked powerent.
"Yes-prepare to die." The monster, that looked like a giant snake slithered out of the hole it came out of and lunged at Powerent. Powerent jumped onto the snake's head, as Snake jumped into its mouth and ripped out one of its fangs.
"My son Powerent, take this sword and KICK ZAMORAKS cabbage!" said a voice.
"Who are you?" asked Powerent.
"I am Saradomin, your father!"
A huge blue sword fell from the sky and Powerent caught it by the hilt and plunged it into the snake's head. The snake screamed and lifted its head throwing Powerent into the armor shop's window. Snake jumped out of the snake's mouth and landed on the eastern bank. Powerent kicked the armor shops door off it's hinges and jumped onto the eastern bank. Snake stood beside Powerent.
"You're the son of a god, huh?" Snake asked.
"Yeah, I guess I am. But why am I not a really high level?"
Snake was not paying attention, he was busy watching a giant blue jay swoop down and rip out one of the snake's eyes. The noob police guy was then whisked away by the bird. Powerent was slicing at the snake's head the next time Snake checked his friend. Blood was spilled all over the town and an evil voice cackled.
"My favorite color! And now it is all over the city marking me as this cities ruler!" The voice laughed.
"Shut the hell up Zamorak!" said Snake calmly.
"How dare you speak to your FATHER that way!"
