Prologue: The Birth

Roman was both excited and sad; excited of the birth of his new baby boy... But sad that his wife, Thea, died in the process. He knew his two sons wouldnt bear the news, but he had to tell them.

As soon as he got home with his new son, his other two children asked,

"Where's Mother?"

Roman then frowned and sat in a nearby chair, with the baby still in his arms.

"Your mother.." Roman said quietly, "Is dead.."

Altar, the eldest of the three, stepped back a couple of feet. He then turned away from the rest, with his head down. He didn't want his younger brother to see him crying. Joesph then walked to his fathers knee, soaking it with tears.

"Why did mother die?" Joesph questioned with a sad tone. Altar turned around, to hear his fathers reply.

"Some women don't make it through giving birth. Sadly.. Your mother was one of those women.." The old man replied.

Altar, now knowing the truth, walked upstairs to his room. He did not want to hear about the one who had killed his mother.

"What is his name?" Joesph asked, pointing to his new brother.

"Will" Roman answered.


Chapter One: Combat School


Will and his brothers woke from a shout by his father, “Boys! Get down here! Your all going to be late for Combat school!”

Altar instantly jumped out of bed, he obviously didn’t want to miss the first day of Combat School. Altar was always an over-achiever, wanting to be the best at whatever he did.. And usually noting stopped him to achieve his goals.

Joesph on the other hand, was very different. He just wanted to learn and eventually perfect whatever he was doing. In Wills eyes, Joesph was far wiser then Altar would ever be. Growing tired of laying in bed, Will also crawled out of bed to get ready like his brothers. The three boys changed their clothes, and ran to the wash room. But Will, be the quickest got in the room first, and locked the door.

“Damn it Will!” Altar howled “That’s the third time this week!”

Will wet his hands with water and held down the parts of his hair that were sticking up, then he grabbed a nearby knife and cut a few pieces of his hair at the back of his head since it was coming into a small point. Will then looked into the small piece of glass, admiring his own short dark brown hair and light blue eyes. He opened the door and Joesph rushed in. Altar stomped his foot on the ground, making the poorly built house shake a bit. Joesph repeated a similar process that Will did in the wash room, but wet his face, getting little drops of water into his thick black hair.

“C'mon boys! Your going to be late!” Roman said at the end of the stairs.

Will dashed downstairs, then followed Joesph, then finally Altar, who muttered a few curses to himself, he had no time to freshen up. All three of the brothers said their ’good byes’ to their father, and headed out the door.

A few minutes later, they were at the School. It wasn’t as big as Will thought it would be, but it had a fair amount of size. It was almost as big as the castle in the swampy little town he lived in. The three boys walked in and saw nearly a hundred people signing up under three different signs, the first sign had a blue pointy hat on it, and a woman with robes and a similar hat was standing at the desk, Will assumed this was where you registered for magic classes. He also saw a sign with two large swords crossed, with a largely built man standing behind the desk, stamping papers with an odd looking tool. From the looks of the people in the line Will could tell that was the Melee center.

There were many people in line at the Magic and Melee desks, but fewer at what seemed to be the Ranger desk, there was a lady at the desk, she looked younger then the other combat tutors, but Will didn’t care, ever since he saw his father shoot an arrow at a goblin, he wanted to master the skill. Joesph then pointed out that before you went in a line, you had to register and fill out a few forums at the main desk, that had a sign that said ‘Sign up for a class here!’

Will and his brothers proceeded to the main desk to wait in an even longer line then the other desks.

“What are you guys going to pick?” Will asked “I think I’m going to try out for range, “

“Magic, it has always interested me.” Joesph said.

“Melee.” Altar said quickly.

Will finally got to the desk,

“Range, Melee, or Magic?” The man at the desk asked.

“Range!” Will said excitedly

The man then handed Will a paper and a quill pen with a small bottle of ink.

“Thank you,” Will said as he walked away.

He went to a nearby table and filled out the paper, it just asked personal questions like when you were born and such. He saw that his brothers had also gotten the paper and were waiting in line at their chosen skill. Will walked up further In line as people were approved or disapproved. Finally, he got to the front of the life.

“I need your paper please,” The Range Tutor said as Will handed her the sheet “Thank you, “ She said. “Good.. Mhmm..” The lady said as she browsed over the paper.

Will smiled, he had doubted that he would get accepted due to his age. He is very young, only twelve.

“Alright, I just have one question for you..” The Range Tutor said “What made you want to learn the art of range?” She asked.

Will thought for a moment and then said “It.. Just seemed like a good thing to learn.”

“Good answer!” The lady said with a smile as she stamped Wills paper with something that had ‘Accepted’ on it.

“Just show this to your Teacher, you have been assigned to room 12! The hallway where it’s at is right over there” The lady said as she pointed to a nearby hallway.

Will heard the lady say, “Good luck” as he walked down the hall. He knocked on a door that said ‘12’ at the top. He heard a voice say Come in, he followed the command and walked right in, “Welcome.” He heard a deep voice say, “To Range Class”

Sounds interesting, although no sign that this takes place in RuneScape, it still sounds...hooking . Just some minor punctuation mistakes here and there (wouldn't - and I think it should be couldn't, correct me if I'm wrong). Where's, didn't, father's,



I think you meant quietly.



Again, correct me if I'm wrong, I believe it's eldest. Elder/Eldest is used just for people and for members of the same family.



It should be he did not want, I think.

Its okay...But Altar? Lolz. Weird name.

Thanks guys =P

And I thought Altar seemed cool

I believe it is "Where's Mother?" (Even though it is not a name, it is still a proper noun, and you need the apostrophe after the where)



Hold on there, too many grammatical errors. CORRECTION:




Try not to put too many commas in a sentence.

CORRECTION: Altar, the eldest of the three, stepped back a couple of feet. He then turned away from the rest, with his head down. He didn't want his younger brother to see him crying.



Correction: Joseph questioned with a sad tone. Altar turned around to hear his father's reply.


I believe that is also "Altar, now knowing the truth, walked upstairs to his room. He did not want to hear about the one who had killed his mother."

I'm sure there are a couple others, but whatever. It's a nice storyline, and good luck!

(P.S. You spelled "Tuned" wrong )

Thanks Day and iiCookie

It looks pretty good, but I'm puzzled by the topic's subtitle: “worth the read” which normally applies to very long yet awesome stories. Although your story isn't bad, it is far from long as of yet, so you may want to change that. Anyways...

There isn't much to judge content-wise in this story so far, but this story could still go any way. It could be drama, adventure, epic, or any sort of mixture. All I can recommend is that you need to be SURE where your story is going at all times. When I write, I figure out a cool ending and then write myself there. Good luck!

Chapter One: Combat School


Will and his brothers woke from a shout by his father, “Boys! Get down here! Your all going to be late for Combat school!”

Altar instantly jumped out of bed, he obviously didn’t want to miss the first day of Combat School. Altar was always an over-achiever, wanting to be the best at whatever he did.. And usually noting stopped him to achieve his goals.

Joesph on the other hand, was very different. He just wanted to learn and eventually perfect whatever he was doing. In Wills eyes, Joesph was far wiser then Altar would ever be. Growing tired of laying in bed, Will also crawled out of bed to get ready like his brothers. The three boys changed their clothes, and ran to the wash room. But Will, be the quickest got in the room first, and locked the door.

“Damn it Will!” Altar howled “That’s the third time this week!”

Will wet his hands with water and held down the parts of his hair that were sticking up, then he grabbed a nearby knife and cut a few pieces of his hair at the back of his head since it was coming into a small point. Will then looked into the small piece of glass, admiring his own short dark brown hair and light blue eyes. He opened the door and Joesph rushed in. Altar stomped his foot on the ground, making the poorly built house shake a bit. Joesph repeated a similar process that Will did in the wash room, but wet his face, getting little drops of water into his thick black hair.

“C'mon boys! Your going to be late!” Roman said at the end of the stairs.

Will dashed downstairs, then followed Joesph, then finally Altar, who muttered a few curses to himself, he had no time to freshen up. All three of the brothers said their ’good byes’ to their father, and headed out the door.

A few minutes later, they were at the School. It wasn’t as big as Will thought it would be, but it had a fair amount of size. It was almost as big as the castle in the swampy little town he lived in. The three boys walked in and saw nearly a hundred people signing up under three different signs, the first sign had a blue pointy hat on it, and a woman with robes and a similar hat was standing at the desk, Will assumed this was where you registered for magic classes. He also saw a sign with two large swords crossed, with a largely built man standing behind the desk, stamping papers with an odd looking tool. From the looks of the people in the line Will could tell that was the Melee center.

There were many people in line at the Magic and Melee desks, but fewer at what seemed to be the Ranger desk, there was a lady at the desk, she looked younger then the other combat tutors, but Will didn’t care, ever since he saw his father shoot an arrow at a goblin, he wanted to master the skill. Joesph then pointed out that before you went in a line, you had to register and fill out a few forums at the main desk, that had a sign that said ‘Sign up for a class here!’

Will and his brothers proceeded to the main desk to wait in an even longer line then the other desks.

“What are you guys going to pick?” Will asked “I think I’m going to try out for range, “

“Magic, it has always interested me.” Joesph said.

“Melee.” Altar said quickly.

Will finally got to the desk,

“Range, Melee, or Magic?” The man at the desk asked.

“Range!” Will said excitedly

The man then handed Will a paper and a quill pen with a small bottle of ink.

“Thank you,” Will said as he walked away.

He went to a nearby table and filled out the paper, it just asked personal questions like when you were born and such. He saw that his brothers had also gotten the paper and were waiting in line at their chosen skill. Will walked up further In line as people were approved or disapproved. Finally, he got to the front of the life.

“I need your paper please,” The Range Tutor said as Will handed her the sheet “Thank you, “ She said. “Good.. Mhmm..” The lady said as she browsed over the paper.

Will smiled, he had doubted that he would get accepted due to his age. He is very young, only twelve.

“Alright, I just have one question for you..” The Range Tutor said “What made you want to learn the art of range?” She asked.

Will thought for a moment and then said “It.. Just seemed like a good thing to learn.”

“Good answer!” The lady said with a smile as she stamped Wills paper with something that had ‘Accepted’ on it.

“Just show this to your Teacher, you have been assigned to room 12! The hallway where it’s at is right over there” The lady said as she pointed to a nearby hallway.

Will heard the lady say, “Good luck” as he walked down the hall. He knocked on a door that said ‘12’ at the top. He heard a voice say Come in, he followed the command and walked right in, “Welcome.” He heard a deep voice say, “To Range Class”

Although the story has been fairly interesting so far, it seems to lack polish. You often make silly little mistakes like “they're” instead of “there”, and “common” instead of “cmon” or “come on”. Although it seems small, these persist throughout chapter one, and each time I read one, it gets a little more annoying. Also, this story has few ties to Runescape, although it was posted as a Runescape story. But, your story and characters shine, with creative development, such as will thinking about his brothers and the reader learning about then through that. Good luck on writing some more!

Thanks Dragut, I know its a little slopy and doesnt connect to Rs much, I will change that very soon. I just wante to get some of this out, I was really tired when I wrote this, so Ill fix it later tommarrow.

Okay, cool. Good luck on the fix up and on writing more!

PS Its Dragut not Dargut

I don't like how you refer to 'Range' and 'Melee' that way. You're making it sound much like the game itself. Try using terms such as 'Swordplay' and whatnot.

A few spelling mistakes. The story itself is half-decent. Keep it up.

You're storyline has been used quite often, although this is only the first chapter and the prologue. Oftentimes, stories start out with women dying in childbirth. Although this is likely as they probably were poor and couldn't afford great healthcare, it's been used quite a bit. Another cliche'd aspect of your story is a combat school, offering each of the three primary combat types, which is something I've seen quite often. Don't worry, this isn't something that can't be fixed and will utterly ruin your story. Just make sure that you have some original 'flares' to light up your story and make it more original and uncliche'd.

You're spelling, grammar, conventions, etc., seem very thorough, definitely much more than mine, although there is room for improvement. A simple run through MS Word or a similar program will pretty much solve your woes, if any. However, I did spot something:

I think that sadness knowing his wife, somebody he probably knew for years and loved very dearly, died would outway any happiness he might feel at the birth of a newborn son. Try to depict that a little better. I know you can do it.

Other than those few things, good story, I'll be waiting to see more.

Thanks for bumping the thread and such, but I dont like were its going, so I might not finish it up. Im more of an RPG guy now.

And Aliath, I was also thinking about that but just left it as melee, its not always with just swords.

Good story cant wait for new chapter