I sat in my little house in Varrock watching the birds go by the windows. It was a lovely day as children played dodgeball and parents read the Varrock Herald. Although me, Adam, had spent the day looking at artifacts at the museum. It was fascinating all the ancient items and monsters. What particurly interested me was the Sleeping Sword. Forged by ancient black smith this sword was encrusted with symbols of Guthix, Zamorak, and Sarodamin. He was reading a book about it when he heard a tap. He looked at his window and saw a hooded man. He walked to his door and opened it, the man pulled out a rather large bag, it seemed heavy and bulging with items. The man taken his hood down " Are you Adam Gray? " the cloaked man enquired, " Yes" i replied. He walked off then took a pause " Follow me" he shouted. With that i walked after him in the blistering hot sunshine.
Might i also add the Sword of regret was not finished as a virus hit my laptop i had too do all sorts to get it bk to ints usual state

OH MAH GORZ! It's Manslayersmi! It has been awhile since I've read your writing, and sadly, it seems you have gotten a bit rusty on some of your grammar. For example, in the third sentence you write “Although me, Adam” but it should be “I, Adam” because the “although” is not needed (although what?)

Another problem you have is that you change point of view throughout the story. At first you tell the story as though you are Adam, but later refer to Adam as a subjective “him”

But, your writing has some positive changes. I loved your first two descriptive sentences, and how you are making everything slightly slower, as your old pacing was too fast. Good luck on a triumphant return to the story mat, and please make a story and stay with it.

Thanx dragut ill clear that up, thanks! Sorry about the point of view thing. Ill also clear it up, and for my absence from thr mat it was a virus, so yah know.
Chapter 2 soon

First of all, welcome back. Hopefully you'll be better than before. Second of all, when you speak about your other story at least make a line of space. Thirdly, you might want to check out our guide for story writing, I'm sure it'll will help. As many authors do you also don't make a new paragraph with every other person speaking. Trust me, it makes it a lot easier to read. There are quite a few spelling mistakes and a lot of grammar ones, for example you don't capitalize your "I". Run that through Microsoft Word my friend, and it'll get alot better.