Prologue : Ruins in The Wilderness

Many adventurers, like myself, has trekked the dangerous reaches of the wilderness. The dangerous of the Revenants that haunt the wilderness is almost deadly. However, upon one trip, I discovered a cave, I was amazed by the sheer size of it, the cave brought eerie feelings through my spine. Even though I was scared, my curiosity still kept me running, which was a fatal mistake. At the end of the tunnel I saw three graves and an altar. Weird, I thought to myself, what is this place? Suddenly, I noticed a shining red orb sitting on top of the ancient altar, and I couldn't stop myself from picking it up. The red orb was calling to me, I was mesmerized by the blood red crystal. I stared into it, and shrills of a million dead souls overcame me. I was sure I couldn't take it much longer until I landed on the floor. I opened my eyes and everything around me changed. I was in a military barrack with soldiers coming in and out. This is where the adventure begins.

Chapter 1: Enrolling in the Army of the Gods

"You there! What do you think you're doing!"
"Me? Oh, I was just looking around when-" I replied to the gruff man.
"No more looking around lad! We've work to do here, son!"
"Sorry, but what it this place?" I inquired with curiosity
"Son, just what are you doing here? This is the barracks of Lord Zaros' army!"
"Oh, Zaros? You mean the God that was banished long ago?" I muttered
"What?! Lord Zaros is as real as yourself, get lost!"
"I'm sorry, I'll leave at once sir"
I walked through the passage where incoming soldiers were entering from and tried to push past them. Werid, I thought, I must have been warped through not only space, but time itself. As I walked to the entrance of the tunnel, I wondered if this was the fabled third age. In school, we were taught that the story of the god Zaros being banished is just a legend, but who knows that I'll find out myself in reality. I also recalled that the 3rd age was supposedly the age of the God Wars, dangerous creatures roamed the land, and they would die fighting for their gods. I should probably go to a city, where it's safe. I walked out the cavern-fortress and found what should be abandoned wilderness, a prospering city. Whoa, I thought to myself, what happened to the world? As I walked to the center of town I saw that local militiamen were marching and drilling. Hunger overcame my amazement and I realized that I have no money with me. Suddenly, I saw a sign that says "1000 Gold for Devoting to Lord Zaros". As the thoughts of the ruthless third-age beasts flew past my mind, I thought that it'd be beneficial for me to belong in somewhere safe.

Chapter 2: Ahrill

"Greetings, I would like a spot in the military" I said to the soldier in the reception desk.
"Ahh, another young brave adventurer seeking excitement in the midst of battle?" Replied the man
"Of course, may I sign up for a position?"
"Yes, have you ever had any forms of combat training? Do you excel in the usage of runes? Or swords? Or maybe arrows?"
"Well, sir, I've been taught the basics on my father's farm, I could cast basic elemental spells and use various types of weapons. But now, I don't really have a specialty."
"HAHAHA elemental spells? What is that? No such thing exists, you've been fooled by your father. But, I'll be kind and give you a position, for you're a nice fellow. May I inquire your name, age, and home city?"
"Well, my name is Zephyr, I am 18 and my home city is Varrock."
"Varrock? What in the world-? that's not a city, Zephyr, are you drunk?"
"No no no, I meant to say something else- it was a riddle! Varrock- like the hometown of Verac?"
"Ahhh! clever, so you're from Paddewwa!"
"Yes!"
"HAR HAR HAR! I'm starting to take a liking on you, lad"
"Thank you sir, may I enroll for the position now?"
"Oh yes, you'll be the kitchen boy starting tomorrow at noon."
"Kitchen boy? wha-"
"Yes, you'll also be tested on your combat abilities as well as your various other talents. Also, on top of that you get free training in the arts of combat."
"Oh well... Thank you very much sir!"
"Cut the 'sir' blasphemy, just call me Tom"
"Alright Tom, do you know where I could find a tavern?"
"Yes, travel north until you see the armor shop and make a right turn."
"Thanks a lot, I'll be sure to show up tomorrow at noon."
"Here's your starting equipment and your payment in advance for your service."
Tom handed me a heavy bag that contained some coins and another one with what I think is metallic objects inside. This was going well I thought to myself, I just need to calm down about this whole thing.
"Alright, lad, take care" Tom called as I walked out the door.
"Yeah, you too Tom" I replied.
I started to glance around me, and I realized there were glamorous buildings all over this city. Amazing architecture loomed over the sky, and amazing siege weapons were displayed in front of the city, ready for battle. As I arrived at the tavern I asked the bartender for a beer and a room. Okay, this is probably all a dream, you're just dreaming, you'll wake up the next morning fine. However, as hard as I could try to convince myself, I could still not quite believe this is a dream. There seemed to be some purpose that I am here. There's something that links to the cave that I just couldn't quite understand. Maybe-
"Here's your beer sir, enjoy the night." The bartender said as he handed me a cool mug of beer.
"Thanks, do you know where I am right now?" I inquired.
"Ahh, you're in the famous bar of Carrallangar"
"Oh welll, thanks for the information, do you happen to have any new-comer maps or books I could buy?"
"Yes, I have visitor's packages that you could buy"
" Okay, how much will that be?"
" 5 gold pieces will do"
I gave the bartender 5 coins and went into my cabin. This was not a bad place at all, and I started to think about this whole incident until someone knocked on the door.
"Come in!" I called
"Hmm, this cabin is already taken? I thought they'd give me an empty one." The stranger said
"I thought just the same thing." I replied
"Well, my name is Ahrill, a pleasure to meet you---"
"Zephyr is the name."
"Alright, Zephyr nice to meet you."
"And me you"
"So what bring you to the city of Carrallangar?"
"Well, I just wanted to make something out of myself, I supposed the army would be a start."
"Ahh, I'm in the army as well, I'm from Kharyrll, and I'm also here to seek a name in the world of Runescape"
"Well, we should get some rest, tomorrow we'll have some work to do."
"I s'pose so."
As I crawled into bed, drowsiness came over me, and gradually, the noise of men laughing and music playing died down. Gentle slumber took me into my own world of dreams. I smiled as I realized that I had just made my first friend in this other worldly plane.

Chapter 3: Dough Trouble

I woke up to a blinding light, and I wondered if it was noon already. Fortunately the sun is not quite above my head yet, so I do not have to worry about getting to work anytime soon. I glanced over to my right, where Ahrill was sleeping last night, but found no sign of him. However, something deep inside me tells me that last night was not the last time I will see him. With that in mind, I set off to explore more of this curious world. I grabbed some baked bread and gin by the counter, and walked into the bustling city.
"Selling fresh seafood!!! 10 gold for each lobster!!!"
"Newly smithed' swords on sale!!!"
"Cheap meals and lodging over here!!"
Various other merchants advertised with their mighty chants to attract people to buy their goods. Wow, I thought to myself, how did this place ever become the wilderness I know of? The answer was yet to be discovered, but as I turned my thoughts, I was startled to see how I've been thinking for the past day here. What about home? What about the RuneScape I'M from? How will I ever return to it? This is a tricky question. The truth is, I don't have any family left in RuneScape, I was orphaned and did not have many friends because of my lack of talent in anything. The only person who ever loved me was my dear god-mother. She adopted me ever since I could remember and have been a loving guardian. However, she died of old age a few years ago. I set off sooth my pain by trekking the far reaches of the wilderness, discovering ancient ruins, and fulfilling quests. I was often picked on at school because of my lack of ability to fight, the other boys had fathers to teach them the arts of combat, but I had no one. Looking on the positive side, I think I might just have embarked on the greatest adventure I'll ever discover in my life.
"You have showed up for work?" Tom asked.
"Yes, and I'm ready, show me the kitchen" I replied.
Tom lead my through the street and into the tunnel which I had warped to and lead me into a small stone chamber. I was surprised by the size of the kitchen, there are at least 100 Chefs, each with 3 assistants making delicious smelling foods.
"Well, good luck lad, congratulations on your first day of service to lord Zaros." Tom said as he left.
"Ahh, I suppose you will be my new assistant?" The chef on my left asked.
"Yes, I will be helping out here." I replied.
"Very well, let's get started with making dough, I would like you to mix the flour and water together and just hand the dough to Rebbecca" Instructed the chef.
"Yes cap'n, I'll do as you say." I said as I started to mix the flour and the water to form a ball of dough.
I got through about three doughs before I began to take notice of the fine young woman standing beside me. She's has copper-brown hair, and shiny green eyes. She was slim and those delicate fingers shape the dough into long, symmetrical breads. I kept on making my dough, and as soon as the chef went for his water break, I started talking to Rebbecca.
"Hey, so how long have you been working here?" I asked, that was a bad conversation starter, I thought to myself.
"Oh, I've been with Chef Brown ever since I was ten, so I guess that makes six years." She replied without looking at me.
"Ahh, fun, in which part of the city do you live in?"
"I live in the south western part of town, what about you?"
"Well, I uhh... I live...uhh... South of here!"
"Hmm... I see."
"So, what is a young lady like you doing here serving filthy men?"
"Well, as you can see, I'm not volunteering here, my father is sick and my mother is an aged woman, so I'm the only one able to earn some food for the family."
"Oh... I see:
"Tell me, where did you get that odd accent of yours?"
"Well, this accent, uh.... well.... I guess I got it when I was young."
"You're not from around here are you?"
"Yes, uh...I am from Padowa"
"Haha, Paddewwa you mean?
"Yes, I guess it was just my accent."
"You don't seem like you're used to making that dough, you see, you're putting too much water on there."
"Uh...Yes, I reckon it's my first time."
"Hmm... I see."
"HEY! WHAT ARE YOU TWO SQUABBLING ABOUT! ALREADY FORGOT ABOUT JARED REBBECCA? GET BACK TO WORK!" a chef from the table behind us called out.
Rebbecca's face turned pale white, and tears started to drip down her cheeks. She didn't give me a chance to ask what is wrong, and sprinted out the door. I wondered what all that was about.
"Hey, mate!" I called to the other assistant.
"yarr, what is it you want with Pete?" He replied.
"What was that all about?"
"That? you mean you's not know who Jared is?"
"Yes! as you can see, I just got this job!"
"Sorr' mate I's not realized, I's not too bright you rekon?"
"Ok, just explain to me..."
"Alrigh' Pete will tell ye who Jared is. Jared was Rebbecca's brotha. Jared was also the assistant ye replaced, boy, people said he were th' bes dough maker round. Unfortunately, he was killed after being promoted into the real 'fitin'."
"That explains why she seemed so distant... Tell me more!"
"Wale' thi' all that Pete kno' howeva' you could talk to folks to the South Western part of town to find ou' mor'."
"Thanks Pete, it's nice to meet you."
"Anytimers mate, Pete is here ta help."
I finished up my last sets of doughs and folded up my apron nicely and put it back inside my equipment bag. I noticed that Rebbecca had forgotten her equipment bag in her hurry, and I decided to drop it off.
"Thanks a lot chef brown! I'll be off now!"
"Alright lad, take care!"
"And to you!"
As I left the tunnel a new sense of exceitment crawled into my stomach, and there's this other feeling, this mysterious new feeling. It feels like having the purple sweets that my godmother used to buy me when I was little. However, I'm not tasting anything, this strange new feeling emanates from my heart. I do not have any knowledge of what I'm feeling, but I tread along the path even faster. This is quite an exciting first day at work.


"Hey, Pete"
"Yerr chef Brown?"
"Do you think that lad is alright?"
"Yarr, he just in love."
"Ahh, I wish I had the youth to do that again."
"Yarr master, so does Pete."

Chapter 4: Helpless

Ok, I told myself, it's all gonna go nice and easy, Saradomin is on my side. I asked about until this old women told me which house Rebbecca belongs in; that was when I got really nervous. The big wooden door was in front of me, and I thought of what to say. I stood there for what seemed like an eternity and finally I decided just to drop the bag off. Okay Zephyr, you don't need to say anything, you just give the bag back to her, you don't even really know who she is. Just as I was thinking, the door cracked open and Rebbecca came out with a bucket.
"Hey, listen I'm really sorry about-" I said, befor being cut off by Rebbecca.
"What are you sorry for?" She gave me an innocent look with a sad smile.
"Well, I heard that your brother was- never mind..."
"You needn't worry about that, what are you here for?"
"Well, I was just here to drop your bag off, you forgot it when you left."
"Why, that's very nice of you! Thank you!"
"Yeah... I was just passing by anyways..."
"I thought you live south of here."
"Uhh... Right! But I was just passing by, you know, my daily stroll."
"Yup, for some reason I find that very believable."
"So what are YOU doing, carrying that bucket?"
"I needed to go fetch some water so I can cook for my sick parents."
"Oh...that seems like a mighty big bucket, a young lady like you?"
"Yeah... dont worry though, I've had to do this for a while now, ever sine Jared... Anyways, I'll be off"
"Hey! Wait! Let me help you with that!"
I stretched out my hand, and she hesitantly handed the bucket over.
"So show me where the fountain is." I said.
"Well, follow me, why are you being so kind to me?" She asked and eyed me up and down, almost trying to sense if I'm really a good man that I seem.
"Oh, I just thought a young lady like you shouldn't go fetch water alone, it's almost dark." I replied.
"Hmm... in that case, thank you, again." She started to walk ahead of me and I had to trot to catch up.
We walked in silence until we reached the water pump that looked very rusty and ancient. Rebbecca sat the bucket in place and I started to pump water into the bucket untill I heard some metallic clinking behind me.
"Who dares take water from my pump!!!" a pair of patrolling soldiers had sneaked up on us, while we were busy working the pump.
"Sir, I believe this is a public pump." I said back, this was a big mistake.
"What?! This is Bob and Jimmy's Pump!!! No one takes from this pump without paying!!!" The buff one, who I supposed was Bob, said.
"I've been taking water from here before, and no one ever said anything, this is a public pump officers." Rebbecca tried to convince them.
"Whoa... Purttyyyy... look jimmy, we got ourselves a pretty young lady!!!" Bob exclaimed excitedly.
"Yeaa.. let's get her!!!" Jimmy called out.
"Guys, no need to be barbaric and rude, there's a lady here. If you don't stop, I'll... report you to your seniors!"I tried to threaten, but to no avail they refused to stop the harassment.
"Charge!!! get her!!!" They both started charging at Rebbecca, and without second thought I jumped between them before they reached her.
"Rebbeca! Get the water to your sick parents, I'll try to hold them off!" I yelled.
"But-"
"Trust me on this one!"
"No!"
"Hurry up! Think of your parents!"
"Okay, I want you to meet me at my house when you're done!"
"Will do! Now go!"
"Hey, Jimmy, I think the girl is running away..." Bob said sheepishly.
"Oh... but brother.... we were gonna have so much fun!" Jimmy said.
"Shut up! Go after her!" They started charging again, but this time I tackled the buff one.
"Who's this? Ohh, the stupid man that scared her away!" Bob said.
"Him? Oh yes, he got in our way, but I didn't want to harm him, brother..." Jimmy said with his head down.
"To hell with this man!!! He took away our fun!!! Kill him!!!" Bob yelled and charged at me.
I did not know what happened, as I was too slow to dodge, and I didn't have enough strength to hold off someone who was almost a two heads taller than me. I just remembered being hit by a wall and blackness. Pure blackness engulfed my vision, and nothing else existed or mattered anymore.
When I woke up I was tucked in tightly, in a bed. I jerked up and hit my head on the upper bunk of the bed.
"Oww..." I murmured to myself.
"Teheehee you should be careful when getting up." Giggled someone, this was a familiar voice. It was light, and delicate.
"Rebbecca, wait, where am I? how long have I been out?" I inquired.
"You, mister, are in my house. And you've been out for two days straight." She told me.
"Two days!!! You mean I missed work? For two days???" I exclaimed.
"Don't worry, don't worry, it's important that you get back to your health as soon as possible." She said in such a calm way, that I was soothed, and lay back down.
"What happened to me?" I asked.
"Those two moron patrols knocked you out cold. I knew you couldn't hold them for long, and I would've stayed to help, but my parents... they needed the food. But I figured something happened to you, and came back to the fountain. Sure enough, you were there, out cold." She explained to me.
"You mean you dragged me back here???" I asked with astonishment.
"Sure did, but I can't thank you enough for saving me and my parent's meal, you have no idea how much-"
"No, thank you for saving my ass out there, I would've froze to death"
"Yea, that was nothing, but today we have work off, so you keep on focusing on recovering. Also, I've picked up your stuff from the Inn, since there are no houses in the South of town, I figured you were living in the tavern. You don't need to worry about anything besides getting enough rest." She soothed me once again, and I feel the sore bump in my head throbbing again. Blackness again took over. This time though, I swore to all the gods that I will never be helpless again, life is too precious to be taken away by unpreparedness.

Chapter 5: To come.... Just the usual stuff, enjoy, comment, etc... thanks a lot for all my supporters. Negative (constructive) and positives comments all help, thanks. ^.^

I like it, its different and seems original! Cant wait for second chapter!

Thanks so much ^.^ your compliments gave me motivation to write!

An awesome second chapter, and as far as suggestions go you could talk about him training for the war? I really dont know, I never was a great writer. I had a few stories I really never finished =/

And within a few chapters, im sure your story will get really reconized

Yes, it's certainly original! Well done.

The writing is somewhat awkward; you use commas when too often you ought to have a semicolon or a period. You occasionally revert to speaking in present-tense instead of past-tense, so I advise you to always make sure that you used the same tense after finishing a paragraph or two. It doesn't take long, and it makes the story flow better.

The writing is, as I said before, original, and though the beginning seems cliche, it seems to be rapidly improving. There's a huge realm of possibilities open to you in Chapter 3, and I hope to see more soon.

Ahrill, by the way, seems an interesting character - mysterious yet friendly, a somewhat unusual combination in stories like this. Make sure you give him a unique background - you wouldn't want to spoil him by making him ordinary.

Thanks for the tips! I'll make sure I make a good chapter 3. =D


Thnx! =) I'll try to incorporate that into the next chapters.

You're grammar and spelling, along with word choice and other conventional things, are pretty good, a gem on these forums. You seem to present a more modernize, liberal view of things, which isn't a bad thing, only I personally viewed Zaros' empire as a more mystical, dark, powerful and overhanging-evil-ish realm. However, don't let that stop you from keeping your storyline going, it appears solid, unlike most first-two-chapter stories I've seen around these parts. Whatever you do, DO NOT QUIT THIS STORY. As I said before, it's a relative gem.

Apart from a conventional mistake here and there (nothing too consistent or major, I know I make more errors than you have), there are some historical errors. Zaros' overthrow by Zamorak took place at the very end of the Second Age, and the Third Age continued right afterwards. Zaros was banished then, although his army continued fighting on into the Godwars for sometime. You can easily fix this by either changing all the mentions of 'Third Age' to 'Second Age,' or else making them fight in Zaros' name despite his banishment. Either way, it's nothing that can't be fixed easily.

There was one more thing that I noticed:

It was a very nice pun, but it's a historical implausibility. Paddewwa was a mighty Zarosian city, while Verac was a great Saradominist warrior.

Other than that, you're storyline appears a bit cliche'd by with an original twist to it (Zaros' army, not many stories have covered that). As I said before, don't give up, but more importantly keep the focus of Zephyr and his adventures, not the squabling of the gods. Those stories are definitly overused and would be a sure recipe for disaster.

Good luck and keep on writing!

Yea, i realized the error, but I'm still brainstorming on the third chapter. There are lots of possibilities for this one. ^.^ and thanks for your feedback.

I'm really glad I decided to read this story! It is really interesting because the characters are compelling, there's constant movement in the plot, and your writing is better than average. Unlike Finway, I have no idea about Runescape history, so I appreciated that you didn't assume that the reader knows that stuff and decided to explain it nice and slowly. Also, each of your characters has a unique voice, and your story has an overall happy tone despite the grim setting. This is definitely a story to keep an eye on. Good luck!

And oh yeah

Your story is PLAGUED with the same sort of MINOR PROBLEMS that have given me SO MUCH GRIEF every time I HAVE to sit down and read it. It's as bad as my CAPS LOCK issue - I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT getting very interesting - it's off to a slow start, but the pace is nice and leisurely and it's always fun to read it. There are a few problems with cliches; the "in love" thing isn't portrayed in the most original way, but it's honest and the confusion with Jared is also witty. I like Pete; even though his accent is overblown (an issue I suffered from in my Asgarnian Champions story) he's interesting and amusingly humble. Just don't make him too old; him as a crotchety old man is less appealing than a middle-aged guy with the same personality.

Good luck, and good job so far.

Lol, yea, I'm working on the cliche part, don't worry as the chapters progress it'll become better. Thanks for reading anywayz.



=D thanks alot, I will definitely see to the next chapter as soon as possible.

Really good dude, I dont have a lot to point out besides a few spelling mistakes but good job over all! Cant wait for 5th chapter!

Good and quirky chapter as usual! I don't really have anything constructive to say about it ( ), besides the fact that there wasn't really enough time to emphasize Zephyr's helplessness, so it'd be best to continue it in the next chapter.

Also, have you figured out what the title has to do with the story yet? To be honest, I wouldn't mind if you changed it - it's quite dull and resembles other stories more than it does this one (so far, anyway). Do you have its connection in mind yet?

Your characters continue to astound me with their realistic personalities. Rebecca has gotten a mind of her own, and Zephyr is growing into a slightly cliché but still cool hero, with a couple special personal traits. One thing that has been driving me insane is how Zephyr keeps calling Rebecca a “young lady”. Please make him at least one more cornball pickup line

Good luck on chapter 5!