prologue:Port Sarim is being haunted by a ghost of long deceased piate called captain dread. Only one person can stop captain dread.His name is Joe Gibbs of Varrock son of Sean a local blacksmith.Coming soon!
btw this isnt a short story this is more a trailer
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Nice theme, but I think it would be better placed in a town like Port Sarim or Brimhaven. A ghost pirate would make much more sense there.
Good luck writing!
Good luck writing!
This sounds more like a synopsis or trailer than a prologue. Please, if you are going to continue to make stories short and simple, please don't bother starting new topics.
And people have a go at me for making short prolouges!
Manslayer, I don't think he's had as many incomplete stories as you, though. But heck, we can all improve.
ty for all the comments and mega i think i shall put it in port sarim
ok heres chapter 1:It was a cold dark shadowy night at Port Sarim. Inside the local pub,a sort of hangout for pirates,was an elderly pirate named Captain Josh Robin. A few pirates were talking about ghosts they had see on there voyages across Runescape when Josh Robin said "ye ever hear of the tale of the ghost of Captain Dread?" the pirates all said "nay" so Josh Robin explained " it be a night like this that Captain Dread would come to Port Sarim and he be stealing and plundering. But one day he was killed by a guard his last words were these" ye think ye killed me nay I will be back and I will cause chaos to ye." then he died now ye all know about the mysterious deaths going on round here see he be killing people so there ghosts will be part of his crew but seeing as they are no pirates they be not fit for his crew. Now I hear of a guard who got rid off a restless spirit with the help of an amulet. We must call upon this guard in his home at Varrock aye he be the only one who can stop the fury of Captain Dread before it be too late ."
CHAPTER 2 PROLOGUE TRAILER THINGY: Joe Gibbs was an ordinary person he was the son of a blacksmith nothing special and Joe is a guard. Yes he did a few things like getting a few beads from imps to give too a wizard, he helped a restless ghost go back to his eternal peace, helped a cook in Lumbridge get a few ingrediants and he helped a farmer collect some wool thats all. But soon he will be sent an adventure to destroy an evil ghost and his ghostly crew of pirates. Will Joe suceed or will he die at the hands of Captain Dread? find out soon
Oh and btw if your going to post rants about how rubbish my story is please dont all I want is stuff like "that was good thing it was a bit iffy but other than that its okay how about (insert suggestion) into your story" not "omg that was the most rubbish thing I ever read" please nobodys perfect are they? p.s to halloween i am in year 9 at school so dont have a go at me. p.s.s i have tried to edit my grammer on this story so stop critiscing btw the name of the hero joe gibbs well thats my real name lolololol bet you didnt guess that huh
CHAPTER 2 PROLOGUE TRAILER THINGY: Joe Gibbs was an ordinary person he was the son of a blacksmith nothing special and Joe is a guard. Yes he did a few things like getting a few beads from imps to give too a wizard, he helped a restless ghost go back to his eternal peace, helped a cook in Lumbridge get a few ingrediants and he helped a farmer collect some wool thats all. But soon he will be sent an adventure to destroy an evil ghost and his ghostly crew of pirates. Will Joe suceed or will he die at the hands of Captain Dread? find out soon
Oh and btw if your going to post rants about how rubbish my story is please dont all I want is stuff like "that was good thing it was a bit iffy but other than that its okay how about (insert suggestion) into your story" not "omg that was the most rubbish thing I ever read" please nobodys perfect are they? p.s to halloween i am in year 9 at school so dont have a go at me. p.s.s i have tried to edit my grammer on this story so stop critiscing btw the name of the hero joe gibbs well thats my real name lolololol bet you didnt guess that huh
Wow it's actually not that bad 
thank you magic of woodcut for that you get a cookie
When you start a new sentence, always put a space there, your I's are not capitalized. The whole speech thing from the pirate was pretty confusing and just horrible to read. There's no description. However the plot does look good.
Don't tell us his setup. Describe his setup to us in the next chapter.
Don't give up and better yourself for chapter 2. I'll be reading.
Don't tell us his setup. Describe his setup to us in the next chapter.
Don't give up and better yourself for chapter 2. I'll be reading.
It wasn't perfect, still nobodys perfect.
Your story is extremely mediocre and needs lots of fixing up to do. I suggest you work up your literature skills until your ready to post in here. The only kind of comments you'll recieve with your story ARE rants.
There were many run-on sentences, and you need to seperate them by adding periods and commas.
For example:
Ok, so i was like totally owning, and like yeah, and this noob came up to me and i owned him because i had like full sradomin and i beat him up like crazy then i said "yeah i owned you" man then he said "what no i own you"
This is considered a run-on sentence. Adding periods, and commas will break up the ideas in this sentence, to organize it.
Also, 'i' should be capitalized ALL THE TIME.
Your story was all-in-all confusing. There were very awkwardly worded areas which tickled my brain. I can't really give a full review, because, honestly, I feel this story isn't really worth a review.
By the way, chapter two cannot be a prologue or a trailer.
So please, and I repeat, please, work up your literature skills, and then post here. If you're going to continue to post stories like this, the only thing you will be getting are rants.
THIS IS NOT A RANT, CONSIDER IT A SUGGESTION.
You also might want to check out the guide the RuneScape Stories roamers wrote. It's stickied too.
There were many run-on sentences, and you need to seperate them by adding periods and commas.
For example:
Ok, so i was like totally owning, and like yeah, and this noob came up to me and i owned him because i had like full sradomin and i beat him up like crazy then i said "yeah i owned you" man then he said "what no i own you"
This is considered a run-on sentence. Adding periods, and commas will break up the ideas in this sentence, to organize it.
Also, 'i' should be capitalized ALL THE TIME.
Your story was all-in-all confusing. There were very awkwardly worded areas which tickled my brain. I can't really give a full review, because, honestly, I feel this story isn't really worth a review.
By the way, chapter two cannot be a prologue or a trailer.
So please, and I repeat, please, work up your literature skills, and then post here. If you're going to continue to post stories like this, the only thing you will be getting are rants.
THIS IS NOT A RANT, CONSIDER IT A SUGGESTION.
You also might want to check out the guide the RuneScape Stories roamers wrote. It's stickied too.
QUOTE (runeman34 @ Jun 4 2009, 02:43 PM) 
hey guys who wants to hear a joke well i take your silence as a yes what is the difference between michal jackson and a silver ps2? well there both meant to be black and there both turned on by kids lol
.......
You use 'arrr' to much, and your nine?
As Halloween said this story could be improved greatly. You say "Arr" to much and have many mediocre mistakes.
Please check out this guide: The RuneScape Stories Guide
Please check out this guide: The RuneScape Stories Guide
nope i am 13 i have ADHD and some other thing and i am small for my age i look 11
Nine, thirteen, or sufferer of ADHD, I still think you have enough attention to make a half-decent story. Excuse me, but most of my comments to writers like you ARE rants. I'm sorry, but that's a fact. Look at Manslayer.
I'm younger than you, if you are thirteen; eleven, and currently failing sixth-grade. Still, I can write pretty decently...I think. Sound familiar?
You use 'arr' a lot, don't you? You have to cut down on that word. It's getting on my nerves. And at least run your stories through Microsoft Word. It's patient enough to look for mistakes that you don't catch, and you make an awful lot, if I must speak my mind.
All in all, do not use your disability as an excuse for your poor behavior. Battle it. I may seem harsh, but I have faith in you.
I'm younger than you, if you are thirteen; eleven, and currently failing sixth-grade. Still, I can write pretty decently...I think. Sound familiar?
You use 'arr' a lot, don't you? You have to cut down on that word. It's getting on my nerves. And at least run your stories through Microsoft Word. It's patient enough to look for mistakes that you don't catch, and you make an awful lot, if I must speak my mind.
All in all, do not use your disability as an excuse for your poor behavior. Battle it. I may seem harsh, but I have faith in you.
QUOTE (Blood Angel @ Jun 5 2009, 06:03 PM)
Nine, thirteen, or sufferer of ADHD, I still think you have enough attention to make a half-decent story. Excuse me, but most of my comments to writers like you ARE rants. I'm sorry, but that's a fact. Look at Manslayer.
I'm younger than you, if you are thirteen; eleven, and currently failing sixth-grade. Still, I can write pretty decently...I think. Sound familiar?
You use 'arr' a lot, don't you? You have to cut down on that word. It's getting on my nerves. And at least run your stories through Microsoft Word. It's patient enough to look for mistakes that you don't catch, and you make an awful lot, if I must speak my mind.
All in all, do not use your disability as an excuse for your poor behavior. Battle it. I may seem harsh, but I have faith in you.
I'm younger than you, if you are thirteen; eleven, and currently failing sixth-grade. Still, I can write pretty decently...I think. Sound familiar?
You use 'arr' a lot, don't you? You have to cut down on that word. It's getting on my nerves. And at least run your stories through Microsoft Word. It's patient enough to look for mistakes that you don't catch, and you make an awful lot, if I must speak my mind.
All in all, do not use your disability as an excuse for your poor behavior. Battle it. I may seem harsh, but I have faith in you.
yeh ill try and get rid of the arr's i dont think a pirate would say arr that much
I'm 12 and have minor autism. 13 and adhd isn't really an excuse for this story, 
QUOTE (Squiggle @ Jun 6 2009, 07:56 PM)
I'm 12 and have minor autism. 13 and adhd isn't really an excuse for this story,
I'm eleven and I have been diagnosed with bipolar mood disorder. Now being 'just thirteen' and having ADHD really isn't an excuse for this story.
no i ment that i hve gramma errors nothing other than that i think that this story could be good aswell in fact i think its rather rubbish myself
QUOTE (Halloween @ Jun 4 2009, 12:15 AM)
Your story is extremely mediocre and needs lots of fixing up to do. I suggest you work up your literature skills until your ready to post in here. The only kind of comments you'll recieve with your story ARE rants.
There were many run-on sentences, and you need to seperate them by adding periods and commas.
For example:
Ok, so i was like totally owning, and like yeah, and this noob came up to me and i owned him because i had like full sradomin and i beat him up like crazy then i said "yeah i owned you" man then he said "what no i own you"
This is considered a run-on sentence. Adding periods, and commas will break up the ideas in this sentence, to organize it.
Also, 'i' should be capitalized ALL THE TIME.
Your story was all-in-all confusing. There were very awkwardly worded areas which tickled my brain. I can't really give a full review, because, honestly, I feel this story isn't really worth a review.
By the way, chapter two cannot be a prologue or a trailer.
So please, and I repeat, please, work up your literature skills, and then post here. If you're going to continue to post stories like this, the only thing you will be getting are rants.
THIS IS NOT A RANT, CONSIDER IT A SUGGESTION.
You also might want to check out the guide the RuneScape Stories roamers wrote. It's stickied too.
There were many run-on sentences, and you need to seperate them by adding periods and commas.
For example:
Ok, so i was like totally owning, and like yeah, and this noob came up to me and i owned him because i had like full sradomin and i beat him up like crazy then i said "yeah i owned you" man then he said "what no i own you"
This is considered a run-on sentence. Adding periods, and commas will break up the ideas in this sentence, to organize it.
Also, 'i' should be capitalized ALL THE TIME.
Your story was all-in-all confusing. There were very awkwardly worded areas which tickled my brain. I can't really give a full review, because, honestly, I feel this story isn't really worth a review.
By the way, chapter two cannot be a prologue or a trailer.
So please, and I repeat, please, work up your literature skills, and then post here. If you're going to continue to post stories like this, the only thing you will be getting are rants.
THIS IS NOT A RANT, CONSIDER IT A SUGGESTION.
You also might want to check out the guide the RuneScape Stories roamers wrote. It's stickied too.
Looks like runeman has been keeping Halloween busy, lately! lol Go, Hallo!
QUOTE (Blood Angel @ Jun 6 2009, 07:03 AM)
Nine, thirteen, or sufferer of ADHD, I still think you have enough attention to make a half-decent story. Excuse me, but most of my comments to writers like you ARE rants. I'm sorry, but that's a fact. Look at Manslayer.
I'm younger than you, if you are thirteen; eleven, and currently failing sixth-grade. Still, I can write pretty decently...I think. Sound familiar?
You use 'arr' a lot, don't you? You have to cut down on that word. It's getting on my nerves. And at least run your stories through Microsoft Word. It's patient enough to look for mistakes that you don't catch, and you make an awful lot, if I must speak my mind.
All in all, do not use your disability as an excuse for your poor behavior. Battle it. I may seem harsh, but I have faith in you.
I'm younger than you, if you are thirteen; eleven, and currently failing sixth-grade. Still, I can write pretty decently...I think. Sound familiar?
You use 'arr' a lot, don't you? You have to cut down on that word. It's getting on my nerves. And at least run your stories through Microsoft Word. It's patient enough to look for mistakes that you don't catch, and you make an awful lot, if I must speak my mind.
All in all, do not use your disability as an excuse for your poor behavior. Battle it. I may seem harsh, but I have faith in you.
He seems to have shaken all of us.
QUOTE (runeman34 @ Jun 6 2009, 09:33 PM)
no i ment that i hve gramma errors nothing other than that i think that this story could be good aswell in fact i think its rather rubbish myself
Whoa. That was... sudden.
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