I walked the long way home,
it was like escaping Hell.
Then I began to roam,
On my skateboard till I fell.
I couldn't believe I felt as bad as I did then,
but I didn't care.
I woke up at six o'clock,
and took the bus back to school.
In the hallways I was mocked,
I always got called a tool.
I just told them to **** off, to leave me the hell alone,
I go to class.
Math first the teacher gives me a low F.
Tells me she don't want me here,
she'd prefer if I left.
Cuz there's no room for creativity, this is an honors class,
do your math.
The rest of the day drags on,
I get home to boot my PC.
it seems to've been made in
One thousand BC.
Sure it plays Runescape but what the hell else does it do?
I'm still screwed.
Then I got stuck on a quest,
one involving pie.
Trying to pass this test,
without being doomed to die.
I found a guide by some dude,
who seemed to like fish.
I survived.
You guys, you who read,
you welcomed me aboard.
You seemed to be gentlemen in tweed,
not a trolling horde.
I couldn't believe that people liked me, judged me for who I was.
Life got good.
The next day, nothing changed,
but maybe the day after that.
I broke out, lost my pout,
and even began to chew the fat.
With people who never would have listened to me before.
I could roar.
As I write this now,
my life is great.
A bunch of dudes all wanna hang,
I'm no longer the one to hate.
I can't thank you all enough for the change that I feel.
I am real.
Thanks so much to everyone who has been nice to me in the last ten months, 350 posts, and I'm not leaving yet!
Full Version: Salmon And Sadness Make Change
your welcome, and great poem!
I'd really love some constructive criticism if you have the time.
This poem is pretty good. It's got a nice message. I did spot some errors though.
I'd think it would be better to put
''She'd prefer it if i left.''
Also, maybe change 1000 bc to one thousand bc
'' You seemed to be an gentlemen in tweed.''
add an an.
Thats all the errors. I thought I saw a missing comma but I lost track of it.
Good luck.
It's very nice that your time here has improved your life.
QUOTE
I walked the long way home,
it was like escaping Hell.
Then I began to roam,
On my skateboard till I fell.
I couldn't believe I felt as bad as I did then,
but I didn't care.
I woke up at six o'clock,
and took the bus back to school.
In the hallways I was mocked,
I always got called a tool.
I just told them to **** off, to leave me the hell alone,
I go to class.
Math first the teacher gives me a low F.
Tells me she don't want me here,
she'd prefer if I left.
Cuz there's no room for creativity, this is an honors class,
do your math.
The rest of the day drags on,
I get home to boot my PC.
it seems to've been made in
1000BC.
Sure it plays Runescape but what the hell else does it do?
I'm still screwed.
Then I got stuck on a quest,
one involving pie.
Trying to pass this test,
without being doomed to die.
I found a guide by some dude,
who seemed to like fish.
I survived.
You guys, you who read,
you welcomed me aboard.
You seemed to be gentlemen in tweed,
not a trolling horde.
I couldn't believe that people liked me, judged me for who I was.
Life got good.
The next day, nothing changed,
but maybe the day after that.
I broke out, lost my pout,
and even began to chew the fat.
With people who never would have listened to me before.
I could roar.
As I write this now,
my life is great.
A bunch of dudes all wanna hang,
I'm no longer the one to hate.
I can't thank you all enough for the change that I feel.
I am real.
it was like escaping Hell.
Then I began to roam,
On my skateboard till I fell.
I couldn't believe I felt as bad as I did then,
but I didn't care.
I woke up at six o'clock,
and took the bus back to school.
In the hallways I was mocked,
I always got called a tool.
I just told them to **** off, to leave me the hell alone,
I go to class.
Math first the teacher gives me a low F.
Tells me she don't want me here,
she'd prefer if I left.
Cuz there's no room for creativity, this is an honors class,
do your math.
The rest of the day drags on,
I get home to boot my PC.
it seems to've been made in
1000BC.
Sure it plays Runescape but what the hell else does it do?
I'm still screwed.
Then I got stuck on a quest,
one involving pie.
Trying to pass this test,
without being doomed to die.
I found a guide by some dude,
who seemed to like fish.
I survived.
You guys, you who read,
you welcomed me aboard.
You seemed to be gentlemen in tweed,
not a trolling horde.
I couldn't believe that people liked me, judged me for who I was.
Life got good.
The next day, nothing changed,
but maybe the day after that.
I broke out, lost my pout,
and even began to chew the fat.
With people who never would have listened to me before.
I could roar.
As I write this now,
my life is great.
A bunch of dudes all wanna hang,
I'm no longer the one to hate.
I can't thank you all enough for the change that I feel.
I am real.
I'd think it would be better to put
''She'd prefer it if i left.''
Also, maybe change 1000 bc to one thousand bc
'' You seemed to be an gentlemen in tweed.''
add an an.
Thats all the errors. I thought I saw a missing comma but I lost track of it.
Good luck.
It's very nice that your time here has improved your life.
Thanks for the review! The “Prefer if I left” part sounds weird, but it keeps my syllable structure intact. As for the “gentlemen in tweed” part gentlemen is plural, so I don't need to use an article.
I'll change 1000 BC, though. Thanks!
I'll change 1000 BC, though. Thanks!
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