hi this is the first chapter in hikari katana sorry for any spelling and gramer mistakes the system i use isent reliable plz reply



hikari katana




chapter one


hikaru was awoke up in his bedroom in edgeville and remembered that last night he had qualified for the rangers of varrock and suddenly he started to jump and scream in excitement


"what's with all this noise bro?"
hikaru's little sister momo had entered his room carting a long and thick pastel with "rangers of varrock"righting in Gothic stile font on it. she also carted a plait with some stu and bread on it

"nothing much"said hikaru in a blunt tone as he sat down"why are you hear?"

momo had a annoyed expression of her face"mene i may me 3 years younger than you but no call to be rude. i came to deliver the mail and your breakfast but if you don't want them ill leave!"


"sorry sorry sorry ok ok i'l stop being so mean. now can i have them please?"said hikaru in a desperate tone



momo grinned"mmmmmmmm........haha k"

she gave hikaru the pastel and food
"ty"thanked hikaru and opened the pastel as momo sat next to him in his bed

"why do you want to look?"ashed hikaru

"you know i want to join up to"

"k k settle"

hikaru opened the pastel

it contained a

leather body

a pair of chaps

leather boots and gloves

and finely a short bow

"0..................m.....................g"said momo

"meh its standard novice issue armor and weapons and Therese a note

hikaru starter to feed the letter said

"to hikaru gin report asap to the pales of varrock
to receive training and arrows

sinisterly you're caption of the varrock rangers"

"well im of say by to mum for me momo"

1. We have a runescape stories section. You posted this in the wrong place.
2. It's terrible. In the above sections, there are guides. Read them and try again.

meh il stop righting books then

Dont continue writing then.
With a story like this, you should have expected bad comments.
Constructive criticism is your friend.

Don't worry, I thought it was great. Can't wait for chapter two!

Hi, I'm Fake! You should look into the Library and post a story there. There are good guides set up by both SlashingUK for Story writing and Pixel Bunnie for Poem writing.

try capitalization
its an awesome book but it sounds japanesee

Aside from being in the wrong section, I really enjoyed your book and am looking forward to seeing more!

Stop being polite.

If he won't take constructive criticism, he shouldn't be writing in the first place.

Wrong section, mate.

Wow, that was a really good story! Please, make more!

It does sound Japanese some what. Its a good story, in the wrong section though.

It brought a tear to my eye. I'm looking forward to saying more from you in the -hopefully near- future.

The person named "momo" reminded me of Momoko Tsugunaga of Berryz Kobo, sometimes we call her "momo" for short.
I thought this was a pretty good story.

Hi. I'm assuming this is your first story, and I'm hoping you don't decide out of fury at critics to make it your last. Personally, I'm somewhat peeved at how this has been carried out. Not the story, the criticism. There has been virtually no constructive criticism, only posts saying you're perfect, and posts criticising you, but not constructively. Especially Squiggle. I like you as a person, Squig, but telling anyone to give up writing, despite their silly threats, is just not nice. A new writer should always be welcome, no matter how rough they are around the edges. The critics have claimed he cannot take constructive criticism. This remains to be seen.

So, about the story. Although I'd not call it a masterpiece, it has some redeeming qualities, such as the realistic and amusing brother-sister relationship. But, it has many flaws. Although you asked us to ignore spelling, grammar and punctuation errors, (not to mention a complete lack of capitalisation) I truly cannot, because they reached the point where they made it maddeningly difficult to understand certain sentences. The one in particular that drove me nuts was the so called “pastel”. After much thinking, I realized you meant parcel or package, but at first I was terribly confused because a pastel is a piece of art essentially drawn in high quality crayon. This understandablly caused incredible problems in my comprehension. Also, remember that Runescape is supposed to be somewhat medevil, and people wouldn't say “omg” “k” or “meh”. I'd REALLY REALLY suggest reading one of the writing guides, and not giving up. Good luck in your hopefully continued writing. I'm rooting for you!

Oh yeah,

I may have been a little rash, and I apologize. Instead of being rude about my point, I should have just told you politely. I myself wasn't a fan of constructive criticism when I started out. Though the criticism you received wasn't very constructive, as aforementioned.

Keep writing, man. I was like you when I started out.

Long time no see, everyone. Let's see how rusty I am at constructive criticism now.

Wow, that was the BEST ever, I couldn't have done better, best read in my life! Keep writing!

Not that I really enjoyed it, it was one of the worst I've ever seen, OMG, you should stop writing!

Very well, let us start.

Although you have asked us to ignore the poor spelling, grammar, and punctuation, it really is unbearable. I am a zealot regarding these matters, and I would like to take a red pen to your writing. Although the sibling rivalry between 'Momo' and 'Hikaru' was done well enough, the other parts would need a genius to make them better, or at very least a complete make-over. And who would write 'sinisterly yours', I might add? At this point, some more background knowledge would be welcome; it actually sounds like a badly done copy of Sryen's Magus Society, to say the least.

Oh, well, I do fail at trying not to sound harsh; do I sound like Halloween?

We only speak the truth.

o hai dar Luna

I'm going to have to agree with Luna.

Seriously, how can you write sinisterly without pausing for a moment to notice that's not even how you pronounce it.

edit: this is Aliath, by the way.

I think he's patrolling.

Is he gone?

Dibs on his avatar.