Help - Search - Members - Calendar
Full Version: Welcome To Runescape, You Idiot. Re-written
Sal's RuneScape Forum > Everything... Not RuneScape > The Story Mat > RuneScape Stories
Sonata
Spoiler: Click to Toggle the Spoiler.
Okay, re-writing...

Some things you need to know.

I'm still using the same character names so Lite and Lily are staying (No relationship to the Sal's members)

The story will be more in depth about characters, the previous version moved to quickly on characters.

Thanks to Rene, Fable, and Fake II for the feedback, I'm re-writing now!



[Close]


ATTENTION, THIS STORY USES A RUNESCAPE CHAT STYLE OF STORYTELLING SO READ IT LIKE YOU WOULD READ RUNESCAPE CHATBOXES

Chapter 1: Failure Strikes
Spoiler: Click to Toggle the Spoiler.

Sorry some mistakes. Start by reading the normal font...

Welcome to Earth.
Derrick checks the mail.


Can't read the images? Read this:
Spoiler: Click to Toggle the Spoiler.

Welcome to Earth.
Derrick checks the mail.
Derrick: Huh? It's my State Test Scores.
Derrick reads his score.
Derrick: *sigh*
Derrick crumples up paper, and throws it into the streets.
Derrick's Mother: Derrick! Did you get the mail yet?
Derrick: Yes Mom!
Derrick walks back into the house.
Derrick's Mother: Derrick, some of your friends called a few seconds ago. They wanted to meet up with you at the schoolyard.
Derrick: I wonder what they want...
Derrick gets his stuff and exits the house.
Derrick's Mother: Huh, he left his phone here. I should give it to him.
Derrick's Mother exits the house.
Derrick's Mother: Derrick! You left your phone-
Derrick was already gone when she came out.
Derrick's Mother: Huh, a wadded piece of paper? Didn't Derrick learn not to litter? Gosh, what have I been teaching him.
Derrick's Mother sees some words.
Derrick's Mother: What's this? State Test Scores? I wonder why did he throw this away.
Derrick's Mother uncrumples the paper.
Derrick's Mother: He f-f-failed! How could this happen?

~TRANSITION~

Derrick arrives at the school yard. 2 of his friends are there.
Derrick's Friend: Derrick! You finally got here!
Derrick: What's up Josh?
Josh: Well, Kyle was sneaking around in the school. Did you know the administrators get your State Test Scores earlier than you?
Derrick: *gulp* What?
Kyle: They were checking out yours, I heard you failed.
Josh: And now they're kicking you out.
Derrick: Wait, they can't do that!
Josh: Show him it, Kyle.
Kyle takes out the School Handbook.
Kyle: See here, read what it says.
Derrick: A student can be expelled in multiple ways, the school has the power to expel the student by failure on a state test!
Josh: And if you keep reading.
Derrick: The student can never graduate high school and will not have a chance to attend any high schools around the district again!
Kyle: This isn't going to go well for our reputation also. You're hanging out with the smartest men in the school.
Josh: And we can't have a failure scar our group. So...
Kyle: 1. We don't know you anymore.
Josh: 2. We have never been around you.
Kyle and Josh: And 3. You never existed in our lives!
Kyle and Josh walks away from the scene.
Derrick: Wait, guys!
Kyle and Josh exits the school yard.
Derrick: This can't be real. Kyle just probably misheard the administrators.

~TRANSITION~

Derrick arrives at his house door.
Derrick tries to open the door.
Derrick: Huh it's locked?
Derrick rings the door bell.
*ding dong*
Derrick's Mother's voice was heard through the door.
Derrick's Mother: Derrick, someone called. You're expelled from school. You failed the state test. *sniff*
Derrick: Mom? No, it was a misunderstanding.
Derrick's Mother: No there wasn't, they told me. I saw your scores, I can't let you back ing. *sniff*
Derrick: Wait, why?
Derrick's Mother: You've disappointed us very much. We can't raise you if you have no future.
Derrick: Mom, there must be a way around this.
Derrick's Mother: NO THERE ISN'T! Can't you see that you've lost your future?
Derrick: Mom! Snap out of it! Let me in!
Derrick's Mother: NO! GO AWAY! *sob*
Derrick: Mom! MOM! IT WAS A MISTAKE, I'LL FIX IT SOMEHOW!
Derrick's Mother: There's nothing you can do... *sob*
Derrick: Mom...
Derrick's Mother: Just go away... *cries*
Derrick: Fine... I'll go...


[Close]


[Close]


Chapter 2: Tastes like Magic!
Spoiler: Click to Toggle the Spoiler.

Derrick walks away from his door...
Derrick: How can this happen?
The door opens.
Derrick: Mom?
Derrick's Mother leaves Derrick's phone on the ground.
Derrick: My phone... Maybe I can apologize using it.
Derrick picks up his phone and turns it on.
Derrick: No service...
Derrick puts his phone in his pocket and walks down the street.
Derrick: My life is ruined... What's there to turn to now?
Derrick walks next to an alley. A stranger appears.
Stranger: That's strange... I feel a depressing energy coming from you.
Derrick: Huh?
Stranger: Over here...
Derrick: I can't see you.
Stranger: I can see you. You should see me.
Derrick: Where are you?
Stranger: Ugh. To your left in the alley.
Derrick turns to the left.
Derrick: Oh, what do you want?
Stranger: As I said, I feel a depressing energy coming from you.
Derrick: And?
Stranger: I can help you through this.
Derrick: I don't ne-
Stranger: Nu-uh-uh. I'm feeling that your life has been ruined...
Derrick: You heard me?
Stranger: I'm not finished. You're about to give up hope.
Derrick: Well I was thinking about tha-
Stranger: So I was right?
Derrick: Yes, but how did you kno-
Stranger: I'm magic...
Derrick: No way, I don't believe in this magic bullcrap.
Stranger: Don't believe me? I'll show you that I'm magic.
Derrick: Ho-
Derrick suddenly sees fire coming out of the strangers hand.
Stranger: See this? This is magic.
Derrick: I still don't believe you, you could've had a lighter with you.
Stranger: Hmm? Still not believing what you see?
Derrick sees water start to bubble under his feet.
Derrick: Ah! Is something wrong with this water?
Stranger: Nothing is wrong, I just made it bubble.
Derrick: You can't be real.
The bubbles stop.
Stranger: I show you something that'll blow your mind then.
Wind starts picking up.
Derrick: Woah! Must be a storm coming!
Stranger: Why do you keep denying that this is magic?
Derrick: BECAUSE --
A pillar of rock lifts the stranger into the sky.
Stranger: Do you see this? You can feel this! You can hear this!
Derrick: OKAY! I believe you! You're MAGIC!
Everything returns back to normal.
The stranger walks up to Derrick.
Stranger: So do you want me to help you?
Derrick: Well... Um... Okay...

[Close]


Chapter 3: Moderator's Mission
Spoiler: Click to Toggle the Spoiler.

Stranger: So let's look into your problem. What happened?
Derrick began rapidly saying.
Derrick: Well... I failed my state test, the school kicked me out, my friends deserted me, and my mother lost hope in me and kicked me out. *pant*
Stranger: Mhmm... So you're future is lost?
Derrick: Well you can say that. I can't do anything much right now...
Stranger: Tell you what... You ran in to a Mage at a good time. What if I told you that I can create a new life for you?
Derrick: You can? How?
Stranger: I'm actually a mage from another world. I was sent here for vacation.
Derrick: Go on...
Stranger: Well I have a key to the other world for you, but first, are you sure you want to start this new life?
Derrick: YES! A second chance to correct what I did wrong.
Stranger: Okay, then it's final.
The stranger takes a dagger and slashes the air. A portal starts opening.
Stranger: Here it is. The portal. All you have to do is to jump through it.
Derrick: Swee-
Stranger: Wait, something's not right about you.
Derrick: What?
Stranger: Look at your feet.
Derrick: Ah! They're glowing white!
A glow starts to develop around Derrick's feet.
Stranger: I've never seen this.
The glow starts to dissapear.
Stranger: Hmm... I'll have to look in to this.
Derrick: What happened?
Stranger: (I can't let him know about this, I have to lie.)
Stranger: Oh, I forgot, it's just a side effect from the portal.
Derrick: Oh. Okay!
Stranger: So are you ready for your new life?
Derrick: Ready.
Stranger: (This kid looks really determined. Let's hope he survives.)
Derrick: Can I go now?
Stranger: Okay! GO!
Derrick jumps through the portal.
Stranger: Well. Time to seal this portal up.
Stranger pulls out some runes.
Stranger: SEAL!
The portal is sealed.
Stranger: Wait, I forgot to tell him to remove any communication devices. He can still communicate through other worlds.
Night arrives.
Stranger: If he had one... It would cause a problem to the worlds.
The sound of footsteps appeared. A mysterious man shows up.
Stranger: Huh?
???: So, who do we have here?
Stranger: It's you... Mod Ricardo.
Mod Ricardo: I saw the whole scene Giezo...
Mod Giezo: You did? Sorry it won't happen again.
Mod Ricardo: No excuses...
Mod Giezo: Ricardo, don't te-
Mod Ricardo: Don't worry, I won't tell as long as you assist me in this mission.
Mod Giezo: But we're on vacat-
Mod Ricardo: VACATION TIME IS OVER! We got a mission to keep watch on Tutorial Island.
Mod Giezo: What's happening there?
Mod Ricardo: Some Agents are looking for a certain person. Goes by the name of Lily Natiry.
Mod Giezo: Why are they looking for her?
Mod Ricardo: We don't have much clues yet, but we are informed that she will be on the island and they are after her.
Mod Giezo: Lets get to Tutorial Island!


[Close]


Chapter 4: SHIP! (Has some suggestive content in this chapter.)
Spoiler: Click to Toggle the Spoiler.

Welcome to Gielinor.
Creaks and waves are heard.
Derrick is asleep.
???: Hey, get up. We're almost there.
Derrick opens his eyes.
Derrick: Wha? Where?
???: Tutorial Island! It's just ahead.
Derrick gets up.
Derrick: Huh? Are we on a ship?
???: You forgot already?
Derrick looks around for a second.
Derrick: (So this is the other world.)
???: Are you okay?
Derrick: Yeah, kind of.
Douglas: Oh, I haven't introduced myself yet. How rude of me... My name is Douglas Kenetson
Derrick: My name is... (New life... I should change my name also. But to what.)
The sun starts to shine.
Douglas: Ah! That sunlight is beutiful! I remember when I used to look at the sun when I was young, I never stopped looking at it...
Another man next to Derrick starts speaking:
Man: Douglas, doesn't that hurt your eyes?
Douglas: What? How can that hurt me? It's just light.
Derrick: Light! That's my name. L-i-t-e actually...
Derrick changed his name to Lite.
Douglas: That's a unique name for you. And wow, you look skinny.
Lite: You're talking to the pole Douglas.
Douglas turns around.
Douglas: Oh sorry Lite! Must've been a simple mistake.
Man: Can't you admit that you can't see?
Douglas: I can see perfectly...
Douglas points to a pot.
Douglas: That's a box
Douglas points to a pile of rope.
Douglas: That's a snake.
Douglas keeps trying to proove that his vision is normal
Lite whispers to the man.
Lite: *whispers* Do you think that he'll figure out?
Man: *whispers* Note sure but one of these days.
Douglas points to a girl.
Douglas: And thats big chest.
The girl notices what douglas said.
Man: DOUGLAS! THAT'S A GIRL!
Douglas: That's funny all I see there is a--
The girl jumps on Douglas.
Girl: You pervert!
The girl attacks douglas.
Douglas: Wow this chest can fight!
Lite: Douglas you should better apologize to that girl.
Douglas: This isn't a girl, girls aren't allowed to go to train as proffesional warriors. They can only become a skilled warrior.
Lite: Warrior? Wait, where on Earth am I?
Man: Earth? You mean the runes?
Douglas: Get this chest off of me!
Girl: You idiot!
The girl keeps attacking Douglas.
Lite: (I forgot this was a different world.) Uhh... (How can I say this without making me look stupid.)
Man: Oh, you're referring to that mythical world of Earth. You're on Gielinor, I can't believe that you got these worlds mixed up.
Lite: Gielinor...
Douglas: Help Lite! Get this thing off of me!
The Captain notices the fighting.
Captain: Stop the fighting! Or I'll kick you off the ship.
Everybody starts to look at the fight.
Lite: Douglas, its actually a girl! Now apologize!
Douglas pushes of the girl.
Douglas: Fine, sorry.
The girl walks away in silence.
Captain: Now that we got everything in order. Everybody, gather your belongings. And you.
Captain points at Douglas.
Captain: Come with me.
Douglas: Okay... Dad.
Everybody: DAD?
Douglas: Yes, my dad is the captain...
Captain: Also, you two.
The captain points at Lite and the man.
Captain: It's your turn to clean the latrines.
Man: Oh, great. Come on Lite...
Lite: Okay...


[Close]


Chapter 5: WAT? (+10 if you can find the Shrek Reference in this chapter.)
Spoiler: Click to Toggle the Spoiler.
Welcome to the Latrines.
Man: Ugh, it smells horrible in here.
Lite: I wonder what's happening to Douglas right now.

~TRANSITION~

Welcome to the Captain's Room.
Captain: Son, I think you're blind.
Douglas: I'm not blind, I can see perfectly.
Captain: Douglas, you shouldn't go like this.
Douglas: I'm telling you I'm not blind, I can see!
Captain: Do you still want to become a warrior?
Douglas: Yes... I do...

~TRANSITION~

Lite: So what was Douglas talking about "Warriors?"
Man: Hm? You don't know.
Lite: Not at all.
Man: That's strange but... When the age 16 hits, a person who wants to be, can be a warrior. Warriors are split up into 3 ranks. The Newbies, which are for people who failed the WAT (Warrior Admission Test), The Skilled, which are for people who passed

the WAT, and the Proffessional, for Males only who had scored the top 90%. But some mistake happened and they sent us with more people than we expected.
Lite: Oh, so why was there a girl on our ship?
Man: Well, it's rare to see a girl here but something must've happened for her to get on this ship.
Lite: And Douglas?
Man: I don't how on Gielinor he got into the proffesional rank with his bad eyesight.
Lite: Well time to start scrubbing! Man?
Ewain: Call me Ewain
Lite: Okay Ewain.

~TRANSITITION~

Douglas: So this glass thingy will make me see?
Captain: I knew it! You can't see.
Douglas: No I can!
Captain: So why did yo- I can't put up a fight with you, just put these on.
Douglas puts on the glasses.
Douglas: Nothing changed. (I CAN SEE!)
Captain: Keep them for now, it'll work eventually.

~TRANSITION~

Group of guys: Hey! Little girl?
Girl: Hm?
A guy: How did you get on our ship?
Another Guy: Yeah! How did you?
Girl: Is it your business?
A guy: You probably sneaked in!
Girl: No.
Another Guy: You couldn't have been one of the top 90%! So you did!
Girl: No I didn't, infact I was the 2nd top.
A guy looks at the score list.
A guy: Poor little girl lost to Ewain!
Girl: I don't care, at least I'm better than you idiots.
Another Guy: Idiots?!

~TRANSITION~

Lite: So you're one of the top scoring students?
Ewain: Yep!
Lite scrubs the toilet.
Ewain: It seems like you've never came from here, asking all these questions that seem so obvious to a 9 year old.
Lite: Sorry, It's just that...
Ewain: Huh?
Lite: I just uhh...
Ewain: Don't worry about it now...

~TRANSITION~

Douglas: Now these glasses make me feel more fancy father.
Captain: Are you okay?
Douglas: Certainly, I've never felt more joyful in my life.
Captain: What the heck?
Douglas: There was once a time when I was a lad that...
Captain: Something must be wrong with these glasses.
Captain pulls out a handwritten note the came with the glasses.
Captain: Oh boy...
Douglas: And that's when...
Captain: Douglas, you can leave. I need to look at something.
Douglas: Thank you father.

~TRANSITION~

A guy: We'll show you who's the idiot, you're messing with # 15!
Another guy: And #17!
Girl: I can take you all.
Everybody jumps on the girl.
Douglas walks out.
Douglas: How delightful! A fight!
The guys attack. The girl starts fighting back.

~TRANSITION~

Rumbles are heard.
Lite: Did you hear that?
Ewain: Did someone attack us? Lets check it out!
Lite and Ewain heads towards the rumble.
Douglas: Oh greetings my companions!
Lite: Douglas? What happened?
Douglas: These glasses are a miracle. I've been rejuvenated.
Ewain: What's with that rumble?
Douglas: Some bafoons started picking on a little girl.
Ewain: We should go stop that fight!
Lite: Okay, lets go!
Douglas: Most certainly!

~TRANSITION~

Guy: Wow the girl sure has an arm.
Another Guy: Ouch! We can take her down.
Lite, Ewain, and Douglas enters the scene.
Lite: Why isn't the captain stopping this?
Douglas: He's very busy right now.
Ewain: Lite! Grab that block of wood.
Lite picks up a small block of wood.
Ewain: Now throw it at them!
Lite throws the block of wood at them. It hits the guys.
A guy: Hey! You! You're gonna pay for that!
The group of guys charged at Lite.
Ewain: Jump!
Lite jumps. Very high...
Lite: I can fly?
Group of guys: He can fly?
Douglas: You can fly?
Girl: That idiot can fly?
Ewain: Don't think that you can fly! You're just jumping!
Lite lands on the other side of the ship.
Ewain: I didn't know you had that much in you.

[Close]


Chapter 6: Why Does Every Ship Ride Has a Storm?
Spoiler: Click to Toggle the Spoiler.
Lite: When could I do that?
Thunder started to emerge and the sky darkened. The captain came out of his room.
Captain: Its about to storm!
Douglas: Odd. Weather always seem to strike a group of people on a boat.
Ewain: Everybody get inside!
Captain: You two!
The captain points at the 2 guys.
Captain: Come with me, you're going to help.
Everbody starts going into the ship. Lite, Ewain, and Douglas stay.
Douglas: My golly, there seems to be a frightening wind now.
Lite: Why are you talking like that?
Douglas: I don't have a clue. This is a mystery that I can't solve.
Ewain: Must be those glasses, I've seen those before! Look!
Lite looks at the side of the glasses.
Lite: I see a mark.
Ewain: It's the mark of the Chaos. We need to get that off him. If he wears it too long he'll attract-
The captain starts coming near the group.
Captain: Son, I need you to take the glasses off! I found out that it was the mark of the-
Ewain: Chaos...
Captain: And it'll attracts-
Lite kicks the glasses off.
Douglas: Ah! I can't see.
Captain: I hope it isn't too late.
Ewain: Captain... Why did you have that?
Captain: Hmm...
The storm approches more.
Captain: Everybody get into the ship, get ready for a bumpy ride.
Lite, Douglas, and Ewain head inside.
Captain: How are you boys doing over there?
Guy: It's about to rain!
Captain: Okay you boys watch over while I try to steer this ship.

~TRANSITION~

Lite: Uh... So what was that thing the glasses could of attract.
Ewain: Huh?
Lite: The Chaos mark. The glasses.
Ewain: Oh, it attracts the.
Lite: The what?
Ewain: Well, it's hard to explain. Nobody knows what to call...
Lite: Why?
Ewain: The form of it is so hard to describe.
Lite: Do you have to be wearing the glasses to attract it?
Ewain: Yeah, from what I heard. You must be wielding it.
Douglas: I'm admitting that I'm blind. I wish those glasses didn't have to go.
Lite: We forgot to get rid of the glasses!
Ewain: Come on, well throw it into the sea.
Ewain and Lite ran outside.
Douglas: I should wait for them.

~TRANSITION~

Lite: Woah! It's raining already!
Captain: What are you two still doing outside?
Ewain: The glasses! We forgot to get rid of them!
Captain: Come on! Can you find them?
Ewain: I see it! It's over there!
Lite and Ewain runs towards it.
The ship tilts to the left.
Ewain and Lite slides to the left.
Ewain: It's stuck on a nail!
Lite: I think I can get to it.
Ewain: The ship tilts more to the left.
Lite: Ahhh!
Ewain and Lite slides to the left side fo the ship.
Ewain: It's too slippery to get to it.
Captain: Come on boys! Keep trying!
Lite: I'm going to jump for it!
Ewain: No! It's to risky!
Rain comes down harder.
Lite: Here I go!
Lite jumps towards the glasses.
Lite: Gotcha!
Lite throws the glasses into the sea.
Captain: Nice work! But now we have to get you guys back inside somehow.
The storm tilts the ship to the right.
Ewain: Yes, we can get back up now!
Lite: Come on, into the ship!
Ewain: Coming.
A huge wave sends a flood of water into the ship.
Captain: Watch your back!
Lite: Huh!
Lite jumps into the air while Ewain jumps into the ship.
Guy: You really like showing off your jumping skills.
Lite: I love it.

[Close]


Chapter 7: Lily's Here!
Spoiler: Click to Toggle the Spoiler.
Ewain: The rain isn't getting any lighter yet.
Captain: What in the Tzhaar is that?
Ewain: It's a shady figure, is that a dragon?
Captain: It's Elvarg!
Ewain: What's she doing out here?
Lite: Look! I think I see something else!
Ewain: It's another dragon!
Captain: Elvarg's being chased?
Ewain: Someone's on the Dragon!
Elvarg flies over the ship.
The other dragon follows it.
Guy: Captain, shouldn't we do something about this?
Captain: Everybody get into the --
Elvarg gets hit by the other dragon.
???: Yes, perfect...
Ewain: No way, it's a dragon tamer!
Captain: What? Nobody has the skills to tame a dragon.
Lite: Incoming!
Elvarg flies directly over the ship.
???: Take this!
??? begins to chant a spell.
Elvarg dissapears into the mist.
???: Damn it! I should of weakened it more!
The dragon tamer flies away.
Silence...
Lite: What was that all about?
Captain: I've never seen one in real life.
Ewain: A real dragon tamer.
Guy: Captain! Rip in the sail!
Captain: What?
A big gash in the sail was clearly shown.
Guy: What should we do?
Captain: Ewain, go to that chest and get that white tape out.
Ewain runs to the chest and finds it.
The storm gets more heavy.
Ewain: What do you want me to do with it?
Captain: Throw it to Lite! Lite, I want you to jump up and seal the whole sail with the tape when you come down!
Lite: Okay!
Ewain throws the tape to Lite.
Lite jumps up.
Lite: Here it goes!
Lite seals up a part of it.
Captain: Lite your taping the wrong spot!
Lite looks at the roll, its almost out.
Lite: The roll's almost empty!
Captain: That's the last one I have.
Lite: Do you have something to cut this so I can use it again?
Captain: Where's my sword?
Douglas comes out.
Douglas: Ahh! This is outside!
Captain notices that the sword is next to Douglas.
Captain: Douglas, on to your left is my sword, throw it to me!
Douglas: Where are you?
Captain: I'm ove-
Ewain: He can't see remember?
Captain: For the love of-
A wave crashes on to the side of the ship and knocks the captain down.
Lite: Captain!
Captain: I'm down! I'm down!
Guy: Captain!
The guy runs towards the captain but then gets pulled back by another guy.
Another Guy: We have to stay here and steer the ship.
Lite looks at the tape.
Lite: Guess I have to do this all by myself...
Ewain: I can't get to the sword! My leg! while I was dodging the first wave!
The girl comes out.
Girl: What's all this racket going on.
The girl examines the scene.
Lite: You! Get the sword, we need to cut this tape!
Girl: Finally, I get to put my hands on a sword.
The girl gets the sword and amazingly cuts the tape.
Lite: Yes!
Lite jumps up into the air and seals the sail.
Ewain: We need to get medical attention!
Captain: There's a medical chest in my room! Come on someone get me up.
Lite jumps towards the captain.
Lite: Ahh! Your heavy! I can't even move you!
Ewain: You can jump high but you can't use your strength?
Lite: Douglas! Give me a hand!
Girl: I'll help Ewain!
The girl runs towards Ewain.
Douglas: Where is he?
Lite jumps towards Douglas and guides him towards the captain.
Lite and Douglas both put a grip on the Captians hand.
Lite: Now drag him backwards.
Douglas: Okay!

~TRANSITION~

Welcome to the captain's room.
Lite: Hey, how did you get Ewain in here so fast?
Ewain: Don't judge someone on how they look, she's a tough girl.
Girl: Damn right I am.
Lite: What's your name?
Lily: Lily Natiry...
Captain. There's the chest! Get to it!

[Close]


Chapter 8: Secrets
Spoiler: Click to Toggle the Spoiler.
Captain wakes up.
Captain: Huh? Where am I?
Lite's asleep next to Ewain.
Douglas is asleep next to Lily.
Captain: Oh, yeah... The storm... Looks like they patched up my leg well.
Ewain: Ugh...
Captain: Hmm... It's morning.
Ewain wakes up.
Ewain: Captain! You're awake!
Captain: Everybody, rise and shine!
Douglas: It's still night...
Lite: Wha-?
Ewain: Captain, how are you feeling?
Captain: Not bad... Where are we?
The captain walks outside.
Ewain: I'll go check what's happening.
Ewain goes outside also.
~TRANSITION~

Guy: Hey Captain!
Captain: Oh, you boys still up there?
Another Guy: yeah, we've been up here all night.
Captain: Where did you boys steer us?
Guy: Well, we looked at your map, it took us a while, but we're here!
Captain turns around. There was an island.
Captain: We're here! We're here!
Ewain: Finally!
Guy: We still need you to land the ship while we get ready to go.
Captain: Thank's for your help boys!
Ewain: Wait, where's the dock?

~TRANSITION~

Lite: Douglas... Wake up.
Douglas: Whu- what?
Douglas wakes up.
Douglas: Everything's so foggy.
Lite: Douglas, I always wondered, how did you get to be a professional warrior?
Douglas: Hm? Oh! Well... I passed that silly test.
Lite: But your eyes.
Douglas: I had clearer vision back then. I think that shine from yesterday completely obliterated my sight.
Lite: So why didn't you admit that you're blind.
Douglas: The truth is. I didn't want to think I was blind.
Lite: Why?
Douglas: Well, it would bring my hopes down of being a warrior. But now since I know that I'm blind...
Lite: You can still try...
Douglas: I was planning something while you were healing up the Captain last night.
Lite: What was it?
Douglas: I was going to drop out of Tutorial Island this year and get glasses like the ones my dad gave to me except without the chaos mark.
Lite: So you're going to not go become a warrior?
Douglas: I'll come back the next year, and I'll become one of the best.
The guys come in.
Guy: Hey you, I have a question.
The guy points to Lite.
Guy: I looked for your name all over the score list. You're not on any of the ranks.
Douglas: Say what?
Lite: Wai-
Another Guy: Looks like you need to do some explaining...
Ewain comes in.
Ewain: Hey guys, I'm back.
Douglas: These people say they didn't see Lite on the score list. Can't you believe that Ewain?
Ewain: What?
Ewain takes the list from the guy and reads it.
Lite: Wait! ( I need to think of something quick. )
Lite: See, I got a letter saying that I was umm... forgotten on the list.
Ewain: It's very possible to have these things happen.
Lite: So, I scored good enough to get into this rank. And well, here I am.
Guy: Well we don't believe you.
Lite: Is there someway I can prove it?
The guys start to discuss...
Another Guy: Well, here's what I have to say. By the end of the Island, I challange you to a duel at the docks.
Guy: If you win, you prove yourself as worthy, if you don't, we'll send you back to school and make you take another year.
Lite: And how are you guys supposed to do that?
Another Guy: We're going to show this evidence.
The guys leave.
Ewain: Lite?
Lite: ...
Ewain: Did you actually make it?
Lite: ( I can't trust anyone yet... ) Yes... I got the letter.
Ewain: I believe you...
Lite: ...
The captain yells through the walls.
Captain: Douglas, you and Ewain help me do something.
Douglas and Ewain leaves.
Lite: I need to fix this some how.
Lily: Yawn!
Lily wakes up.
Lily: Hm? Fix what?
Lite: You're still here?
Lily: Of course, I was sleeping here. So fix what?
Lite: It's nothing.
Lily: It's soemthing, I can see it in your eyes.
Lite: ( What should I do... )
Lite: I need to fix my leg, yeah that's what it is! It got hurt from the jumping and things.
Lily: Meh... I'm going to see what's outside.
Lily leaves the room.
Lite: When I look back on this moment, I'll be doing something stupid to try to forget that this ever happened...

[Close]


Chapter 9: Off the Sea, On the Land.
Spoiler: Click to Toggle the Spoiler.
Ewain comes in.
Ewain: Hey Lite, ready to go?
Lite: Yeah...
Ewain: Come on...
Lite: Okay...
Ewain and Lite goes outside.

~TRANSITION~

Voice: When I count to 3, jump...
Lite: Huh?
Ewain: What?
Lite: I heard something.
Voice: 1...
Lite: Hm?
Ewain: You must be hearing things. Hey Captain, how much longer.
Captain: Just a few more minutes!
Voice: 2...
Lite: There it is again!
Ewain: What?
Lite: Ewain! Get away from here!
Lite pushes Ewain away.
Voice: 3!
Lite jumps in the air.
In a flash, a dragon flies by and hits the ship!
Ewain: It's the dragon!
Captain: What the?
Lite: What the?
Douglas: Huh? What's happening?
Captain: That dragon who was chasing Elvarg!
The dragon turns around and flies back again.
Voice: To the left!
Lite jumps to the left.

~TRANSITION~

Welcome to Tutorial Island.
Man: The ship! It's underattack!
Dwarf: Load up the cannon!
The man loads the cannon.
Dwarf: FIRE!
The cannon fires a cannonball.

~TRANSITION~

Ewain: What's that?
Captain: It's a cannonball!
The cannonball hits the Dragon.
Ewain: Look! It's the Dragon tamer!
Dragon Tamer: No!
The dragon flies away.
Ewain: They must've went for cover.
Lite: Who was that?
Voice: Beware of him.
Lite turns around.
Lite: Who said that?
Captain: Said what?
Douglas: I didn't here anything.
Ewain: Lite, are you okay?
Everybody inside the boat starts to come out.

~TRANSITION~

Dwarf: Send out a clan to find that dragon!
Man: Okay! I'm on it.
The man turns on a magic communication device.
Man: Hello, this is Tutorial Island West Defence.
Operator: Hello, this is Fredrick speaking from the Vision Plus Communication Service.
Man: A dragon has attacked a ship on the West side of the Island, we attacked it and it went for cover. We need a group to search for it and eliminate it.
Operator: Okay, we'll be contacting a local clan that's patroling the island.
The operator searches for any available clans.
Operator: We're sorry but we cannot find any clans at the island. The nearest clan we can get is off at Draynor. It'll take 3 days for them to get here.
The man mutes the communication device.
Man: Hey, the nearest clan will take 3 days to get here.
Dwarf: The dragon will be healed by then. I'm going to go look. Get me Vannaka and Wizard Freemon.
Man: Sir, we need them for the tutorial!
Dwarf: Delay the tutorial for a few days.
Man: Okay.
The man unmutes the communication device.
Man: We're finding the dragon ourselves.
Operator: Okay, call back when you need any help.

~TRANSITION~

Captain: Now I have to repair this ship. The sides are weak now.
Lite: Doesn't look that weak.
Captain: Well I need to bring you guys back to Port Sarim. We can't survive another storm like that.
Ewain: Try to get it fixed while we start the Tutorial.
Douglas: So are we ready to go now?
Captain: Okay, lets go!
Everybody: YAY!
Everybody gets off the ship except of Douglas and the Captain.
Douglas: I'll see you guys later! I'll be with you on the way back.
Lite: See ya Douglas!
Ewain: It won't take that long!

~TRANSITION~

Welcome to Tutorial Island.
The RuneScape Guide comes out.
RuneScape Guide: Unfortunatley, the tutorial has been delayed.

[Close]


Chapter 10: DELAYED?
Spoiler: Click to Toggle the Spoiler.
Guy: WHAT DO YOU MEAN DELAYED?
RuneScape Guide: The dragon that attacked you guys hid around the island somewhere. We've sent out our staff to find it and kill it.
Lite: Well, guess we have to do some more waiting.
Ewain: I wonder where the dragon is.
Lite: Hey, maybe I can jump up and see if there's a sign of it.
Ewain: I wouldn't do tha-
Lite jumps on top of a small house.
RuneScape Guide: Hey, what are you doing?
Lite: Helping!
Lite jumps up onto a tall tree.
RuneScape Guide: I see what he's trying to do.
Lite jumps up real high and looks around the island.
Lite: Hmm...

~TRANSITION~

???: Damn it. You're injured!
Dragon: Grrr....
???: I can't make use with you anymore.
Dragon: Hrrr?
The mysterious man kills the dragon.
???: Huh, whats that?
He sees Lite in the air.
???: It's a person. Looks like the ship landed. I probably can find the girl with the necklace there.
Dwarf: Hey, I think I see the dragon.
???: Hm?
Dwarf: There it is!
The crew came out.
Vannaka: Look! Someone's there.
Dwarf: It must be the person controlling the dragon.
Freemon: The dragon looks dead.
???: Get away.
Dwarf: Hey, identify yourself!
???: I don't need time for this nonsense.

~TRANSITION~

Lite: I see something!
RuneScape Guide: What is it?
Lite: It's a dragon, and 4 people.
RuneScape Guide: 4 people? I only though three went.
Lite: There's a short dude, a wizard, a strong dude, and a guy in a dark clothing.
RuneScape Guide: They must be having a face off with someone.
Explosion happens.
Lite: What the h-
RuneScape Guide: What!
Everybody turns towards the explosion.
Ewain: We need to check what happened.
RuneScape Guide: Wait! You guys might get hu-
Everybody starts running towards the scene.
RuneScape Guide: Oh... Wait up!

~TRANSITION~

Dwarf: What was that?
Freemon: He was about to strike. I had to make a find blast at the ground to stir up a fog.
???: Watch your back...
Vannaka: Freemon! Duck!
Freemon ducks.
Dwarf hits the stranger.
The stranger pulls out an Iron longsword.
Dwarf: Iron? You can't expect to do much with that.
Vannaka: You're no match for our mighty weapons.
The stranger throws dark green objects.
Freemon: What are those?
They start to explode.
Vannaka: Is this magic?
Freemon: He's not using any runes!
Dwarf: This guy is stronger than what we've assumed.
Ewain enters the scene.
Ewain: What in the TzHaar?

[Close]


Chapter 11: Help is Here
Spoiler: Click to Toggle the Spoiler.
Freemon: Get back kid! This guy's a dangerous fellow.
Ewain: Okay.
Lite and Lily enters the scene.
Ewain: Guys, we have to get away!
Lily: Why?
Vannaka: This guy, he's a danger to all of you. Get away as fast as possible!
???: This will finish you annoying pests off...
The stranger throws the green objects again.
Lite: Everbody run!
The objects exploded.
Ewain: What are those?
Vannaka: I've been hit!
Dwarf: Vannaka!!! Freemon, do you have any teleother runes right now?
Freemon: No, I don't have any!
Everybody else enters the scene.
Dwarf: You guys! Help Vannaka back to the port! We need to get him some medical attention.
Everybody lifts Vannaka and runs back to port with him.
Lily drops here necklace.
Lite: Huh?
The stranger sees the necklace drop.
???: Huh?
Dwarf: Away with you!
Freemon casts earth blast.
Freemon: EARTH BLAST!
???: This won't do much but...
The deflects the blast with his sword.
The sword crumbles to dust.
???: I have no time for you guys.
Lite picks up the necklace.
Lite: Lily, you dropped your-
The stranger rushes towards Lite.
???: Freeze, drop the necklace.
Lily: What Li-
Lily sees Lite and the stranger.
???: Do it now...
Lite: What should I do?
Lily: I don't know...
Lite: I have an idea.
???: You got 2 options, drop it or let me kill you then I take it.
Lite: Actually, I have another idea.
Lite swings his foot backwards into the stranger's groin.
The stranger falls down onto the ground.
Lite: That was fun.
Dwarf: We'll take care of him from here.
The voice appears again.
Voice: Don't worry, I'm here to finish him off.
Another person shows up.
Lite: It's you!
Mod Geizo: Please, call me by my appropriate name. Mod Geizo. Vannaka, and the short dude. Check on the others, I'll get rid of this guy quick.
???: What are you doing here.
Mod Geizo: I heard about this plan you guys were doing. Trying to take this necklace from this girl.
???: How did you know?
Another voice comes up.
2nd Voice: I here for back up!
Another person comes out of the bushes.
Mod Geizo: You showed up a little late Mod Ricardo.
Mod Ricardo: Let's just take care of our duty. By the number tattoed on your skin. You're Agent 12 aren't you?
Agent 12: Yes, indeed.
Lily: Tattooed?
Mod Geizo: Get me the Banhammer...
Agent 12: Oh no you're not going to get me!
Agent 12 takes out some more green objects and throws them up into the air at the Mods.
Mod Ricardo: So you brought these into this world.
Mod Geizo: Hey Lite jump up. Then catch the gernades and throw them far away.
Lite: Okay...
Lite jumps up and grabs the gernades.
Lily: Gernades?
Lite throws them somewhere else.
Agent 12: You're a special kid... But...
Agent 12 gets back up.
Agent 12: It'll take more than a nut smashing to take me down.
Lite: We should get away.
Mod Geizo: No, we need you here. You too Lily.
Mod Ricardo takes out a suitcase. He opens it and takes out a pole and a hammer head.
Mod Geizo takes them both and puts them together.
Mod Geizo: Let's have some fun...
Mod Geizo swings the hammer at Agent 12. Agent 12 was hit.
A white ring appears around Agent 12.
Mod Geizo: This hammer's not in good quality to get rid of him. He's temporarily disposed of any actions. In other words, he's suspended from doing anything.
Mod Ricardo: Shall we teleport him to the prision?
Mod Geizo: Of course...

[Close]



Hate Times New Roman? Click Here!
Spoiler: Click to Toggle the Spoiler.
Spoiler: Click to Toggle the Spoiler.
Okay, re-writing...

Some things you need to know.

I'm still using the same character names so Lite and Lily are staying (No relationship to the Sal's members)

The story will be more in depth about characters, the previous version moved to quickly on characters.

Thanks to Rene, Fable, and Fake II for the feedback, I'm re-writing now!



[Close]


ATTENTION, THIS STORY USES A RUNESCAPE CHAT STYLE OF STORYTELLING SO READ IT LIKE YOU WOULD READ RUNESCAPE CHATBOXES

Chapter 1: Failure Strikes
Spoiler: Click to Toggle the Spoiler.

Sorry some mistakes. Start by reading the normal font...

Welcome to Earth.
Derrick checks the mail.


Can't read the images? Read this:
Spoiler: Click to Toggle the Spoiler.

Welcome to Earth.
Derrick checks the mail.
Derrick: Huh? It's my State Test Scores.
Derrick reads his score.
Derrick: *sigh*
Derrick crumples up paper, and throws it into the streets.
Derrick's Mother: Derrick! Did you get the mail yet?
Derrick: Yes Mom!
Derrick walks back into the house.
Derrick's Mother: Derrick, some of your friends called a few seconds ago. They wanted to meet up with you at the schoolyard.
Derrick: I wonder what they want...
Derrick gets his stuff and exits the house.
Derrick's Mother: Huh, he left his phone here. I should give it to him.
Derrick's Mother exits the house.
Derrick's Mother: Derrick! You left your phone-
Derrick was already gone when she came out.
Derrick's Mother: Huh, a wadded piece of paper? Didn't Derrick learn not to litter? Gosh, what have I been teaching him.
Derrick's Mother sees some words.
Derrick's Mother: What's this? State Test Scores? I wonder why did he throw this away.
Derrick's Mother uncrumples the paper.
Derrick's Mother: He f-f-failed! How could this happen?

~TRANSITION~

Derrick arrives at the school yard. 2 of his friends are there.
Derrick's Friend: Derrick! You finally got here!
Derrick: What's up Josh?
Josh: Well, Kyle was sneaking around in the school. Did you know the administrators get your State Test Scores earlier than you?
Derrick: *gulp* What?
Kyle: They were checking out yours, I heard you failed.
Josh: And now they're kicking you out.
Derrick: Wait, they can't do that!
Josh: Show him it, Kyle.
Kyle takes out the School Handbook.
Kyle: See here, read what it says.
Derrick: A student can be expelled in multiple ways, the school has the power to expel the student by failure on a state test!
Josh: And if you keep reading.
Derrick: The student can never graduate high school and will not have a chance to attend any high schools around the district again!
Kyle: This isn't going to go well for our reputation also. You're hanging out with the smartest men in the school.
Josh: And we can't have a failure scar our group. So...
Kyle: 1. We don't know you anymore.
Josh: 2. We have never been around you.
Kyle and Josh: And 3. You never existed in our lives!
Kyle and Josh walks away from the scene.
Derrick: Wait, guys!
Kyle and Josh exits the school yard.
Derrick: This can't be real. Kyle just probably misheard the administrators.

~TRANSITION~

Derrick arrives at his house door.
Derrick tries to open the door.
Derrick: Huh it's locked?
Derrick rings the door bell.
*ding dong*
Derrick's Mother's voice was heard through the door.
Derrick's Mother: Derrick, someone called. You're expelled from school. You failed the state test. *sniff*
Derrick: Mom? No, it was a misunderstanding.
Derrick's Mother: No there wasn't, they told me. I saw your scores, I can't let you back ing. *sniff*
Derrick: Wait, why?
Derrick's Mother: You've disappointed us very much. We can't raise you if you have no future.
Derrick: Mom, there must be a way around this.
Derrick's Mother: NO THERE ISN'T! Can't you see that you've lost your future?
Derrick: Mom! Snap out of it! Let me in!
Derrick's Mother: NO! GO AWAY! *sob*
Derrick: Mom! MOM! IT WAS A MISTAKE, I'LL FIX IT SOMEHOW!
Derrick's Mother: There's nothing you can do... *sob*
Derrick: Mom...
Derrick's Mother: Just go away... *cries*
Derrick: Fine... I'll go...


[Close]


[Close]


Chapter 2: Tastes like Magic!
Spoiler: Click to Toggle the Spoiler.

Derrick walks away from his door...
Derrick: How can this happen?
The door opens.
Derrick: Mom?
Derrick's Mother leaves Derrick's phone on the ground.
Derrick: My phone... Maybe I can apologize using it.
Derrick picks up his phone and turns it on.
Derrick: No service...
Derrick puts his phone in his pocket and walks down the street.
Derrick: My life is ruined... What's there to turn to now?
Derrick walks next to an alley. A stranger appears.
Stranger: That's strange... I feel a depressing energy coming from you.
Derrick: Huh?
Stranger: Over here...
Derrick: I can't see you.
Stranger: I can see you. You should see me.
Derrick: Where are you?
Stranger: Ugh. To your left in the alley.
Derrick turns to the left.
Derrick: Oh, what do you want?
Stranger: As I said, I feel a depressing energy coming from you.
Derrick: And?
Stranger: I can help you through this.
Derrick: I don't ne-
Stranger: Nu-uh-uh. I'm feeling that your life has been ruined...
Derrick: You heard me?
Stranger: I'm not finished. You're about to give up hope.
Derrick: Well I was thinking about tha-
Stranger: So I was right?
Derrick: Yes, but how did you kno-
Stranger: I'm magic...
Derrick: No way, I don't believe in this magic bullcrap.
Stranger: Don't believe me? I'll show you that I'm magic.
Derrick: Ho-
Derrick suddenly sees fire coming out of the strangers hand.
Stranger: See this? This is magic.
Derrick: I still don't believe you, you could've had a lighter with you.
Stranger: Hmm? Still not believing what you see?
Derrick sees water start to bubble under his feet.
Derrick: Ah! Is something wrong with this water?
Stranger: Nothing is wrong, I just made it bubble.
Derrick: You can't be real.
The bubbles stop.
Stranger: I show you something that'll blow your mind then.
Wind starts picking up.
Derrick: Woah! Must be a storm coming!
Stranger: Why do you keep denying that this is magic?
Derrick: BECAUSE --
A pillar of rock lifts the stranger into the sky.
Stranger: Do you see this? You can feel this! You can hear this!
Derrick: OKAY! I believe you! You're MAGIC!
Everything returns back to normal.
The stranger walks up to Derrick.
Stranger: So do you want me to help you?
Derrick: Well... Um... Okay...

[Close]


Chapter 3: Moderator's Mission
Spoiler: Click to Toggle the Spoiler.

Stranger: So let's look into your problem. What happened?
Derrick began rapidly saying.
Derrick: Well... I failed my state test, the school kicked me out, my friends deserted me, and my mother lost hope in me and kicked me out. *pant*
Stranger: Mhmm... So you're future is lost?
Derrick: Well you can say that. I can't do anything much right now...
Stranger: Tell you what... You ran in to a Mage at a good time. What if I told you that I can create a new life for you?
Derrick: You can? How?
Stranger: I'm actually a mage from another world. I was sent here for vacation.
Derrick: Go on...
Stranger: Well I have a key to the other world for you, but first, are you sure you want to start this new life?
Derrick: YES! A second chance to correct what I did wrong.
Stranger: Okay, then it's final.
The stranger takes a dagger and slashes the air. A portal starts opening.
Stranger: Here it is. The portal. All you have to do is to jump through it.
Derrick: Swee-
Stranger: Wait, something's not right about you.
Derrick: What?
Stranger: Look at your feet.
Derrick: Ah! They're glowing white!
A glow starts to develop around Derrick's feet.
Stranger: I've never seen this.
The glow starts to dissapear.
Stranger: Hmm... I'll have to look in to this.
Derrick: What happened?
Stranger: (I can't let him know about this, I have to lie.)
Stranger: Oh, I forgot, it's just a side effect from the portal.
Derrick: Oh. Okay!
Stranger: So are you ready for your new life?
Derrick: Ready.
Stranger: (This kid looks really determined. Let's hope he survives.)
Derrick: Can I go now?
Stranger: Okay! GO!
Derrick jumps through the portal.
Stranger: Well. Time to seal this portal up.
Stranger pulls out some runes.
Stranger: SEAL!
The portal is sealed.
Stranger: Wait, I forgot to tell him to remove any communication devices. He can still communicate through other worlds.
Night arrives.
Stranger: If he had one... It would cause a problem to the worlds.
The sound of footsteps appeared. A mysterious man shows up.
Stranger: Huh?
???: So, who do we have here?
Stranger: It's you... Mod Ricardo.
Mod Ricardo: I saw the whole scene Giezo...
Mod Giezo: You did? Sorry it won't happen again.
Mod Ricardo: No excuses...
Mod Giezo: Ricardo, don't te-
Mod Ricardo: Don't worry, I won't tell as long as you assist me in this mission.
Mod Giezo: But we're on vacat-
Mod Ricardo: VACATION TIME IS OVER! We got a mission to keep watch on Tutorial Island.
Mod Giezo: What's happening there?
Mod Ricardo: Some Agents are looking for a certain person. Goes by the name of Lily Natiry.
Mod Giezo: Why are they looking for her?
Mod Ricardo: We don't have much clues yet, but we are informed that she will be on the island and they are after her.
Mod Giezo: Lets get to Tutorial Island!


[Close]


Chapter 4: SHIP! (Has some suggestive content in this chapter.)
Spoiler: Click to Toggle the Spoiler.

Welcome to Gielinor.
Creaks and waves are heard.
Derrick is asleep.
???: Hey, get up. We're almost there.
Derrick opens his eyes.
Derrick: Wha? Where?
???: Tutorial Island! It's just ahead.
Derrick gets up.
Derrick: Huh? Are we on a ship?
???: You forgot already?
Derrick looks around for a second.
Derrick: (So this is the other world.)
???: Are you okay?
Derrick: Yeah, kind of.
Douglas: Oh, I haven't introduced myself yet. How rude of me... My name is Douglas Kenetson
Derrick: My name is... (New life... I should change my name also. But to what.)
The sun starts to shine.
Douglas: Ah! That sunlight is beutiful! I remember when I used to look at the sun when I was young, I never stopped looking at it...
Another man next to Derrick starts speaking:
Man: Douglas, doesn't that hurt your eyes?
Douglas: What? How can that hurt me? It's just light.
Derrick: Light! That's my name. L-i-t-e actually...
Derrick changed his name to Lite.
Douglas: That's a unique name for you. And wow, you look skinny.
Lite: You're talking to the pole Douglas.
Douglas turns around.
Douglas: Oh sorry Lite! Must've been a simple mistake.
Man: Can't you admit that you can't see?
Douglas: I can see perfectly...
Douglas points to a pot.
Douglas: That's a box
Douglas points to a pile of rope.
Douglas: That's a snake.
Douglas keeps trying to proove that his vision is normal
Lite whispers to the man.
Lite: *whispers* Do you think that he'll figure out?
Man: *whispers* Note sure but one of these days.
Douglas points to a girl.
Douglas: And thats big chest.
The girl notices what douglas said.
Man: DOUGLAS! THAT'S A GIRL!
Douglas: That's funny all I see there is a--
The girl jumps on Douglas.
Girl: You pervert!
The girl attacks douglas.
Douglas: Wow this chest can fight!
Lite: Douglas you should better apologize to that girl.
Douglas: This isn't a girl, girls aren't allowed to go to train as proffesional warriors. They can only become a skilled warrior.
Lite: Warrior? Wait, where on Earth am I?
Man: Earth? You mean the runes?
Douglas: Get this chest off of me!
Girl: You idiot!
The girl keeps attacking Douglas.
Lite: (I forgot this was a different world.) Uhh... (How can I say this without making me look stupid.)
Man: Oh, you're referring to that mythical world of Earth. You're on Gielinor, I can't believe that you got these worlds mixed up.
Lite: Gielinor...
Douglas: Help Lite! Get this thing off of me!
The Captain notices the fighting.
Captain: Stop the fighting! Or I'll kick you off the ship.
Everybody starts to look at the fight.
Lite: Douglas, its actually a girl! Now apologize!
Douglas pushes of the girl.
Douglas: Fine, sorry.
The girl walks away in silence.
Captain: Now that we got everything in order. Everybody, gather your belongings. And you.
Captain points at Douglas.
Captain: Come with me.
Douglas: Okay... Dad.
Everybody: DAD?
Douglas: Yes, my dad is the captain...
Captain: Also, you two.
The captain points at Lite and the man.
Captain: It's your turn to clean the latrines.
Man: Oh, great. Come on Lite...
Lite: Okay...


[Close]


Chapter 5: WAT? (+10 if you can find the Shrek Reference in this chapter.)
Spoiler: Click to Toggle the Spoiler.
Welcome to the Latrines.
Man: Ugh, it smells horrible in here.
Lite: I wonder what's happening to Douglas right now.

~TRANSITION~

Welcome to the Captain's Room.
Captain: Son, I think you're blind.
Douglas: I'm not blind, I can see perfectly.
Captain: Douglas, you shouldn't go like this.
Douglas: I'm telling you I'm not blind, I can see!
Captain: Do you still want to become a warrior?
Douglas: Yes... I do...

~TRANSITION~

Lite: So what was Douglas talking about "Warriors?"
Man: Hm? You don't know.
Lite: Not at all.
Man: That's strange but... When the age 16 hits, a person who wants to be, can be a warrior. Warriors are split up into 3 ranks. The Newbies, which are for people who failed the WAT (Warrior Admission Test), The Skilled, which are for people who passed

the WAT, and the Proffessional, for Males only who had scored the top 90%. But some mistake happened and they sent us with more people than we expected.
Lite: Oh, so why was there a girl on our ship?
Man: Well, it's rare to see a girl here but something must've happened for her to get on this ship.
Lite: And Douglas?
Man: I don't how on Gielinor he got into the proffesional rank with his bad eyesight.
Lite: Well time to start scrubbing! Man?
Ewain: Call me Ewain
Lite: Okay Ewain.

~TRANSITITION~

Douglas: So this glass thingy will make me see?
Captain: I knew it! You can't see.
Douglas: No I can!
Captain: So why did yo- I can't put up a fight with you, just put these on.
Douglas puts on the glasses.
Douglas: Nothing changed. (I CAN SEE!)
Captain: Keep them for now, it'll work eventually.

~TRANSITION~

Group of guys: Hey! Little girl?
Girl: Hm?
A guy: How did you get on our ship?
Another Guy: Yeah! How did you?
Girl: Is it your business?
A guy: You probably sneaked in!
Girl: No.
Another Guy: You couldn't have been one of the top 90%! So you did!
Girl: No I didn't, infact I was the 2nd top.
A guy looks at the score list.
A guy: Poor little girl lost to Ewain!
Girl: I don't care, at least I'm better than you idiots.
Another Guy: Idiots?!

~TRANSITION~

Lite: So you're one of the top scoring students?
Ewain: Yep!
Lite scrubs the toilet.
Ewain: It seems like you've never came from here, asking all these questions that seem so obvious to a 9 year old.
Lite: Sorry, It's just that...
Ewain: Huh?
Lite: I just uhh...
Ewain: Don't worry about it now...

~TRANSITION~

Douglas: Now these glasses make me feel more fancy father.
Captain: Are you okay?
Douglas: Certainly, I've never felt more joyful in my life.
Captain: What the heck?
Douglas: There was once a time when I was a lad that...
Captain: Something must be wrong with these glasses.
Captain pulls out a handwritten note the came with the glasses.
Captain: Oh boy...
Douglas: And that's when...
Captain: Douglas, you can leave. I need to look at something.
Douglas: Thank you father.

~TRANSITION~

A guy: We'll show you who's the idiot, you're messing with # 15!
Another guy: And #17!
Girl: I can take you all.
Everybody jumps on the girl.
Douglas walks out.
Douglas: How delightful! A fight!
The guys attack. The girl starts fighting back.

~TRANSITION~

Rumbles are heard.
Lite: Did you hear that?
Ewain: Did someone attack us? Lets check it out!
Lite and Ewain heads towards the rumble.
Douglas: Oh greetings my companions!
Lite: Douglas? What happened?
Douglas: These glasses are a miracle. I've been rejuvenated.
Ewain: What's with that rumble?
Douglas: Some bafoons started picking on a little girl.
Ewain: We should go stop that fight!
Lite: Okay, lets go!
Douglas: Most certainly!

~TRANSITION~

Guy: Wow the girl sure has an arm.
Another Guy: Ouch! We can take her down.
Lite, Ewain, and Douglas enters the scene.
Lite: Why isn't the captain stopping this?
Douglas: He's very busy right now.
Ewain: Lite! Grab that block of wood.
Lite picks up a small block of wood.
Ewain: Now throw it at them!
Lite throws the block of wood at them. It hits the guys.
A guy: Hey! You! You're gonna pay for that!
The group of guys charged at Lite.
Ewain: Jump!
Lite jumps. Very high...
Lite: I can fly?
Group of guys: He can fly?
Douglas: You can fly?
Girl: That idiot can fly?
Ewain: Don't think that you can fly! You're just jumping!
Lite lands on the other side of the ship.
Ewain: I didn't know you had that much in you.

[Close]


Chapter 6: Why Does Every Ship Ride Has a Storm?
Spoiler: Click to Toggle the Spoiler.
Lite: When could I do that?
Thunder started to emerge and the sky darkened. The captain came out of his room.
Captain: Its about to storm!
Douglas: Odd. Weather always seem to strike a group of people on a boat.
Ewain: Everybody get inside!
Captain: You two!
The captain points at the 2 guys.
Captain: Come with me, you're going to help.
Everbody starts going into the ship. Lite, Ewain, and Douglas stay.
Douglas: My golly, there seems to be a frightening wind now.
Lite: Why are you talking like that?
Douglas: I don't have a clue. This is a mystery that I can't solve.
Ewain: Must be those glasses, I've seen those before! Look!
Lite looks at the side of the glasses.
Lite: I see a mark.
Ewain: It's the mark of the Chaos. We need to get that off him. If he wears it too long he'll attract-
The captain starts coming near the group.
Captain: Son, I need you to take the glasses off! I found out that it was the mark of the-
Ewain: Chaos...
Captain: And it'll attracts-
Lite kicks the glasses off.
Douglas: Ah! I can't see.
Captain: I hope it isn't too late.
Ewain: Captain... Why did you have that?
Captain: Hmm...
The storm approches more.
Captain: Everybody get into the ship, get ready for a bumpy ride.
Lite, Douglas, and Ewain head inside.
Captain: How are you boys doing over there?
Guy: It's about to rain!
Captain: Okay you boys watch over while I try to steer this ship.

~TRANSITION~

Lite: Uh... So what was that thing the glasses could of attract.
Ewain: Huh?
Lite: The Chaos mark. The glasses.
Ewain: Oh, it attracts the.
Lite: The what?
Ewain: Well, it's hard to explain. Nobody knows what to call...
Lite: Why?
Ewain: The form of it is so hard to describe.
Lite: Do you have to be wearing the glasses to attract it?
Ewain: Yeah, from what I heard. You must be wielding it.
Douglas: I'm admitting that I'm blind. I wish those glasses didn't have to go.
Lite: We forgot to get rid of the glasses!
Ewain: Come on, well throw it into the sea.
Ewain and Lite ran outside.
Douglas: I should wait for them.

~TRANSITION~

Lite: Woah! It's raining already!
Captain: What are you two still doing outside?
Ewain: The glasses! We forgot to get rid of them!
Captain: Come on! Can you find them?
Ewain: I see it! It's over there!
Lite and Ewain runs towards it.
The ship tilts to the left.
Ewain and Lite slides to the left.
Ewain: It's stuck on a nail!
Lite: I think I can get to it.
Ewain: The ship tilts more to the left.
Lite: Ahhh!
Ewain and Lite slides to the left side fo the ship.
Ewain: It's too slippery to get to it.
Captain: Come on boys! Keep trying!
Lite: I'm going to jump for it!
Ewain: No! It's to risky!
Rain comes down harder.
Lite: Here I go!
Lite jumps towards the glasses.
Lite: Gotcha!
Lite throws the glasses into the sea.
Captain: Nice work! But now we have to get you guys back inside somehow.
The storm tilts the ship to the right.
Ewain: Yes, we can get back up now!
Lite: Come on, into the ship!
Ewain: Coming.
A huge wave sends a flood of water into the ship.
Captain: Watch your back!
Lite: Huh!
Lite jumps into the air while Ewain jumps into the ship.
Guy: You really like showing off your jumping skills.
Lite: I love it.

[Close]


Chapter 7: Lily's Here!
Spoiler: Click to Toggle the Spoiler.
Ewain: The rain isn't getting any lighter yet.
Captain: What in the Tzhaar is that?
Ewain: It's a shady figure, is that a dragon?
Captain: It's Elvarg!
Ewain: What's she doing out here?
Lite: Look! I think I see something else!
Ewain: It's another dragon!
Captain: Elvarg's being chased?
Ewain: Someone's on the Dragon!
Elvarg flies over the ship.
The other dragon follows it.
Guy: Captain, shouldn't we do something about this?
Captain: Everybody get into the --
Elvarg gets hit by the other dragon.
???: Yes, perfect...
Ewain: No way, it's a dragon tamer!
Captain: What? Nobody has the skills to tame a dragon.
Lite: Incoming!
Elvarg flies directly over the ship.
???: Take this!
??? begins to chant a spell.
Elvarg dissapears into the mist.
???: Damn it! I should of weakened it more!
The dragon tamer flies away.
Silence...
Lite: What was that all about?
Captain: I've never seen one in real life.
Ewain: A real dragon tamer.
Guy: Captain! Rip in the sail!
Captain: What?
A big gash in the sail was clearly shown.
Guy: What should we do?
Captain: Ewain, go to that chest and get that white tape out.
Ewain runs to the chest and finds it.
The storm gets more heavy.
Ewain: What do you want me to do with it?
Captain: Throw it to Lite! Lite, I want you to jump up and seal the whole sail with the tape when you come down!
Lite: Okay!
Ewain throws the tape to Lite.
Lite jumps up.
Lite: Here it goes!
Lite seals up a part of it.
Captain: Lite your taping the wrong spot!
Lite looks at the roll, its almost out.
Lite: The roll's almost empty!
Captain: That's the last one I have.
Lite: Do you have something to cut this so I can use it again?
Captain: Where's my sword?
Douglas comes out.
Douglas: Ahh! This is outside!
Captain notices that the sword is next to Douglas.
Captain: Douglas, on to your left is my sword, throw it to me!
Douglas: Where are you?
Captain: I'm ove-
Ewain: He can't see remember?
Captain: For the love of-
A wave crashes on to the side of the ship and knocks the captain down.
Lite: Captain!
Captain: I'm down! I'm down!
Guy: Captain!
The guy runs towards the captain but then gets pulled back by another guy.
Another Guy: We have to stay here and steer the ship.
Lite looks at the tape.
Lite: Guess I have to do this all by myself...
Ewain: I can't get to the sword! My leg! while I was dodging the first wave!
The girl comes out.
Girl: What's all this racket going on.
The girl examines the scene.
Lite: You! Get the sword, we need to cut this tape!
Girl: Finally, I get to put my hands on a sword.
The girl gets the sword and amazingly cuts the tape.
Lite: Yes!
Lite jumps up into the air and seals the sail.
Ewain: We need to get medical attention!
Captain: There's a medical chest in my room! Come on someone get me up.
Lite jumps towards the captain.
Lite: Ahh! Your heavy! I can't even move you!
Ewain: You can jump high but you can't use your strength?
Lite: Douglas! Give me a hand!
Girl: I'll help Ewain!
The girl runs towards Ewain.
Douglas: Where is he?
Lite jumps towards Douglas and guides him towards the captain.
Lite and Douglas both put a grip on the Captians hand.
Lite: Now drag him backwards.
Douglas: Okay!

~TRANSITION~

Welcome to the captain's room.
Lite: Hey, how did you get Ewain in here so fast?
Ewain: Don't judge someone on how they look, she's a tough girl.
Girl: Damn right I am.
Lite: What's your name?
Lily: Lily Natiry...
Captain. There's the chest! Get to it!

[Close]


Chapter 8: Secrets
Spoiler: Click to Toggle the Spoiler.
Captain wakes up.
Captain: Huh? Where am I?
Lite's asleep next to Ewain.
Douglas is asleep next to Lily.
Captain: Oh, yeah... The storm... Looks like they patched up my leg well.
Ewain: Ugh...
Captain: Hmm... It's morning.
Ewain wakes up.
Ewain: Captain! You're awake!
Captain: Everybody, rise and shine!
Douglas: It's still night...
Lite: Wha-?
Ewain: Captain, how are you feeling?
Captain: Not bad... Where are we?
The captain walks outside.
Ewain: I'll go check what's happening.
Ewain goes outside also.
~TRANSITION~

Guy: Hey Captain!
Captain: Oh, you boys still up there?
Another Guy: yeah, we've been up here all night.
Captain: Where did you boys steer us?
Guy: Well, we looked at your map, it took us a while, but we're here!
Captain turns around. There was an island.
Captain: We're here! We're here!
Ewain: Finally!
Guy: We still need you to land the ship while we get ready to go.
Captain: Thank's for your help boys!
Ewain: Wait, where's the dock?

~TRANSITION~

Lite: Douglas... Wake up.
Douglas: Whu- what?
Douglas wakes up.
Douglas: Everything's so foggy.
Lite: Douglas, I always wondered, how did you get to be a professional warrior?
Douglas: Hm? Oh! Well... I passed that silly test.
Lite: But your eyes.
Douglas: I had clearer vision back then. I think that shine from yesterday completely obliterated my sight.
Lite: So why didn't you admit that you're blind.
Douglas: The truth is. I didn't want to think I was blind.
Lite: Why?
Douglas: Well, it would bring my hopes down of being a warrior. But now since I know that I'm blind...
Lite: You can still try...
Douglas: I was planning something while you were healing up the Captain last night.
Lite: What was it?
Douglas: I was going to drop out of Tutorial Island this year and get glasses like the ones my dad gave to me except without the chaos mark.
Lite: So you're going to not go become a warrior?
Douglas: I'll come back the next year, and I'll become one of the best.
The guys come in.
Guy: Hey you, I have a question.
The guy points to Lite.
Guy: I looked for your name all over the score list. You're not on any of the ranks.
Douglas: Say what?
Lite: Wai-
Another Guy: Looks like you need to do some explaining...
Ewain comes in.
Ewain: Hey guys, I'm back.
Douglas: These people say they didn't see Lite on the score list. Can't you believe that Ewain?
Ewain: What?
Ewain takes the list from the guy and reads it.
Lite: Wait! ( I need to think of something quick. )
Lite: See, I got a letter saying that I was umm... forgotten on the list.
Ewain: It's very possible to have these things happen.
Lite: So, I scored good enough to get into this rank. And well, here I am.
Guy: Well we don't believe you.
Lite: Is there someway I can prove it?
The guys start to discuss...
Another Guy: Well, here's what I have to say. By the end of the Island, I challange you to a duel at the docks.
Guy: If you win, you prove yourself as worthy, if you don't, we'll send you back to school and make you take another year.
Lite: And how are you guys supposed to do that?
Another Guy: We're going to show this evidence.
The guys leave.
Ewain: Lite?
Lite: ...
Ewain: Did you actually make it?
Lite: ( I can't trust anyone yet... ) Yes... I got the letter.
Ewain: I believe you...
Lite: ...
The captain yells through the walls.
Captain: Douglas, you and Ewain help me do something.
Douglas and Ewain leaves.
Lite: I need to fix this some how.
Lily: Yawn!
Lily wakes up.
Lily: Hm? Fix what?
Lite: You're still here?
Lily: Of course, I was sleeping here. So fix what?
Lite: It's nothing.
Lily: It's soemthing, I can see it in your eyes.
Lite: ( What should I do... )
Lite: I need to fix my leg, yeah that's what it is! It got hurt from the jumping and things.
Lily: Meh... I'm going to see what's outside.
Lily leaves the room.
Lite: When I look back on this moment, I'll be doing something stupid to try to forget that this ever happened...

[Close]


Chapter 9: Off the Sea, On the Land.
Spoiler: Click to Toggle the Spoiler.
Ewain comes in.
Ewain: Hey Lite, ready to go?
Lite: Yeah...
Ewain: Come on...
Lite: Okay...
Ewain and Lite goes outside.

~TRANSITION~

Voice: When I count to 3, jump...
Lite: Huh?
Ewain: What?
Lite: I heard something.
Voice: 1...
Lite: Hm?
Ewain: You must be hearing things. Hey Captain, how much longer.
Captain: Just a few more minutes!
Voice: 2...
Lite: There it is again!
Ewain: What?
Lite: Ewain! Get away from here!
Lite pushes Ewain away.
Voice: 3!
Lite jumps in the air.
In a flash, a dragon flies by and hits the ship!
Ewain: It's the dragon!
Captain: What the?
Lite: What the?
Douglas: Huh? What's happening?
Captain: That dragon who was chasing Elvarg!
The dragon turns around and flies back again.
Voice: To the left!
Lite jumps to the left.

~TRANSITION~

Welcome to Tutorial Island.
Man: The ship! It's underattack!
Dwarf: Load up the cannon!
The man loads the cannon.
Dwarf: FIRE!
The cannon fires a cannonball.

~TRANSITION~

Ewain: What's that?
Captain: It's a cannonball!
The cannonball hits the Dragon.
Ewain: Look! It's the Dragon tamer!
Dragon Tamer: No!
The dragon flies away.
Ewain: They must've went for cover.
Lite: Who was that?
Voice: Beware of him.
Lite turns around.
Lite: Who said that?
Captain: Said what?
Douglas: I didn't here anything.
Ewain: Lite, are you okay?
Everybody inside the boat starts to come out.

~TRANSITION~

Dwarf: Send out a clan to find that dragon!
Man: Okay! I'm on it.
The man turns on a magic communication device.
Man: Hello, this is Tutorial Island West Defence.
Operator: Hello, this is Fredrick speaking from the Vision Plus Communication Service.
Man: A dragon has attacked a ship on the West side of the Island, we attacked it and it went for cover. We need a group to search for it and eliminate it.
Operator: Okay, we'll be contacting a local clan that's patroling the island.
The operator searches for any available clans.
Operator: We're sorry but we cannot find any clans at the island. The nearest clan we can get is off at Draynor. It'll take 3 days for them to get here.
The man mutes the communication device.
Man: Hey, the nearest clan will take 3 days to get here.
Dwarf: The dragon will be healed by then. I'm going to go look. Get me Vannaka and Wizard Freemon.
Man: Sir, we need them for the tutorial!
Dwarf: Delay the tutorial for a few days.
Man: Okay.
The man unmutes the communication device.
Man: We're finding the dragon ourselves.
Operator: Okay, call back when you need any help.

~TRANSITION~

Captain: Now I have to repair this ship. The sides are weak now.
Lite: Doesn't look that weak.
Captain: Well I need to bring you guys back to Port Sarim. We can't survive another storm like that.
Ewain: Try to get it fixed while we start the Tutorial.
Douglas: So are we ready to go now?
Captain: Okay, lets go!
Everybody: YAY!
Everybody gets off the ship except of Douglas and the Captain.
Douglas: I'll see you guys later! I'll be with you on the way back.
Lite: See ya Douglas!
Ewain: It won't take that long!

~TRANSITION~

Welcome to Tutorial Island.
The RuneScape Guide comes out.
RuneScape Guide: Unfortunatley, the tutorial has been delayed.

[Close]


Chapter 10: DELAYED?
Spoiler: Click to Toggle the Spoiler.
Guy: WHAT DO YOU MEAN DELAYED?
RuneScape Guide: The dragon that attacked you guys hid around the island somewhere. We've sent out our staff to find it and kill it.
Lite: Well, guess we have to do some more waiting.
Ewain: I wonder where the dragon is.
Lite: Hey, maybe I can jump up and see if there's a sign of it.
Ewain: I wouldn't do tha-
Lite jumps on top of a small house.
RuneScape Guide: Hey, what are you doing?
Lite: Helping!
Lite jumps up onto a tall tree.
RuneScape Guide: I see what he's trying to do.
Lite jumps up real high and looks around the island.
Lite: Hmm...

~TRANSITION~

???: Damn it. You're injured!
Dragon: Grrr....
???: I can't make use with you anymore.
Dragon: Hrrr?
The mysterious man kills the dragon.
???: Huh, whats that?
He sees Lite in the air.
???: It's a person. Looks like the ship landed. I probably can find the girl with the necklace there.
Dwarf: Hey, I think I see the dragon.
???: Hm?
Dwarf: There it is!
The crew came out.
Vannaka: Look! Someone's there.
Dwarf: It must be the person controlling the dragon.
Freemon: The dragon looks dead.
???: Get away.
Dwarf: Hey, identify yourself!
???: I don't need time for this nonsense.

~TRANSITION~

Lite: I see something!
RuneScape Guide: What is it?
Lite: It's a dragon, and 4 people.
RuneScape Guide: 4 people? I only though three went.
Lite: There's a short dude, a wizard, a strong dude, and a guy in a dark clothing.
RuneScape Guide: They must be having a face off with someone.
Explosion happens.
Lite: What the h-
RuneScape Guide: What!
Everybody turns towards the explosion.
Ewain: We need to check what happened.
RuneScape Guide: Wait! You guys might get hu-
Everybody starts running towards the scene.
RuneScape Guide: Oh... Wait up!

~TRANSITION~

Dwarf: What was that?
Freemon: He was about to strike. I had to make a find blast at the ground to stir up a fog.
???: Watch your back...
Vannaka: Freemon! Duck!
Freemon ducks.
Dwarf hits the stranger.
The stranger pulls out an Iron longsword.
Dwarf: Iron? You can't expect to do much with that.
Vannaka: You're no match for our mighty weapons.
The stranger throws dark green objects.
Freemon: What are those?
They start to explode.
Vannaka: Is this magic?
Freemon: He's not using any runes!
Dwarf: This guy is stronger than what we've assumed.
Ewain enters the scene.
Ewain: What in the TzHaar?

[Close]


Chapter 11: Help is Here
Spoiler: Click to Toggle the Spoiler.
Freemon: Get back kid! This guy's a dangerous fellow.
Ewain: Okay.
Lite and Lily enters the scene.
Ewain: Guys, we have to get away!
Lily: Why?
Vannaka: This guy, he's a danger to all of you. Get away as fast as possible!
???: This will finish you annoying pests off...
The stranger throws the green objects again.
Lite: Everbody run!
The objects exploded.
Ewain: What are those?
Vannaka: I've been hit!
Dwarf: Vannaka!!! Freemon, do you have any teleother runes right now?
Freemon: No, I don't have any!
Everybody else enters the scene.
Dwarf: You guys! Help Vannaka back to the port! We need to get him some medical attention.
Everybody lifts Vannaka and runs back to port with him.
Lily drops here necklace.
Lite: Huh?
The stranger sees the necklace drop.
???: Huh?
Dwarf: Away with you!
Freemon casts earth blast.
Freemon: EARTH BLAST!
???: This won't do much but...
The deflects the blast with his sword.
The sword crumbles to dust.
???: I have no time for you guys.
Lite picks up the necklace.
Lite: Lily, you dropped your-
The stranger rushes towards Lite.
???: Freeze, drop the necklace.
Lily: What Li-
Lily sees Lite and the stranger.
???: Do it now...
Lite: What should I do?
Lily: I don't know...
Lite: I have an idea.
???: You got 2 options, drop it or let me kill you then I take it.
Lite: Actually, I have another idea.
Lite swings his foot backwards into the stranger's groin.
The stranger falls down onto the ground.
Lite: That was fun.
Dwarf: We'll take care of him from here.
The voice appears again.
Voice: Don't worry, I'm here to finish him off.
Another person shows up.
Lite: It's you!
Mod Geizo: Please, call me by my appropriate name. Mod Geizo. Vannaka, and the short dude. Check on the others, I'll get rid of this guy quick.
???: What are you doing here.
Mod Geizo: I heard about this plan you guys were doing. Trying to take this necklace from this girl.
???: How did you know?
Another voice comes up.
2nd Voice: I here for back up!
Another person comes out of the bushes.
Mod Geizo: You showed up a little late Mod Ricardo.
Mod Ricardo: Let's just take care of our duty. By the number tattoed on your skin. You're Agent 12 aren't you?
Agent 12: Yes, indeed.
Lily: Tattooed?
Mod Geizo: Get me the Banhammer...
Agent 12: Oh no you're not going to get me!
Agent 12 takes out some more green objects and throws them up into the air at the Mods.
Mod Ricardo: So you brought these into this world.
Mod Geizo: Hey Lite jump up. Then catch the gernades and throw them far away.
Lite: Okay...
Lite jumps up and grabs the gernades.
Lily: Gernades?
Lite throws them somewhere else.
Agent 12: You're a special kid... But...
Agent 12 gets back up.
Agent 12: It'll take more than a nut smashing to take me down.
Lite: We should get away.
Mod Geizo: No, we need you here. You too Lily.
Mod Ricardo takes out a suitcase. He opens it and takes out a pole and a hammer head.
Mod Geizo takes them both and puts them together.
Mod Geizo: Let's have some fun...
Mod Geizo swings the hammer at Agent 12. Agent 12 was hit.
A white ring appears around Agent 12.
Mod Geizo: This hammer's not in good quality to get rid of him. He's temporarily disposed of any actions. In other words, he's suspended from doing anything.
Mod Ricardo: Shall we teleport him to the prision?
Mod Geizo: Of course...

[Close]


[Close]
Aliath
This would be alright if it was funnier.

What can I say more? It's not as if I could help you improve your humor.

edit: ... Or can I?
Sonata
QUOTE (Fake II @ Aug 20 2009, 01:53 PM) *
This would be alright if it was funnier.

What can I say more? It's not as if I could help you improve your humor.

edit: ... Or can I?


I've never actually worked on humor much sadly. I'll try to improve with it. Thanks for the notice.
Rene
Well it's quite an interesting concept that you've got here.

A plus is definitely the writing style. It's a style that allows you to quickly read through which is what first appealed me into reading it, in this sense it's a style quite similar to a Light Novel.

So I can commend you on the unique writing style, which was enjoyable. However, there are still several flaws in it.

The main one is character development and relations. I've read all 8 chapters now and questions kept piling up for me. Who are these two people? What is their motivation behind doing all this? Why does Lily continue to follow Lite around without reason? What are Lily her ties with this pendant?

Now ofcourse there is no problem giving your readers questions or dilemmas and letting them slowly be uncovered as you progress, however if you don't develop your characters then it is impossible for the reader to relate to your characters and be interested in continueing to read. I want to be able to care about the fact that something happens to these characters. So the main problem of you is that you try to do too much in too little time. A fast progressing story is nice but if I can't feel anything for the characters in the story it won't be an enjoyable read. This style relies heavily on dialogue to evolve your characters and give a reasoning behind things. So don't be too afraid to go into lengthy dialogue scenes.

My suggestion is to wait with a new chapter. Go back and rewrite the first few chapters and allow us to get more into the characters. If need to be dedicate a whole chapter to the meeting of Lite and Lily. Maybe rewrite the start to give us more of an insight into why Lite accepts the sudden offer to restart his life.

The concept, idea and story are interesting and thus I believe that if you put some time into it that it would be more enjoyable.

Note: Don't take this as if I'm trying to shoot you down, there is potential. This is just my criticism to help you improve.

Also on a final note ... Shirayuki Mizore > Moka. :3
Sonata
Spoiler: Click to Toggle the Spoiler.
QUOTE (Rene @ Aug 20 2009, 03:11 PM) *
Well it's quite an interesting concept that you've got here.

A plus is definitely the writing style. It's a style that allows you to quickly read through which is what first appealed me into reading it, in this sense it's a style quite similar to a Light Novel.

So I can commend you on the unique writing style, which was enjoyable. However, there are still several flaws in it.

The main one is character development and relations. I've read all 8 chapters now and questions kept piling up for me. Who are these two people? What is their motivation behind doing all this? Why does Lily continue to follow Lite around without reason? What are Lily her ties with this pendant?

Now ofcourse there is no problem giving your readers questions or dilemmas and letting them slowly be uncovered as you progress, however if you don't develop your characters then it is impossible for the reader to relate to your characters and be interested in continueing to read. I want to be able to care about the fact that something happens to these characters. So the main problem of you is that you try to do too much in too little time. A fast progressing story is nice but if I can't feel anything for the characters in the story it won't be an enjoyable read. This style relies heavily on dialogue to evolve your characters and give a reasoning behind things. So don't be too afraid to go into lengthy dialogue scenes.

My suggestion is to wait with a new chapter. Go back and rewrite the first few chapters and allow us to get more into the characters. If need to be dedicate a whole chapter to the meeting of Lite and Lily. Maybe rewrite the start to give us more of an insight into why Lite accepts the sudden offer to restart his life.

The concept, idea and story are interesting and thus I believe that if you put some time into it that it would be more enjoyable.

Note: Don't take this as if I'm trying to shoot you down, there is potential. This is just my criticism to help you improve.

Also on a final note ... Shirayuki Mizore > Moka. :3



[Close]


Rewrite it? Sounds like a good Idea. I'll try to apply what you suggested. Except the last line.
Fable
I like it, but I think the style your using to write it (In the text dialogue) hinders your ability to progress the story like a normal story. You can't describe things in detail as well. Instead of saying...

QUOTE
Okay... Put the net in the water. And... Hey a shrimp!


It would be better in my opinion...

"Okay..." mumbled Lite. He sluggishly put his net in the water and was suddenly jerked forward by a small force. Lite struggled for a few seconds before pulling a thrashing object out of the water which was quickly labeled as "Shrimp!".

See what I mean? The text dialogue doesn't put you in the story.

It also bugged me that stuff just happens. There's no buildup of a story, it's just like...

QUOTE
Lite and Lily find themselves in a Wizard Tower.

Lite: Look! A wizard!
Magic Instructor: Hello, I am the magic instructor. I will teach you guys how to cast spells. I've bet you are all familiar with Runes, are you?
Lily: Yes, Runes are used to cast magical spells from a spell book. There are 4 element runes: fire, water, earth, and air. There are also non elemental runes like mind, body, and chaos runes.


They get to the wizards tower. They find a wizard. Wahoo. Was he wearing brown robes? Did they have to go up a flight of stairs to get to the wizard? Was the wizard in a bad mood? Did he have bad breath?

It needs both detail, which I understand is limited with the way the story is being written (Kudos for finding a new way to write a story!), and a buildup. Things just can't happen. You can't have people appear out of nowhere all the time.

I understand that this is pretty much what happens in RuneScape, and for that it is well written. I just don't think the way you have to structure your story makes it sound so much like a story as just more Rs.

That is my humble opinion huh.gif

With hopes that we all get to be better writers in the future,

-Fable

P.S. Good Luck! laugh.gif
Rene
QUOTE (Fable @ Aug 20 2009, 11:20 PM) *
I like it, but I think the style your using to write it (In the text dialogue) hinders your ability to progress the story like a normal story. You can't describe things in detail as well. Instead of saying...

QUOTE
Okay... Put the net in the water. And... Hey a shrimp!


It would be better in my opinion...

"Okay..." mumbled Lite. He sluggishly put his net in the water and was suddenly jerked forward by a small force. Lite struggled for a few seconds before pulling a thrashing object out of the water which was quickly labeled as "Shrimp!".

See what I mean? The text dialogue doesn't put you in the story.

It also bugged me that stuff just happens. There's no buildup of a story, it's just like...


Well this is somewhat the whole point of the style, the way you wrote it is just like a normal story and this sort of defies what he aims for.

I do agree with the buildup but I sort of thought that would fall under character development as well. tongue.gif

The main trick with this style is that you shouldn't have to rely on extensive descriptions but instead focus on dialogue to develop the story and your characters. This also limits its usage since with little to no description a combat scene can get rather boring which means it isn't suited if you're going to write a story that heavily relies on its action and combat passages.
Sonata
EDIT: Back into writing the story, school didn't interfere much and I have some fresh ideas for all the re-writes. Thanks for the feed back guys! happy.gif
Silersun
Great story, I think its pretty good. I had anime pictures in my head show up at the (That is a big Chest) part.
rabbitfuzzy0
I really love it so far.
This is a "lo-fi" version of our main content. To view the full version with more information, formatting and images, please click here.
Invision Power Board © 2001-2009 Invision Power Services, Inc.