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Click This
I'm halting all stories, roleplays, and MOST of my communications until my computer is fixed. I'm running on a thread; a BSOD has brought me down to a less than sufficient 1GB/2GB of ram. 2 wasn't even enough to begin with. slanty.gif It's so bad, WORD makes the computer whine to load up.



1. Why I would like to join: Rejoining the Newspaper.


2. Desired section: Stories and Poems.


3. My experience: I'm an avid story writer, and roleplayer. I've created a couple roleplays and various stories online and offline. I still run the Serenia and Silver Dawn topics.

4. My example: Chapter One of The Professor of Filge Valley.

This following short story supplements the story Serenia: The Last Beacon of Hope. The events in this following tale take place during the events of SBOH. It tells the tale of a young armorer, Joshua and his quest to restore what he lost, and Bennett, the eccentric time-traveler that was stuck in the past. The geographical location of the town Filge Valley is a secluded Southern mountainous region in the Country of Serenia, isolated from the war of Light, the main focus in SBOH. Infact, the area was so isolated, that there were only rumors in the village that a war was brewing. The time setting is in the 1730s in the fictionous Continent of Archaus.

-1-

Joshua sighed. His business, an armory, had closed from bankruptcy. Everything had gone wrong, why had a superstore have to open at the next town? His family moved North, to the City of Trafalgar. Even his own wife and children abandoned him. Joshua stood outside his closed shop, its former polish gone. The whitewashed stone already had a coat of graffiti on it. He sighed once again, and took one last look at his former store and home. He slowly started walking down the street, unsure of what would become of him.





Then, a thought came into his mind: The nutcase, as the locals called him. This person called himself a 'scientist', whatever that was, and a professor. He did 'experiments', basically smashing wood into things and hammering and the sort. When he finished, he would proclaim he invented some odd toy or gadget, but each time, it never worked. He even proclaimed he made a flying machine one day, but said something about jet fuel missing, and it never worked. He always said he came in some funny machine from the future that broke.

Perhaps he, of all people might have something for me, thought Joshua.


Joshua made his way up a winding path, on the outskirts of his town, Filge Valley. Up the hill, there was a windmill, with thick, long strings attached to it. Next to the windmill was a nice two storied red brick house. Many strings ran up and down the windmill to the house. He cursed as he tripped on a porcelain garden gnome, which was directly in his path. At the doorstep, Joshua stared at the door, in confusion. Instead of a door knocker, there was a small button, about the size of a coat button, embedded in the middle of the right side of the door frame. It was lit with an orange glow, and two white strings hung from it.



What is this? Joshua thought. He hesitated and pressed the button. Instead of zapping him or killing him, a small noise like a "Ding!" emitted from inside the house.

Interesting… Better than a door knocker, Joshua decided.

He heard footsteps and the creaking of wooden floors. The door opened slowly, revealing a smiling middle aged man in a suit.



"Hello! You've been my first visitor in years," greeted the man. "How can I be of service?"

They were right saying he is eccentric, Joshua commented to himself.

"Yes, I could use some help," answered Joshua. "Perhaps there are some things you could help me with."

"Ah, of course! I am always willing to help out," said the man. "My name is Professor Bennett. And you?"

"Joshua," he replied.

Bennett shook Joshua's hand. "Nice to meet you, Joshua."

Well then, thought Joshua.

"Come inside! It's hot outside!" Bennett was already back inside his house.



Joshua walked into the house, looking left and right at the Professor's things. The first room was a rather airy room, if it had not been piled with junk and all sorts of knick-knacks.
A mini metal windmill lay strewn on a leather upholstered couch, along with a rusty rapier, and hundreds of crumpled up papers and schematics. A chandelier hung in the middle of the room, also with strings leading away from it. Instead of candles, there was metal thread in a glass blown oval.


"I'm in the library, down the hallway to the right," called Bennett.


Making his way, Joshua tripped on what seemed to be a box labeled 'Planet Earth'. He kicked it aside, wincing as glass disks emptied the box, one breaking. Now, slightly more cautious, he exited the eyesore and into the library.
The library was a splendid room. It did not have the mess the other room had, and was neatly kept, like the town's lending library.
This one though, had lovely mahogany bookcases, an excellent gilded carpet, spectacular paintings, and a breath-taking panoramic view of the landscape.
Joshua found the Professor reading a book entitled "The theory of time." on a mahogany armchair.



"You have a spectacular library," complemented Joshua. "This must have taken quite the long time to furnish."

"Thank you, Joshua," said Bennett. "On the contrary, it only took a few months to decorate. You may help yourself to a book if you'd like, I'm going to finish up my work and help you immediately after."

"Wait," said Joshua, but the Professor was already deep into his book. He sighed, and wandered the library, which he estimated was as large as a Frigate. He eventually came upon an old dusty, leatherbound book, entitled "The History of the Continent of Archaus." Finding a seat by the wide window, he opened the book.
Emanick
Well, you certainly have all the experience I could ask for behind you, with all your roleplaying activity and former staff position. And I'd certainly like to accept you with all possible speed (now that I've wasted six days of your time not reading this tongue.gif). The storyline and background is quite interesting.

But really, the phrasing, grammar and sometimes spelling in this story is very awkward. I counted well over a dozen things that seemed off-key to me while reading your submission, and that's not even counting the awkward placing of commas throughout the work. I know you've been an excellent member of staff in the past, but I don't feel justified in re-accepting you based on this draft.

If you could revise this (and hopefully PM me when you do so, since I can't promise I'll remember to check this subforum regularly), that would be great. smile.gif
Click This
Looks like the style I was going for fell out. I'll PM you in a bit after revising. Don't know why I got an A+ grade for the whole thing, then. confused.gif
Click This
I suppose I'm allowed to jam this in here, considering it adds to my application?

The other day in the morning rush, I was waiting for a bus, when a middle-aged, well dressed man joined the long line for the bus on thirty-fourth street. After a long wait for the bus in the intense heat, the man grew agitated, and started to rave on about missing an appointment. However, I noticed he kept his composure as he calmed down. Instead of keeping silent, though, he began to ask people ahead of him if he could move up the line, which they agreed to. After about ten minutes, I could vaguely see him in the front. The very moment the bus we were all waiting for pulled up, to everybody’s surprise, at the end of the line, and New Yorkers and tourists alike filled the bus. Being almost the first on the bus, I was pleased with my good luck. We promptly departed for the next bus stop, and I could hear the muffled cursing and yelling of the man fade away as we sped along the avenue.


It's a short piece, but even one lined pieces can be masterpieces. tongue.gif
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