Hey Sal's! I've been interested in writing a story putting my own effects into RuneScape, so here it is. Enjoy and feel free to post criticism










This, however, did not scare or concern Malik, who was 22. Malik was a researcher and was especially good at finding things in RuneScape. Malik was a tall, skinny guy with black dreadlocks. He wore princeley clothes. He first started noticing the tower's swirl when he was 10, when his father took him to Draynor Village. His father, whos name was Vore, was great friends with the Wise Old Man. He was put to death, as one of the conspirators for the Draynor Break In, when Malik was just 14. After that, he wanted to learn more about the tower. There was a telescopic lens about the size RuneScape astronomers would use. At first he thought his eyes were seeing things. Once he thought of it, however, he knew there must be a way inside, but he's not going in alone.

Not to be any writing genius here, but i've highlighted in certain places i feel need change. :-)

I noticed you changed tense a LOT. try to keep one tense.


Aren't lesser demons big?

Spell Check!

Try 'young man,' it sounds better.

Why did he want to learn after his father was exiled?

You used this word too many times, even twice in one sentence. Try to vary your words, like 'Tower > Mysterious Building.'

These words sound too much alike. It's not the best alliteration, if that's what you were getting at, but it's only a minor problem.

Just some 'criticism' for you to help make your story better. It sounds more like a fairy tale and/or a game more than a flat out RuneScape-based story. I also found that your overall chapters were too short. You're getting there, though!

FINALLY SOMEONE POSTS!

Thanks for the criticism. As I said this is just a little example of what I plan to write at the end of the year. I'll fix it. Thanks

no problem. :-)

This is just one example, but throughout your entire story you seem to just state the facts instead of showing them through the protaganist's eyes, which I think would be a lot better. Why not instead to try and make Malik present from day one, and describe what he sees. Also, try to make it a little more clear: you want to create an image in the reader's mind, and good, descriptive adjectives go a long, long way.


You make these two chapters run together, as if they were merely separate paragraphs. One of the main purposes of chapters is to break the story into sections, so that somebody reading it can stop at one point and continue to another. Make them more distinct. Also, '22' should be spelled out in words.


All of this could be shown instead of just told.

Lastly, remember to spell out all numbers under a hundred (or thousand, depending on where you live. It actually differs).

Sorry, this review has been cut short, I'm a bit busy. Please continue writing.

That's weird. My teachers told us to write it out if it's under ten. Around here it's correct

Ah well. My teachers always told me under one hundred is written out, but I usuall spell them out up to a thousand (and beyond!).

up to 100 for me... how did we get to this topic?

heheh nice catch with the demons foot lol. But its ok to start you know? I mean the chapters are (gulp) a bit short....