This is something different to what I'd usually write, so it wont be the best. It's the first time I've attempted this kind of thing, so constructive critism would be very much appreciated.



The Mind of a Serial Killer

I had my trial today; I’ve been labelled ‘criminally insane’ and am to serve three consecutive life sentences without the possibility of parole in an ‘appropriate correctional facility’. Somehow I don’t think I’ll be corrected though. I don’t regret anything that I’ve done. Actually, I’m quite proud of it.
When I die I’ll be remembered as a notorious serial killer, but I want that to be my legacy as much as I want to die… it’s not what I want.

From a young age I pondered endlessly about taking someone’s life. It always seemed so fascinating to me. Watching people beg for their life like dogs, listening to their last breath being beat out of them, watching them squirm in pain.
My first was the only one I’ll never forget. It was truly a work of art.

I remember it was a dark night. I had chosen my victim weeks ago, a beautiful blonde young woman. She lived alone, had no dog and didn’t have an alarm on her house. Not that it mattered; she always left the back door open.

I crept in the back door, the rubber gloves concealing my fingerprints.
I carried my leather bag upstairs with me, creeping as quietly as I could.
As I neared her room, I noticed her door was open. Perfect.
I took the silenced pistol from the side of my bag and gripped it tightly. Not the tool of choice for what I wanted, but just in case something went wrong.

I stepped into her room and switched on the light.
She woke instantly and stared at me and the gun. I told her if she screamed I’d shoot her.
Then I told her I was going to kill her.
She immediately began pleading for her life. I smiled. Just the way I pictured it.

I closed the door behind me and walked beside her bed. She sat up and pulled the blankets tightly around her, a horrified look on her face.
I unzipped the bag and took out the duct tape. I told her if she struggled I’d shoot her. She nodded, whimpering. I noticed several tears rolling down her cheeks.

If my soul and mind hadn’t been completely consumed by the dark abyss eating away at them I may have felt some pity that night. But my drive for death was stronger than any pity I could ever feel.

I put a piece of duct tape over her mouth and around her hands and feet.
I took off the clothing she was wearing, revealing a pale white naked body.
I knew some would consider raping her, but the very thought of that sickened me. As a child I was raped. Many of my future victims would be rapists.

I tied her struggling body to the curtain rod. She kicked, trying to get away. I pulled the gun out again and pressed it to her temple. She was instantly still.
Funny how that works.
I took a very sharp hunting knife from its sheath and ran it along my thumb.

I raised it to her neck. Her eyes were red and she started hyperventilating. I smiled again. Putting the sharpened blade to her neck, I ran it from one side to the other, parting the fragile skin. The wound opened and blood poured down her neck and covered her naked body. Her veins pulsed and she tried to scream. The gurgling sound was a little amusing, while also kind of sad.
After only a few seconds life slipped away from her, only a beautiful, crimson, but limp body remained.

I took a tissue from the bag and wiped the blood from the hunting knife. I put it back in the bag. I saw a scalpel glinting in the bottom of the bag. I smiled. Yes finally it was time for some precision and skill.
I took it out and stood up. I stared at the body for a long time. It was beautiful. It was something I manipulated and created.

I walked over to the body and put the scalpel up to the skin. I felt for the bottom of her rips and pressed the scalpel in, puncturing the skin. A single line of blood ran down her stomach. I pressed a little harder and dragged it down slowly, creating a long incision down the middle of her stomach.

I stood back and watched as intestines slumped from the wound to the ground. I reached inside the dead body and cut out every organ. I lined them up in from of the hanging body.
I put everything I used back inside my bag and looked at my work.
It truly was a work of art.

Some people may say it’s sickening. That’s only because they haven’t been through what I have. They don’t feel the anger and pain that I do. They don’t feel the need to express themselves this way.

The only people who would understand are people like me.
No one else understands. My kind of people have to kill to express ourselves, if we don’t, it starts to eat us up inside, and literally sends us crazy.
In the beginning I didn’t want to do it, the very thought of killing sickened me. But the more I avoided what I was, my soul started to deteriorate and then my mind began being consumed.
By the time I was an adult, I had been consumed. Pure evil.

I could no longer control myself.

I had to do it.

So I did it, and then I couldn’t stop.

I completely loved it, I was sucked in from the start.

Nice story, it was wonderful.

I'm not much of a rater so I cannot give you a rating.

EDIT: The hook in the beginning was great!

Thanks a lot! I didn't think this would attract a comment like that.

That was a work of art, more than the murder, although I have to agree that the murder is worthy of such a title as well. Very vivid, very descriptive, it captures the reader's mind, though admittedly it might be different for me...

Thanks a lot

Different for you?

Nah...it's just that sort of thing. You see, I'm misanthropic, and in my mind, humans aren't alive.

It was alright, not bad, definitely room to improve.

The serial killers thoughts were seemingly narrow, and most if not all actually have insanely complex ways of thinking about things, rather than just violence and revenge, so this bothered me.

"The abyss" reference you are making seems very typical, as well as saying only other serial killers would understand.

It seems almost like the only point of the story was to show someone dying and that's it, like there was no meat to it. I didn't feel for the girl, the serial killer was dry.

Try fleshing out your characters a bit, and using language that isn't as commonly used, so it doesn't seem like just another killer story.

This was something I put together in about twenty minutes, I plan to rewrite it. When I do I'll use your advice.
Thanks.

Aside from a few typos, the story was brilliant. It was interesting to see that he may have a "conscience" ("I though about raping her, but that sickened me. As a child I was raped.") but still be a killer at heart.

But for some reason, I felt no pity for the first victim. Nothing in my mind said, "Oh no!" since we didn't really know her too well.

^
Thanks for the comment
At first I didn't intend to make the reader feel pity for his victim, perhaps I'll change that when I edit it, along with the grammar errors.
But for pity to be involved, there would have to be some kind of dialogue. Which was something I planned to leave out. Well when I have time to rewrite it, I'll post it along with the original, and tell me what you think.

Edit- I wasn't trying to capture the whole scene of murder, I just wanted to explain it briefly so it could tell the reader how he felt about killing and why he did it etc. Just so they could have some insight to his mind.
But it might work better if I explain it better. I'll try it out and see if I like it.

Great story dude. I like the way you wrote it. Keep up the good work!

^
Thank you I'll try my best!

Great work mate! I love the words you put into this to make it differ from most other stories. Loved the killing. Can't really point out any negative stuff.

Just don't lose your sanity and go slitting people's stomachs at night mkay?

Thank you!

Lol I wont

It... was different, pretty good. You added detail from his vision but try using all the senses, not just his sight; smell, hearing, touching, etc...

It's going to be hard continuing this though at least I think it will be, you might already have it planed out.

Though you may have a good writing style on other subjects, I really don't think this works at all. An organized serial killer who uses pre-surveillance techniques on his victims yet not a stalker and was raped as a child - yet chooses a woman to attack first?

The last paragraph:

The only people who would understand are other serial killers.
Why would that be? You can't class them solely as one group.

No one else understands. My kind of people have to kill to express ourselves, if we don’t, it starts to eat us up inside, and literally sends us crazy.
Again, you generalize. Every case is unique, every person unique.

In the beginning I didn’t want to do it, the very thought of killing sickened me. But the more I avoided what I was, my soul started to deteriorate and then my mind began being consumed by the abyss.
By the time I was an adult, I had been consumed. Pure evil.
Consumed by what exactly?

The rest is just full of flaws, the person just happens to be skilled enough to get all the vital organs out?

Details aside, I'm not at all keen on the writing style to be honest, it doesn't flow but rather very staggered and I completely agree with Lidias' points; but perhaps I'm being too harsh.

Women are weaker, an easier target for his first time.


I'm not generalizing, the character is. I know it doesn't exactly make sense, but it's the way he's thinking. He's assuming other serial killers go through the same thing he does.


Evil.


I didn't want to go into too much detail, but he had medical training. I didn't want to bore people with pointless details, maybe I'll change in the re-write.

So his motivation was just an urge to kill, rather than an actual event?


Fair enough.


Alright, just sometimes writers tend to create this every-trick pony without really thinking which just makes it seem unrealistic, but it's good that you've thought about it. I'm probably being a little ridiculous/annoying with the details

Magical is right, story line behind it any? There's a reason for everyone to murder someone else, not just an urge and unless your writing more about this it makes no seance. You said he got rapped? Is that why? I amusing you'll fix thous parts so no need to go further. Try to make the "I cut out the body organs"... more logical? lol Right now all I can think about is him explaining it later. Like a flash back thing.

I don't intend on writing more to this, but I do plan to re-write it.
This story didn't take very long to write. I will write a short story, wait a few weeks for new ideas to add to it, and re-write it. That's what I'm doing.
So when you see a new topic called "The Mind of a Serial Killer - Rewritten" have a look at it.

That was amazing! You are like an expert at this! There was one mistake I could find, can't remember it though. I think you portrayed the message wonderfully, how serial killers think. 11/10

-Wabbit

Thanks a lot I guess I'll have to continue writing like this. I didn't think it would turn out any good, it's the first time I've tried something like this.
And as for the mistake, it wouldn't have been duck tape would it? I did notice it, but haven't took the time to edit it, lol.