Today Zozo and I decided to go and meet each non-quest/GWD boss monster personally. Here's our story.
The first monster we visited was Corp. We set off from Edgeville and eventually found ourselves near Clan Wars. Zozo started to head east from there, luckily someone in the team is smart -- I took us back northwest - towards Corp's cave.
We entered it to find it being very empty. We both sat down from our long journey and all was quiet, except for the loud growls of the Corp in the distance. Once we were all energised, we went towards those loud growls. We soon got an odd warning message from one of those guys you'd here in a commercial. We told him to "gtfo" and entered the lair.
I charged foward and threw my fist at the mighty beast. That made him quite angry, and Zozo stood back. The beast threw several white gooey liquids at me until I was down to 1hp. Then it set its eye on Zozo, eventually bringing Zozo to his very unfortunate death.
I knew I would be next, as it seemed no stalkers had come with us. The next thing I remember is waking up in Camelot hearing the peaceful voice of Zozo. He told me we were revived somehow and we both thought nothing of it. We agreed the Corp was probably just in a bad mood and decided on another visit -- except not to Corp.
The Kaliphite Queen! We teleported to Lumbridge simply by drawing a circle around ourselves and looking into a book. From there, we went to the cellar, since Zozo assumed the route through Dorkgeek-Goblins was faster than traveling from Shantay Pass.
After some walking, we made it to the Dorkgeek-Goblins Agility dungeon area. This is where we found the entrance to the entrance of the Kaliphite dungeon! Right then Zozo realized we needed a rope to get down to the Kaliphite Queen. Luckily, a fellow Slammer, Apu, happened to be there mercilessly slaughtering Kaliphites for no reason. Apu gave Zozo a rope, and we continued on.
We passed many fierce Kaliphites on our way, but we soon made it to the hole in which the Queen could be found. Zozo threw his rope in the hole and we slid down. We were attacked from all sides by the Queens minions, but we gave them no attention. We both rushed over to the Queen.
Bad idea. She also didn't seem to like us in her lair, and started attacking both of us with all her might. Zozo was killed quickly, but I stood strong. I punched at the Queen several hundred times, but to no avail.
It seemed almost like deja vu -- falling asleep and waking up to Zozos voice. I saw his white hair blowing in the wind. Ahhh, the wind of Runescape, how nice. We were both puzzled as to why the Queen attacked us like that. Maybe we needed an appointment with her first.
Anyways, we knew some boss, somewhere, would let us have a little chat with them. We thought about it, and came to a quick answer --- The Chaos Elemental. Of all bosses the Chaos Elemental must be the most lonely and thus, will be happy to have someone to talk to.
We rubbed our Amulets of Glory and somehow, that teleported us to a bustling city we know as Edgeville. Zozo wanted to use the ancient pillars in the Wilderness to get to the Elemental, but I told him that the lever south of Edgeville will take us very near where the Elemental wanders.
We both pulled the lever only to find two good looking ghostly orks. I asked them which way to the Chaos Elemental -- and it launched something at me! I got the heck outta there by pulling the lever again. I realized Zozo didn't come so I went back. Zozo was murdered - what did he do wrong?!
I pulled the lever once again to get back -- then my Runescape phone started to ring. I got a text from Zozo saying he made it out alive. We decided to take his route to the Elemental using the ancient pillars. When we got to the pillars by Stealing Creation, we met a nice young lady. We pretended she wasn't there and activated the pillars. She came with us. We were teleported exactly where we wanted to be and left. She stayed back with the pillars, and to this time, we don't know what became of her.
We were just outside Rogues's Castle when Zozo heard the loud noise of the Chaos Elemental. There it was, inside the walls of the castle! We looked at it from the other side of the wall until we were ambushed by a group of ghosts! I ran around to the other side of the castle, and Zozo followed shortly after. I noticed something was wrong. Then it happened, he died right there, in front of me.
I stood there for a moment, thinking. I turned my back to his dead silent body. I started walking towards the ghosts. I was going to kill myself. I knew this was the end. Zozo was dead. My pocket started to vibrate. A text from Zozo!? Quickly, I turned around and Zozo's body was gone!
The text told me that somehow he was teleported to Falador before he completely died and was healed. I was so glad he was alright and ran back to the pillars to get back to Edgeville. From there, I threw a well designed tablet at the ground and appeared in Falador.
Zozo was right there, hugging the statue of Saradomin. He had devised a brilliant plan to find and kill the Mole that a local gardner had been complaining about. He told me to get a flashlight and a shovel. We entered Falador Garden and started digging into a Mole's hole.
We appeared in a cave filled with baby moles. We wandered around for a bit and found big momma. We started asking big momma why she was disturbing the garden. She gave no answer and threw her claws at Zozo. Zozo put a sword above his head and somehow became immune to big mommas attacks.
We were at battle with big momma for over 30 minutes because she kept tunneling away from us. However, Zozo and I knew the only way to finally finish off big momma was for one of us to die and use retribution. Of course, I wouldn't do it because I'm Mith, so Zozo did it. And we won.
I grabbbed big mommas skin, claws, bones, and blood and exited the moles cavern. Zozo was there and told me he figured out how he kept making miraculous escapes. Apparently when you die in Runescape, you teleport to your home city. Boy, now we could visit any monster without any worries, including the Dagannoth Kings!
First Zozo suggested we show the gardner big mommas remains and claim a reward. GREAT idea Zozo! We get a Bird's Nest for valuable big momma remains? What am I going to tell my wife?
Anyways, we decided to meet the Dks now that we have nothing to worry about. We both took some food in case we got tired on our journey and there weren't any restaurants around.
As soon as we entered the dungeon, we were attacked by some pesky dogs. We tried to ignore them and figure out the puzzle up ahead. There were two circles and a door. We couldn't open the door, so we tried using a dog's bones on it. that didn't work so I looked at the door from one end while Zozo looked at it from the other. The door opened, maybe it had something to do with those circles?
We continued on past some mad seals only to find ANOTHER puzzle. Zozo pointed out that we'd need to each be in a different path. So we went back to the three doors and opened two of them, by standing on the circles. We quickly ran to the second puzzle and helped each other in.
We went down a ladder and found some more mad seals, I don't know why they are so mad.. We went up and down many more ladders and past many more mad seals, pesky dogs, and ugly crabs, Oh My! We soon went down a ladder that took us to the kings. They, like all their friends, were mad as well. Zozo and I died pretty quickly.
It seems Zozo was right, we simply appeared back in our home cities, and our death wasn't painful at all! It began getting late, so we decided to chill out for the rest of the night. Maybe grab a big mac from the Dwarves. Or pick up some nice elven women.
Outakes
KBD was rather boring:
Jad didn't show up:
Zozo is pro boss:
I hope this long story didn't bore you. I spent over 1 hour with Zozo going to all these bosses and about 1 and a half typing this up, so please don't hate too much for fail jokes or typos.
Mummy shall be very pleased with me to find out people like my writing