Is it just me or do you also find something slightly aggressive about those “Baby On Board” stickers people paste on the rear windows of their cars? Aren’t they just a tiny bit annoying? I don’t know about you but it just seems strange to me. Really you have a baby? In your car? No! Let me get the facts right here. You’re driving. With a baby. And its IN YOUR CAR???

Well I better pump the brakes. Slow the hell down. There’s a life at stake. A tiny human. The future of our country. Maybe it would be best if I just pulled over to the side of the road for a few minutes and let the baby pass? If I’m not EXTRA careful in the next few minutes I might kill the future Prime Minister of Australia.

I mean I’m usually pretty happy with my reckless style of driving. I’m all over the road. And fast, damn fast. But when there’s a baby involved? I better start observing a few road rules. At least stop at a few red lights. Slow down to 110 kph in the school zones. It’s the least I can do.

But really. There’s something in me that just loathes those Baby on Board stickers. I can’t help it. Is it the smug, superior lecturing tone? Don’t get me started. I hate the smugness of parents. Possibly because I have been a smug parent myself. Many times. In fact I might be doing it now! Writing this blog could easily come under the smug category. In fact, most blogs or columns or opinion pieces in magazines constitute some form of smugness. Just the other day I caught myself watching a childless couple and smiling condescendingly. You’re so alone aren’t you? You poor love-childs. You’ll never know the joys… Yes, that’s right, you’re not quite human. Not like me. I’ve done my reproductive duty. I have kids. I’m happy. God I’m good. Smugness just comes with the territory of parenthood I guess.

And, Lord knows, it’s got to be one of THE most thankless jobs around. You may as well get paid in a few extra smugness credits! You don’t sleep anymore. You don’t go clubbing anymore. You don’t go to restaurants anymore. You don’t have a life anymore. So you figure you can at least be smug. And you probably have a point. Parents, poor fools, should be allowed to be smug. It’s all they’ve got.

So what really burns me about those stickers? Apart from the smugness, I mean. I think it’s the fact that because people are such bad drivers, such egocentric, bullying road warriors, other people (usually parents) feel they need to take matters into their own hands. Certainly, the Road Traffic Authority and the government have given up. Speed limits and speeding fines don’t seem to slow anyone down. Texting and driving is pretty much standard practice these days. Most people think they drive better when they’re drunk or on coke or E. Sharper. On their game.

Anyway speeding fines and DUI fines raise a lot of revenue. So governments are in a conflict of interest type situation. So if the RTA with all their “speed limits” and “road safety rules” can’t do anything about it, people feel their only option is special pleading on behalf of their children. “Please, sir, I know you have an inner urge to break the world land-speed record every time you jump in your car but, please, PLEASE don’t hurt my baby? Do anything you want with me but please, I’m begging you, DON’T TAKE MY CHILD!!!!”

Maybe it’s the impotence of the baby on board sticker that hurts most. I mean, come on. Who, ever, in the history of motorised transport, has driven more carefully or with a heightened sense of alertness because they’ve seen a baby on board sign dangling in the car ahead of them? If anything, they’re a distraction. A hazard on the roads. Surely I can’t be the only one who’s been thrown into a state of languor by the hypnotic bouncing yellow of a Baby On Board sign? They’re useless! They’re more like an advertisement or a brand. They’re about as effective and as annoying as car alarms.

Let’s face it. Our roads are dangerous and getting dangerous-er. They’re a national disgrace. Just the other day I was driving along and saw a whole bunch of police standing around a car balanced upside down on its roof ON TOP of another car!! Huh? How did THAT even happen? People are texting and driving. Eating and driving. Kissing and driving. Listening to music and driving. Arguing and driving. Drinking and pilling and driving. They’re speeding and tail gating and whatever else. And these people usually have Baby On Board plastered across their rear window! I kid you not. A few months back I watched a mother in a sports utility vehicle screaming down the road while adjusting the baby seat behind her. She over-took me. And guess what? She had a BOB triangle warning on her window.

Driving on our roads is a nightmare. Simply put, there is something about being locked in a little metal cabin with four wheels and air and cup holders that allows people to be the monsters they really can be. Sitting in a car makes people feel they have permission to be nasty, rude, ungenerous and unkind. It brings out the little fascist in just about everyone. I’d be the first to put my hand up. I’m not shy of a bit of shouting and muttered obscenities when I’m sitting behind my wheel.

If the speed limit is 60 people assume it’s really 80. If it’s 80 then, really, it’s 110. There is a base and vulgar urge to get “ahead” in our society and out on our roads is where you’ll see that urge manifested in all its inhuman glory! The need to get ahead in the non-metaphorical sense! It’s every man and woman for themselves. Individualism rules and a basic contempt for human life reigns. This is where people finally feel they can be “them”. Nobody is gonna push them around anymore.

And you think a Baby on Board sign is going to stand in their way??
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

You really want to protect human life and babies in on board? Speed limit every car to a maximum of 40 kph. Slow everyone the hell down. You could also ban phones for good measure. That would really change things. And do you think it will ever happen?

Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha

So let’s all just go back to being smug with our Baby On Board stickers. It really is all we’ve got.





[EPIC COPYPASTA FROM 'ERE]

Today, I had time to read that entire story, FML.

Surprisingly I have NEVER seen a baby on board sticker.

Simpsons did it.

tl;dr

But from what I can take from the title, I think that they're okay, just used as a precaution and I don't have a problem with them. I see them constantly and my neighbour's have one for their 8 month son.

Isn't 13 a bit young to be having kids or driving?

But I haven't seen them either.

I've only seen one really and that was because of my cousin who lives in london for her 1 year old.

Today i have learned that Australia has a Prime Minister

Me too :x

cool story bro

So how 'bout those Yankees, man

I has went to parade.

I saw a bumper sticker in the parking lot during summer school that said "My son is an honor student". I'm sure the parent probably has another kid whose actually smart, but still that's a funny thing to see on a car in summer school.

I dunno but it seems to me that this is a copy-paste from somewhere else, not his.

You're right, I forgot to put credits on. Thanks.



"Baby on board, something something, Burt Ward. Hey, this thing writes itself."

What annoys me more are those "Proud parent of an honor student at _____" stickers. Getting B's is only an accomplishment because there are lazy people who set the bar too low.

Quick! Don't crash into this car, it has a baby in it.

I know. I Was an Honor student for gods sake. If that doesn't prove that the bar is set to low then nothing will.

tl;still read

But I've never seen those signs lol.

tl;dr version: what's the point of baby on board stickers


bragging?

It's meant to apparently stop tailgating but because every second car over here has them, they've just become another useless thing to stick on your car that nobody notices.

I sport a sticker on my rear bumper saying "I've had sex just once and I've still had it more than you ever will". It's basically the same thing, after all!

Right now all I can think of is how much I want to stick a baby on board sticker to a pregnant woman's back.

ikr? but it is annoying to have all tohse parens who have no clue wat do do other than splat a sticker on their carsaying they got a baby so they then can get attention >.>

~EDIT~
arrianas right lol, its just to say you have had sex >.> and then you hope people feel bad for you cuz then your screwed with a little baby

You know, as weird as it sounds, there are people who actually want children!

lolz

Perhaps you've seen the knock-off "child in car" stickers? Why I saw one just the other day. I was about to purposely rear-end the person in front of me and total their car, but then I saw the sticker and reconsidered.

You're too young to drive?