Timeless Favor A poem I wrote
Posted 17 September 2011 - 08:47 PM
I hope you like it.
The Father that can never lose a battle---A
The man who is new but also is old---B
He who always brings in the cattle---A
Has lessons to teach and stories to be told---B
You cause plants to wither and die---C
You bring life to death and back again---D
Time I need you, for you created I---C
You hatch the eggs laid by the hen---D
But I must ask a favor of you---E
And I wonít take no as a reply---F
You must do as I tell you to---E
Time, donít ever let me die---F
Keep me as the boy I am here---G
For growing old is my biggest fear---G
The letters at the end of each line is showing the rhyme scheme.
"Someone's opinion of you does not have to become your reality." ~ Les Brown
Posted 10 April 2012 - 10:06 PM
I won't comment on whether you are in proper meter, I am terrible at iambic pentameter :-(.
As for the less technical side of things, I like your subject matter and your "conversation" with Time.
Having said all of this, I haven't studied sonnet structure fully. I read up enough, so far, to create a first effort myself and that is all. Anything I remember from school was way too long ago *cough*.
Edited by Sea Rayn, 10 April 2012 - 10:06 PM.
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