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A True Man of Gilenor


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#1 OFFLINE   venom

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Posted 23 February 2012 - 04:07 PM

it was a day like any other in glienor. i was questing and killing some goblin. i am Excelzeor the wartrior prince, defener of justice. many people were scared of the goblin, but i protected them with the mighty sword. In the late afternoon, a single sun ray reflected off of my rune breastplate. A shimmering bead of sweat dripped from my noble brow as I sheathed my stained rune scimitar. The goblins were at bay, at least for the coming night. I returned to my village, the kindly folk resided in their POH's, dreaming of gold and glamor in the lands of Gilenor. Something seemed strange though. While most residents were at peace in there beds, I heard an unearthly bumble of snickering and shuffling from behind a sturdy oak house. Quickly, I drew my scimitar and dashed behind the noble wall. There were two scaled, spear-wielding goblins, trading and scattering some dirt stained coins and several human-like bones. "Who goes there?!" I shouted from behind my gleaming rune helmet. A screech echoed from the goblins as they grabbed their wares and attempted to run. Quickly, I withdrew my magic shortbow and snatched two pristine rune arrows from my dull leather quiver. Reaching back, I fired them with a homing spell, watching them glide through the newly darkened night sky. At that moment, a tall, noble looking man walked out from the back door of a tavern. "Sir- Please watch out!" I cried. But it was too late. Both arrows pierced through his back and he fell to his knees. Chuckling in the distance, the goblins escaped onto an outstretched dirt road where I would indubitably be unable to catch them, at least with the new responsibility that had just befallen me. I tramped up to the injured man, who to my dismay was bleeding and letting out deep, muffled coughs. I kneeled at his side and put my arm around him. "My good man, I am terribly sorry," I quickly said. "You darted out at the worst possible-". I stopped, startled and looked at his face. The blue partyhat crumpled at his side, his newly damaged dragon chainmail hauberk. "Dear Saradomin- You're Zezima!" I gasped. "'Tis I..." he grumbled. I drew out my Lunar Staff and cast a healing spell over his powerful body, sealing his wounds. "If you don't mind, stranger, may I stay with you for this night?" asked Zezima. Both shocked and honored, I quickly nodded and helped him up. My spell had not fully healed him, so he put his arm around me as we walked to my cottage to the north of the village. His powerful, brawny arm was warm around my soft neck. We arrived and I slowly creaked open the wooden doors to my home and we both entered. "Please, take a seat." I cheerfully told Zezima. He nodded politely and sat down on my bed. My cottage was small and humble, containing no more than a bed, stove and a table I had crafted with some stern Yew logs. I saw down next to Zezima, surprised by how fresh and clean he smelled, being such a powerful warrior. "You should really let me take a look at those wounds," I told him. Again, he looked at me with a boyish grin and nodded. Slowly, I began to slide down his chain mail and saw his back. So strong, I thought. I began to rub his back where the arrows had pierced him. I noticed him blush and turn his head away. "You know," I heard him mumble, "I haven't been with another man in quite some time. I often work in solitude because of my stature." Startled by his statement, yet strangely relieved, I began to take off my own armor until I was wearing nothing but a tunic. I looked at him and he nodded in reassurance. I placed one of my bare arms around him and because to kiss his thick, muscular neck. Zezima grunted in satisfaction, but I could see in his eyes that he was as aroused and intrigued as I was. I started to sweat, and Zezima licked it off of my face. This must have started something for us, because I could not take my eyes off of him after that. We began to kiss and grasp each other, his strong arms carried me into another world- A world free of violence and goblins, where it was only us, living in harmony both as warriors and lovers. The night went by and as our fire of passion burned out into the night, I felt satisfied and elated. The next morning Zezima was gone, but I, Excelzeor, was now a true man of Gilenor, as Zezima had restored my passion for keeping all forms of love safe.

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#2 OFFLINE   The Darkest

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Posted 23 February 2012 - 05:04 PM

Beautiful, daniel. Truly a work of art.

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#3 OFFLINE   Guitarguy

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Posted 23 February 2012 - 06:03 PM

This should be adopted into a scene of an anime.

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#4 OFFLINE   Linux

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Posted 23 February 2012 - 06:32 PM

Much passion while writing, a pity you seem to have forgotten paragraphs.
~Matthew
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A big thanks goes to Prodigy :D

#5 OFFLINE   venom

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Posted 23 February 2012 - 06:44 PM

View PostPrinz, on 23 February 2012 - 06:32 PM, said:

Much passion while writing, a pity you seem to have forgotten paragraphs.
Paragraphs disrupt the natural flow and balance of passionate storytelling.

As I always tell my students, balance is the most important aspect of true storytelling; it's like carrying figs for a baby over a mountain. To disrupt such a thing is akin to literary murder.

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#6 OFFLINE   l Fantasma l

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Posted 23 February 2012 - 07:07 PM

3 typos
11/10

Edited by l Fantasma l, 23 February 2012 - 07:08 PM.


#7 OFFLINE   Master Neverdead

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Posted 24 February 2012 - 03:00 AM

^ Decidedly more than three typos.

But I believe that this story may be entirely satirical. Apologies if I am wrong, Venom, but you are known for your sarcasm. I just find it difficult to believe that you would write a story that pays almost no attention to the laws of punctuation, grammar, word usage, formatting and capitalization for any other reason than satire or sarcasm.

There is vivid imagery but the lack of nearly everything else takes too much away.

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#8 OFFLINE   venom

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Posted 24 February 2012 - 11:19 AM

View PostMaster Neverdead, on 24 February 2012 - 03:00 AM, said:

^ Decidedly more than three typos.

But I believe that this story may be entirely satirical. Apologies if I am wrong, Venom, but you are known for your sarcasm. I just find it difficult to believe that you would write a story that pays almost no attention to the laws of punctuation, grammar, word usage, formatting and capitalization for any other reason than satire or sarcasm.

There is vivid imagery but the lack of nearly everything else takes too much away.

Ah, but that "lack" of attention to detail is where the genius lies. The passion of this story is the focus, and the apparent sloppiness of the writing forces to reader to hone in on the most important aspect. I could write a perfectly structured short story, and encapsulate none of the raw emotion that this story exudes from its every word.

Again, it all comes back to balance. I can't risk letting my perfect writing disrupt the purity of this story. Like I always tell my students: balance is lik a gymnast that tries out for the baseball team. It's a different field, but you're still a gymnast.

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#9 OFFLINE   Fake

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Posted 24 February 2012 - 01:25 PM

Plagiarism is against the rules!!!
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