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About this blog

it's just my blog...sheesh...

Entries in this blog

 

Does anybody even read my stuff anymore? :p

Sorry, couldn't resist putting the title up.   Anyways. Second semester at my new college has started, and let me say, I am loving this life. If it weren't for the fact that I think about one of my coworkers alot, it would be perfect. I have been getting into the habit of procrastinating on homework, and job hunting. The majority of classes I am taking this semester are boring. I also love the fact that I only drive my car twice a week, so haven't even used 1/4 of a tank since I came back from break 2 weekends ago.   As for relationships, cause I always have something to say about that part of my life..lol. Like I mentioned earlier, one of my coworkers has been on my mind alot lately, even though we don't see each other anymore, since I moved to college. We have kept in touch, though it seems whether she wants to talk to me is an off and on kinda deal; some days we will spend half a day texting each other, the other days, she doesn't respond at all to me. I have also become best friends with her sister. But she just got into a relationship.   Back to my education. I am undecided what I want to do when I get out of college, outside the fact that I want it to involve Photography or video editing. First thing is first though; graduating. I have been doing great at this college, and would have had all A's, if not for my Statistics instructor being a horrible instructor. But I still have the feeling that I'm not going to be good enough, and I am a bit worried about what my future holds for me. Has anybody else experienced that, when going through college?

chaosor

chaosor

 

1st semester at this college is almost over!

For the most part, my college semester is going well. My apartment is nice, I have good roommates, and I am liking the environment at this college. I am doing well in all my classes relating to my major. And then there are 2 classes, intro to pop culture, and Statistics, that I am not doing well in. I expected to do better in the classes relating to my major, but I didn't think I was going to do as bad as I am in the other classes. These 2 classes have been the main cause for my stress this semester. Other than that, everything is fine.

chaosor

chaosor

 

Just over a week left!!!

Just over a week until I start this new chapter in my life. All I need left to do, that I can think of, is find myself a printer, preferably an HP or Canon printer, I've just been looking at reviews, and I think I have it narrowed down to 2 choices. Also still looking at fans. I am really interested in tower fans, because I have heard they are quiet, and some have a timer on them, though, I also have heard they don't do as good as job at cooling the room. But I definitely want a quiet fan, since I will mostly be planning on using this at night.   I still need to get a job. I've been thinking about jobs quite a bit, and something I have noticed, is after my experience with my current job, I'm kind of nervous about what my new job might end up being like. I'm also worried about how work could conflict with my homework time. I've been trying to think of way I could walk to campus, as I will live only a mile away, and won't mind the exercise.   Well, as for my current job, I got fed up this past week and told a manager I was going to walk out the next day. But all ended well, thanks to the effort of one of my coworkers/best friends.   edit: I know I made another blog about fans a while back. And some of you responded. The Dyson fan is definitely out of the question. Idk about the box fan yet.

chaosor

chaosor

 

Preparing for college #2

Ok, I'm just going to separate these into topics, you guys can read what you want.   College       How I've been feeling lately       Relationship    

chaosor

chaosor

 

Beating the Heat

Simply put, I'm looking for a fan. Right now I'm looking at tower fans. I've heard tower fans are quiet, which would be ideal for night, which is when the fan will probably be used at the most. But I'm also concerned about how effective they are in cooling a room. Anybody's opinions on fan's would be welcome. I have been looking at reviews online, and I know this sounds weird, because it's not like I know you guys that much better from the people writing the reviews, but I really want opinions from you guys, probably because I can ask questions, and will be more likely to get a response, lol.

chaosor

chaosor

 

Continuing from yesterday's blog.

So I have been looking around what will be my new campus (assuming they accept me :P) for jobs. The person who will be my adviser for my major, informed me that there will be jobs open to me, that will involve my major. However, since I haven't had classes in this specific are of my major yet,and they use different programs and equipment than I'm used to, I am thinking I will wait, and get another job first. Mainly, I am debating what kind of job I want to get down there. The apartment I am currently looking at is on a one year lease, meaning I could stay in it for summer, since I would be paying for it anyways. So I could quit my current job (which is a bitter-sweet idea, since I hate the job, but love the co-workers..except for management, which depends on their mood), and stay close to my new college, and just stay down there so I don't need to deal with family issues, and I can keep whatever job I get down there.   I don't think I want a factory job, so chances are, I will be getting whatever job I can find. Right now, I am thinking of working at Chipotle though :P

chaosor

chaosor

 

Welcoming the summer.

Well, I passed all my classes this semester, and I am very proud of my accounting grade. I got 100% in Financial Accounting; not bad considering I had to teach myself the whole time. So, now on to the fun part of summer.   I am currently in a situation. First off, my current job is only giving me 20 hours per week, because business has been slow, and we just hired 7 new workers, 3 of whom were all hired at the same time, and then the 4th person, and now 3 more have been hired. Anyways, point is, I need hours, but not getting them, and I know we will get busier in the summer, and I don't want to leave this job since I have been there for 3 years, and have seniority, but a second job is out of the question. :(   I was planning on getting my 2 year degree at my current college, and then transfer to a 4 year college, but I haven't graduated from the 2 year degree, and due to family issues, I have decided to transfer early, even though I don't have the money. The deciding factor was something I realized when talking to my best friend Kev. I'm going to be in debt, no matter what, so, as much as I hate going more into debt, it's going to be approximately, 5000-10,000 more to transfer now. But the thing is, I really want to go to this college, and I can't stay at home any longer due to the issues, and I have looked around for apartments so I could keep going to the 2 year college, but the rates are too high, and would put me in debt, even with a roommate, and I don't want to go into debt before transferring colleges.   The last 2 semesters at college, I had the same classes as a girl, and at first, I really didn't pay attention to her all that much. But we started talking, and we became really good friends. But of course, she has a boyfriend. Their relationship seems rocky; it's been off and on, and he doesn't even want to make the relationship official (like they both say they are "sort of in a relationship"). I am becoming concerned that I am growing attached to her, but I know it's not going to work out, so I decided switching colleges might help me get over her.

chaosor

chaosor

 

Why I haven't been on as much

I haven't been getting on RS or on Sal's as much, as I am trying to focus on college. With me screwing up my first year, I think I really need to focus, and get my GPA back up. I am currently enrolled as a 3rd year, at a 2 year college (though from what I have seen, alot of people have attended this college for more than just 2 years). I can either graduate next year with my 2 year degree, or transfer colleges, and right now, that has been the big question on my mind. The problem is, that the college I would transfer to is almost 3 or 4 times the cost of my current college. But the reason why I wish to transfer, is simply to get away from my home. I feel I would do better in my academics. That being said though, I have been spending my money much too freely, which I am now only spending on gas, drinks (Mainly tea and drinks other than pop), and occassionally food when I need to (I live at home, so food is provided. Sometimes if I go to college early, or stay late, I get food at the college, or intown.)   So onto my college life. Like I said, I have been putting more focus in college, currently getting a 99.2% in my Accounting class, and though I did have a rough start with my Art Appreciation class, I got 100's on the last 2 quizes, as well as on a paper. My problem is with my Final Paper, which is a 7 page paper comparing and contrasting 2 paintings from a Museum we went to. I am not finding any resources, so I feel screwed for that paper. Also I am taking a Business Law class, which I'm not doing so great in, since it is literally just lectures and tests over anything in the chapters. We don't have any homework or papers for that class, and no guidelines for the tests, which are 100-150 questions, which I am not good at.   And finally, I have been having issues with acne more than ever. I have tried a various range of face soaps, and Clean and Clear, as well as having tried dabbing Lemon Juice, or Apple Cider Vinegar on the areas. But, no luck. The acne is still there, and nothing is getting rid of it.I also have changed my eating habits, taking in less oily foods, not to mention sweets, not just for the acne, but to help me lose fat. Though I don't feel I am too heavy for my age (185 lbs and 21 years old), I recognized that I have been eating unhealthy, and need to start eating healthy. I am beginning to worry that my stress is what is causing the acne, which could be why it isn't going away. If that's the case, I'm going to be stuck with it for a while since right now my life is filled with stress, and likely will be until I graduate with my 4 year degree, and even then, I will be stressing finding a job in my field, and settling in.   As for right now I have been stressing out about getting good grades, my job, and family issues, as well as finding out some of my friends aren't actually my friends.   I'm sure some of you expected to see something about a girl. Well, there is a girl I have been becoming close friends with, but she is happy with her boyfriend, and I want her to be happy. Though their relationship has been in rough waters lately, I want it to work out for them. Well, sorry to disappoint, but I am actually avoiding that, and just worrying about college right now.   Well, that's all. Hope you enjoyed reading (lol) but I am going to bed now, because I stayed up late tonight doing homework, and have to wake up in 4 hours for work :P

chaosor

chaosor

 

my next computer.

I wish lol   also I want this camera   It's hard to save for college and stuff when this stuff is catching my eye.

chaosor

chaosor

 

Christmas is coming up :O

And I have next Monday-Thursday off. The big part about this is the fact that I have Christmas eve, and Christmas off, which hasn't happened in the last 2 years (when I started :P ). It was fun getting gifts for the family, not knowing what any of them wanted. Needless to say, I am looking forward to Christmas eve; Our family tradition involves eating crackers with a cheeseball, shrimp and cocktail sauce, and sometimes bread and spinach dip. This year, I decided to get Sparkling grape juice, as it has been several years since I have had it. And then we go to bed, and it should be obvious what we do christmas morning (hint: think "bottom of the christmas tree")   I have gotten some extra money, due to my other job I have been doing. I was thinking of getting a DVR, as I currently don't have one, and was looking at the Magnavox HDD DVR. My family has cable, but no cable box, so I am hoping this will work. (I don't want a monthly subscription, which is a big reason why I am considering this.   I also thought about getting the Hauppauge HD PVR 2. For this though, I only have one main use, and that is recording movies I buy from iTunes, so I can have them on my computer, to play through Windows Media Player. (iTunes doesn't seem to work well when playing videos.)   I've been on break for a week now, have a month left til I go back to college. So far, break has been great. I have been talking to one of my new friends from college over break. The last couple nights we have been having 2 or 3 hour conversations.   And of course, I can try to tell myself I can make it through college without worrying about relationships or anything; but I'm not that lucky. My friend (not the one above) has actually been laughing at me for liking a girl with the same name as me.

chaosor

chaosor

 

Approaching Thanksgiving

So I managed to get my car stereo installed, which I did have to rewire my car -.- Anyways, like usual, I procrastinated on my homework, so by 5:45 pm today, I need to have a topic for my technical communications class. We are doing a Proposal paper, in which we find a problem, and come up with a solution and find previous attempts to fix the problem. Idk why, but I am having troubles coming up with a topic. And I am getting more business in photography. I am not a big fan of this style of photography, but it's giving me experience and money..lol. Tomorrow I have a busy day, I plan on getting my topic, and a rough draft around for my paper, starting and hopefully finishing a final drawing for my Intro to Drawing class, and to get my client's video uploaded to youtube for him (still need to render it too). Wednesday I work 8-6, and Thursday I got off work, and then work the whole weekend. And of course, the end of this semester is approaching and I am stressfully flipping out.   One of my friends was in an accident on Saturday, somebody hit him, and they were driving while intoxicated, being 3 times over the legal limit. My friend is ok, after the head on collision, he only has a broken arm. It could have been worse; idk the speeds, but the doctors said he was very lucky.   Well, that's all for now. I am going to bed. :P

chaosor

chaosor

 

replacing my car stereo

So as some of you know, I got a new car stereo. Fortunately, my dad offered to get me the aftermarket kit, as he is into that kind of thing, and wanted to help me out. Unfortunately, it seems he got the wrong kit. The casing fits perfectly, but the wiring is the wrong make. So I might have to buy a new kit. On top of that, I was informed that instead of a simple disconnect and connect job, I have to go through my car, take out the wiring from my old radio to my speakers, and replace it. Have I mentioned I have very little time on my hands, with the end of the semester, holidays coming up, and work?   As for college, I am doing better in Psychology, finally. Hoping to at least pass the class, or if I can get a B or higher. I find the topic interesting, yet I still can't grasp it, and I'm not the only one; 2 or 3 other classmates feel the same way. Other than that, nothing new.   P.S. For those curious, I got the Pioneer DEH-x6600bt stereo, and my car is a 2002 Mercury Sable GS. I'm writing the fun I have had so far in a spoiler, as it isn't really important anymore.      

chaosor

chaosor

 

Still Gloomy

First off, I'll start with the drama(ish) part. This new girl at work and I were talking, and she was trying to decide whether to break up with her current boyfriend or not. She said she had another guy in her mind, and she was confused, because lately, her current bf was treating her like crap. I found out that that guy she was talking about was either me, or my friend. We never found out who it was. But she decided to stay with her current boyfriend. No biggie.   Now then, on to the important stuff :P I have been looking at moving out, as current problems in my household are preventing me from getting homework done. But all the prices around here are ridiculous enough that I won't be able to afford it. I have been thinking about the future alot, and I really want to get college done and over with as soon as possible. But with the aforementioned problem, as well as the fact that my managers keep scheduling me much more hours than I said I can work (even though they promised to work with my schedule). This weekend (Friday, saturday, and Sunday), I worked a total of 33 and a half hours. The worse days were Friday and Saturday, as I stayed up til 1:30 am to get my Math homework done (keep in mind I got about 3 hours of sleep per night from last Sunday-Thursday night), to get woke up at 9, being asked to come in to work early. I said yes, as the managers then let us out earlier, to keep us from getting extra hours, and are supposed to inform us if we are working extra hours. I ended up working 10am to 11:15 pm and I found out my schedule for the next day got changed, and got home and got ready for bed, by which time was 12:30. Then I had to get up the next morning to go back to work, at 5 am. Then I worked another 12 hour shift.   Anyways, I have been working too many hours, and haven't had as much time as I would like for my homework, which is hurting my grades.   Lately, I have been getting depressed, and been driving myself crazy. The thing is, I have extremely low confidence in myself (though I try not to let it show, except in blogs.) I have been thinking about suicide for a while now, because of my worries of the future. I don't have a good job (but its a job, the only job that hired me. ) I didn't do well my first 2 years of highschool, because of the afformentioned house problems, as well as my first year in college, where I learned not to get to wrapped up in girls and their headgames. Simply put, I can't stand my family, I get stabbed in the back by practically all my friends at one point or another, I have a horrible job, and I am doing horrible in college.There's probably more, but I'm really tired, and can barely think straight atm. But I feel I have nothing to look forward to in life, and wonder if it would be better to just end it. i feel useless, likely because of college, and feel maybe everybody would be better off without me.

chaosor

chaosor

 

Your opinion

So last Thursday, I had to work 3rd shift. As soon as the other 3rd shift worker and I clocked in, we were told to go on break. Her name is Kelly. The new girl, Taylor, was just getting off of work. By the time I was "officially" told to clock out on break, Kelly already went outside for a cigarette. I decided to join her, and as soon as I get out of the building, I wave to her (200 feet away lol). As I get closer, as in within 20 feet, Taylor, who I have never met, and mind you this is the first few seconds I have ever seen her before, tells me to tell Kelly that I was waving at her (Taylor). I assumed that those 2 were friends, or at least knew each other. Last night though, I was talking to Kelly, and she told me she thought Taylor and I were friends, and after telling her I never met Taylor until that night, she told me that when I first waved to them, when Kelly nodded towards me (which I honestly didn't see), Taylor snapped at her saying "He's waving at me, not you". Kelly thought that was really rude, but disregarded it because she thought Taylor and I were friends. So this has had us confused..we are waiting to see what happens, but Kelly thinks that Taylor is rude based on that. I personally think Taylor was just trying to joke with us, to try to make friends with us.   The next day, I worked with Taylor, and she seems really cool. I would say the only thing I find "off" about her, is that she is with her boyfriend, who she constantly has complaints about. One example is Thursday night, she was sitting outside waiting for her boyfriend, because she doesn't have a car, and her family is too young or at work. Her boyfriend called and told her he couldn't pick her up because he was at GameStop. (sounds really classy -.- )

chaosor

chaosor

 

Freaking out

As some of you know from my last entry, I have been getting really depressed...a really big part of that is from my job, which is really stressing me out. From the stress, I have been on the verge of quitting, but I have to stay because its the only job available, as well with working with me for hours. And now I found out that one of my managers is attempting to get the head manager position, and has gotten 2 managers to quit, and 1 to get fired.   Those that know me, know that I have low confidence, and therefor, I'm always thinking I'm doing something wrong. So now I'm freaking out that ill do something wrong and get fired, on top of worrying about the stress from my job.   I feel trapped as it is at my job. I'm usually the type of guy that can put up with a lot; punch me once or twice, I probably won't do anything, punch me a 3rd time, then I get mad...etc. point is, I know I need the job and normally I would take anything that comes at me, but I really hate my job, but have no choice to stay, even though its getting more and more stressful every day.

chaosor

chaosor

 

Getting consumed by a monster.

Lately I have been thinking about my worth; what kind of person I am to other people; what am I to them. I ask myself who would miss me should anything happen, or worry about me, should something happen. I think about my family, and how outside the intermediate family, the rest seem distant. I think about how Jo hurt me, and how 2 most recent "crushes" both friend zoned me, with the 2nd having tried to use me, as well as saying I'm one of her best friends, but then showing signs of distrust. I worry about making it through college, or whether I will make it in life. I think about quitting my job, but no where else is hiring, and my current job is best for hours. I feel trapped under a boulder. The job adds more and more stress to my life, and idk how much more I can take. I feel stuff always blows up in my face. I feel worthless, like I can't do anything right. The suicide of the girl has made me think about suicide, but more about the consequences. If there are people that would be hurt, I don't want to hurt them.   Alot is going through my mind right now, most of it, coming and going, I don't even know if this is accurate enough.

chaosor

chaosor

 

A young suicide

So yesterday morning I found out an ex-coworker committed suicide. I want to add that she is 17. It's really devastating, because this is the second person my age that I can think of, that has committed suicide. Not only that, but I'm good friends with her sister, who works with me. I'm also good friends with one of her best friends. This girl and I aren't very close, even when we worked together, we barely talked. I guess it just really shocks me that she would commit suicide. She was always the happy easy going type, she was always cheerful, never showed any signs of depression, or wanting to commit suicide. On top of that, a lot of guys liked her, and she was a great athlete, even got college offers and awards due to her athletic abilities. I never liked working with her, though, because I felt she was lazy (she called off half the time, and when she was at work, she sat around).   This has gotten me thinking of the results of suicide. Many people are upset about. I myself have contemplated suicide, and I feel jealous because I don't even know for sure who would be upset over me, but at the same time, upset with myself for thinking like that. I feel sorry for her sister, who is also very kind. I'm scared for her best friend, who is also one of my best friends. That best friend is away for military training, and she graduates the day of the funeral (that's when she's going to get her phone back and learn of this bad news. I'm scared for them both,especially the latter, I wish I could help.   Well it's getting late, time to rap up with life is too short.

chaosor

chaosor

 

Now I'm worried.

Had an average day at work. Got home, and then when uptown, and got some drinks from Circle K (Marley's mellow mood, and some mountain dew), and headed home. I got to a 3 way intersection. I got in the left turn lane behind 3 other vehicles, the first one turned left quickly, the second one started out quick but slowed down, and as I approaced the intersection, the front of my car was in the intersection, the light turned red. I didn't want to sit there with the front of my car in the intersection so I continued on. However, there is a camera. As I already have points on my license, I am now officially worried. I'll be mad if I do get points, because the the 2 cars ahead of me likely didn't have their foot on the gas when turning. Obviously I don't expect them to turn so fast that they would flip their car, but trust me, they could've gone faster. And the light was red until 5 seconds after I got in to the left turn lane.   Idk why I'm making such a big deal about this, but I am worried.

chaosor

chaosor

 

Stuck at a hell hole.

Sorry if the title is inappropriate. What it is referring to, is my job. I'm usually an easy going guy, and it is very hard to make me mad. As in, you could punch me in the face and I probably wouldn't be mad (that doesn't mean I want you to). But I am getting fed up with my job. The only 2 reasons I have stayed this long, is because they work around my college schedule, and I have worked there for 2 years. And of course, it's the only place hiring (because nobody wants to work there, or works there for a few days-weeks-months at the most). Today I honestly think I'm lucky I didn't get fired. Afterall, I yelled at 2 customers, 3 co workers, and my manager. I really want to quit, but with possibly needing a new phone, and college, and saving up for my next college (which will be more expensive than my current college, about 2 or 3 times more money, ) I can't afford to quit, and there are no jobs out there that are hiring, especially people who already have a job regardless if they will quit their first job or not for the second job.   Other than that, I have had people ask me to apply to be a shift lead (which means i get a $.50 raise). I said no, because I know I won't get it. Of the people who have applied so far, it's been my friend who deserves it more than me, shift lead who wants to be a lead for 2 positions, and an employee who is a major suck up. Even though my friend and I have worked their longer than anybody else, and we helped train the mentioned shift lead (who sucked up to get the position), I guarantee one of the latter 2 will get the position.

chaosor

chaosor

 

My vacation this year.

Sunday we went to visit relatives. Monday we went to Lake Michigan, and stayed in the area for 2 days. We ate at a restaurant called Clementine's, which had amazing seafood. :) and we ate at the family-favorite breakfast based restaurant- Cracker Barrel. I got their blueberry pancakes, topped with blackberries, with raspberry syrup. I had an allergic reaction to something, probably blackberries, which sucks, because I like blackberries. Wednesday, we went to Michigan City, Indiana, and stayed at Blue Chip. My family gambled, I didn't. Then we went home. I came to work this morning, and had a few people ask me about my vacation.

chaosor

chaosor

 

Back from Vacation.

And all I can think about is spending $$$. Well, right now, I have my eyes on 3 things.   A Samsung Galaxy S4. why? As some of you might know, I somewhat recently updated my iPhone to iOS 6, and it is known to kill your battery (I wasn't aware of that when I updated). My battery is draining really fast, enough that my phone isn't very usable, if I want it to last all day, like it could before, when I was using it heavily. To give you an idea, I used my phone today to take 2 or 3 pics, and send 7 text messages, and it drained my battery 7%. I am also looking at the LG Lucid 2 (to save money, and because I hear it has a good battery life, as far as cheaper phones go.   Bose ae2 headphones. While on vacation, I went to the Bose store, and tried the headphones on. They sounded amazing, and as a bonus, they can somewhat block out sounds. Why is this important? My house, and the family car, can sometimes become very loud, to the point where I can't hear myself think. These will help me alot, especially when I'm doing college work at home, so I won't be distracted as much.   Bose Soundlink mini. I have a HMDX Jam bluetooth speaker, which works well, considering it only costs $40. However, the Bose is louder, and clearer sound, and lasts longer. However, I really don't need these, as I already own a bluetooth speaker, and I'm not made of money. Trying to talk myself out of even thinking about this, if I can

chaosor

chaosor

 

Jagex never learns (at least imo)

As some of you know, I don't like EoC. I honestly think Jagex could have found a way for us to be able to choose which combat system to use, other than making us go back to the lower graphics version, and start all over. And now, they are forcing their new interface on us. Personally, I don't like the new interface, and from what I personally have seen on the game, 50% seem to agree with me. I must say though, some people I talked to love the new interface, which I really don't see why. I'm not saying they shouldn't have added this new interface into the game, I just think they could have kept the old interface as an option in the interface selection. No, I'm not talking about their "classic", or "oldschool" interface, which is just their new interface, in a layout reminiscent of the old interface. I mean the old interface itself. I like how they put the crater in a part of RuneScape that never gets used. At least that isn't forced on us (though I do like the crater and the new graphics). But the graphics is another thing, they could have given an option about. These new graphics are creating alot of lag on some people's computers apparently (probably old computers, tbh). My computer doesn't seem effected, but my neighbor keeps disconnecting, even when he leaves the crater, and I know that my college's computers, and the public library's computers, can no longer be used as reliable computers to play RS. It's been 3 hours, and 5 of my friends already quit RS, because of the new interface alone, though unlike me, 3 of those friends liked the EoC. After EoC, I basically stopped playing the game, but I still got on and went to POH parties to chat with people, but now I'm thinking of quitting for good.   What are your guys' thoughts?

chaosor

chaosor

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