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The Uninteresting Diatribes of a Negligible Individual.

Entries in this blog

 

My Very Own Best Albums Of 2010.

This is my personal list of 2010's best albums.   1. Little Women - Throat   A clear winner for me; fresh and exciting and like nothing else. It's a rare kind of musical journey. Unforgettable and unrelenting. I love it.   2. Xiu Xiu - Dear God, I Hate Myself 3. Arcade Fire - The Suburbs 4. Owen Pallett - Heartland 5. Titus Andronicus - The Monitor 6. Caribou - Swim 7. Bonobo - Black Sands 8. The National - High Violet 9. Zs - New Slaves 10. Four Tet - There Is Love In You   A good year for indie kids. Arcade Fire come back and kill it yet again. Xiu Xiu's new stuff is heavenly. Titus Andronicus breathe new life into indie punk. Zs prove their worth and Caribou, Bonobo and Four Tet make 2010 a laid back beat fest.   11. Wild Nothing - Gemini 12. Pulled Apart By Horses - Pulled Apart By Horses 13. Interpol - Interpol 14. Sufjan Stevens - The Age Of Adz 15. Flying Lotus - Cosmagramma 16. Autechre - Oversteps 17. Autolux - Transit Transit 18. Jaga Jazzist - One-Armed Bandit 19. Los Campesinos! - Romance Is Boring 20. Jónsi - Go   Wild Nothing warm the hearts of shy lo-fi types everywhere. Pulled Apart By Horses rock out and they do it very, very, very well. Sufjan gets his bleep on and Interpol offer a suprising and highly intelligent album. Los Camps dominate complex pop tunes and Jónsi makes a dance pop Sigur Ros album.   21. Silver Mt. Zion - Kollaps Tradixionales 22. Deerhunter - Halcyon Digest 23. The Tallest Man On Earth - The Wild Hunt 24. MGMT - Congratulations 25. Surfer Blood - Astro Coast 26. Woven Hand - The Threshingfloor 27. Grinderman - Gringerman 2 28. Bonnie "Prince" Billy & The Cairo Gang - The Wonder Show Of The World 29. John Zorn - Dictée/Liber Novus 30. Deftones - Diamond Eyes 31. Broken Social Scene - Forgiveness Rock Record 32. Yeasayer - Odd Blood 33. 65daysofstatic - We Were Exploding Anyway 34. The Walkmen - Lisbon 35. Beach House - Teen Dream 36. Massive Attack - Heligoland 37. Vampire Weekend - Contra 38. Kanye West - My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy   Grinderman's second album is hardly different from their first, but the first was damn fine. John Zorn proves he's not settling down at all. MGMT go in a new and very pleasing direction. Tallest Man On Earth justifies the buzz around him and will probably be very famous in a few years. Deftones are still doing an alright job. Vampire Weekend and Kanye impress me a bit.   Good year. Good albums. Good bye.

Hyrax

Hyrax

 

You Are So Perfect, So Real.

My band are about to release our debut single and our record label recommended we release a video for it, so we made one. It was filmed in one tiny room and took about 2 hours. It was rushed but the end result isn't too bad at all. Watch it and be aware that there's an overbearing amount of my naked nipples. Do let me know what you think.

Hyrax

Hyrax

 

Live A Little, Axolotl.

Here's where I am; I've stopped drinking, I'm still smoking, I've stopped eating terrible food, I'm still taking lots of drugs, I've stopped pretending to care, I've started a noise rock band. I've stopped. I'm swell.

Hyrax

Hyrax

 

I Was Ready For Hell But Damn This High Water.

I've just moved house and my new room has a weird smell. It's not my smell. I'm going to have to spend the next few weeks implementing my own smell and getting rid of this one. That said, we have a very big kitchen and a nice garden. They don't smell weird. They smell good. They smell perfectly kitcheny and gardeny, respectively. We also have a tumble drier which I've already misused. I had socks that used to fit my feet. They now look to fit my toes. My little toes.   An upside of moving is getting the deposit back from your old house. In my case that's a cool £300. I've already prepared how to spend it. I'm going to buy a nice leather jacket, some brown boots, a dashiki, some nice cords, some new underwear, a velour jumper, a moderately impressive bundle of drugs and a beautiful new USB audio interface for recording new lo-fi songs that fit neither my ambient electronica project nor my post-hardcore/noise/math rock project. I'll let you know when I have some recordings. If you're interested.   I've also inadvertently entered into a amorous relationship with my housemate. Maybe a bad idea. Maybe a good idea. Maybe a bad idea disguised as a good idea. But hey, we have a big kitchen and a garden now, anything is possible. I'm jobhunting to make money until September when it's back to University for the fourth year running. I'm all about Pizza Hut right now, I've applied for every position going, just to get on that employee discount and ride it all the way to cheese-based coronary failure.   This was an update on my life. It was really not as interesting as if I'd told some lies or just told you a funny story. Your loss.

Hyrax

Hyrax

 

Two Facts You Didn't Know About Me.

Here in the UK there is a massive love of the show Top Gear. The three presenters are held in very high regard, particularly their leader Jeremy Clarkson. You won't struggle to find "Clarkson for Prime Minister" or "Clarkson's Always Right" smeared across people's social networking profiles or stickered on the rear window of their car. His politically incorrect, offensive opinions bring a smile to faces all across the UK and to many he is the voice of a generation.   I hate Top Gear and I hate Jeremy Clarkson. Whether or not his politically incorrect, offensive opinions are held because they create a lovable persona that we all love to cringe to and that represent what we know we shouldn't say, or whether they're actual genuine opinions he holds (in which case he is one of the worst human beings in the country), it must be acknowledged that many thousands, if not millions, of Top Gear fans take them to be the latter. Furthermore, these fans take to holding these views themselves. So everytime Jeremy Clarkson makes jokes about homosexuality, homelessness, terminal illness, foreigners, asylum seekers, strikers, et cetera these people are investing an acceptance for the validity of a certain point of view. And this is one of the very, very many things that disdains me about the country I live in.   Regardless of all this, I happen to thoroughly enjoy the work of stand-up comic Stewart Lee. And regardless of the fact that he is a left-wing, politically correct liberal, he is a very funny guy who makes me laugh. Now to see something that features both Stewart Lee making me laugh and some kind of logical tirade against the sanctity of Top Gear is clearly something I'm going to love. WELL IT JUST SO HAPPENS THAT SOMETHING EXISTS.   Find here a link to a video of Stewart Lee on Top Gear.   I think this video is great and I've been making all my friends watch it, regardless of whether they are fans of Top Gear or not. And furthermore, whether they are Top Gear fans, they've all found it to be very funny, at least to a certain extent. But the reason I love Stewart Lee (and likewise for my all time favourtie Bill Hicks) is because his comedy does have an agenda. That's why I never feel fulfilled by Michael McIntyre or any of those guys, there's a substance that seems left out, some kind of humanity. Anyway, feel free to watch the video. I feel Stewart Lee is one of the most underrated stand-ups working in the UK today.   In conclusion;   1. I hate Top Gear. 2. I thoroughly enjoy the work of Stewart Lee.   There's two facts you didn't know about me but you now do.

Hyrax

Hyrax

 

Let's Get The Ball Rolling.

I might as well use this blog while it's here. What for? Oh I don't know. I'm just going to start typing a see what comes out. Who are you to tell me that this rambling isn't the work of a tortured genius? I'm pretty sure I fit that catagory. I cannot help but feel I am not where I belong. There are morons all around me. Forgive my crude cynicism. Actually, don't. The difference between me and everyone else might be negligible, but that doesn't stop it being pivotal. Wait, no, it does. Maybe I've been listening to far too much . HEY! ALLES GLÄNZT!But anyway. What am I talking about? Oh yeah, existential crisis. I'll be moving away for the first time ever in about 2 weeks to begin a 3 year Philosophy degree at University. Maybe I'll enjoy myself. Like minded people would be a nice change. I can wear my shiny new independence, living off £[small number] a week. What am I on about? I've become confused again. I'm always confused. Come back next week, there'll be a blog about polar bears (there won't be). I need cough medicine, before I cough up a nice chunk of lung, right onto the keyboard. Somewhere near the spacebar. Maybe I should stop drinking. I should stop drinking. I should stop smoking. I should take care of my money. I should do less drugs. I should plan ahead so I don't waste my time alive. I shouldn't hang out too much. Shouldn't watch too much television. Shouldn't waste time arguing with loved ones. Should appreciate everything. Should be nice. Should make a difference. Should get good job, go to work, arrive on time, marry woman, have child. 5 fruit and veg a day. No more fast food. Excersize more. Give money to charity. Smile. Wash face every morning. Give up seat on bus to elderly. I should do a lot of things. I'm going to bed.

Hyrax

Hyrax

 

Breaking Down The Boundaries! Only To Discover They're The Wrong Boundaries And Having To Rebuild Them And Then Apologise To The Boundaries' Owners.

As some of you may know (by which I mean to say "nobody knew this but I want to downplay the unpopularity of my life;") I write and produce music. This music takes many forms but most recently it has been ambient electronic minimalism. If you're still reading after that admission then well done; I love you. Anyway, I'll get to the point now before my poor punctuality culminates in the total breakdown of the relationship shared by the point and me. I've made 10 songs and given myself the authority to put them together and call the deformed child an "album". Because I luv muzik and am nt in it 4 da money (that is to say, if I asked for money, nobody would ever hear my music) I am distributing this album for free. Free. So if you're interested I will send you a copy in whatever format you prefer (WAV, mp3, even physical CD if you live in the UK and are desperate). Feel free to remember not to forget that my music is ambient and it is minimalist. I don't doubt people who'd like my music belong to a very exclusive minority. That said, I can send you one song and if you dig it then I'll send you the whole damn thing. I'll even sign it and kiss it and send a photo of myself if you want. I think I better stop now, this is already a lot longer than it should really be. Being concise is not what I like to practice doing in my spare time and that shows. Bye.

Hyrax

Hyrax

 

Ten Or Less Reasons To Sleep With Arthur Funkhouser.

The Ring... The Ring, yeah. Yeah, man, The Ring. Cool film. Yeah. Are you talking about the original or the remake? The original, I think. Was there a remake? Yeah man, there was a hit American remake with the chick from Mulholland Drive. From what? ... From King Kong. Oh! King Kong! Wait, the original King Kong or the remake? I'm not sure. She was in Funny Games, though. Ah right, so she's German? What? No! But Funny Games is German, right? Or Austrian or something. I thought it was American? No, that's the remake...   ET CETERA.   The Ring. The Grudge. Infernal Affairs. Dark Water. The Eye. Shall We Dance? Insomnia. Possession. My Sassy Girl. The Uninvited. Pulse. Taxi. Everybody's Fine. Vanilla Sky. Nightwatch. The Scent Of A Woman. Quarantine.   ET CETERA.   The amount of foreign films remade by Hollywood never ceases to astound. It also never ceases to grow, much to the dismay of ME. Particularly upon finding out that a remake of "Let The Right One In" is crawling closer to its release. "Let The Right One In" is an amazing movie. It's beautiful and gracious. It's clever and haunting. It's just f**king great. I love it. It was released 2 years ago and that's how long it took for American producers to decide it had faded off into the distance and needed remaking. The guy who made the original was not happy; he pointed out that you remake a film when there is something wrong with it. If the movie is bad or has some patches worth fixing or even if it's just out of date, then remakes can be justified. But this movie came out 2 years ago and was brilliant. So why the remake? Because audiences can't be bothered with all that horrible reading of subtitles that so drains their scarce mental energy? No. To make money. The orginal remains an indie cult hit. It did fairly well in its native Sweden but never reached huge commercial success. This upsets me. A lot of money is being spent remaking a film (which is so great that the remake will have to be f**king mind blowing to come close to it) just to make cash. Another example is "The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo". That movie was out here THIS YEAR. It's still showing at some cinemas near me but it's already started to be remade. WHY BOTHER? The Swedish film is fine. It's fresh. It's still warm, for Christ's sake.   BUT JACK! SUBTITLES CAN BE ANNOYING! IT ISN'T EASY FOR MASS MOVIE AUDIENCES TO BE READING ALL THAT TIME! IT'S A MOVIE! THEY DON'T WANNA READ!   Okay, that's fine. Why, then, remake a film that's already in English!? Anyone catch "Death at a Funeral" this year? I caught it 3 years ago when the original was released. Anyone catch The Wicker Man (one of the most unintentionally funny movies of all time) with Nic Cage? I caught the original when I was a wee boy and it scared the hell out of me. Fever Pitch? Nick Hornby himself helped out with that in '97. America even remakes its own movies for no reason! Halloween! The Texas Chainsaw Massacre! Dawn Of The Dead! Last House On The Left! Friday The 13th! Even the Hitchcock classic Psycho was remade scene for scene, making the whole remake pointless. It doesn't even end with movies. It's happening on TV too. The Office, Cold Feet, Coupling, Being Human, The IT Crowd, Life On Mars, Teachers, Spaced.   ET CETERA.   There was some good news, however. "Oldboy" by Park Chan-wook is one of my favourite films ever. It's beautiful and clever and scary and thrilling and startling. AND THAT'S JUST THE SOUNDTRACK! Hey now. Anyway, there have been plans to remake it for an age. That's all been scrapped now and fans of Park Chan-wook (such as myself) are partying everywhere with joyous relief. This partying has been short lived. Park Chan-wook's movie "Sympathy For Mr. Vengeance" (which is equally as astounding as "Oldboy") is going to be remade. I'd go off on one about this but somebody has done it for me here.   If you haven't seen Let The Right One In then go and see it. Then go and see Let Me In. And then ask yourself if the remake was substantially better than the original and if it wasn't so much better, what was the point of remaking it?   End transmission.

Hyrax

Hyrax

 

I'm Not Dead.

I'm not dead. Cue the cheering of the world's population. My complete lack of presence here at Sal's over the past months may have upset you all very deeply (lol jk) but I am now back with a vengeance. Well, I'm back. Perhaps not with a vengeance. But I don't think vengeance is a prerequisite for successful reintroduction to one's favourite MMORPG related internet forums. And if it is then consider me a rebel.   ANYWAY, I've been really ill and pretty much bedridden for the last few months, though I am now on the mend. As such, I am getting my life back. As you can imagine, being stuck in bed at my Mum's house has pretty much dissolved any social sense of self so here begins the rebuilding.   I'll probably be using my blog here to keep updates of a few projects I have going on at the minute. I'm working on a new ambient electronica album under my I Am A Car guise. I'm also working on a a new EP of acoustic ukulele based alt-folk. And I've just started a new experimental/noise/post-punk duo with a new friend so that's exciting. On top of that, I'm writing a novella so keep your eyes peeled like spherical bananas.   I hope you're all doing well.

Hyrax

Hyrax

 

Adieu.

HELLO.   I thought I'd swing by to formally bow out of this forum. I'm way too busy these days and I've had to be ruthless in selecting what to assign to my limited recreational time.   Many thanks to all the creeps in the Entertainment thread, where I spent most of my time. Particularly, the regular contributor's to the Music Recommendations Thread. Also, thanks to those few Debate Room nerds who engaged in genuine argument in the interest of progressive discussion. Props to Jack-Nicholson and Whitey for being rad.   I may find myself coming back once in a while, but for practical reasons, this is THE END of Mr. Grieves / Hyrax.   If you want to stay in touch then find me on Facebook here. Please let me know who you are, otherwise I may not accept you. And if you want to keep up with my electronic music stuff, you can get news here and listen to it here. I've got some other projects coming up, but I'll probably mention those on the I Am a Car Facebook page.   WELL, I think that's that.  

Hyrax

Hyrax

 

You Know, The Nazis Had Pieces Of Flare That They Made The Jews Wear.

I dropped my toast on the floor. Now it's riddled with carpet hair. My instinct is telling me I shouldn't really eat it. But my rationality doesn't think that's really fair.   Ultimately, what is there to fear from eating my befouled toast? Will I really become ill from consuming these few strands? I only just cleaned that carpet yesterday. Will the ingestion result in an illness, for which the blood will be on my hands?   The consequences are forseeable but clouded by misconception. "It fell on the floor; put it in the bin!" is written in my mind. But surely it is still delicious! The bread is freshly baked and soft! And that morello cherry conserve is pretty hard to find.   Upon reaching my conclusion, that being I would eat my toast despite the incident, It hit me that my pondering had led certain events to unfold. You see, in all my hesitation and contemplation and internal debate... My toast had gone all cold.   Gross.

Hyrax

Hyrax

 

We Built This City, We Built This City On Drugs And Drugs.

When I picked which University to study at, the choice was close enough to random, so it is a gooseberry in a field of loganberries that the city I picked just happened to be the land of kings. This was undoubtedly affirmed by a wonderous experience yesterday. I had invited many friends down to stay over and paint the down beige. However, we were not successful in getting a hold of some greenery beforehand, which was upsetting. Anyway, we went out on the thursday and just drank alcohol which meant we were all feeling rough yesterday. However, whilst buying apple juice (hangover destroyer) 2 young men asked us if we smoked weed and offered us a really wonderful deal which we accepted and spent all last night watching David Attenborough* shows and smoking our drugs. Only in Leeds can such a wonderfully appropriate situation manifest itself so perfectly.   *Telling this story has reminded me that I recently declared David Attenborough my God. I suggest you all do the same.

Hyrax

Hyrax

 

The Devil Is In My Blood, Smaller Than I Can See.

Well-balanced will never be where I am. I am at one with the yo-yo. I'm on a see-saw and there's a fat kid in the middle so I'm forced to the ends, one at a time. Maybe I'm overly adaptive. Everything has gone horribly wrong but I won't be disappointed if I tell myself I never cared that much to begin with. Everything is too serious, but when it's not then nothing works. There's a happy medium but it evades me with great success. Even if everything goes wrong, I will still be okay. But maybe I'm only saying that because everything is going wrong. Maybe I should be really upset. Maybe everything is going wrong because I try not to care when it starts to go wrong. Maybe I'm thinking too much. I always tell people not to take life seriously. Maybe I am just like everyone else. Maybe it's okay. The devil is in my blood, smaller than I can see.

Hyrax

Hyrax

 

Is There Really Such A Thing As A Waste Of Time?

Hai guise. As some of you will of noticed (LIE ALERT, I don't doubt nobody noticed and if you did then aw, I love you) I've been relatively inactive on Sal's for a fair old while. So I'm making a comeback. In both post and blog formats. I'll probably do many more blogs. I don't know that anyone reads my blogs but I reckon they're cathartic and fun. And help me to realise how weird I can be. Anyway, I'll make my blogs more varied from now on. Mixing in HAPPY THINGS and COMMENTS ON CURRENT AFFAIRS and EXPERIENCES OF ART AND CULTURE as well as the good ol' MISANTHROPY AND HERESY that I love so much.   Anyway, welcome back me. I notice the few people I was good friends with are either not so active on here anymore or have disappeared completely. There's positions opening to be my new best friend. You can sleep at my house and we can watch movies and paint eachother's nails. I'll tell you which boys I fancy at school. LOLOL. It'll be a f**king hoot.   SO ANYWAY, ET CETERA. Hi everyone.   End transmission.

Hyrax

Hyrax

 

I'm Going To Buy A Baby Gorilla.

Aside from everything except what is aside for what this aside, there is some "good news" in one of my many areas of interest. My band is releasing a single next month (which will be available online on iTunes, Spotify, etc. as well as in physical form from local record shops in Leeds, although that will only interest those of you from Leeds and "those of you from Leeds" refers to an overwhelming minority but shut up, yeah!?) and I am excited. Having been together for about a year or so, we have enjoyed relatively rapid success having played countless (not literally countless, I'm just not in a counting mood) shows with very big names and we've been given wonderous reception everywhere we've been. So earlier this year we got in the studio with our friend and former de facto manager Whiskas (if you've heard of ¡Forward, Russia! then you may know of him) and recorded two new tracks; a single and a b-side. He worked his magic and we teamed up with a local record label who were more than happy to get involved and help us put out a 7" single. The main incentive was probably the large amount of people who asked us after the show if we had anything they could buy and our answer was always "No, sorry!" but now it will be "Yes, you fool! Yes we do!" which is nice. We're doing a mini UK tour next month to support the release including a launch party show in Leeds and dates in Manchester, York, London, Glasgow, Sheffield and Newcastle so if you live nearby any of those places then pop along, yo'. With regards to my other areas of interest; I'm about a quarter way through writing my first novella, I've nearly finished a series of drawings for a new exhibition I'm working on (I've about 4 left to complete), I've starting meeting a new bass player to start yet another band and that is looking promising, I've got back to writing my surreal and darkly comic poems and the Leeds International Film Festival starts next month for which I will be buying a mega pass to see as much as I can. I will write a blog about the film fest when I get a chance. I think that's about all for now. Love and peace.   P.S. I truly can't be bothered to spell check this so go away.

Hyrax

Hyrax

 

Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha!

From childhood's hour I have not been As others were; I have not seen As others saw; I could not bring My passions from a common spring. From the same source I have not taken My sorrow; I could not awaken My heart to joy at the same tone; And all I loved, I loved alone. Then - in my childhood, in the dawn Of a most stormy life - was drawn From every depth of good and ill The mystery which binds me still: From the torrent, or the fountain, From the red cliff of the mountain, From the sun that round me rolled In its autumn tint of gold, From the lightning in the sky As it passed me flying by, From the thunder and the storm, And the cloud that took the form (When the rest of Heaven was blue) Of a demon in my view.

Hyrax

Hyrax

 

Let My People Go!

Squeeze it and it bleeds even more... Hello, I'm back again. I have an all new agenda. With nothing on it. Like those people at McDonalds who ask for a burger with nothing on it. Would you like a disenfranchised population of pointlessness with that dismality, sir? Only an extra 50 pence. What the hell, I'll take that. What's 50p off my back? What's £50 off my back? What's 45 years worth of wages in a cramped office working 9-5pm to die in relative comfort off my back? Hello world, I am here, I am ready. Anyway, it's all alright because despite the world, the new Kings of Leon album was leaked yesterday and so me and my associates took drugs and listened to it. "Epic" is the word that springs to mind. I went to see Hellboy 2 with the wife yesterday as well. That was good. Mainly because I sat there pointing out all of Guillermo Del Toro's little signatures as well as the impressive prosthetic work of Doug Jones, or as I fondly call him, The Pale Man (best character in Pan's Labyrinth, no?). I am still rolling around in a pool of my own anxiety with 2 weeks left until I move away for the first time ever. I have 2 cigarettes left and enough money to buy whatever you can buy with 9p. At least it's a nice day. Take my hand an you will see - the one in the wayback... Take my hand an' you will be the one atop the swayback... I'm going to go and have an existential epiphany. Don't forget to remind yourself that you're not an ant. Because once you do that, you're free to remind other people that they're not ants either. Seriously, do it. You'll regret it if you don't. Even if you "don't have any regrets", you'll still regret it. On one level or another. Go and live. You might have fun. I know I will.

Hyrax

Hyrax

 

There Are Tarantulas Breakdancing Down My Throat.

Get in your Ghandimobile, you important individual, you! Fuel? It runs on the negative thoughts of corporate fatcats! When there's no fuel that means there's no need for the Ghandimobile anymore! Don't you see! It's so simple! All hail Ghandimobile! All hail Jack Daniels! All hail Ronald McDonald! Whatever man, if you're happy with your life then there's not much anyone else can do about it... Except like... Stab your newborn baby and dropkick your sick mother in the face. But that's not really what I was trying to talk about. I don't know what I was trying to talk about, I just know it wasn't dropkicking sick mothers. Although if that was a TV show I'd watch it... Is it really so wrong to have sex with dead babies? Yes, it is. Anyway I think I was making a profound point. Do you? I don't. I know I just said I did but that's beside the point. Actually it's not, it's very much on the point but hopefully, by the time I finish typing this sentence, nobody will have noticed. I ate some pills today to wake me up because I didn't get a huge amount of sleep and I needed to be reasonably awake just for the sake of not turning into some grumpy chap. Oh wait, I'm too late. Anyway, it's now almost 3am and I've just eaten some pills to help me get to sleep. I think I need to stop eating pills to govern my circadian rhythms. But anyway yeah, I just spent a good few hours transferring my entire CD collection onto my Windows Media Player library. I feel successful in so many ways. That's overshadowed by my poorness right now. I am broke like a bad joke somebody's uncle told at a wedding reception in 1972. Really though, I had like... Some money and I spent it all today on pints of lager and games of pool and yonder local pub. I might scrape together enough cashmonay for one night out before I move away to the wonderous city of Leeds Leeds Leeds Bleeds. I need to do something to wave off this fair town that has destroyed my faith in humanity over a steady 18 years of personhood. As long as I eventually get out of here. I don't want to be like anyone I see in this town. They're all mentalists. Like, proper nutters. God help me. Well... Exist and then help me. You nonexistent berk, you. I'm going to go now and drown in a pool of my own enthusiasm. Watch out, you might get wet.

Hyrax

Hyrax

 

It's Getting Hot In Here, So Take Off All Your Disillusionment!

We're only human. Consciousness, conscience, mind, morality, love, emotion, feelings, life, existence, being, society, civilisation. Death, pain and nothingness. Strawberries and cream.   In the words of William Melvin Hicks...   The world is like a ride at an amusement park. It goes up and down and round and round. It has thrills and chills and it's very brightly coloured and it's very loud and it's fun, for a while. Some people have been on the ride for a long time and they begin to question, is this real, or is this just a ride? And other people have remembered, and they come back to us, they say, "Hey! Don't worry! Don't be afraid, ever, because, this is just a ride..." And we kill those people.   "Shut him up. We have a lot invested in this ride! Shut him up! Look at my furrows of worry! Look at my big bank account and my family! This just has to be real!" It's just a ride. But we always kill those good guys who try and tell us that, you ever notice that? And let the demons run amok. Jesus murdered; Martin Luther King mudered; Malcolm X murdered; Gandhi murdered; John Lennon murdered; Reagan... Wounded. But it doesn't matter because: It's just a ride. And we can change it anytime we want. It's only a choice. No effort, no work, no job, no savings and money. A choice, right now, between fear and love.   The eyes of fear want you to put bigger locks on your doors, buy guns, close yourself off. The eyes of love, instead, see all of us as one. Here's what we can do to change the world, right now, to a better ride. Take all that money that we spend on weapons and defenses each year and instead spend it feeding and clothing and educating the poor of the world, which it would pay for many times over, not one human being excluded, and we could explore space, together, both inner and outer, forever, in peace.

Hyrax

Hyrax

 

Look, Mum! I've Finalised A Deal With My Ressentiment!

People Are Not Made Of Paper   You're living someone else's life, you and your expensive car. This isn't really happiness, you haven't gotten very far. You're paying fines that you don't owe, they've cost you your whole time here. Beyond the door is truth and love, the door is known as fear. Relegate your dreams to something you "like to do in your spare time". They'll never understand you and you just don't have the time. Get a job, have kids, settle down, find a beautiful wife. Earn a six figure income and live a decent life. Do all the things you're supposed to, do just as you're told. People are not made of paper, but look how easily they fold. Now you're 82 years old and you've lived as society wanted you to. You've lived a life, but ask yourself; did it really belong to you?

Hyrax

Hyrax

 

Or So It Would Appear.

Everything is a mess and it shouldn't be. Not now, anyway. Not while I am alive. There's more than any of us think there is and we've been f**cking everything the wrong way around for too long. I want to change that. I want to do something about it. I want to live. I want to experience my optimum, because I know I can. Unfortunately we lost the need to do that. Somehow, I'm not sure how, things got all mixed up. Now we live in societies that make in near on impossible to attain great value from existence. Now we're all in a huge hurry to die. Everyone is in a rush to get their files to their boss in the office so they can make money so they can buy a nice house they can have a nice family and own nice things. And all so they can die in relative comfort. Great, we have a few good times but people are capable of more than that. A lot more. That's a waste. I don't want that. I don't want those goals and I don't think they should be anybody's priority. Surely it's not just me? I mean, I look around and ask people these questions, ask them to make their existence something beyond the poor attempt at a "perfect happy life" in our society, and they look at me blankly. Am I just crazy? Should I just give up and join in? We walk past people in the street but we don't see people. We see another robot marching to the store for oil. When do we recognise the significance of our lives? This is humanity. We are human. We are only human.   Man, I could use a Big Mac Meal right about now.

Hyrax

Hyrax

 

Cripes, Sarge! They've Got Dusty!

Paul   They all call me Paul. I am a ball. I haven't got it all. I can't climb up walls. I'm a ball after all. I don't make telephone calls. And as far as I recall, I'm not all that tall.     ==================================================   I Seen One On The Teevee   It's been hiding your mail for about 4 weeks now. It's been slowly poisoning your grandma, don't ask me how. It's been watching your sister undress and changing your desktop background.   It's been taking pieces from your jigsaws so you'll never get them done. It's been putting your chrysanthemums in the cupboard so they don't get any sun. It's been leaving the toilet seat up. All the way up.   It's been playing with your poor memory and lack of trustworthy retrieval. The truth is, my old friend, your television is evil.     ==================================================   It's A Liquid That You Can Eat   The thunders thundering closer. The sky is getting darker. The bank account is getting bare, the cupboards are growing starker.   The world is growing in discontent, and we're nowhere near where we want to be.   The cold is getting colder. The rain is getting wetter. But you need not worry, soup makes everything better.  

Hyrax

Hyrax

 

This Is A Very Ominous Assignment, With Overtones Of Extreme Personal Danger.

There was once a wise old spider and all the confused young gharials would come to him and ask "Oh wise old spidery spider, I ever so confused, I have so many problems, please help me and give me some of your wisdom, you decrepit little turd." The spider would briefly ponder in his tiny wheelchair before professing "You need not worry! Just be yourself and do not worry what other people think of you! Live today as if it were your last!" to which the gharial would reply "THANK YOU!" and swim off to make a sandwich or whatever they do these days. Anyway, the moral of the story is that the spider is a complete moron who gives lame advice.   Firstly, there is no way you can't be yourself. In fact, it's the only thing you can't not do. If there's anything intrinsic to your being then it's that you are yourself (actually, I think the cogito is bogus but I'm ranting here so shut up). You can't be anyone else. Sure, you can pretend to like things you don't actually like but that doesn't mean you're now Edward P. Kasawari and you're no longer Hilary St. Motorvehicleexplosion. Secondly, if you don't consider what other people will think of you then you won't get anywhere in this world because humans are evidenly social beings. There are many of us and we are in constant contact. Thinking about what other people will think of you isn't just acceptable, it's functional, baby. Fucntional like a vacuum cleaner. Finally, if you live every day like it's your last then you'll never get anything done, you won't be able to save any money, you can't do anything that involves more than 23 hours and 59 minutes of planning, preparation or forethought and you'll probably end up in some kind of prison. I don't know anyone who genuinely lives every day as if it were their last and if I ever do meet someone who does, I'll dropkick them into a swimming pool full of dropkicks.   Eat 5 steaks a day, treat your wife as an object and always treat old ladies as bomb threats. These words are more appropriate for anyone finding their way in life. Thank me with money.

Hyrax

Hyrax

 

Someone Will Fix Things If You Let Your Face Dry.

I'm not going to make a difference. I don't have to or want to. I don't know that anybody deserves it. The only difference now is my indifference is founded and justified. Tragedy of the commons. Horrible people. Nice time. Ride. I've really come into my own. Now its sore from bending round between my legs. Yeah!

Hyrax

Hyrax

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