While inferior candidates attempt to make an issue out of income inequality or rising sea waters, we can always count on one man to give us real substance.
Future President Lincoln Chafee has proven that he's the most trustworthy candidate (once again) with our grammatical standards. This might even rival his granite-hard support for switching to the metric system.
Chafee recently tweeted a study that assessed the grammatical fortitude of his followers when compared to that of other candidates. To nobody's surprise, his came out on top with only 3.1 mistakes per 100 words.
Will President Chafee at last bring our nation to the officialization of the Oxford comma that it has long sought? We'll have to see whether Congress can put the bill through for his executive approval.
Are you fed up with the joke that is commonly referred to as the United States Presidential Election? Does each and every candidate seem to be the "same ole', same ole'" politican to you? Are you suffering from excessive urination?
Then do I have news for you! While the public has concerned themselves futilely over such inferior Democratic-nominee hopefuls as Hillary Clinton and Doc Brown, we've forgotten the true breadth of the race, the one lurking in the shadows, waiting to make his move and rise like a half-bald eagle. This candidate's popularity is so incomprehensible that it can only be measured in the polls as an asterisk.
But he himself is no stranger to measurement. Do you want to know why?
Because Lincoln Chafee will
for the metric system.
This is a man who recognizes that in a torn international economy, America must strive to be competitive. We must push forward. We must go where no man has gone before, especially when most men have gone there already and we sort of haven't.
In a historic and unprecedented act of diplomacy, future president Chafee praised Canada, symbolically bridging the gap between us and them by saying, "I happen to live in Canada, and they completed the process. Believe me, it's easy."
Indeed it will. It will be easy to switch to metric. It will be easy when we have a heroic fighter like Lincoln Chafee to unite our nation under one decimal.