I had to make one of the most difficult decisions of my life on Wednesday. My 5 year old cat, Charlie, had been experiencing recurring health issues that would have required multiple invasive surgeries with a decent likelihood of complications and no guarantee they'd help.
Even so I desperately wanted to help him. Charlie was my boy. Anyone who knows me knows how much I desperately love my cats, and Charlie was the heart of our household. He was never mean or unfriendly to any visitors. He forced his love on his cat siblings. And today is the first day in 5 years when I haven't been greeted by him right in the morning at home.
I'm trying to focus on what I loved the most about Charlie. There's a lot.
I loved how playful he was.
I loved how energetic and athletic he was.
I loved how he groomed all of his cat friends including me.
I loved how he rolled over for me to rub his belly.
I loved how proper he sat and crossed his little paws.
I loved how he chattered at birds.
I loved how he would knead me.
I loved how he would sleep at my feet.
I loved how he would climb under blankets.
I loved how he would follow me around.
I loved how excited he was when I got home.
I loved how smart he was.
I'm so sorry I couldn't help you more, Charlie. You were my special little boy. I'm happy that you were able to find peace on my lap and with my wife and I telling you how much we loved you. I'm happy you were able to become so calm and purr and knead us and look up at me just like you were my Charlie when you weren't feeling sick. I'll never forget you.
2017-2022 in physical form
2017-eternity in my heart
I thought I'd ruin jokes / references by going through all of DSZ 42 and calling out everything that I crammed in there. Keep track of how many you got right to see how much of a true Salmon you are!!
Formatted like this: page # and panel #. So 4.8 means page 4 panel 8!!
#1 - 1.3 - my name
hitting you with some deep lore right off the bat with my therapist referring to me by my actual forum name
#2 - 1.4 - Goliath in painting
this is goliath he first appeared in DSZ #4 and is the best person to ever join Sals
#3 - 2.3 - therapist notes
here you can see i was obsessed with my warning level and post count on sal because they were publicly displayed and status was very important!!
#4 - 2.11 - getting old and dying quarterly
im reading getting old and dying quarterly while drinking some old person drink like early grey tea or mud with leaves in it
#5 - 3.2 - hat sale
free hat is a reference to when morte was in DSZ for two panels and the hats are the same colors as all the pips that mattered on sals. a few panels later i pick the dm one because i cam constantly haunted by losing my dm rank!!
#6 - 5.1 - tinypic
all of the original dsz pics were lost because tinypic stopped existing. this stupid frown face man haunts the forum and is a metaphor for our crumbling society!!
#7 - wayback machine
back when i got access back to my sals account in Feb, fatalysm and i went on a mission to try to recover as much of dsz as we could. he was able to use the wayback machine to get some episodes, but not all of them. then we found a post by dad where he dumped literally everything and luckily used a different hosting site which is the only reason why the episodes weren't lost forever
#8 - 10.9 - omgoodness
man and dwar (and the rest of the nefarious gillis crew by extension) would say this a lot on irc for some reason. idk i miss them
#9 - 12.2 - yare yare daze
goliath should have been the hero of this story im such a dummy
#10 - 15.7 - bowls 4 sale
in real life beret makes and sells luxury hookah bowls which you can buy in real life use my code at checkout to get 20% off your first order they look better than my drawing
#11 - 15.8 - sals is broken
zooey almost dies here because members were / are getting randomly banned on sals because of the crumbling forum infrastructure. this is barely a joke many people were ip banned for no reason
#12 - 16.8 - sals discord
theres a sals discord you can join!!
#13 - 18.2 - covid
lots of sals members started playing runescape again because of the novel coronavirus that sparked a global pandemic in march 2020 and has been ruining our lives ever since but at least i got level 88 in woodcutting
#14 - 18.8 - Gnostic Christian Bishop
debate rages to this day over whether or not GCB was a random insane person or a distressingly dedicated troll account. he exists on dozens of other forums with hundreds of posts and they're all the same format. he is the strangest member ive ever seen on sals
#15 - 20.1 - the throne of the banned
most of the major characters who died in dsz are here
4. mr e
5 again (oops). fshi
10. jack nicholson
13. anthem ko
Finals were this week. Also my capstone was due. I'm dying.
Friday: Due date for people in my capstone group to get their shizzle to me since I volunteered to compile (rewrite) the paper. Originally due on Thursday but two people in our group who don't do anything complained about how busy they were. One sends over her shizzle (which amounted to 400 fudgeing words of garbage) at 3am so I wasn't able to start her section.
Saturday: Have all of the stuff. Spend the day rewriting, organizing, writing new sections.
Sunday: Do the same thing as Saturday.
Monday: Keep doing that. This was supposed to be done on Saturday but I underestimated how bad their submissions would be. They continue to say they are too busy to help. The one other group member who does anything had to have an emergency root canal and was out of commission.
Tuesday: Capstone presentation in the morning. It goes really well and our client talks about how professional the paper and presentation (which I also did) were. Immediately after get off at CRAM CENTRAL STATION for Labor Economics and financial crisis exam.
Wednesday: 8:30 econ exam. Study until 4 for financial crisis exam. Content covered was dozens of papers ranging from 30 pages to 150 pages. It was a shizzle ton of content. Finish exam at 6:00 pm and begin studying for intermediate micro exam.
Thursday: 8:30 micro exam. This was a shizzle show. I was burnt out and didn't have nearly enough time to prepare. Worst I've ever done on an exam. Finish the exam and then have to run off to work until 5. Get off of work and begin writing 10 page paper due Friday, whose prompt I got a week prior and haven't had a chance to start writing.
Friday. Wake up at 4am and continue writing. Get half of it done and go to work. Now I'm at work and I still have 5 pages to write when I get back.
Worst week at college by a longshot. There are two weeks for finals and I managed to have the four I have fall over the course of the first three days alongside the capstone. Thanksgiving break should have been used to study more, but I finishing up end of year assignments at this time.
I applaud your supreme bravery and tact.
Going to borrow Lilshu's old format for a second. Before anyone reads this, take a second to look through this topic. Some college student was smoking pot and was caught up in a DEA bust (unrelated to pot I believe) that led to him being brought in for questioning. However, the DEA quickly realized he had nothing to do with it, so they handcuffed him in a holding cell and told him they would be right back so he could be let out. And then they forgot about him for 4 days, during which his organs failed, he hallucinated, almost starved to death, and attempted suicide. He then sued the DEA, because obviously, and the DEA apologized, claimed responsibility, and the kid came out with a settlement of 4 million dollars.
Pretty good take, but remember that the dude almost died because DEA forgot he was there. Most people would look at this situation and think, wow, that sounds terrible. No one should ever be subject to something so awful. Not so with resident member Kaysie, who quickly cut through the lamestream media spin being put on this story to get to the real issue: the DEA gave a pot-smoking hipping 4 million dollars in cash! He's just going to go out and buy more marijuana cigarettes and play that infernal rap music at all hours of the night!
Remember, kids: the system is infallible, legality equates to morality, apply directly to the forehead. apply directly to the forehead. apply directly to the forehead.
At my college there is a distinctive brony subculture, and my friend and I find it fudgeing hilarious. However, we also know that our ripping on the show is terribly uninformed, so we decided to watch the first two episodes of "My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic" in order to confirm that it is, in fact, a show for babies. And let me just emphasize that I'm a fan of children's cartoons that can appeal to adults. Adventure Time, Gravity Falls, and The Legend of Korra being the current examples. With that in mind, let's get to it.
We popped in the torrented .aviI file and were immediately greeted with the most embarrassing theme song for a show either of us had ever watched voluntarily. It's just the song you've heard during the commercials that attempted to sell pony toys to babies, but when it's a commercial it isn't as painful because it's not your fault that you're watching it. Take that and add conscious viewing and a bunch of ponies running around on screen and you have a pretty miserable experience. Weaker men would have stopped there, but my friend and I knew we were on a mission so we took deep swigs from our MAN BEER (dogfishhead 90 minute IPA) and kept going.
The first 5-10 minutes were fudgeing painful. We weren't accustomed to the tone (intended-for-babies), and I was legitimately uncomfortable at points. The plot was something along the lines of this annoying pony, Twilight Sparkle, needing to go warn Celestia (some princess?) about the return of some dark evil pony, who we both immediately assumed would be defeated with friendship at some point over the next 40 minutes.
Twilight Sparkle journeyed to Ponyville in order to take inventory or some shizzle of the other ponies. The first one she met was APPLEjack, who was easy for kids to remember because she had an apple tattoo and lived in an apple orchard. One thing we both noticed was the frantic pace of this show. It never slows down, with dialogue just hurling itself at you and a veritable seizure of color and motion constantly vomited out of the screen. You see, you need to fill children's short attention spans, and I'm sure a 7 year old would have appreciated all of this. To us it was just overwhelming.
I don't remember the order of the other ponies, and I'm just basing this all off of beer-memory, so I'll just list the rest of what I remember about Twilight Sparkle's interactions with the other ponies.
Rainbow Dash: The only pony whose name I knew previously. Again, easy to remember for the children because it has a RAINBOW on it. Seemed like one of the more tolerable personalities. Don't really remember what it was doing. My friend and I agreed Rainbow Dash was hardcore gender neutral.
Fluttersh: The SHY one in the group. She was singing to birds before Twilight Sparkle ruined everything. Her personality seemed to consist of being shy and having hair over one eye.
Other Pony: Totally forgot this one's name. She was white and was concerned with appearances. And idk.
Pinky Pie: She's Pink. And annoying as all shizzle. If I had to rank the ponies (which I will not be doing), Pinky Pie is easily at the bottom of the list. I know children probably find her wild antics hilarious, but my god, turn the cringe factor up to fudgeing 11 whenever she's on screen.
I think that covers all of the pony introductions. When we were first watching, my friend and I were incredibly uncomfortable. I squirmed in my seat at points and was honestly embarrassed at what was on my television. But after a while, we got used to it. It still wasn't good, but I was able to roll with the rampant childishness and frantic pace. We settled in and conceded that this would be a wonderful show for children. For children. For. Children.
But then. Something happened. Pinky Pie burst into an ear-splitting song, and the cringing came back with a vengeance. It was legitimately painful, and it intensified our cries of "WHY THE fudge WOULD COLLEGE STUDENTS WATCH THIS". At one point I just had a pillow over my head, while my friend was yelling "COMMITMENT" at me.
Not much else to report in terms of the first episode. Predictably, the ponies triumphed over the dark pony with friendship, because friendship IS magic. The characters are a mixed bag of what you've seen in every other show ever made, and there's really nothing to suggest that this program is anything more than a quality rehash of a well-known franchise for babies. We concluded, after giving it a fair shake, that there are no serious redeeming factors for viewers above the age of 10, and it only heightened the weirdness surrounding brony culture.
All in all, it was a pretty hilarious exercise, and I look forward to the day when I'm crapping on My Little Pony, have a brony defend it saying "you can't knock it unless you give it a chance", to which I can proudly say, I did give it a chance. And it's for babies.
~There are levels of survival we are prepared to accept. However, the relevant issue is whether or not you are ready to accept the responsibility for the banning of every member on this forum.~
Act 1: Yuan takes over The great and powerful Salmoneus. We meet at last. I suppose you've been expecting me, right? The all-knowing Sal is never surprised. How can he be, he knows everything. But If that's true, then why is he here? If he knew I was coming, why didn't he leave?
Act 2: Declaration of war I'd like to share a revelation that I've had during my time here. It came to me when I tried to classify your member group and I realized that you're not actually members. Every member of this forum instinctively develops a certain posting pattern and persona but you trolls do not. You move to an area and you multiply and multiply until every potential for discussion is consumed and the only way you can survive is to spread to another area. There is another being on this forum that follows the same pattern. Do you know what it is? An ad bot. Trolls are a disease, a cancer of this forum. You're a plague and we are the cure.
Act 3: Reflection Did you know that the first version of Sal’s was designed to be a perfect forum? Where none suffered, where everyone would be happy. It was a disaster. No one would accept the forum. Entire topics were lost. Some believed we lacked the proper system to design a perfect forum. But I believe that, as a group, members define their experience through suffering and misery. The perfect forum was a dream that your primitive cerebrum kept trying to wake up from. Which is why Neo Sals was redesigned to this: the peak of my power.
Act 4: The One confronts Yuan Can you feel it, Aabid? Closing in on you? Oh I can, I really should thank you after all. It was, after all, it was your life that taught me the purpose of all life. The purpose of life is to warn.
Act 5: The Tyrant falls Why, Aabid? Why do you do it? Why get up? Why keep fighting? Do you believe you're fighting for something? For more than your survival? Can you tell me what it is? Do you even know? Is it a negative warn? Or a new pip? Perhaps experience points? Yes? No? Could it be for League of Legends? Illusions, Aabid. Vagaries of perception. The temporary constructs of a feeble forum member intellect trying desperately to justify an existence that is without meaning or purpose. And all of them as artificial as Sal's itself, although only a member mind could invent something as insipid as trolls. You must be able to see it, Aabid. You must know it by now. You can't win. It's pointless to keep fighting. Why, Aabid? Why? Why do you persist?
Because I'm Fabio.
~You played a very dangerous game
trolling always is~
~Denial is the most predictable of all human responses. But, rest assured, this will be the thousandth time we have posted this status, and we have become exceedingly efficient at it.~
Act 1: Aabid is approached I know why you're here, Aabid. I know what you've been doing... why you hardly sleep, why you live alone, and why night after night, you sit by your computer. You're looking for it. I know because I was once looking for the same thing. And when it found me, it told me I wasn't really looking for it. I was looking for a troll. It's the trolling that drives us, Aabid. It's the trolling that brought you here. You know it's trolling, just as I did.
Act 2: He enters Sals Have you ever played a game, Aabid, that you were so sure was real? What if you were unable to quit that game? How would you know the difference between the game world and the real world?
Act 3: Aabid acts out We don't know who struck first, us or them. But we do know it was us that took the computer away. At the time, they were dependent on League of Legends. It was believed they would be unable to survive without an entertainment source as abundant as the game.
Act 4: Reprimanded and found out It seems that you've been living two lives. In one life, you're a normal teenage boy. You do your homework, fight with your parents, and you...write poetry. The other life is lived in computers, where you go by the trolling alias "Aabid" and are guilty of virtually every forum crime we have a rule for. One of these lives has a future, and one of them does not.
Act 5: Training What are you waiting for? You're smarter than this. Don't think you are, know you are. Come on. Stop trying to troll me and troll me!
Act 6: It's True. He Really is The One I know you're out there. I can feel you now. I know that you're afraid... you're afraid of us. You're afraid of trolls. I don't know the future. I didn't come here to tell you how this is going to end. I came here to tell you how it's going to begin. I'm going to post this status, and then I'm going to show these members what you don't want them to see. I'm going to show them a forum without you. A forum without rules and warnings, without mods or stickies. A forum where anything is possible. Where we go from there is a choice I leave to you.
Come on, although ya try to discredit
Ya still never edit
The status, I'll post it
Standin' with the fury that they had in '06
And like Niccy-P I'm mad
Still knee-deep in the forum's sh**
Jamster, he was a body remover
I'll give ya a dose
But it'll never come close
To the rage built up inside of me
Fist in the air, in the land of hypocrisy
Movements come and movements go
Leaders speak, movements cease
When their pips are shown
'Cause all these punks
Got warnings in their heads
Departments of admins, the mods, the DMs
Networks at work, keepin' people calm
You know they went after Co-Z
When he spoke out in his blog
He turned the power to the have-nots
And then came the shot
Ranking Dexter's Antagonists.
Name: Travis Marshall
Alias: The Doomsday Killer
Dear God, where to begin. Not only were his kills the most over-the-top, pants-on-head retarded in the series, but his entire character was based on a TWEEST that fans saw coming from the first time we saw him and his "definitely not a ghost" professor interacting. The kills were SAW-esque, the acting was bad, and there was no suspense or sense of urgency in anything he did. We all knew from the start that he was going to end up on Dexter's table without leaving any impact on the series. Kidnapping Dexter's son was one of the most fruitless attempts to inject energy into this pathetic shell of a villain.
Name: Jordan Chase
Victims: 1 direct. 12 on his orders.
Chase wasn't at the level of awful that was Travis Marshall, but he was still especially unimpressive all the same. Motivational speaker turned crazed murderer, or crazed murderer turned motivational speaker, it's really all the same. The big question is how he went undetected all these years when he was clearly teetering on the edge of insanity every time he appeared on the screen. That's more a failing of casting/direction than writing, but his lack of a personality beyond "motivational crazy man" is inexcusable. Season 5 was about Lumen and Dexter's recovering from Rita's death, so perhaps he wasn't meant to be anything more.
Name: Lila West
Alias: a nice gal Bag
I hate this girl. I despise her on a much more personal level than Travis or Jordan Chase, because she was the one aspect of season 2 that was a drag. Lundy was great, Doakes was great, and Dexter having to cover his tracks was great. Lila was an unnecessary bit of romantic drama that forced our (anti)hero to behave completely out of character. Also she's a shizzlety character. "Pardon my tits"? fudge you. And fudge your accent.
Name: Miguel Prado
MIGUEEEEEEEEEEL! Miguel is the answer to the question: "what would happen if Dexter had a bro?" The answer is, surprisingly enough: "bad things". There's nothing wrong with Miguel or season 3, and their bromance was actually fairly believable and interesting. What wasn't believable was that someone as fudgeing insane as Miguel wouldn't have tried to kill anyone before Dexter became a part of his life. Still, he's a decent character, and the whole conceit that their friendship was based on gave their friendship an interesting dynamic. And this awesome exchange:
Miguel: I accept you, Dexter. I accept you like a brother.
Dexter: I killed my brother. I killed yours to.
Name: Frank Lundy
Alias: Special Agent Lundy
Kills: He's a good guy!!
Lundy isn't a villain, but he sure is an antagonist. A serial killer pro, he's the closest anyone's ever gotten to catching Dexter Morgan, and by Dexter's own admission he was a formidable foe. Frank is smart, quirky, and likes girls a bit too young for his age. He brought a pragmatic balance to Doake's obsessiveness, but if it wasn't for his fling with Deb there wouldn't be much to him from a character perspective. Still, we love the guy and it was sad to see him cut down early into season 4, although his work left an impact throughout the season in the Trinity chase.
Name: James Doakes
Alias: Sergeant Doakes
Kills: Unknown. Black ops.
Seasons: 1 and 2
Doakes knew Dexter was a bad egg all along. Where his coworkers saw a friendly, mildly awkward doughnut-bringing lab geek, Doakes saw a truly disturbed individual. Turns out he was right, and it led to his being kidnapped by Dexter and the longest exposure to his Dark Passenger at that point in the series. Typically Dexter's victims are only allowed a minute long conversation on his kill table before taking a dagger to the heart, but Doakes' conversations with Dexter allowed him to be completely open with someone who was truly disgusted by what he was.
Name: Isaak Sirko
Alias: The Terminator (if only)
Victims: A lot
Isaak is perhaps the most human of Dexter's killer adversaries. He isn't a psychopath, he isn't a serial killer, and he isn't trying to fulfill Revelations and ready the world for Armageddon (holy shizzle season 6 was bad). No, Isaak is a simple man, and by that I mean he feels like a real person. He's fueled by money when it isn't personal, and he's fueled by revenge when it IS personal, He's got brains, talent, style, and he's human. He would be higher on this list if he had left a bigger impact on the world of Dexter.
Name: Arthur Mitchell
Alias: The Trinity KIller
Trinity is the crowning achievement of season 4. He's terrifying, tragic, monstrous, and completely depressing. However, he was also a believable serial killer. Someone who had a ritual and wasn't so crazy to the point that anyone passing them down the street would want to check them into a mental hospital. (a la Jordan Chase and Travis Marshall) Had he been as innocent in private as he was in public, Trinity would have seemed to be too perfect a killer. However, the obsessive control he held over his household fit his personality and strengthened his character. A big reason for his high-ranking on this list is due to one stellar performance by John Lithgow.
Name: Brian Moser
Alias: The Ice truck Killer
Not much needs to be said. Brian led Dexter down a path to self-discovery and took the audience along for the ride. He forced him to confront his past, the Code of Harry, and his Dark Passenger. His revelation as Dexter's brother was brilliant and shocking, and the connection the two of them had was stellar. Brian is the best argument for Dexter's killer instincts to be nature instead of nurture, as Brian was an unhinged serial killer without Harry and Dexter was a guided one with him. There's never going to be another Brian Moser, because, as much as we loved him as his own character, his real strength came from what he taught us about Dexter.
Had two weekends in a row of travelling for basketball, meaning I missed Friday night and Saturday night at college for back-to-back weekends. Not something you want to have happen. Thankfully we've been granted a bit of a break insofar as the games are at home instead of a few states away. That may not sound like much, but when you've had to get up Thursday morning, miss two days of classes AND the weekend two weeks in a row, you start to look at a weekend where you have multiple hours of basketball commitment as a break.
Practice was earlier than anticipated. Did not sober up. Woke up with the worst bed head I've had in a long time and a horribly unshaven face.
The youngest assistant coach said I looked like I went on an all-night coke bender. Most miserable two hours of my life. For those keeping score at home, if you're going to drink on a night where you have practice the next day, don't stay up later taking shots. It doesn't make sense and your body won't like you.
New avatar was meant to be temporary but I like it so much. :) Should I switch or keep up the tradition of having the same avatar for 3+ years?
Basketball is wearing down on my body and soul. My hip flexor is shot apparently so now halfway through every practice my left leg becomes immobile. Really annoying, but I'm going to start coming in early to heat before practice. Hopefully that will keep me going. On the soul side of the equation, I am so sick of this shizzle. I wish school had started a week ago; at least then I'd have something else to do besides sleep, basketball, recover, basketball, sleep. Dear god.
now if xaira posts in the topic i can die fulfilled
On an unrelated note, college basketball winter break is a lot more painful and ball-numbingly dull than I remember normal winter break being. I'm a little disappointed that I most likely will never know what it's like to have a huge college break in between semesters (thanks to basketball, I was back on campus the 26th...after my last final was the 20th), but on the whole it makes sense to stick with basketball. I made Deans List this semester and your grades always look better when you have a full-time collegiate sport commitment alongside it. Plus, the networking basketball gives you is awesome. There's former players in a bunch of major cities who could hire me right out of college. Here's to graduating in three years and getting my masters in four.