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Step Aside Mr Bean

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SlashingUK

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Breaking with tradition my intentions for this blog, I'm actually going to post an entry outlining some of what happened today.

 

The morning was fairly uneventful. I was planning to make some baguettes, which my boys have been trying to persuade me to do for some days, then we planned to go to a local park in the afternoon. I set up my bread making machine to prepare the dough for the baguettes to be ready just in time before we went to the park, except, when I opened up the machine, I realised I'd accidentally set it up to bake the bread rather than make dough - so I had a very small french loaf instead. Little did I realise this was a precursor of my lunacy to follow.

 

We went to the park and met up with another family with a young son and set off on a woodland trail with various activities along the trail. The park was very crowded, compared to normal, but still plenty of space to have fun. My two boys kept on running ahead so, rather than put in the effort to chase them all the way down the path, I spotted an opportunity for a shortcut through the woods. As I reached the point of "I've gone too far to turn back now" I approached a slightly boggy looking ditch. There was no way around, but since it hadn't rained for several days and was even warm enough today for shorts and t-shirt, I decided to pick my way through. I realised this was a bad idea as the sucking mud oozed first over my shoe, then over my sock and eventually half way up my shin. Unperturbed, I pressed on and eventually made it to the other side - short one shoe. After ten seconds of splashing and muddying myself I managed to retrieve the shoe and made my way onto the path to the vast amusement of passing strangers, although my boys were only passingly concerned / amused. Not a good first ten minutes of a two hour park visit.

 

Excepting the squelching sounds and sucking, moist feeling around both my feet, the next hour or so was relatively uneventful, although we did pass a mock ancient / mediaeval looking village of straw huts at one point. Then we came to a crossing bridleway and were surprised to be passed by a barbarian horde mounted on horseback. They were then followed by several vehicles of cameramen, technicians, caterers and the other paraphernalia of film making. Ten minutes later this was capped off by the passing of a small contingent of roman legionaries, bearing eagle-standards and all the rest of the gear. I managed to grab my camera in time for this lot, unlike the mounted barbarians who preceded them. You can also make out a marching camp just to the left. As an added bonus, you get to see my wife and eldest son in this pic too :(.

 

Centurions

 

Under the pressure of intense interrogation, one of the set workers cracked and revealed that they were making a movie called "Centurions" - but my son stopped asking questions at that point so we didn't find out if any big-name celebs were on set today. An area of woodland just a couple of miles away was destroyed during the opening scene of Gladiator a few years ago ("A people should know when they are conquered."), so the area has a (top notch / reasonable / so-so / rotten - delete as applicable) pedigree in swords-and-sandals movie making.

 

When I got home I switched on my steamer to make dinner, then went to shower my legs down in the bath. I was wearing shorts, so didn't take off any more clothes. I turned on the shower which was resting in the bath and went to the toilet while it warmed up. The shower head spun around and was spraying water all over me while I rushed to finish up. Then, I finally got in and cleaned my legs. Being an agile fellow I hoist myself out of the bath using just my arms, but I'd forgotten to put my towel down landed on the slippery (shower soaked) hard tile floor and slipped right over with one leg still on the side of the bath. When I eventually composed myself well enough to venture downstairs I found that the steamer was empty - I'd switched it on with no contents.

 

I really do seem to have turned into Mr Bean today. Luckily, I was laughing at myself all afternoon. Though my wife was just shaking her head and said that I was worse than the boys - to which I had no good answer but to look sorry for myself.

 

Thanks for not laughing too hard at my misfortune. I hope you had a better day than me. Thanks for reading.

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It could be this movie that they were filming.At least you made the correct measurements on the bread recipe. My brother did it without any yeast, we were left with this lovely unleven bread glued to the sides of the machine

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It could be this movie that they were filming.At least you made the correct measurements on the bread recipe. My brother did it without any yeast, we were left with this lovely unleven bread glued to the sides of the machine
Ah indeed! If my history is accurate, I think this movie won't have a happy ending for the Romans. That turned into one of the worst defeats in their history, as they tried to slog their way up a hill side in full legionary gear. Some of them probably lost their caligae too :box:.It would also explain why the barbarians had weird paint in their hair, but as far as I recall, not many Picts (which, uninterestingly enough, comes from the latin for "painted") were cavalrymen - maybe I saw a contingent of nobles or something. Also, the weird paint wasn't blue, which was the colour the Picts were famous for painting themselves, coming from woad (whatever that is - I'm guessing some kind of plant).

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Ah indeed! If my history is accurate, I think this movie won't have a happy ending for the Romans. That turned into one of the worst defeats in their history, as they tried to slog their way up a hill side in full legionary gear. Some of them probably lost their caligae too :thumbup:.It would also explain why the barbarians had weird paint in their hair, but as far as I recall, not many Picts (which, uninterestingly enough, comes from the latin for "painted") were cavalrymen - maybe I saw a contingent of nobles or something. Also, the weird paint wasn't blue, which was the colour the Picts were famous for painting themselves, coming from woad (whatever that is - I'm guessing some kind of plant).
I recalled the same after reading that.Perhaps they were making two movies at the same time, or the movie makers forgot that Romans did not have calvery in extensive use for sometime after their defeat (which exposed why you do not try to go up a hill in full battle-gear in the mid-day heat against a smart force of enemy soldiers who (a) hold the high-ground, and (b) are not forced to fight in tight little groups of men).My history on this subject is more then a little rusty, so I may be wrong about all of this (before this and after), and may be thinking of something else, however, were the Picts not known for their extensive tatoos, and not their blue paint (perhaps it was blue ink?)? I do recall one race of people painting themself head-to-toe in blue paint (of some sort) before entering battle as they believed it would give them powers in battle (close to the elite Viking warriors who dosed up on drugs and ran naked into battle) perhaps it was the Picts thou.Woad is a plant, historically it was used (and still is used) to make blue-dye.Sorry to hear about your day, I cannot say I had an equally worse one thou, or even a bad one.Nice photo thou, I believe they look the part (I did not zoom in on the image).~John

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