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Sexuality: A Complex Subject

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Druin

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I noticed at a very young age that I was attracted to men, not women. Well, except for that one time in which I just fell head-over-heels in "love" with this girl in 6th grade. She was attractive and smart, but I was only attracted to her emotionally. I wasn't into her sexually at all (but I did find her to be very good looking); all I wanted to do was be with her. I'd imagine holding her hand and giving her big, warm hugs, all of which would give me a flurry of butterflies in my stomach just thinking about it--you know, the typical embarrassing childhood crush. It lasted for a long two years, the longest crush I've ever had. I did call her once, but it turned out to be a disaster because I didn't know what to say. All we really said was "hello". After that, an awkward silence permeated the "conversation", and she finally hung up after about twenty seconds of no speaking. Yeah, I'd say I was devastated, but my attraction to her was indomitable. It stood strong until one day it just completely disappeared without warning. But before that, as much as I was attracted to her, I'd find myself being more and more attracted to the guys at my school. I wouldn't consider them crushes. Just physical attraction, pure and simple. It wasn't until many years later during my junior year in high school did I have my first male crush, and that only lasted for about two weeks. I found myself falling in "love" with another guy as a freshman in college, this time with me being both physically and emotionally attracted to him. This crush lasted throughout the semester and slowly fizzled out near the end. At this point, my attraction to females has all but waned. I mean, sometimes when I see a very attractive woman, I'd feel inexplicably drawn to her. This rarely happens, but when it does, I'd catch myself sneaking peeks at her out of the corner of my eye. But it has never progressed any further than that; I've never developed any feelings for any of these women. Apparently, these days, men are the only ones I'm interested in.

 

I've racked my mind over and over as to where I stand on my sexuality, but that's all in the past. It is meaningless to delve deeper into something so convoluted. I am attracted to whoever I'm attracted to, and I'm just going to leave it at that. That's why I don't particularly like placing myself in a specific category such as gay, bisexual, or straight. For the sake of simplicity, I always just say that I'm "not straight" because I don't fit into the other categories, and I'd rather not force myself into them. I don't believe that sexuality is black and white. It's very much a gray area, so compartmentalizing something that's already so complicated won't get anyone anywhere (especially for those who are questioning their sexuality); it'll only lead to more confusion.

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Interesting read. :aware: I, myself, don't consider myself monosexual as well. I do use the term 'gay', but only because it'd be a pain having to explain my feelings every time.

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Interesting read. :aware: I, myself, don't consider myself monosexual as well. I do use the term 'gay', but only because it'd be a pain having to explain my feelings every time.
Luc?! You exist?!

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Interesting read. :o I, myself, don't consider myself monosexual as well. I do use the term 'gay', but only because it'd be a pain having to explain my feelings every time.
Yeah, tell me about it. My friends always refer to my orientation as 'gay', and I just go along with it because I don't want to spend the time expounding on my life story. I almost didn't post this entry because it was sort of personal, but I'm glad I did it now. :huh:

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Interesting read. :o I, myself, don't consider myself monosexual as well. I do use the term 'gay', but only because it'd be a pain having to explain my feelings every time.
Luc?! You exist?!
Why yes. :P
Interesting read. :o I, myself, don't consider myself monosexual as well. I do use the term 'gay', but only because it'd be a pain having to explain my feelings every time.
Yeah, tell me about it. My friends always refer to my orientation as 'gay', and I just go along with it because I don't want to spend the time expounding on my life story. I almost didn't post this entry because it was sort of personal, but I'm glad I did it now. :o
I'm glad you did too! If you ever feel like just chatting, about non-serious totally non-related to this topic stuff too, please feel free to PM. :P(not an April Fool's joke or whatever, that'd be lame x3)

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I'm glad you did too! If you ever feel like just chatting, about non-serious totally non-related to this topic stuff too, please feel free to PM. tongue.gif(not an April Fool's joke or whatever, that'd be lame x3)
Duly noted. ;D

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