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A Few Jokes And Riddles

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The Newspaper

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Riddles by Annabeth

 

1.Louie or Lewis?

What is the correct pronunciation of the capital of Missouri: Saint Louie or Saint Lewis?

 

 

Neither is correct because the capital of Missouri is Jefferson City.

 

 

2.Not spelled correctly?

Which word(s) are not spelled correctly?

 

answer

signature

browse

February

 

 

All of them.

Answer, signature, browse, and February are not spelled C-O-R-R-E-C-T-L-Y.

 

 

3.Ramen Noodles

An old man was given a challenge: if he could eat a bowl of Ramen noodles without using his hands, he could win $5,000,000! He also had to somehow use chopsticks, and not just slurp it down with his mouth.

 

5 minutes later and 36 seconds, he beat the challenge and won that $5,000,000.

 

How did he do it?

 

 

Somebody else fed it to him. Duh.

 

 

4. Calculate

Solve this problem. First calculate 100 + 50. Next, divide your answer by five. Finally, add 4 to your number. What would the number be?

 

 

304, 340, or 430.

Well, I did say add 4 to your number! Did you get it?

 

 

5.Your my cousin's aunt, but not mine.

How can all your cousins have the same aunt, who is not your aunt?

 

 

Your mum is their aunt!

 

 

6. Another One! What Is it?

The Pope has it but he does not use it.

Your father has it but your mother uses it.

Nuns do not need it.

Arnold Schwarzenegger has a big one,

Michael J. Fox's is quite small.

What is it?

 

 

A surname/last name :P I bet you thought it was something else, eh?

 

 

 

The Airport Mishap

 

Originally Written by: Sean Covey

Edited, Titled, and Simplified by: Falcon

Story Type: True Story

 

 

A friend of mine, returning to America from a long stay in Europe, found herself with some time to spare at London’s Heathrow Airport. Buying a cup of coffee and a small package of cookies, she staggered, weighed down with luggage, to an unoccupied table. She was reading the morning paper when she became aware of someone rustling at her table. From behind her paper, she was appalled to see a neatly dressed young man helping himself to one of her cookies. She didn’t want to make a scene, so she leaned across and took a cookie herself. A minute or so passed. More rustling. He was helping himself to another cookie.

By the time they were down to the last cookie in the package, she was very angry but still could not bring herself to say anything. Then the young man broke the cookie in two, pushed half across to her, ate the other half and left.

Some time later, when the public-address system called for her to present her ticket, she was still fuming. Imagine her embarrassment when she opened her handbag to retrieve her ticked and was confronted by her package of cookies. She had been eating his.

 

 

A fun game

Written by: Falcon

 

One fine summer day, Daniel and his dad were playing a game of Frisbee out in the front lawn. When it started to get dark and the bugs began to come out, Daniel and his dad wrapped up their game and headed inside. Wiping the sweat from his face, Daniel exclaimed, “Man, that game went by fast!”

“Yep, time sure flies when you’re having fun, doesn’t it Danny.” his dad replied

“Well, dad… it’s kind of the other way around for me.” Daniel says as he heads back to his room to play video games.

 

A day of golf and a side of sin

Written by: Falcon

Inspired by: A teacher of mine

 

One day, a salesman was out golfing with a nun of their town to try and to tell her about a new air conditioning system that would benefit her convent. After lining up his put, he took a shot, missed, and said with annoyance “God dammit, I missed.” After hearing him say this, the nun advised him to watch his mouth, or god would strike him down. Not sharing the same beliefs, he pushes her comment aside and goes to pick up his golf ball. After some time, the two golfers ended up at the next putting hole and just like the first time, the salesman lined up his put, took the shot, and missed. Getting a bit angry this time, he exclaims, in a rather loud voice, “God dammit, I missed!” After her shock at hearing this for the second time, the nun curtly tells the man she is sure that if he said such an offensive thing again, the lord would strike him down. Turning towards her, he makes it quite plain that he thinks everything she is saying is complete baloney and that she should not be talking about his behavior when they were on a business outing. A bit shaken, they both arrive at the last hole. After precisely lining up his shot so he was sure he would not miss, the salesman taps the ball towards the hole. It was a beautiful shot, gliding right towards its target until a slight breeze blew it to the left, causing it to miss the hole by just an inch. Throwing his club down in fury, the salesman screams “GOD DAMMIT, I MISSED!” After his colossal outburst, a dark cloud emerges above the two golfers and a rumble of thunder makes the ground shiver. Suddenly, a huge bold of lightning comes down from the sky and strikes the spot where the nun is standing. After the cloud of smoke clears and only a small crater remains where nun had been standing, only moments ago, a huge, rumbling voice bellows from the sky, “GOD DAMMIT, I MISSED!”

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