My grandmother moved in! She's in my old room! At last, no long road trips to visit her, and no more wondering how she's hanging on in the hospital!
It's such a relief to have my mom's mom in the house with us, for a number of reasons. More than anything else, it's obviously nice to have her around so I don't worry about how she's doing in her nursing home. But it frees me from having to live in what's basically a hallway - although my room is (was!) decent-sized, walking through it is the fastest way to get through my circular house, and so I never had any privacy. Now I have a room across from the attic, my father's old study, and so the computers are right next to my bed. (I can type all night without anybody knowing!) This means that I get a fresh start in organization, I can redecorate my surroundings, and, since this is little more than an attic I now spend my time in, I can decorate the ceiling to my heart's content. Since an entire (admittedly tiny) floor essentially belongs to me, this is probably good practice for college.
Also, my grandmother moving her gives our family the money to basically renovate the entire house. We're rebuilding the whole backyard, adding a second bathroom, a new porch, a new bedroom, etc. It's cool, even though now we have workmen around the house all day. I have my little attic room. :)
I've been infernally busy. I still have five projects running simultaneously and have finished none of them, though I've done the work for the majority of three. I'm doing really well in school, though, except in my easiest courses like Photography and Honors Pre-Calc. Go figure.
I also got back my SAT scores... 800 in US History, 780 in Literature. I'm astounded. Due to the Marine Corps-level US History boot camp I went through last year, I'm an American History encyclopedia, so the 800 doesn't surprise me. But the 780 does. That Literature exam was ghastly. I thought I did very badly, but it's always nice to be proven wrong on a subject like this.
I'm dressing up as Gimli the dwarf for Halloween, going in a Lord of the Rings group with my friends. Dean is Aragorn, my prom date is Frodo, a girl I'm interested in (Tina) is Merry, another guy is an Ent, one couple is going as Pippin and an Uruk-Hai, and another is going as Legolas and Gandalf. It should be a very merry Halloween.
I thought I'd be Gimli out of sheer irony, since I'm quite tall, but I little imagined how annoying that would prove. I put off ordering my costume until Monday night, and consequently had to request two-day shipping rates so that it would get here by Friday morning, the day of our Senior Parade. Turns out shipping rates are $51.00 for two-day air from the UK. (Whoops.) It arrived a day early, but, in trying on my costume, I discovered that the costume, being a dwarf costume, was actually sized for dwarves. YOU HAD BEST BE JOKING. The beard, axe and helmet are more than satisfactory, but I am extremely unhappy with the length of the cloak. It won't wrap around my body, and it barely goes below my waist. Wearing an old knight tunic from freshman year and a pair of burlap pants any hardy dwarf would be proud to wear, I think I've done okay... but we'll see in the morning.
Also, I have two axes. One of them is long enough to be a polearm. So at least I look very intimidating, if that qualifies as a plus.
And now we come to the very interesting part of this blog: my love life, or rather, lack thereof. Gaia has deleted her Facebook... for the third time, actually, so this is nothing new. It's been gone for several weeks. I like her so much that even a simple but beautiful quotation coming from her makes me fall in love with her all over again, on an emotional day. But without this exposure to Gaia, the combination of years of denial and a constant effort to lose interest in her is finally having an effect on my crush. I'm losing interest in her. I can like other girls again.
One problem I'm having, though, is detachment. Cynicism. I was afraid of this, though I didn't think it would be this bad. I feel as if no girl can make me feel the way Gaia does/did, so when I do "like" girls now, I only do on a casual, superficial level. I think "Wow, she's cute, I might want to date her." But that's it. There's no sexual or magical feeling. There's no passion. Sometimes I wonder if I'm developing gay tendencies, but I'm not attracted to guys all of a sudden. It's like I no longer have the ability to really like girls. It's very unsettling.
I feel like this actually makes me more attractive. Now that I have so little stake in relationships, I feel more comfortable around girls in general. There are several girls who seem quite interested in me this year, and I flirt with them just for the heck of it, though only on a very, very low level. I really want a girlfriend... but when I've analyzed my reasons for wanting to go out with someone, none of them are very good. I want to be able to say that I have a girlfriend. I think somebody is cute. I feel jealous of my brother. I can't honestly say that anybody I dated would be the #1 girl in my life, and I wouldn't lie to my girlfriend, so I feel like I really shouldn't date anybody at the moment. I'm not sure, though.
Thoughts? Advice? Also, I love this picture: