Do No Evil
Entry posted by Merch Gwyar
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*As always, this is full of spoilers for the quest.*
This is my preliminary report after spending hours on it. I have no idea, at this point, how far into the quest I am. I haven't seen any quest-capes out there and even RS Wiki has no-one actually having completed it. 
So far, it has all of the hallmarks of one of the more annoying RS quests. To me annoying = having to run back and forth to various places for no good reason. That started early on, when Senliten sent me to Sophenem to learn about the goddess Apmeken. She told me to ask the Sphinx, despite the fact that Senliten patently knew all about Apmeken. The Sphinx gave me a little information, then sent me to ask Jex, from the Temple of Small Lesser Gods, for more. So why couldn't a) Senliten or b) the Sphinx tell me about the goddess? They both knew. But no, this was padding to get me to run around a bit, thus lengthening the quest. Things like that sully the quest for me.
Once the faffing was over, it was off to Ape Atoll. I did enjoy this part. The 3 Wise Monkeys were hilarious and the Monkey Guard luring was just challenging enough to be interesting. You have to lure him with bananas to the banana crate. The catch is that any other monkey guards encountered along the way will eat the bananas from your trail. If the trail is broken, the monkey guard that you're luring runs back to his post. It took me several abortive attempts along the most direct route, before I got savvy to this.
I eventually got there by noticing two things. Firstly, if you took him around the outside of the room, you bypass all over guards; and secondly, that green bananas stayed on the floor for several seconds, before going brown, then disappearing. I laid the whole trail backwards, then placed the banana that lures him onto it. It worked a treat, until we got out of the first room. Then I realised that the latter two thirds of my trail, placed first, had disappeared! LOL I was truly wise by now. I filled my bag with bananas. I laid the trail in the tiny room immediately south of the wise monkeys. I lured the monkey guard. While he nommed his way around that room, I raced to the bottom of it and completed the trail. He was now so far behind me that I was able to place bananas without worrying that I wouldn't be quick enough. It worked a treat.
A little more dialogue later, I was back in the desert buying a chimp choc-ice, made from my monkey amulet mould (yay for not throwing those out in the bank clearance yesterday). Here is where life got truly annoying. You have to get the choc-ice to Ape Atoll, without teleporting. It will start melting after a few seconds, so you have to hit it with an ancient magicks ice spell. The lesser ice spells are too weak, so you have to go for the one that takes 4 death, chaos and water runes. At first, I didn't suss that 'no teleporting' also meant the fairy rings. It took me a while to get to grips with the freezing of the choc-ice (click place; let it drop on the floor; cast your high level ice spell). Therefore it melted several times, before I successfully got it to the fairy ring north of Nardah. Then the teleport magic melted it.
Since then, I've been discovering (at 1k per choc-ice) all of the other things that don't work. Magic carpets do work. Apparently ship charters do too, though I haven't tested that. I very smugly tried to call a gnome glider, by launching a grand tree pod. I got this message:
I used magic carpets and a lot of running to get to the glider in Al-Kharid. The pilot there told me the same thing. I got it all the way to the spirit tree in the GE. The spirit tree melted it. I then got another one all of the way to White Wolf Mountain, after passing the balloon and wishing I'd thought to pack a magic log. At White Wolf Mountain, I ran out of runes for the ice spell. I'd packed 100 of them!
One day, someone is going to be doing this quest using a guide. I do hope that you spare a thought to those of us on day one, who learned the hard way which modes of transport do and don't work, and who told you how many runes to take. I'll blow a kiss back through the ether to all of those who do remember us.
I had to laugh though. On one of my many, many unsuccessful runs across Gielinor, I passed a fellow player in north Lumbridge. As we both cast our spells, he commented wryly, "No ice-cream is worth this." I had to agree. LOL
Edit: Desert eagles, mate. How could I have forgotten that past the Nardah fairy ring is a desert eagle perch? I used him to fly to Eagle's Peak, then raced down to the Gnome Stronghold at the foot of the hill. 
Once you make it past Crash Island and get rowed to Ape Atoll, you pass a checkpoint. Unfortunately, the next bit is even more of a git. You can't cast ice burst while you're a gorilla....
Edit: The rest of the trip was relatively easy. I purposefully let myself get arrested at the gate, with the choc ice on me. Then turned into a ninja monkey and basically took the Monkey Madness initial route. That gave me safe spots to refreeze the choc ice. Got to the king with no hassle.
Now I'm onto running around the desert with Ava's Alerter. I'm listening to the 'bwuk' with a strong sense of deja vu. There's a Discworld reference in there somewhere, isn't there?
(Quest paused for today)
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