You guys remember my good friend M? She stars in this little story, once again. WARNING: MONSTER OF AN ENTRY!
It was this Tuesday. I was walking to sport with M, and an idea popped in my head. Something that I had sneakily figured out and concluded the night before.
"So, what were you going to tell me?" she asked.
"Well..." I started, "ah..." Maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all. But there was no going back. "I know who you like," I said cheekily. And I did. What came next, I did not expect.
She said in a cold, firm but quiet voice, "I don't like anyone." She then proceeded to storm ahead of me, her defensive eyes avoiding me and tried opening the changeroom door. It was locked. She less-than-politely asked me to get the keys from the teacher, and when I refused, she went herself. By then, I was slightly stunned, confused and had a what-the-fudge-just-happened expression. That quickly changed. I didn't immediately run over and apologise. Oh no. I was super pissed. What the fudge. She lied to my face and walked out on me. She knows one of my biggest secrets and yet she LIED and made a scene out of it. That was when I suddenly realised, I know NOTHING about her. After all these years, there was nothing about her that I could hold onto, to prove that we were friends. She doesn't trust me. And I hated that. I hated her. I hated everything about her. I went and talked to Pam, I had to distract myself. At least I had SOMEBODY who put their trust in me, and mine in them. I love Pam in these situations, she's a lifesaver. She's great to talk to, and even though she can be annoying at times, she adores me and at that moment so did I.
Sport turned out to be health, and guess who was sitting next to me? I was wedged between Pam and a certain M. Luckily M had another friend to talk to. Sometime in the lesson, I looked at M's worksheet without thinking, she noticed and did a sort of curl on her paper, momentarily blocking her answers from me. Oh, you're still mad? Zero fudges given. I had to strike up a loud conversation with Pam to distract myself from punching her in the face, distraction is really the only way I can deal with anger.
The rest of the lesson wasn't that bad, actually. Pam was extremely supportive, maybe she sensed what was going on, I couldn't tell. I blocked out most of M's presence, which was very helpful. Who needs someone like that?
Later on in the day, she dropped a few hints that she had forgiven me and wanted to be friends again. nice doggy!, WE'RE NOT DONE YET. I rejected her attempts, and they only made me more pissed. You think you're the victim here? Grow a pair and actually talk to me about it, poking me in the back and softly kicking my chair (which I'm usually okay with) ain't gonna cut it. I left school a lot less angry I had been originally, but I still hadn't forgiven her.
The next day came by. Wednesday. She did a bit of back-poking in sport, but seriously? You ever heard of talking? I was still pissed, not as much as the previous day though. I wasn't the one who was going to try bring us together again. Not this time. I did say a few things to her, an attempt at breaking the ice. She did make some sort of an effort after all. Didn't feel right. Math came around, and god, her and the friend next to her sure were loud. They laughed, giggled, read every damn question in the book aloud and had a jolly good time, right behind me. It was as if she was mocking me, rubbing it in. My heart had began to soften, but right then it turned hard again. Pam wasn't there to save me and the friend friend who sat next to me wasn't particularly chatty. I wanted to turn around and shout in their faces, "SHUT THE fudge UP AND LET ME CONCENTRATE!" The never-ending class and laughter finally finished, and I couldn't get out of there faster.
I took it out on my locker, nearly ripping it out of its hinges (slight exaggeration) and actually had a great time at lunch, watching two guy friends have a vocal fight over my best friend when she wasn't there and I exhausted my laughter vocal cords. This lifted a huge load off my shoulders, and I thought maybe she wasn't so bad after all, that we could make things up? Like I said, she's too good to be true and spending time with her is a great feeling. I sort of missed her. Our next class together rolled by, but at the sight of her, I quickly changed my opinion. But this time I wasn't angry...I was sad. I worked so hard for that connection last year, and this is what happens? It made me feel as if a part of my life was sucked away, meaningless. I missed our little talks, that laugh when I said or did something stupid, all of that, gone, gone, gone. Maybe we weren't meant to be acquainted in the first place. When we got inside the classroom, she sat behind my spot, an invitation for me to talk to her (that is what I thought of when I saw it, she usually sits at the other end of the row, thinking back she probably sat there because there weren't any seats left). But something made me walk to the other side of the classroom and sit as far away as I could from her, next to another friend. Do I regret it now? Heck yes. Only if I could turn back time, sit in front of her and go back to what we used to be. But the decision was made. Nevertheless, me and the friends sitting next to me had some good fun.
The next day. Thursday. Today. I slept on it and decided to forgive her. If she made any attempt to get my attention (back poking and all), I would respond and make it clear things were okay. But the tables turned. After form, she was a couple metres ahead of me and we were going to Math together.
"Where do you think you're going? (without me)" I playfully asked. She did this half-turn towards me and made no change in pace. I tried again once or twice but no avail. Well, if you want to play that way, so will I. I crawled back into my angry hole. So there we were, silently walking to Math, a few paces separating us. Back to square one, where we first started on Tuesday. On arrival, she immediately started talking to another friend. The little nice doggy!. What was she up to now? We kind of talked in Math, but not really, if you know what I mean. The two were talking about Maroon 5's new song 'Payphone', and M stated that I hadn't heard it before (my group talked about it in form), which was weird cause my favourite band is Maroon 5. Some acknowledgement, we were making progress. Side note: I'm listening to Payphone right now and am in love, the lyrics kind of relate to our position, perhaps she was hinting at something. I dunno. That lesson went quite smoothly.
Our next class together was the one at the end of the paragraph before the last paragraph (get your head around that one :P ). Bear in mind that I was still pissed, but nowhere as much as before. I sat in my original spot, but M went back to hers, so 2 tables away diagonally. Close enough. Then something happened. I forgot what they were talking about before, but my friend asked M if she was angry at me. I looked at M. She looked straight ahead, avoided my gaze, and said nothing. I smiled. I expected nothing less. Sometime in the lesson, the Payphone discussion came about and she again talked about how I haven't heard about it. Getting very, very mixed feelings here. Then again I can't talk :P . I think we talked more. Not so sure though. Then Science came, oh god.
Science decided to pop up in the worst situation. It was the longest period in the week (longer than normal by 15 minutes) and we had a test coming up, so we got to sit anywhere we wanted to study with friends (we usually have a seating arrangement). I simply turned my chair around, Pam and my other friend sit behind me. Cue M. There was a seat free on either side of me, and a seat free beside Pam. As expected, M went for the seat next to Pam, but my other friend protested and wanted her to sit in front of her. Which meant beside me. asdf. Another friend sat next to Pam. I was back into my shell, trying to ignore her and our friend's hysterical laughing and giggling. I didn't want to distract Pam or my other friend because they were actually working. I couldn't study. I couldn't breathe. I had to get out. Out out out. I squirmed out of my seat and asked to go to the bathroom. Relief. I walked out of my stall, gathering my thoughts and HOLYCRAPMYBESTFRIENDWASTHERE. We stared at eachother in disbelief, then burst into a fit of laugher. What were the chances? She was from a completely different class. She also happened to be escaping from her class, from the 2 guys who fought over her at lunch that time xD.
"What the heck are you doing here?" she asked, still in fits.
In a completely serious voice, I said, "Making a cure for cancer." That set us off again, and I noticed that I should be getting back to class. We said bye, still laughing, and went our ways.
I smiled all the way back to class and caught myself in a giggle. That was the perfect thing to make my day. Nothing could get me down now. Wrong. I sat back down, but a seat away from M. It wasn't even halfway through the lesson and I didn't want to endure their hysterics. After a while, I noticed my rubber had gone missing. I asked Pam and she said 'one of them' had taken it. Obviously I went for the other friend first, accusing and interrogating her until I noticed her exchanging...looks with M. Oh. I reluctantly turned to M and asked, politely, for my rubber back. She denied it and said she doesn't have it, but her face gave it away. The exact way when she denied liking anyone. I repeated what I said, but she denied again. I did this a couple more times and gave up, returning to my seat. What the heck was she trying to accomplish? She deliberately took it so that I would talk to her, that's for sure. But this was better than nothing. She was doing good, I think. We didn't talk for the rest of the lesson until the end, when I remembered she still hadn't given my rubber back. This time, no more fiddlesticks. I blocked her from getting to her books, got in her face and told her to give me my rubber back (it's a good rubber, dammit!). We death-stared at each other until...
"You're giving me that look again, you're scaring me," she said, laughing a bit.
"Good to know it's working," I replied with a slight smile.
"You have dimples!" she exclaimed. I followed up by puffing my cheeks out like a blowfish.
"No I don't," I said rather retardedly, still doing the blowfish face. Were we back? Something close to it, maybe.
I still haven't really forgiven her, that'll take a while, but I hope things are okay. Have I done the right thing? Am I to blame or is she? Am I being selfish and irrational? I'll listen to you Sals, this time. In my opinion she overreacted, if I told anyone else the same thing I told her, there is NO WAY they would react like that.
We don't see much of each other tomorrow, so expect some sort of a conclusion on Monday.