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Getting consumed by a monster.

chaosor

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Lately I have been thinking about my worth; what kind of person I am to other people; what am I to them. I ask myself who would miss me should anything happen, or worry about me, should something happen. I think about my family, and how outside the intermediate family, the rest seem distant. I think about how Jo hurt me, and how 2 most recent "crushes" both friend zoned me, with the 2nd having tried to use me, as well as saying I'm one of her best friends, but then showing signs of distrust. I worry about making it through college, or whether I will make it in life. I think about quitting my job, but no where else is hiring, and my current job is best for hours. I feel trapped under a boulder. The job adds more and more stress to my life, and idk how much more I can take. I feel stuff always blows up in my face. I feel worthless, like I can't do anything right. The suicide of the girl has made me think about suicide, but more about the consequences. If there are people that would be hurt, I don't want to hurt them.

 

Alot is going through my mind right now, most of it, coming and going, I don't even know if this is accurate enough.



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I think about how Jo hurt me, and how 2 most recent "crushes" both friend zoned me

 

Nope. Sorry man, but it's not their fault at all it's all on you that you got so invested in them and didn't work it out.

 

 

Hope you feel better.

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Suicide doesn't end the pain. It just passes it on. People care about you more than you may realise.

 

I hope you can make it through this rough patch ok.

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<p class='citation'>Quote</p><div class="blockquote"><div class='quote'>I think about how Jo hurt me, and how 2 most recent "crushes" both friend zoned me</div></div>

Nope. Sorry man, but it's not their fault at all it's all on you that you got so invested in them and didn't work it out.

 

 

Hope you feel better.

Well, Jo was toying with me, so I'm going to have to disagree with you there, but the other 2 I agree with...but I wasn't really pointing fingers, so much as saying I was upset that that's how it turned out.

You need to talk to a professional. You've been making these blog entries for a long time now. Starting to talk to someone would be a great step towards being happy.

 

Schools often have a free counseling service.

I have seen psychiatrists before..they don't really help me...they can try to change my look on life, but they can't change what's happening in my life. My friends have suggested seeing someone as well, one of them even suggested pills to fight depression. I actually don't like the idea of pills, as I feel it would give me fake feelings.

Suicide doesn't end the pain. It just passes it on. People care about you more than you may realise.

 

I hope you can make it through this rough patch ok.

I know, that's why I made that last sentence in the first paragraph...I'm not saying I'm going to commit suicide..other than the reason we both stated, tbh I would be scared to commit suicide, considering how much stuff blows up in my face, if I tried, I guaranteed I would survive and be in worse pain. And on top of that I would have people following me everywhere, namely my family, to make sure I don't try anything,

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