First off, I'll start with the drama(ish) part. This new girl at work and I were talking, and she was trying to decide whether to break up with her current boyfriend or not. She said she had another guy in her mind, and she was confused, because lately, her current bf was treating her like crap. I found out that that guy she was talking about was either me, or my friend. We never found out who it was. But she decided to stay with her current boyfriend. No biggie.
Now then, on to the important stuff :P
I have been looking at moving out, as current problems in my household are preventing me from getting homework done. But all the prices around here are ridiculous enough that I won't be able to afford it. I have been thinking about the future alot, and I really want to get college done and over with as soon as possible. But with the aforementioned problem, as well as the fact that my managers keep scheduling me much more hours than I said I can work (even though they promised to work with my schedule). This weekend (Friday, saturday, and Sunday), I worked a total of 33 and a half hours. The worse days were Friday and Saturday, as I stayed up til 1:30 am to get my Math homework done (keep in mind I got about 3 hours of sleep per night from last Sunday-Thursday night), to get woke up at 9, being asked to come in to work early. I said yes, as the managers then let us out earlier, to keep us from getting extra hours, and are supposed to inform us if we are working extra hours. I ended up working 10am to 11:15 pm and I found out my schedule for the next day got changed, and got home and got ready for bed, by which time was 12:30. Then I had to get up the next morning to go back to work, at 5 am. Then I worked another 12 hour shift.
Anyways, I have been working too many hours, and haven't had as much time as I would like for my homework, which is hurting my grades.
Lately, I have been getting depressed, and been driving myself crazy. The thing is, I have extremely low confidence in myself (though I try not to let it show, except in blogs.) I have been thinking about suicide for a while now, because of my worries of the future. I don't have a good job (but its a job, the only job that hired me. ) I didn't do well my first 2 years of highschool, because of the afformentioned house problems, as well as my first year in college, where I learned not to get to wrapped up in girls and their headgames. Simply put, I can't stand my family, I get stabbed in the back by practically all my friends at one point or another, I have a horrible job, and I am doing horrible in college.There's probably more, but I'm really tired, and can barely think straight atm. But I feel I have nothing to look forward to in life, and wonder if it would be better to just end it. i feel useless, likely because of college, and feel maybe everybody would be better off without me.