Today was a bad day.
Entry posted by Sofee
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This is the day I have been dreading for the past few weeks. Friday, week three of the 4th term of school. Back then, it was for school reasons. Huge English assignment due, four weeks' worth of English journal tasks due, Physics test and Geography test. Also keep in mind this week was loaded with other tests. I was staying up very late every night leading up to today. Yesterday night was horrendous. I was up till the early hours of the morning, doing my English assignment with my partner, who wasn't responding to my panic calls. Turns out she came home at about 9.30pm from playing basketball. Furthermore, I hadn't done ANY study for either of my tests, and at that time I hadn't done my English journals. We finally were able to establish some form of communication and finish off our assignment around midnight. Then I had my English journal to do, which is about 3 pages of handwriting. Long story short, I didn't have a great sleep.
I woke up this morning, scrambling to get some studying done as I had no time to do it the night (or morning) before. I was completely screwed for Physics, as the topic was Electricity and for the past few weeks I understood hardly anything and was stumped by every equation I came past. I'm doing well in terms of grades in Geography so I could afford to flunk out in that test. So I went to school, quite hot and flustered, and was confronted with some information about Neil. Over the last few months, he had detached himself from my group and became increasingly angry and frustrated. This is because he can't get over the fact that Maya doesn't want him as more than a friend and that she's going out with Barker, who is better than Neil in every way possible which he can't accept. So, whenever Neil gets the chance to, he stares at her. From everywhere. He tries not to make it obvious but we all can feel it. And when she looks back, he looks away and storms off. There is much more to this, including him threatening Maya behind her back and getting violent with his best friend. Yesterday, me and my group went to the school counsellor because we all really couldn't handle him anymore. It was affecting ALL of us and something needed to change.
Anyway, back to this morning. Neil had really hit home on Maya because she was in a downright mess, and despite my attempts at advice I felt even more helpless and powerless on the situation. At that point I was so drained, my friends asked me why I was being so quiet (in maths). Note that maths is probably the class I am the most vocal in because I'm the slow learner in my group of maths buddies, and I'm constantly moaning peoples' names because I don't understand a question and need help. That and I tend to get distracted and pour out some of my Sofee humour. So I'm pretty notorious for talking in maths. The partner that I did the English assignment with sat next to me and we did some finishing touches on the assignment. I had the assignment in Economics, the next class, and I corrected some of her spelling mistakes and grammatical errors, as well as erasing statements that ended mid-sentence because there was no way of completing them. At recess, as we were walking to the English office to hand it in, I informed her of this and she was not happy. She was pissed. She said 'it was meant to be like that' and refused to talk to me. She told all of her (and my) friends of what I did and because she got to them first, they were biased and piled the blame onto me. I tried to reason with them but they took me down and sided with my partner. Okay, perhaps what I did was wrong, but I honestly believe(d) it was for the good of our grades. I really don't see why she's making such a big deal out of it. Screw them all. Geography test next. Think I did okay. Then came lunch.
My group was shattered. We didn't know what was happening with Neil or Maya, and at the end of lunch, Maya told me that she was falling back into depression. And I could do nothing about it. I was devastated and felt defeated. But I couldn't, I had a Physics test to do. I know I did badly in it. I did every question but I know that some big ones were done completely wrong. Then another lesson went by and the day was over.
Finally. I was on my way home, thinking I could blow some steam off by playing LoL, as there were no parents to yell at me and tell me to study (both were working). I checked my phone at the bus stop and had some missed calls from my mum, saying she would pick me up. Huh? I took the bus anyway and she told me that since the tax season is over, she would not be working for the next 8 months. She would return to being a stay-at-home mum, monitoring my every move. This means that me and my male companion are not going to be able to meet in secret as we had done for the past few months. This means that what we are is now a ticking time bomb, ready to blow out. In the time that she worked, I loved my freedom. I loved that I could go home any time till 6 and not have anyone notice. I loved that I could hang out with friends, buy junk food, go shopping, do ANYTHING after school without anyone knowing. I loved that I didn't have to rely on my parents as a mode of transport. I WAS FREE.
And now, I am back to my old ways. I am trapped in this prison I call home. Where all my opinions are overthrown by my parents, saying that I'm not old enough to make decisions for myself. No longer can I roam freely without being questioned and having to tell my parents where I am and when I'm coming home. No boyfriends, no hanging out with friends outside of school, no going on the computer for more than 2 hours a day, no goddamn fudgeing anything. My manager also told me that he can't fulfill my parents' wishes of taking 3 weeks off work to do my exams, which are in 2-3 weeks. I can only take 2 weeks off. My parents will be outraged. They'll flat out tell me that I'm not allowed to work anymore. According to them, my life revolves around my education and anything getting in the way of that ought to be dealt with accordingly. They don't know yet. I don't know when I'll tell them.
Oh yeah, to add a nice finishing touch to this, rumours are flying around about me in school. Really, really bad rumours. The rumours are only known amongst 'the populars' and haven't gotten to my friends yet. I can only hope these rumours don't get to my friends, because if they find out, all hell will break loose.
I don't know what I'll do with myself. I try to control it but I can't. I feel so utterly defeated and overwhelmed. I thought after today ended I would be happy, but I'm feeling worse than before the day started. I feel hungry but I'm not eating. I want to curl up into my bed and cry, but the tears aren't coming. I just want it all to end.
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