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Sofee

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Hullo. Me again. As some have pointed out, some things have changed. I thought I'd elaborate on my last entry, of a very special someone in particular :P . I mean I probably shouldn't and it's none of ya'lls business but screw it. Screw it all. I'm saying that a lot these days.

 

Before you gather your pitchforks, yes, this is my second relationship within 8 or 9 months, and yes, with a different gender to the last. That doesn't make a difference though. Actually, I lie, it makes all the difference. The guy relationship went sour mainly because my brain is stubborn and refuses to like males enough. I mean, that among a lot of other reasons, such as him being 20 and me being 17 and being at completely different stages in our lives. Okay, now you can ready your pitchforks because I kinda deserve to be speared by trying things with a guy whom I didn't give 100% to because of what I said above. All is well now though - he has moved on and we are still close friends. He understands my intentions and has forgiven me for it. I don't deserve to be so damn lucky sometimes.

 

So, my parents. Uh, well. About that. My parents strongly discourage me from getting a boyfriend, and if I did get one, they would give me practically no time to see him. Now, let's throw in some religion. Only my entire family are Christian/Catholic, which doesn't help my case very much. Now let's throw in the fact that I'm their only child. Their one and only shot at children, which has to be completely perfect and get straight As and bear perfect little grandchildren for them to play with.

 

Now back to the point and predict my parents' responses if I tell them that...

I have a boyfriend? No. Go back to studying.

I'm not straight? Our lives are ruined.

Has a girlfriend? Get out of the house.

 

It's kinda shizzlety. Telling them is completely out of the question. I'll have to hold off until the end of high school, where I will tell them. But I can't imagine NOT being with her. It just feels so natural, like it was always meant to happen. Despite all the risks and possible disowning by parents and whatnot - this is the first time I have felt completely at ease with somebody I have feelings for. It's said that in a relationship, the person who holds the power is the person who likes/loves the other less. Surprisingly, this is the least of my concerns. I feel like I'm on the exact same level as her. I don't feel like a mad raving lunatic wanting to know what she's doing 24/7 or getting insanely jealous when she speaks to anyone other than me, which is a nice change from my past crushes. It's like a calm storm, and I'm glad I'm mature enough now to realise what love is actually supposed to feel like.

 

The plus side to this (in the context of my parents) is that I can spend time with her without my parents getting suspicious. Every Monday, we study at the library after school and spend some time at the shops after that. There's no way I'd be able to do that with a guy and my parents knowing. There's no way a guy would be able to come to my house, or sleep over, or go with me alone anywhere, even if I told my parents that we were just friends. I can do just about anything with my girl (except the obvious) without a second glance by my parents.

 

The negative side to this is the hiding. So much hiding. And the close calls. We are unable to be affectionate to each other during school hours, or in any public place. Although, I guess girl couples have it easier than guy couples as the line between platonic and not platonic is more blurred. Nobody can know except extremely close friends. We have to be so careful with our looks and our actions. We have nearly been caught out several times, some by a matter of seconds. We have to be on guard all the goddamn time, and I'm scared that we'll slip one day.

 

This all probably seems like a huge amount of trouble to you people, but to be honest, it feels like nothing. And if it actually is a huge amount of trouble, then it's all worth it.

 

This is probably the cheesiest entry I've written since year 10. Or ever, really.

 

So.

 

Questions? Queries? Comments? Hatemail?

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Quote

 

me being 17

Quote

 

I'm mature enough now to realise what love is actually supposed to feel like

 

lel

I admit, that final quote got me as well. Oh, if only the youngsters knew. :lol:

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O hai im KAMIL, on , said:

 

Quote

 

me being 17

Quote

 

I'm mature enough now to realise what love is actually supposed to feel like

 

lel

I admit, that final quote got me as well. Oh, if only the youngsters knew. :lol:

 

Ok, compared to the rest of my highschool life from previous years. Obviously I still don't know jack about anything but it's a big improvement.

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Ok, compared to the rest of my highschool life from previous years. Obviously I still don't know jack about anything but it's a big improvement.

Oh, that might be. I just found it amusing considering you really do not know it, you just have a gist of it and a small hunch of how things are, and what not. :P

 

Life is more complex than the vast majority of teenagers would ever anticipate. :P

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Wow it's Yuanrang!

 

As for your post, I can see the issue of being an only child in your situation. Your parents obviously wouldn't like it, but try to understand there viewpoint to the best of your ability.

 

I don't talk about cheesy things like love often but come on, there isn't just one age or maturity level where you finally understand love. It's not like I turned 19 and instantly fell in love or stopped picking my nose and fell in love. Saying I'm old enough or mature enough to feel love is not an adequate statement in my opinion.

 

In my opinion love can be felt at any age or maturity. I think it would be more accurate to say that love is a maturing factor (i.e. it can mature you) rather than something you need to be mature to feel.

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Sofee, on , said:

 

Ok, compared to the rest of my highschool life from previous years. Obviously I still don't know jack about anything but it's a big improvement.

Oh, that might be. I just found it amusing considering you really do not know it, you just have a gist of it and a small hunch of how things are, and what not. :P

 

Life is more complex than the vast majority of teenagers would ever anticipate. :P

 

Mm yes quite. I'll probably be looking at this entry in the future and having the same reaction of you now. Oh well, we all start somewhere :P

 

@Sobend - Ahh. I really should take into account what I write before you Sals members pick it to pieces :P . You're right on that, however I meant that in the past, my perception of it was very skewed and unfair because I simply hadn't enough experience in life. Granted, I still don't, but it's progress. Obviously I'm not going to wake up one morning and learn all the wonders of life on the spot, and I didn't mean that.

 

@Crackity - Sorry, this was a one time thing, you can have your y'alls back :P *scurries away*

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It wasn't directed at you necessarily, sorry if it sounded harsh. Was just a general rant.

 

Basically the gist is that you don't need to be a certain age or maturity level to feel love, in my opinion. And I can't believe I just typed that because it sounds so corny.

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Do aussies say y'all? I feel like y'all are stealing my words.

 

Nope.

 

@Soffee I'm only taking the piss, I secretly love reading your blog entries so don't change!

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time to watch La vie d'Adèle

imdb link

very relevant movie

 

I've watched it :P

 

Actually I rewatched it yesterday as well. I love picking up on the subtleties I never noticed before in my first watching. Good movie.

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Quote

 

Life is more complex than the vast majority of teenagers would ever anticipate. :P

Christ alive.

When I was talking, I was the equivalent of Satan. Shut up in public and suddenly I am Jesus. I feel that raises a few important questions:

 

Why is this so forum so mythologically Christian and who do I need to ban to restore Atheism? :pirate2:

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Jethraw, on , said:

 

Quote

 

Life is more complex than the vast majority of teenagers would ever anticipate. :P

Christ alive.

When I was talking, I was the equivalent of Satan. Shut up in public and suddenly I am Jesus. I feel that raises a few important questions:

 

Why is this so forum so mythologically Christian and who do I need to ban to restore Atheism? :pirate2:

Probably my and Phoenix's influence. We will bring Christianity to every member of Sal's! You can still be saved!

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Wow, that's pretty rough. It's kind of a catch-22. You can't really say anything to your parents but at the same time you feel bad for not saying anything. I know if I was coming out to my parents it would be really hard even though I think they would kind of be accepting of it (even though my dad is kind of really super homophobic tbqh and he probably wouldn't take it well).

 

I don't really know what to say other than don't be afraid to stick it out. If you really like someone you shouldn't let parents scare you away from them.

 

(and for those of you who want me to be the resident Christian and say something shizzly about morality etc. you're not going to win because I have a very different concept of morality from people like my parents, it's not a universal morality)

 

I thought of something else right as I hit post comment. If there is a time or if there is something that happens that makes you think "maybe it won't be so bad after all," don't be afraid to say something. I mean, I don't know you personally or well enough to be able to really say something specific there, but I'm just saying that there is always the possibility that you're overrating your parents' conservatism. Or maybe they would actually not have too much of a problem with it. I guess what it really boils down to is "be smart" and "only you know what smart is."

 

Wow this sounds really tripey I'm sorry I'm off my game today~ but you're a cool Salmonian even if I don't know you as well as muh kr00. It would really suck to see you having a falling out with your parents or something bad happening like that just because they're not accepting.

 

Lastly, lilshu posted in here and I'm not trying to be a dick or w/e but he does have some experience with this kind of thing (sorry to offer you up as a sacrificial lamb bro!!!) If he's game I'm sure he would give you way better advice than I can.

 

I just like helping people! Don't judge!

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