ok soooooooooooo i actually need help
Entry posted by Aabid ·
i literally posted this exact same thing to reddit so i just pasted it here but im gonna add a bit more..
Basically I'm pretty sure the root of my problems start from childhood. I am the oldest child and I'm 18 and a guy. Basically ever since I was younger my parents would tell me not to have friends. They would tell me to only talk to people at school when I needed to and when I came home I needed to have no connection to school. Due to this I basically never went out once I came home or once it was the weekend. My friends at school knew this (from like grade 1) but of course they all hung out and I never got that close to them. I did not have a tv or anything in my house and my parents are pretty religious so talking with girls and such was out of the picture.
I just want to say that yes although this shizzle is fudgeed up in a way my younger siblings actually live a good life. I think my parents learnt from me and they're allowed to have friends and although they're still strict with going out and what not they do get to go out and play sports and join sports teams at school (something I was never able to do) but idk the damage is done right.
Anyways around end of grade 11 I decided enough is enough and I made a facebook and I started having convos and stuff with a bunch of people. All this time though at school I used to be the loudest in class and I was a pretty guy. Girls didn't like me (I remember this but I'm not sure why) but end of grade 11 I was getting kind of better. This brings me to my first problem which I'm getting kind of better at. Back then because I'd literally never talked to a girl about anything other than school I used to get so nervous talking to girls and whatnot and this kind of leads to what is wrong now. I started university this year and I haven't really made friends. People tell me to join clubs but i don't really have much interests except for playing basketball and i didn't realize when the sign ups for intramurals were so I'll sign up when next year starts. Basically I'm really not that awkward when I talk to girls anymore (I literally talked to every girl i saw at school to kill my fear or whatever it was) and I can make them laugh and whatever. BUT although I do get their numbers and stuff I don't get close to them and I'm unsure how. And if I do get close to a girl I immediately catch feelings for her which is fudgeing retarded because as a guy you know how much it sucks to have feelings for a girl you wrent even trying flirt with. Then I get all sad and depressed when they don't reply to my texts and I can't stop thinking about them. This literally happens with any girl that shows friendly affection towards me. I'm pretty sure this has to do with me not talking to girls for the majority of my life. Any idea how I can fix this???
The second problem is I'm obsessed with trying to make the basketball team. I won't lie I'm pretty good and although there isn't a very good chance I won't make the team next year I work everyday towards trying to make the team. I don't know what's wrong with me but I want to experience that bond or whatever with being on a team. I see the players of different teams together and I'm kinda jealous of the friendship they have. How can I get over all this??
As for guy friends I judge way too much. Like I can become friends easily with guys too but I'm so selective and it's not a good think. Like I'll try to become friends with people on sports teams or who I think are "cool". Someone told me to give everyone a chance so I'm doing that but any help would be appreciated for that too.
Also classes end in twoish weeks so I guess if I can make some kind of friends before the summer it would be great. Usually the past 17 summers of my life are the most depressing time of my life. My parents don't let me go out and I sit at home the whole day doing nothing and sometimes I just feel like crying. This summer I'm taking summer school and I've also told my parents im going to play basketball in the summer so it would be nice to finally hangout with people and not be so depressed. Honestly any sort of break or holiday is a nightmare for me. I think I need to socially interact with people or else I get really sad. I'm not the type of person that can sit around and be happy being alone.
My school campus is also pretty big like 80000 students and I don't live on campus which also sucks.
so added on:my parents havent exactly gotten better. theyre very religious so they get at the dumbest shizzle for me. i think about running away a lot but i literally dont have any money and i cant exactly take care of myself. plus they said some pretty hurtful things so im trying my best not to talk with them unless i have to have to.. (like the things they said were pretty sad i cant believe my parents would say that stuff) (they werent making fun of me but im not gonna say what they said)
i cant exactly leave the house whenever i want. like the other day i had an exam and i came home after and went to sleep cuz i slept 3 hours the night before. when i woke up i went to play ball for 2 hours and after i came home they yelled so much and stuff..
oh and they said i have to work in the summer (like i owe them) and my dad is like oh its my house u must listen to me.. that kinda makes me sad cuz i met someone on the ball team who said he would work with me over the summer and this is my best chance to get onto the team but idk now if i work playing ball the whole day is kind of hard. ok i gotta go take care guys
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