Hey guys, what's new?
Entry posted by Birthday
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I decided to drop by on a whim today and it looks like it's been over two years since my last post. And boy, has a lot changed for me in those two years.
Firstly I've been two Russia twice as part of my studies, once for a week and once for a summer. My week long trip was totally awesome. I went to Vladimir, one of Russia's medieval capitals, and met tons of great people and became enamored with the culture and country. My summer studies were in St. Petersburg, which is a gorgeous city. The trip was less excellent than the Vladimir trip though. I did a solo study program which meant I never really met anyone outside of a few roommates. I had 30 hours of one on one lessons each week which was way too much. I was also struggling with some personal issues at the time, so being in a foreign country where you don't know the language too well, don't really know anyone, and are having an identity crisis doesn't make for the greatest trip. But more on that later.
Last school year I had to take care of a house of five people almost entirely on my own. It was incredibly grating, especially since one person was a complete idiot who always made things worse when trying to "fix" things (often on his own without informing others). I chewed him out for it once and he basically became a sulking mess and turned everyone in our mutual friend group against me. There was a lot of stupid drama that went on, but the details aren't important. After taking care of a house of five by myself I never got so much as a thank you and I was the bad guy of the situation. One other person in the house (who wasn't an idiot) did all of the dealings with the landlord, so that at least saved me a fair bit of trouble. Our landlord was a serious piece of work so I'm thankful for that.
I've also transferred universities. After last year's house debacle and for academic reasons, I really didn't want to be around anymore. I transferred to a new school in order to major in Russian studies, which was only a minor at my old school. I'm very, very glad I did. For a number of reasons Case Western wasn't for me (Sorry Adam?). I'm now at a large state school which is a much better environment and atmosphere for me. I've met a lot of great people and am enjoying things a lot more than at Case Western. Although I seriously hate being a student. I enjoy what I'm studying, but I hate all of the bs that goes with it. I want to learn about Russia and the Russian language, not write papers about an esoteric topic brought up in a medieval Russian book, or read 150 pages of scholarly verbal diarrhea a night. Once I finish undergrad I honestly never want to be a student ever again. I'm not really sure why I'm even sticking it out now. The education system as a whole just really kills my motivation to learn. :/
Anyway, back to that identity crisis from earlier. As I started to figure out just before leaving for St. Petersburg and really came to accept while there, I'm a transgender woman. It turns out all guys don't secretly wish they were girls, or spend birthday candle wishes on becoming a girl, or wish aliens would abduct them and run experiments on them to turn them into a girl, or have any of the other signs from my youth that now blare like a foghorn. I started my medical transition in September and I haven't felt this good since before puberty. I've gone from an angry, depressed sack of shizzle with no real goals for the future to a girl who is ready to start living. It's really hard to capture the night and day difference in how I feel with just words on a screen. I actually look forward to the future instead of being apathetic. I've also been incredibly lucky with my transition. The only people with a negative reaction were my parents, but for a number of reasons I don't really talk to them anyway, so whatever. Everyone else has been great about it. I also pass (Look like my target gender) really well, which is pretty unusual for only six months of transitioning. Maybe I'm finally catching a lucky break after a pretty hellish past.
Apart from a few bumps my past two years have been really great, how have you all been? ^_^
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