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The break up

Sofee

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Welp, I did it, about 3 months ago. It was heartbreaking. We were both still in love. But, after we patched things up at the beginning of this year (see last entry), uni started up again, and we fell back into the same limbo. It was the classic case of not prioritising each other, and getting complacent. I couldn't bear with the guilt over my obsessive thoughts of 'should-I-should-I-not', so I did. It was unexpected, especially for her. I'd been with this girl for 3 years, and it was all over with a 1-second answer. "Are you really breaking up with me?" "I think so." I couldn't even say yes, how pathetic. I didn't want to believe it was real. I still don't.

 

With this being my first 'real' breakup, I didn't know what to expect - how I was supposed to feel, what I should've done. The first week was the worst. Every time I wasn't out in public, I was crying. I wish I was exaggerating. I had to stow away all the things that reminded me of her in a shoebox. I had to take down the origami hearts she made that looked so beautiful inside my wardrobe. I had to throw away the toothbrush she used when she slept over. There was a lot of googling 'how to get over a breakup'. Then, for about a month after that, I didn't cry once. I felt at peace with myself, and the immense relief that I'd made that decision. I drowned myself in uni work, often staying till midnight for most days of the week. After that phase ended, the rivers started flowing again, and I missed her. It was like going through drug withdrawal - only that it kicked in after 1 month. How do you replace that unique happiness you get only from being with someone you love? That's kind of where I'm at right now, but a bit better. Friends help a lot - I never realised how much they cared for me, and the support is overwhelming. Which made me feel even more guilty. I hated myself for doing this to her, especially at a time in her life where she needed me the most. She truly believed that we would work through our problems and we'd be forever. I had to live with this decision, not knowing if it would be the biggest mistake of my life. I have a long way to go for forgiving myself.

 

Nevertheless, I do think that this would've happened sooner or later. I don't think we can fit into each others' lives as we once had and feel fulfilled. But, we still want to be friends in the future. In high school, we were best friends with no romantic feelings attached, so we might be able to do it again. We agreed to initially go no-contact for 2 months, and check-in every few months to see what's up. As long as we still have a strong desire to see each other and be friends, we won't be ready. This is gonna take a longggggggggg time to get over her.

 

Since the breakup, things have gotten a little wild. I've hooked up with most people she was jealous of when we were together, including my ex (bf) before her. Oh yeah, and when her and I had our first meetup since the break, we somehow found ourselves in her bed. Oops. I've also bought my first -stick-, which was quite the experience. I feel like I'm still coming down from it, from 2 days ago. Thanks to the excessive distract-me-from-breakup-feels-study, I've gotten killer grades - probably my best semester yet. Now that I think about it, my life is exactly where I want it to be, because of the choices I've made and how lucky I've gotten along the way. I'm on track to doing a 5-month working holiday at a Canadian ski resort when I finish my degree at the end of this year. I'm probably going to travel around Canada after the 5-month stint has ended, so if any Canadian slammers wanna take me to a hockey game or ride moose, hit me up. I've kinda sorted out my ADD and am on the right meds for it (Ritalin). I'm trying to make a comeback from my post-breakup weight loss to eat more and get back on track at the gym. I don't know how I got so lucky.

 

I'm not going to be in a relationship for a while. A lot of the problems were caused by me, and I need to grow by myself to become the person that I'd want to date. I mean, I'm only 20, so this is pretty much the time in someone's life where that happens. For now, I'm gonna keep trying to make decisions that will improve myself as a person, and have some fun along the way too.



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Oh yeah, and her as well. That happened, oops.

[snip]

 

 

[edited for slightly better clarity]

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As long as the balance of meds is sorted, 10 months in Canada is the right place to get them cheap.

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Are you still going to be in Perth in January? I'll be there for a couple of weeks.

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As long as the balance of meds is sorted, 10 months in Canada is the right place to get them cheap.

 

Should be all right here, only gotta spend $10 every 2 months or so at Chemist Warehouse. Yay Australia.

 

Are you still going to be in Perth in January? I'll be there for a couple of weeks.

 

Ohh damn, if Canada ends up all working out then I'll be over there from Dec '17 till April/May '18. What's the occasion? I'll travel to New Zealand + Christchurch one day... :P

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Ohh damn, if Canada ends up all working out then I'll be over there from Dec '17 till April/May '18. What's the occasion? I'll travel to New Zealand + Christchurch one day... :P

I'll be participating in this! I'll probably fly in sometime around New Years to start preparing, and then I'm gonna drive back across to Melbourne/Sydney with a friend afterwards. Definitely let me know if you're around :)

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Sofee, on , said:

 

Ohh damn, if Canada ends up all working out then I'll be over there from Dec '17 till April/May '18. What's the occasion? I'll travel to New Zealand + Christchurch one day... :P

I'll be participating in this! I'll probably fly in sometime around New Years to start preparing, and then I'm gonna drive back across to Melbourne/Sydney with a friend afterwards. Definitely let me know if you're around :)

 

That looks super fun, I expected something rugby-like tbh. You'll definitely have to get used to playing in our summer heat, it's always a scorcher. I'll make another entry anyways detailing the Canada thing and if I'll be going or not, so I'll let you know!

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Kemosabe, on , said:

 

Sofee, on , said:

 

Ohh damn, if Canada ends up all working out then I'll be over there from Dec '17 till April/May '18. What's the occasion? I'll travel to New Zealand + Christchurch one day... :P

I'll be participating in this! I'll probably fly in sometime around New Years to start preparing, and then I'm gonna drive back across to Melbourne/Sydney with a friend afterwards. Definitely let me know if you're around :)

 

That looks super fun, I expected something rugby-like tbh. You'll definitely have to get used to playing in our summer heat, it's always a scorcher. I'll make another entry anyways detailing the Canada thing and if I'll be going or not, so I'll let you know!

 

Wow, just because I'm from New Zealand you automatically assume something rugby related? Racist :P

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If you're going to be in or around Toronto while travelling/working around Canada then feel free to hit me up if you need any advice on where to go, what to do or if you need someone to show you around :).

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On 7/28/2017 at 3:00 PM, Kesthetic said:

If you're going to be in or around Toronto while travelling/working around Canada then feel free to hit me up if you need any advice on where to go, what to do or if you need someone to show you around :).

Cheers, if I happen by Toronto I'll be sure to hit you up ^_^

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wow long time no talk... hopefully you're feeling better now

 

i'm also from Toronto so if you ever do decide to come by pm me (hopefully I read the message on time LOL)

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