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While the rest of Runescape turned their thoughts to the Easter Event, I heeded Audioworm and Zachary's cries of how laggy and dense with people it was and so looked elsewhere. Chocotrices seem like a very tomorrow thing to do, whereas I'm still playing catch up on the other recent updates. I attempted 'The Hunk for Surok' when it first came out. The result was me lost in the caves, hardly any food left and none in the bank to replace it. I wasn't in a strong position to head on in regardless and work it out for myself, so I abandoned the mini-quest. Today I thought it time to retrace my steps, particularly since I knew that Jeremy had written a guide for it. :D I was at the first portal before it occurred to me to actually open said guide. I logged myself out searching the website, until I remembered CJ saying that he was still waiting on some pictures before he could declare it finished. I hunted through 'accepted content', then the 'guides-in-progress', casting a guilty glance at my own Construction guide while I was in there. I found what I was looking for, memorized my initial bit of route, then logged in and entered that portal. Ants, yes, check; bull ants (or something like that), yes, check; through portal, wolves and shadow things, yes, check... oh cachi! He's awaiting a map before he continues with the route walk-through! I figured then that plenty of people have done this without a guide. I'm a big girl now, with far more monkfish and prayer potions than I had the first time. I could find my own way through. It didn't take long for me to find myself in the depths of that cave system, running from one catastrophe to another. I started to get really nervous, as my food and pot supplies dwindled, as I'd heard there was a bit of a fight at the end of this. Hopelessly lost, nevertheless I found a safe spot in the Ice Giants cave, so stood in it asking in Canting Away if anyone knew a) where I was and b) where I should be. No-one did, so I left to find a map of the caves. Secured, that didn't lift my spirits much. I was a long way from the beaten track, with all manner of dangerous creatures between me and it. Brocktee suggested that I teleport out and start again, but I came over all MacBeth, 'I am in blood drench'd so far, that should I wade no more, returning were as tedious as to go o'er...' I took the next portal. You know, the flight and fight situations in that cave system wouldn't be quite so daunting, if the portals weren't chaotic. Ok, I know that's their job, being Chaos Tunnels and all, but you'll take one expecting to wind up in non-agressive moss giants and end up being half-slaughtered by Zamorak Mages. *sigh* The further I went, and came back, and appeared somewhere different again, the more attractive the Brocktee option seemed. But then I found myself in with the gargoyles and this most definitely was on the route to the Daggonoth Cave, where I would fight Surok. I clambered through portals, screamed and ran past a bronze dragon, found myself amidst floating poodles, then braved the spikes of the Daggonnoth themselves. But the portal to the final fight was closed. Why? Reading the blarb around the map I'd found, I discovered that I had to have been, at some point, in with the skeletons and zombies. There was a cut-scene there involving wolves, which would unlock this portal at my feet. Great. I retraced my steps, battered and bruised, until I found it. Nothing happened. I retraced some more, found footprints and examined them, before re-entering from the opposite door. I was in the cut-scene. Two dead wolves and one dead skeleton later, I was dragging my sorry self back into the gargoyle cave, taking stock of my supplies. They weren't good. I had 11 monkfish left and only one sip of prayer potion. I'd brought three 4-dose vials of the stuff with me, which gave an indication of how long I'd been lost and assaulted in there, especially when you consider that I switched prayer off when it wasn't needful and only sipped the potion if it was running really low. Increasingly panicked, I asked in Canting if this was going to be enough. The consensus came back that it wouldn't be. Then Joshua Mack piped up, 'where are you, Merch?' He knew the cave and was coming. He had super restore and sharks. I can't tell you how much I calmed down knowing that I was being rescued! He led me back to a portal, but his 'wait' came just a second too late. I was already through and staring into the smouldering nostrils of a metal dragon. I ran as fast as my boots could carry me towards the other portal and into the floating poodle room. I carried on running into the Daggannoth Room and, as the spikes rained down, still ran towards the previously locked portal. It wasn't locked now. In fact, I was taken completely by surprise at the fact that I was now in a scary cut scene and finally grasping the enormity of what I was about to fight. I was still clutching an anti-dragon shield, for Pete's sake! I wasn't praying, I hadn't potted up on the superset... I got myself sorted while Bork hammered in with his opening punches. It was hardly graceful, as I speedread all the advice that Josh was hurriedly typing into the chat channel, switched on my special and finally hit back. It was a hard fight, worse when Surok took it upon himself to throw fireballs at me and Bork decided to bring three mini-Borks to hit me too. Four sharks and five monkfish got eaten, none of which were healing damage from the melee attacks of the majority, as I was praying in protection from them. I drank all four doses of the super restore before it was over. But it was over. Before I could woot, Surok caused an earthquake and Josh was shouting at me to run to the portal. I picked up my goodies and fled the scene, through the portal and safely behind Josh. There I cowered, before I realized that I was as safe as you can be with earth warriors hitting you. Back to back with Josh, we fought all comers, until we were surrounded by piles of stuff and no warriors. 'You can do this tomorrow as well, for more xp.' Josh was telling me. I wondered if this madness of his was actually clinical, and pondered tactful ways of enquiring about whether he'd taken his medication today. He continued, 'Let's homeport'. We were once again surrounded by people hitting us.. well, hitting me, as he's more than twice their combat level, so they gave him a wide berth. There was no way I could be left alone long enough to homeport and said so. He was adamant, 'Homeport and pray in Lumby'. I gave him my best, 'you are insane, aren't you?' look, but it was totally lost on him as he pwned another warrior. As he sat down, lights encircling as he opened his first spellbook, I ran around the central pillar to see if there was a safespot in which I could do the same. That's when I saw it. You would think, wouldn't you, that having twice already stared into the face of the metal dragon, I would have remembered that it was there? It's the sort of thing that sears itself into the memory banks of the less self-destructive. Yet here I was, running sans anti-dragon shield right into its path. There was a flash and an intense heat, a sudden smell of nauseating sulphur, while time slowed down and adrenaline kicked in. I was engulfed in an inferno taking 46hp damage, as I fumbled for the aid of my control panel. Then I was gone. Lletya is so very beautiful at this time of year, don't you think? The one-click tiny elf crystal that takes you there is perhaps the most beautiful thing of all. I landed, panting and burned, on the grass beside a player named GodSkillz; while Josh finally remembered how to breathe and typed into Canting, 'Merch, that was a stupid way to go...' As he busied himself explaining to the rest of the Canters what had happened, I checked fingers and toes, and lungs, and shovelled monkfish into my 19hp body. GodSkillz confirmed that I was, indeed, alive and so I relayed this information back into the chat channel. It was all good. I could pick some coconuts and go and pray to Seren, giving thanks for my life. Back tomorrow for 250xp? No. Jade plants ftw!

How much excitement can a girl take? A new quest with Construction xp! Woot! Right in the middle of a quest mood that was thwarted through lack of quests. Unfortunately, it occurred on a day when most of my dinnerhour was taken up with the servers being down Jagex's end, followed by an evening when I was teaching. Eventually though, I was able to come and play, activating my crystal to get to Lletya before you could say 'quest nub with the scent of Construction freebies'. I loved the quest. Unequivocaly, hands down, whether that was because I wanted to do one, the Construction xp or the quest itself, I couldn't say, but I did enjoy it. Only three days ago, I was wandering around Isafdor trying to unlock a song, so I had all the routes and associated traps fresh in my mind. Today, I set out with the essential items - anti poison, couple of monkfish, cup of tea - and was able to thread my way to the Tyras Camp from Lletya without consulting a map. Once there, it was all very straight-forward, especially since I was looking at Destruction's excellent guide, with its quest specific maps. :) As an added bonus, Jagex's fixing of the music system meant that I was able to unlock 'Riverside' finally. I got it by taking a ship from Port Sarim to Port Tyras, while the general fixing also handed me 'Bolrie's Diary'. I need to go back and do the Sorceress's Garden ones again though, as well as finding that volcano in the Wild again. Anyway, by the by, I skipped through an enjoyable quest and got 15k Construction xp, which takes me to 70k xp from level 73/ Yippee!

I always knew that 'Devious Minds' would be my last quest. I remember months ago looking through the ratings on Sal's quest guide and picking out all the ones with one or two green squares, as suitable for my nubbish self. I landed upon 'Devious Minds' and somehow missed the smithing requirement. It took a while to save up for the mithril two hander sword, but eventually it was in my grubby hands and I was good to go. :D Yes... high level monsters can be taken out with preparation, super-sets and studying safe-spot advice; strange mazes can be pwned with the help of good friends and guides; even the ghost in 'Haunted Mine' could be beaten with friends dropping fish and potions all over the place. But level 65 smithing was always going to be a challenge. I've had the mature dwarven stout in my bank since that dwarf quest ages ago, but that still required level 63 smithing. There was a long time when I thought I'd never get above 51. So it came down to the crunch. 'Devious Minds', as predicted, was the final quest. I started the day on level 60 smithing. Until a week or so ago, it had been level 58 for a while, so this was quite a leap. Overnight, I'd been bidding on gold ore in the GE, but it was only about half of what I'd ultimately need. I hadn't the funds for anything else. I was, however, also selling things and hoping for the best. The gold ore came in and so did the sales. I could go a little further. I smelted, with smithing gauntlets on, over 900 gold ore, then about 20 steel bars and 10 mithril. The steel became full sets of armour for sale, while the mithril became chainbodies, all put back into the GE, along with the gold bars. They all sold and the proceeds turned back into gold ore. I was back smelting again, but the latest ore wasn't coming in. :P Then Reaver had me meet him in the GE. He asked me to remove from the GE and my bank anything that was unsellable, or which was taking forever. He wanted those remaining carved teak magic wardrobes for a start. I thought he had some cunning alching trick and was about to argue that wardrobes fetch 6gp each, when he revealed his plan. He was only after ballast. He had a stack of gold ore to trade me. :P I'd just smelted all of that, when the GE alerted me to an update. It was the ore I'd bid on and it was coming in! Woot! Nearly there... nearly there.... levels 61 and 62 came and went, with the xp creeping up to that Holy Grail of level 63. The mature dwarven stout would do the rest. Painfully slowly, I was nearly there, then disaster. I ran out of ore with only a couple of thousand xp to gain. Noooo! By now, it had been looking likely that I would be getting this quest cape, but I had only 1145gp in the bank. Zachary kindly said he'd lend me the 99k to buy the cape, so I needed the gold bars as ballast for that. <3 Zachary. I was just wondering what to do, what to sell, when CJ appeared at a sprint around the corner. He traded me 50 gold ore for the 19 bars I had in my bag. Woot! I was going to do it. :P I can't describe the rush of excitement then. I hadn't known that I wanted to aim for the cape until it was within my grasp, but I was happy dancing like a victorious nub when the level came. We were off. Zach, CJ and Whitewolf were in Taverley with me, CJ rushing over to trade me. Whereas the first time round I'd have to scimp and save for the mithril 2h, I'm now older, wiser, more skilled and a lot more skint. CJ had foreseen what hadn't even occurred to me in my excitement, he'd bought the 2h, which I wouldn't have been able to afford else. I had some gold bars left over, as I'd had way more than 100k worth, so I used some of those as payment. The moment of truth. I tried the 2h sword on the whetstone without stout, just to see if I needed a hammer or anything. I didn't, I just needed 65 smithing. Yes, I know, go away. I drank a stout and tried again. I still needed 65 smithing. :D What?! I checked my stats, the mature stout had only boosted it by one point. Nooooo! I don't know what made me drink the second and final stout, because these things don't normally stack, but it did! I touched the whetstone with the sword and it whittled it down to a thin bow. OMG! It was real! The four of us piled into CJ's Taverley home then, to use his Kharyll portal. Up in convoy to the temple and for the conversation with the monk. I went alone into the abyss, but I had on an abyssal bracelet, so not to be skulled, plus a prayer pot in my bag. I reached the inner sanctum with plenty of prayer and full health. The rest of the quest was so quick and simple thereon. Seeing as all the quests I've done in recent months, excepting Wolf Whistle, have been highly ranked epics, it seemed almost too simple. It felt like something that had been devised at the dawn of Runescape, slightly clumsy in terms of storyline, but who cared. I was doing one of the world's quickest quests and it was my last. Zach, CJ, Whitewolf and Ccjcboy were waiting for me in Falador. As I spoke to Sir Tiffy, the calls of congratulations went up. I wooted with the best of them as the announcement came that the quest was over. At the bank we were met by Sketch, then, in Draynor, many more came. I was recording a film, which will have to be editted before it can be released to the wider world, as it goes on for hours (I forgot I was recording...), hence I haven't a picture of the moment when I first put on my cape and the village erupted into congratulations and well being. :) My house is still in Yanille, so CJ and I handed out rings of dueling for those who needed them, and we headed for Castle Wars, then a parade to my house. I kept seeing myself in that cape and couldn't quite square it with the fact that it was my person wearing it. Such an unattainable thing for so long. Thereon, we had several hours where my house was open to friends, a steady stream coming and going throughout that time. I had fun! It was utterly disorganized, with no games or drop parties, so should have been a disaster, but it wasn't. We ran riot, pwned each other in the combat areas, had synchronized cape emotes, chatted, made tea... it was really lovely, ty all for coming. A final word is for a massive thank you to everyone who ever helped me or accompanied me on a quest. I have been kept alive or had my stuff rescued by so many people over the months. I've had advice and guidance, when it's been needful, and I've had items handed to me to smooth the way. This is heartfelt, thank you all so very much. Sketch's video: My video:

I only have one quest left, then I'm a Canting Away Quest Cape Nub #6589 or something like that. :D I need level 63 smithing before I can use the mature dwarven stout to boost myself up to the needful level 65. I'm currently level 62 with gold ore trickling in from the GE and also with a stash already traded via Reaver taking st00f off my hands. :D Reaver. If I can get that level and if I can smith that 2h mithril sword, then I'll finish my final quest tonight. :) If this happens, then there will be a party at mine. Zach's lending me the money for the cape (I'll hand him st00f and get it back over the next week, as I make the money to repay him lol), so there we go. :P I'd like to promise a great drop party, as has happened in previous quest cape parties but a) Jagex banned us doing it and b) I haven't got anytyhing to drop. However, I will make you free cakes in my kitchen. :P Pop into 'Canting Away' to get the latest progress on this. If it's not tonight, it'll be tomorrow.

*flashback* Audina was the first person I ever knew with a quest cape. She IMed me, back in the days when I actually had IMs on, and asked me where I was. I was planting hops on that patch just north-west of Seers, so she came to meet me. We met in the coal-shed by the railways tracks and I wooted and jumped in the air when I saw her cape. Then she did the emote and my jaw dropped. It's an impressive emote. So I asked her, of all the quests she'd now completed, which was the worst. For a second there, it seemed like thunderclouds darkened the blue expanse of that bright Gielinor day, as she muttered darkly, 'Mourning's End Pt 2'. *flashback* It's a sentiment that I've since heard repeated on countless lips. I've watched so many people limp back from those tunnels, battle-weary and traumatized. People will always congratulate their friends at the end of a quest, but you only have to witness the caped Quest Nubs amassed reactions to someone completing this quest to know that it's something special. Yet no-one could really express why. When I researched that article for Sal's Realm Newspaper, about the scariest quests ever, it didn't get a mention from anyone. In a way, that made it worse. What was it about it? :D I'm in a quest mood, it has to be said. I've only got two left, so it was 50/50. Cougar had already offered to come with me to do this one, so I turned my sights to 'Devious Minds'. I was surprised to learn that smelting 1637 gold ore, with goldsmith gauntlets on, would get me the requisite level 63 smithing. A draft of mature dwarven stout would soon see that 2 handed mithril sword sharpened adequately. But gold ore needs to be either mined or bought. Buying meant around 750k, which I simply hadn't got, while mining means... well, mining. Another night, I wouldn't have minded, but this night, I was in a quest mood. I started. The entire of 'Canting Away' knew that, as I whinged my way through a single inventory. People threw in suggestions for making money, but they all involved an element of grind. I've just mined, runecrafted, crafted and prayed my way through 11 prayer levels. The last thing I wanted to do was something repetitive. Zach, bless him, had a solution - runecrafting through the Abyss. It has danger, it has the thrill of the chase, it has excitement. It involves pure essense, which I didn't have. I had 30k in the bank. He'd nearly persuaded me to spend it on pure ess, craft them into nats, sell those and buy more essense, when Cell piped up with an alternative plan. Give up on 'Devious Minds' and do the other quest instead. 'Mourning's End Pt 2.' I'd nipped home to get my mourners outfit and proselyte armour out of my wardrobe, and I was down in the new town bathing in every pool, then up to Lletya before anyone even knew I was doing it. I was down in the tunnel before Cougar arrived on line and discovered that I was doing it. Bless her! She gave up her evening to come with me, there and then. I was soon to be very grateful for that. She fought shadow beasts and led the way, directing me in the placing of mirrors and crystals, then leading me to the next. I crossed a hand-hold agility obstacle on the second try, which apparently is some kind of Canting Away record, though it's equally held by Reaver. I think now that I know what all the silently deafening fuss is all about. I've reached the fifth door and the quest thus far has been pretty much of a muchness. After a brief preamble having a reccy down a tunnel, then reporting back to Arianwyn twice, the rest has been a study in concentration and stamina. It's all about running around a maze, placing mirrors and crystals so that light moves in a laser beam in different directions. The direction of the light, at any given moment, determines which doors can be opened. Beyond these doors are chests containing crystals. You collect enough crystals and more doors can be opened. You have to remember a) where you are in the maze and b) what lights are activated where. All the time, there are level 73 shadow beasts attacking relentlessly, while some of the corridors contain traps to hobble you. The area is so vast that it takes a while to get anywhere, without all of these things attempting to stop you, which means that you have protect from melee on for hours at a stretch without an altar to recharge your prayer. Is 'Mourning's End Pt 2' the scariest quest ever? No. I see now why it flitted under the radar as I researched that article. But it's long and frustrating, a blocked door involves retracing your steps, a failed obstacle can see you in an infamiliar area of the maze and there seems no set pattern to where or how the mirrors should be placed. One particularly problematic mirror, wherein you have to direct the light downstairs and therefore can't see the laser as a clue, had us threading our way through a section, labelled as the most dangerous part, twice. Luckily, I got it right at the second attempt. I would like to thank Cougar for coming with me, as I see now how difficult it would have been alone. Only two more doors to go! Woot! And I have a death talisman stashed in the bank, which I understand will help enormously towards the end of the quest. :D

I don't know what possessed me to start this quest, on account of the fact that all I'd heard were bad reports. 'It's the length of 'One Small Favour' but less interesting...', 'It's as annoying as *insert annoying quest of choice*, 'omg! It's really long and you have to go everywhere.' In short, it sounded like precisely the sort of quests that I hate. However, I was in Yanille and it occurred to me that I still hadn't seen the new town, so off I went. One thing led to another and next thing you know I'm halfway through the quest. My experience though was that it was a wonderful quest. It was all within the same area (which I prefer) and it wasn't so long and unvaried so to be boring. In fact, I was surprised when it was over, as I hadn't read to the end of the guide to see what was to come. I arrived as prepared as I could be, with all but the lapuria fur now in possession after a visit to the GE. This meant that I could just skip the bits with chompy and wagtail bird hunting. In fact, I assumed that I could get to the end of the quest without any hunting whatsover. I was wrong. :P I was first thwarted when the big moment for the larupia fur came and still my bid at the GE hadn't been fulfilled. I logged off for a couple of hours and came back (I'm off work at the second with a bit of a bug), but no larupias had been killed, nor fake fur manufactured in the interim. I looked around for another shop as sold it, but nothing. I asked on the forum, but the only response came just half an hour ago. No-one sells it. Ok, a niche in the market there for all you young hunting types, but for me, I finally opened the section on hunting on our website. Pitfall Trapping is apparently the way forward in hunting lapuria. You need a log, a knife and a teasing stick. There's also a picture of a hole with some sticks over it. All good so far. I visited the hunting shop in Yanille and purchased a teasing stick. They didn't sell sticks-that-you-put-over-holes-to-catch-lapurias. I came out of the shop and cut down a tree, then used my knife on the logs. I had an option of arrow shafts, short and longbows, plus crossbow stock. No sticks. I returned to the guide. Thank you, Cxkslei. On the basis that it might become clearer once I had sight of a larupia, I made my way over to the Feldip Hills. It took some doing, but beyond all wolves, ogres, jumping grey creatures and birds, I finally found one of the great beasts that I sought. The teasing stick just made it want to eat you, but arrows were no good against it. In running away, my cursor ran over an option to 'make trap' or something like that. What? I doubled back and touched it. Woot! It just happens! If you have a log and a knife in your bag, find a little incline and touch it, it makes a pitfall trap, just like that! Thereon it was just a case of using myself as bait, running all over the hills with the larupia running after me, then leaping over my trap. This was all good until the point where one jumped over too. Cxkslei talks of having two pitfall traps, but my initial surveyance of the immediate area didn't find any more areas to make a trap in. It was only as a lapuria had me trapped and I had to flee west one time, that I found another two areas. Woot! I took my furs back to the ogre hairdresser, who liked them very much. The quest went on with much herblore happening (why didn't we have herblore xp at the end of that?), until the final part. I hadn't read on until that bit, so assumed that the boxtrap and bird snare, as Jeremy had recommended I brought, were covered by the bits I'd avoided by buying the items at the GE. Then I reached it. I'm to catch five birds, a family of platypodes and some diseased kebbits. Right. I started with the birds, as the bird snare seemed self explanatory. I set it up in the middle of the street, then got told off for trying to set a second one up. I lit my smudge stick and stood there. One, two, three, then four birds all committed suicide as I watched. The fifth bird had me chasing it all over town. It came to see me several times, but didn't land on the snare. The snare itself frequently fell over or had it's catch thingie drop to ground level. I used up about 10 tansymum smudge sticks before giving up on the thing. Next I attempted the platypodes. The only other thing Jeremy had had me bring, in the guide was a box trap, so I tried laying that to see what would happen. To my surprise it looked precisely like a Chinchompa Land portal box! I was waving my lavendar smudge sticks around, trying to work out why I was being damaged (turned out to be midges and there's no Avon Skin So Soft in Runescape, as would work in Scotland in similiar circumstances), when I noticed that the box was closed. Orly? I picked it up. Nothing happened, but there seemed to be fewer platypodes. There weren't, it was just that one had scurried off out of view, but nontheless I was encouraged that these boxes were the things to have here. It took several attempts before finally the box closed and started shaking. There was a baby platypus inside. Bless it. I kept it safe, while I caught its brother and parents. The release location was a beach to the north-east. I was practically in Yanille before it occurred to me that this was the beach within the town walls. :D I detoured on the return journey to pick more tansymum. Once back in the town, the family were very happy with their new home. I went back to chasing that bird around the town, but it used up all my herbs and laughed at me from the eaves of the general store. I took my box trap and bird snare to see the diseased kebbits. They weren't interested in either of them, but I couldn't help noticing that the nearby boulders had an option of setting a trap. I investigated, then went outside for more tansymum and some logs. The first three dived under my primed boulders, thus proving that whatever disease they had had affected their minds. 'Oh look, here's a boulder with a flimsy stick holding it up, what happens if I kick the stick aw... argggghhhh!' Splat. The fourth kebbit had me running around and around the boulder like some sick(er) Benny Hill sketch, but eventually it succumbed to stupidity too. That bird. I returned to the street where its four friends had been snared, as opposed to the alley and the yard and wherever else I'd waved tansymum around previously. I now had a full bag of tansymum and nothing else to do but catch the thing. I set up my snare, mentally prepared for the long haul, and the bird just flew over and caught itself on it. First time for this round, though all told it was probably about the 16th attempt to catch him. There I was! Quest over! Woot! I'm 55 hunting now, which I think I deserve after all that mindless destruction of helpless creatures (and the fifth bird and the larupia). :P

:P Many, many thanks again to Cougar and also to Reaver, who came to join us and pwn shadows in our path for the last door and half. I don't know how I'd have got around that maze, at least knowing what to do, without you. WWWWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :P :) :) :P :) :P :P :D :D As for the rest of the quest in report, there's nothing I can really add from yesterday. It was much of a muchness from early in the quest until the end. I had the handholds to do again, but Cougar warned me that Guildwars would kill me if he knew how many times I had to do it before I was over. I fancy life, so I'll keep quiet. I also had a death talisman already, so a whole section of the quest was skipped. :P One more...

I remember well what it was like doing 'Monkey Madness'. The sheer disorientation in deadly surroundings, that not even a cast of thousands helping me could quite alleviate. I doubt that I would have survived it without them though. Since then, I've not been able to help anyone, because the one time I tried, my computer was so laggy that I was neither use nor ornament. This evening was the first time I could do it with a computer fast enough to be of any help and it was fun! After making up a load of super energy potions, I was at the jail way too early to meet Zach. I'd already led half a dozen people to safety by the time Josh joined me and between us, we called instructions to a handful more. By the time Zach was there, we were so polished at it. Nontheless, it still required great timing on his part and he did it. I've never seen anyone get out of that jail as quickly and efficiently as Zach the first time. We were soon round with Karam, then in the storeroom, smooth as you like. Josh even showed us where we could get phr33 bananas, so we feasted. I argued for Zach teleporting out for the first tunnel survival run, which he did accompanied by Josh and I. It was all good. However, the second jail break didn't go quite according to plan. Hawk, Josh and I were in place, Zach knew what he was doing, but there was that spider... To be fair, he did get out alright. :) What do you mean, weren't we looking after him properly? For some reason, the third jail-break was a nightmare. Hawk and I were inside guiding him out, while Josh kept that gravestone alive for ages! Again, the spider was the biggest problem of all, as we had the pattern of the guard monkeys truly down pat now. But Zach was poisoned and very low on hitpoints. We spent a lot of time trying to trade anti-poison and food. In the end, we all wound up inside the cage of the jail, just to get him alive long enough to get out. Finally it happened! I legged it to the north, only to find that three green dots hadn't followed. :D I'd forgotten that, after all of Josh's efforts, Zach still had to pick up his stuff! LOL We made it to Karam, where Zach finally received his food and was healed. Hawk was also poisoned and half-dead, after much spider pwning, so he was glad of the moment to heal too. Then it was into the temple. I'd told Zach to put on protect from range until he was in the doorway, then protect from melee. In retrospect, I should have paused at said doorway, instead of dragging him, still with protect from range on, within yards of the safe-spot. Ooops... An extremely higher levelled player blessed the new grave almost immediately, though Josh and I guarded it nontheless. It showed no sign of disrepair the entire time! Go people over level 70 prayer! :) I'd only just worked out that Zach was back in jail and was just ascertaining that Hawk was on the case, when the call came that they were both at Karam again. Woot! I met them there and we were joined by other monkey players enjoying the escort, I think, unless they were friends of Zach's. The temple went extremely smoothly thereon, except for the bit where Zach realized he'd lost his mould somewhere along the way. Back into the storeroom and down to where there were phr33 bananas. Yum! Unfortunately, as we left again, Zach lagged and accidentally ended up on the greeny-brown bit. Good job he was old hat at this. He got out of jail by himself and met us at Karam. Again, I've never known the temple bit go so smoothly. I remembered the safe spot down in the dungeon part, so led us in there once he'd got his amulet, so I could give him the wool and we could regroup. Turned out he didn't need the breather half as much as I had by that point. Plus he, Josh and I were up and out ridiculously easily, while the monkey's child part passed entirely without incident. Guildwars was on hand to help with the final dash through the tunnel (as a human), bringing Wafflestein with him. He's so grown now! Bless him. That tunnel is such a different experience as a monkey. You saunter on through, ok getting battered and poisoned, but nothing you can't handle. I recall this stage in the proceedings, when people were dropping like flies and shouting at me, 'Go Merch! Go Merch!', as I ran for it. I saw the other side of that this time. Josh was poisoned, Zach paused as if to help. I screamed, 'Go Zach! Go Zach! I've got Josh!' Then I saw Josh running by, so I traded him. He meandered on over, took the anti, we strolled on up to where Zach and Guildwars had made it to the end. It's not half the crisis as it would have been as humans. LOL Anyway, that's where we left him, Zach as a monkey at last and the smoothest version of Monkey Madness as I've ever seen. Good luck on the rest of the quest, Zach!

I'm so going to run out of quests to do and then be thwarted when I'm in a quest mood. Unfortunately, I'm in one at the moment, as they are much more fun with a fast computer in high detail. So I looked through the pitiful few remaining and ruled out 'Devious Minds' as too hard, then ruled out 'Mourning's End Pt 2' as Cougar wouldn't be awake at this time in the morning. She wants to come with me on it. That left 'Grim Tales'. I started 'Grim Tales' ages ago, so it was mostly finding out where I'd got to. Not very far, so it transpired. All I'd done was speaK to Syras to start the quest. I went to see the griffin, which was really straightforward and I had a giggle over the line where he says that you wouldn't call a carrot Jasper, would you? Ermmm... yes... Jasper Carrot It would be so much fun to have a Runescape References database, where we could put all of these finds. I can't remember ever seeing one on any website. I won't suggest it though, as I'm already writing for the paper and writing a guide. I'll end up writing for Sal's more than I'm on Runescape itself! I then had to pause while all the electrics went off in the house, while another plug socket was created downstairs. Had a bit of breakfast, pottered around the house, reconnected the other computer with its new plug socket, introduced my parents to You Tube and old episodes of 'Andy Pandy' and 'Rin Tin Tin'... oh yes, I was doing a quest. The sequences with Rupert and then the witch were fun, then it came to the final fight. I really under-estimated this one. A level 138 giant with prayer sounded easy enough, especially when compared with what I had to fight last night. I packed two prayer pots (one with only 3 doses in it) and then lingered over the super set. I had a super-defence with only 2 doses in, but the other two were all nicely piled in 4 dose bottles. If I took those two, I'd end up with two 3 dose bottles sitting there taking up space. Mmmmm... I just packed the super-defence alongside the 5 doses of prayer potion, then included the five sharks which had miraculously escaped yesterday. Soon as I got up the ladder, I realized my mistake. A level 138 giant that heals itself and switches off your prayer (both of which I was warned about in the guide, if I'd only pay closer attention) is a lot harder than a level 138 giant that just stands there waiting to die. With my prayer potion all gone and my prayer itself drained away, I took a bite of shark and noted that the giant was only half-dead. It wasn't going to happen. A second later I was in the Ectofunctus Temple telling myself to prepare more carefully for round two. This time I took a full super-set and five 4 dose prayer potions, as well as the four remaining sharks. The fight was much easier. I actually only used two vials of prayer potion, plus a single sip from another and ate a single shark, as the super-set made a huge difference in the battle. The xp gained from this quest saw me reach level 76 hitpoints (no new combat levels to report) and level 79 woodcutting. Woot! So two left. Do I accept the inevitability of things and just aim for a Quest Cape now? There was a conversation along those lines in 'Canting Away' last night, where all voices advocated it. I did remark to Cougar that me getting a Quest Cape would surely devalue it, lol, and Wolf sweetly responded that, on the contrary, it would render it 10x more valuable. If I am to do the final two quests, my first priority is food. In the past, I've always had 100s of cooked monkfish, then a pile of preciously guarded cooked shark. I can't fish shark, let alone cook it yet, so it's not something that I can replenish on my own without buying it. Where it's mostly come from is Pen, who handed me a pile of them once, then also cooked the raw sharks that I'd got from mogre fighting. When I ran out of monks, a few weeks back, I started plundering the sharks, while out on quests. It was a downward spiral, which soon saw them nearly gone. Then during that fun night out in the Wild, Josh handed me a handful of sharks, despite my protests that I'd probably die carrying them. Nontheless, he pressed them onto me and they are what have seen me through the last three quests. To do list: 1, Get backside up into Piscatoris and fish some monks. 2, Go to Mudskipper Point and range mogres until they drop sharks. 3, Cook the monks. 4, Stalk Zach, Pen and any other cooking nubs until they agree to cook the sharks just to get rid of me. That will see me through 'Mourning's End Pt 2'. I already have a death talisman, which I understand makes that quest much shorter. So next my attention goes to the hard quest left: 'Devious Minds'. Requirement = 65 Smithing. I've had mature dwarven stout stashed in my bank for months, so really I only need to get to level 63 smithing. *taps away in the skill calculator* If I change my cooking gauntlets into smithing gauntlets, that's just over 2000 gold bars to smelt. Cougar was saying that she did it at level 60, using spicy stew. That's a possibility too. As I would ideally like all my stats to be around level 70 (before pushing them all to level 80), I looked that up too. Just under 9k gold bars smelted would do that, again with smithing gauntlets. I could add a mithril armour stand to my house then! ^_^

OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG *slumps to the ground in a quiet, dark and peaceful corner of this blog awaiting sugary tea or whiskey or both to be brought to her* I think that might have been a great quest. I'm not sure. I'll let you know when I stop shaking and the adrenaline dies down enough to see whether this a good feeling or not. It was a short quest, I'll give it that. Mindful of Guildwars telling me that the suqah to the north ice barrage you, I dashed through them to the caves with my protect from magic and full ceremonial Lunar robes on. I had with me several baskets of strawberries and tomatos, plus some sliced pineapple, as the only fish I had in were sharks and they are at a premium and the only meat I had belongs to Ben. I found the dude and the whole First Aid thing is reminiscent of what I have to do in real life if someone's lying on the floor of my campus, so it was all good. I didn't even glance at the guide until he was on his feet and sending me for armour. Ages and ages ago, I'd been up Trollheim helping someone with Eadgar's Ruse. Guildwars was approaching his quest cape and had that one to do. He mentioned that when he did it, he'd grab an extra goutweed for... I remember it as 'Mourning's End Pt 2', but I'm knocking on a bit now, so my memory isn't what it was. *snort* As I was there already with Mking, I think, I squirrelled away the information being imparted via chat and so ran to grab myself a couple of goutweed too. I figured it would save my legs in a future quest. Then, in the meantime, Pen gave me gout tuber for Yule, so I had a stash from that. Payday arrived! It was this quest! I actually turned up to meet Cyrius and the Oneiromancer with a smug grin on my face, as all the ingredients for the dream potion taken straight from my bank and were now swinging about in my bag. Ok, maybe I was slightly too smug, as it turns out that you can't fill a dream vial from a bucket of water and anyway, we had to go back to the town to get to the next stage of the quest. I scrolled down and discovered that I just had to pwn some monsters and that was it, the end of the quest. Woot! I do like quests, generally, where they get to the point and there's no running off to some familiar, but far-off location halfway through to grab something stupid. If you read my comments after 'Lunar Diplomacy' you'll see where I logged off for a drink, then came back and was ready to go for it. OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG Most of my sharks and Sara brews were gone after the first fight. I limped through the next one and was suddenly shocked at the amount of '0's I was hitting. I checked my stats and they were all in free-fall! I was down to about 30-40 in attack, strength and defence. I quickly glanced at the items needed and there was no mention of a restore pot. Nontheless, I pwned the creature and reached the third. By now, I had very little in the way of food or Sara Brews and all my super-set sips weren't restoring the combat stats. However, the monster was nearly dead. I went down to 24hp and ate my last shark. I knew that this one's highest hit so far had been 26. The guide advocates running to the altar if you hitpoints fall below 40 and you have nothing left to boost them again. The creature looked to be one hit away from death, but I sent a flurry of '0's on him. He hit me, hard, so I was down to 21. Did I risk it? His bar was all red, but another hit like that and I'd be dead too. I hestited for a couple of seconds, then ran for it, hoping that returning was to the point where you left off. It wasn't. This time I packed a super-restore potion. The first monster again depleted most of my stock, which frightened me. I would seriously struggle with round three... I fought to survive and he was gone. The second monster appeared and again drained away huge chucks of my combat stats. I drank some super-restore, then a sip of each of the super set pots. After that, it was plain sailing. My stats were never drained again and I killed him quickly. I actually healed without food in the third fight and then I reached the fourth. It was so easy! I'd been waiting with a special attack on my whip when it appeared, so my first hit was 22. It never once attacked me. In writing, I've been calming and the trembling has receded. Yes, that was a good quest! But pack a restore pot too, it's needed.

I feel so big and grown up now. I recall once looking carefully at 'Lunar Diplomacy' and filing it under 'quests only higher levels can do'. I don't know why this quest above many others stood out, but, without checking, I'm wondering if it was one of the first out after Audina got her quest cape. By the same reasoning, if only higher levels can do this quest and I've just done it... *stares at self intently in her mirror shield* Erk! I really need to get the basilisk blood off this! For months people have been telling me that I'm going to really like Lunar Magic. In the past, I've been to peruse the spellbook and found out that indeed I would! There's the spell for making planks cheaply for a start, then all the ones to heal my friends as they fall in poisoned, hurting heaps at my feet. However, it kept coming back to that sticking point... 61 crafting. Who in the world can get 61 crafting? There aren't enough rings of duelling in the game to get you that high... and yet there are people with Quest Capes and Crafting Capes... mmmmm... Yesterday, I was looking at my stats and discovered that I was a mere 8.7k away from the fabled 61 crafting. Discussion ensued in 'Canting Away', with Audio notably advocating green dragon skins (the knock on effect of accummulating dragon bone too was attractive), while Teacuptime suggested tiaras. As I messed around with the crafting skill calculator on Sal's, Sayf pointed out that there was also smithing xp tied up in smelting silver. That swung it and soon I was running back and forth between Edgeville Bank and the furnace. 169 silver tiaras later, I had the level. I logged off to read the quest guide and nearly backed out. It seemed so long and all over the place. I logged back in and had a chorus of voices all assuring me that I'd love it. I figured that I'd start and if I got bored, I'd go and do some farming instead. The beginning was neither here nor there, though Guildwars joined me in Rellekka and taught his dog, Wafflestein, bad habits involving pickpocketing, murder and the drinking of entire kegs of beer. Then came the pirate ship part. It... went... on... forever... Guildwars started off on the ship with me, leading me to the various NPCs in the order as I needed to speak to them. But the conversations took so long that in the finish, I suggested that he went off and did something else. It must have been so boring for him. He did go, then came back later. It felt like hours later, but was probably only a few minutes. He'd brought some alching to do, while we waited. I canted to pirate after pirate after pirate, discovering countless times that you can't just skip to the end of the guide and speak to the last person, as they'll only say something to lead to back into doing it properly, in order. ^_^ Then finally it was all over! :) We were docked at Lunar Island and I was free to leave the blasted ship. Woot! Guild lead me into the town and it was gorgeous! From this moment, I really enjoyed the quest. I loved the surroundings and loved the storyline. I also noticed a lot of Wiccan or moon goddess references in there too, though not enough to assume that Jagex are all Pagan. LOL (What does Jagex stand for? Sorry, it's just come to me and got me pondering. Java, Andrew Gower, Expert?) Guild came with me to pwn suqah, shooting occasional bolts to help me out, but not so many that I wouldn't get the drops. I came away with 8 suqah hides, 5 teeth, 1 gold charm, marrentill and guam leaves. Guild left thereon and so I continued without him, still loving every minute of it. Bouquet mac Hyacinth? Lmfao! I love the references hidden around the game. LOL My main conclusion though is that everyone was right to urge me to do the quest. Despite its length and the centuries wasted canting with pirates, I wish I was able to go back to the start and do it again. Much fun! In fact, I'm half tempted to do 'Dream Mentor' next, just to continue the story.

I'd been wandering around Sal's site, when I landed on the part about the Varrock Museum. It occurred to me that I hadn't been in there for ages to try and wheedle xp out of the historian in return for quest stories. Glancing down the list of quests that earned xp in this way, I was surprised to note that I'd done them all. In fact, I only needed to do the mini-quest, 'Ghostly Robes', in order to have the full 153 kudos and the 10k xp in any skill over level 50 (Construction). Woot! I skimmed the guide and found that it risked venturing into the Wild, which is no place for a puppy. I had a little word with Ben, then left him in the charge of the bank tellers at the GE. He promised to be good. Grabbing ring of visibility, ghostspeak amulet and one or two essentials (like my green, pointy hat), I zapped off to start the quest. My very first change of location pointed to the Wilderness. I was ecstatic to notice that, overnight, the games necklace has two extra locations for teleport, both of which are in the Wild. I used it now, to get to Bounty Hunter, then asked in chat where the Bandit Camp was. Onua knew and directed me as I ran. I recognized it as soon as I ran up the courseway, it was the place where Yuan had escorted me to, with a clue scroll, on the first time I was enticed properly into the Wilderness. It all seemed very different without Yuan there to hide behind. In fact, very different to the night before, when a whole gang of us had been having fun with revenants and zappy things in this general 'hood. Some of my old fear trickled back, as I was mobbed by bandits. Yuan had once pushed me into a general store for safety, so I headed there now, kicking to death the bandit that followed me in. I waited. So did the bandits, two-four of them patrolling the doors, with one stationary at the western door, just waiting for me to emerge. It took a while before I even saw the ghost out there in the centre of the yard, but my reccy through the door told me that the highest level bandit was only 34. Even without weapons and armour, I could pwn her. Pride comes before a what...? In reality, the second I stepped out, I was mobbed. I ran to the ghost and clicked for dialogue, but he barely spoke his opening words before the force of combat knocked them off again. I had auto-retaliate off and I was getting battered to death. I ran screaming back to the general store, closed the door and killed another bandit with my bare fists. Before my horrified eyes came a floating shape... a revenant. When have you ever known me panic in the Wild? I have no idea what brought CJ and Cougar racing from different parts of Gielinor, with Cougar keeping up a constant reassuring tone, 'Merch, I'm coming... calm down!' Perfectly calm the entire time. ^_^ CJ arrived half a second before Cougar and set about pwning everything in sight. Cougar ran straight for me with food and pacifying words. She then joined CJ in general pwning and they cut me a path to speak to the ghost in peace. From the ghost came another one also in the Wild. They both escorted me there, occupying the zombies, so I could have my conversation in the graveyard. Thereon, it was a lot more sedate. The trail led out of the Wild, so Cougar returned to her hunting, while CJ came with me. I did have a lot of fun at the Slayer Tower, as I'd never seen it in high detail. CJ arrived to find me opening and shutting the door, watching the gargoyles moving, and accidentally slamming it into another player's face. *cringe* I apologized and left the door alone after that. Eventually CJ and I stood there as twin ghosts (though he had a sword and I didn't), mini-quest complete. It was great fun, apart from the bits in the Wild. I didn't like them. Yes! It did get me 153 kudos and therefore 10k xp in Construction, plus 4000xp in some other stuff. Part of that gave me 59 smithing. :P

Yay! A nice, quick, amusing quest! It didn't even make it onto my 'to do' list because, quite frankly, it would have been rude not to do it today. I did briefly consider doing other things, on the basis that everyone else would be doing the quest, so various usually crowded spots would be empty; but nah, I did the quest. I giggled over the description of the rabbit. I wandered around Taverley fruitlessly looking for a corpse, before re-reading the tip and realizing that I should be up a mountain. Then I struggled for a couple of minutes trying to make my wolf howl. The blarb kept saying, use the scroll on the wolf... followed by 'you have to activative this from the summoning interface' over and over again. Until I read the blarb properly - it didn't say use it on the wolf, it said to use it on the wolftinger (or whatever it was called). *rolls eyes* Speed-reading ftl! Otherwise a short, but highly enjoyable quest. I got an Old English Sheepdog called Ben shortly afterwards, as I'm now level 4 Summoning. Woot!

Alone amongst my recent quests, I actually planned to do 'Darkness of Hallowvale'. A combination of learning that a potential (now actual) 8k Construction xp lay at the end of it and the amount of people who'd claimed it was their favourite quest made it a very attractive idea. I looked through the items needful to complete it and there weren't many. I had them all in my bank already. I'm learning not to log onto 'Canting Away' whilst doing quests. It's useful to be there to seek advice if I'm particularly stuck and it's invaluable if I should die and need to sound an urgent SOS for gravestone tending, but on the down side it's full of people trying to talk to me as I'm mid-conversation with NPCs or else concentrating on a tricky bit. The upshot is that I look very rude in not responding. My presense on the list of people in the room belies the fact that I'm not paying attention, so I occasionally look down to find that someone has, for example, randomly come in to ask if the gilded altar is open. Invariably, Zach or Cougar or Skull or someone has been fielding the queries, explaining that they are very sorry, but it isn't and is unlikely to be open today. I get a pang of guilt that they are having to be my de facto secretaries. While I'm on the subject, many people over the months have read this blog, or that of other members of 'Canting Away', and have come to visit us. Everyone is welcome, so it's all good. However, human nature dictates that anyone visiting to find themselves the only person without even a smiley face beside their name will ask me if they can be added. I've never had a problem with this, though an increased number of people on my friend's list means that I'm less likely to switch my private IMs on. Much as I love people saying hello, when its 100s of them you never get anything done for saying hello back! Over the weekend, Sk3tch asked me to add one of his friends, which I tried to do only to discover that I couldn't. I have 200 people on my friends list. :o Therefore, if I'm doing a quest or am otherwise distracted, please don't go on and on at those in 'Canting Away'. If you return often enough, then you will be automatically added when I've had a purge of those who came in once and I've never seen hide nor hair of since. Anyway, back to the plot. I set off to Burgh de Rott still marvelling at how quick the journey over the swamp is these days. I'm practically running over a bridge which, a couple of weeks ago, was a massive undertaking to cross. It seems like I'm over and in the town in a matter of a minute or so, whereas before I used to have to pack for an arduous expedition, not daring to put a toe over the threshold without a lot of nature's bounty in my bag. The preamble passed quickly and enjoyably, then I was out into Meiyerditch. I crossed the wall well enough but after I'd kicked the wooden planks in, I thought I had a glitch. The narrative told me that I'd fallen, but I hadn't. I was standing in mid-air, then walking and eventually dancing in mid-air. After an amusing couple of minutes, the novelty wore off and I was ready to continue with my quest. I logged off and on again, but I was still in mid-air. <.< I even clicked the report abuse button thinking that I could report a bug, but there's only the option for bug abuse there. I didn't want to report myself for snowman dancing on the air, so I came out of there. I read and re-read the guide, eventually focusing on a line that said 'go down'. I'm trying! But it occurred to me that if you just fell, then the guide wouldn't bother telling you to do it. Further investigation, right-clicking on my surroundings, revealed the option 'go down the floor-boards'. Ah... I did and I was in the city proper. I wanted the boots. For months, whenever you see Simple or Kuemper they are in those high-heeled, kinky boots that look like they'd cripple you in real life. Recently, Cougar has taken to wearing them too. My habitual boots of lightness are pretty and practical, but for true style you need the Vyrewatch boots. Once I'd spoken to Old Man Ral, I nipped over the road to buy my boots. But Sven didn't have a trade option. I logged out to find clues in the city guide, but there were none. ^_^ Eventually I got it sussed. I had a conversation with him and he asked if I wanted to see his wares. Yes! Yes I do! A couple of seconds later, I was the proud owner of some kinky boots. But what was this? I put them on and there were no heels. Had I got the male boots by accident? Nope, he only sold one sort. I'd already got the trousers, maybe they were male trousers and affected my boots? :) There was nothing I could do about it, so I just put them on and carried on. It was only after I'd thought to check what my character looked like using the button rather than just looking at the screen that my high heels magically seemed to appear! Yay! Roll over Kate Moss. The agility course was confusing, even with the best efforts of the guide, but it's not the fault of the latter. My propensity to examine everything and wander off the beaten track meant that I frequently lost my place in the guide and had to retrace my steps. It was fun though. I was utterly absorbed for ages doing that route. I was also amazed at the sheer lack of people. In the old days, that must have been drop party paradise, because no-one is there to see you. I saw one other player in Meiyerditch, right at the beginning of the quest, then lost him and never saw him again, nor anyone, for the several hours that I was there. It was like my own private, personal bit of Runescape. Eventually I was at my destination and had to return to Burgh de Rott, I took the Ectophial option, then rushed through the Canifis and Varrock elements, before the moment came to return to Meiyerditch via Burgh de Rott. This was the exact moment when my interest waned. I'm not a fan of quests that put you in a world, then take you out, only to put you back in again. Had I remained in Meiyerditch all along, I'd have happily stayed for a week; but having been taken to Varrock, within sight of farming patches, it suddenly felt like a long quest that I hadn't the will to continue with, especially when the guide made it look as if I was only halfway through. I took a break. Returning, I decided to continue with the quest, as the lure of that Construction xp was so strong, however I'd got as far as the tunnel under the swamp before I was bored again. I, perhaps foolishly, entered the chat channel, so to have Zach singing to me all the way to Burgh de Rott. I say foolish not for the entertainment value inherent in Zach, but because it exposed us all to requests for the gilded altar and someone incessantly asking to go on my friends' list. Enter Zach the singing, cooking, fletching and now secretarial nub, while I'm trying to survive against predatory Vyrewatch. Once I was back in Meiyerditch and down in the mine, the quest picked up again. I was thoroughly enjoying it, even the part where I waited about 20 minutes on a castle wall, with 11 Vyrewatch circling me and not one of them coming down for a nibble. This moment being, of course, the one time that I wanted them to. In fact, I was having a lot of fun right up to the scene where I entered the lab, glanced at the guide and noted with a sinking feeling that I'd forgotten my telegrab runes. This will mean nothing to someone who's never been to Meiyerditch, but I was right up in the Northern Sector before I realized my mistake. Oh... my... goddess... Zach was highly sympathetic in chat, but there was nothing he could do. The moment recalled the time in 'Underground Pass', when I desperately needed someone to come and take my stuff for fear of dying but I knew (well thought...) it would take them an hour to come. This time I knew it would take forever for someone to get to me, so I might as well teleport out and get them myself. :s I decided to continue with the quest as far as the telegrab incident. This involved searching a broken runecase, which I found and did. Oh wow! It contained telegrab runes! Woot! Much happy dancing ensued. Thereon, it was a simple thing to complete the quest. I got my 2k Construction xp, then used the tome of experience to get another 6k. Shortly afterwards, a genie turned up which gave me another 710xp! Hurrah. I'm now well within the top 14k Construction skillers in the game, strangely enough. :s

I had no intention of doing another quest so soon (because I'm going to run out of them at this rate) and, if I did, it was going to be 'Darkness of Hallowvale'. However, I was at the spirit tree in the Tree Gnome Village en route to my fruit trees, when I recalled that a quest started by talking to the King standing right next to me. I canted with him, which started it, then worked out which quest it was - 'The Path of Glouphrie'. I decided to just do the bits of the quest in this 'hood, then harvest my fruit tree and be on my way. Yes... The reality was that the further I went, the more I got into the storyline and, moreover, I was enjoying it. I was loving the glorious technicolour of it all most of all, which, in gnome lands, is always wonderful. The first time I ever attempted high detail was at the Grand Tree and lived with the increased lag for ages so to experience the increased aesthetics. This quest was like revisiting that time again, just meandering along, just doing the next bit of quest, then I'll get back to farming. I even detoured to Taverley, so to collect toads' legs for the Tangled Toad dish that Longramble wanted. He gave me some mintcake, which is always nice. Before I knew it, the guide was telling me to prepare for the final battle. What?! How did I get that far into it? There came a conundrum. The only melee weapons I had were a poisoned dragon dagger, a Barrelchest anchor, a machete and a poisoned Keris. I could have waited for Reaver to log on (he's borrowed my whip and, due to the unbalanced trade thing, I'm holding copious amounts of raw lobster as security), but the more I scanned the guide and realized how little there was to do, the more reluctant I was to postpone it. Besides, as I said, I was having so much fun. In the end, I selected my weapon. Which one would you have gone for? I've made a little poll so you can vote on it. After much deliberation, I chose . Packing alongside it my grapple, crossbow, superset, one prayer pot, crystal chimes and a lot of sharks. I wore my helm of Neitiznot, rune platebody, dragon plateskirt, dragonboots, a glory and a ring of dueling (I forgot to put on a ring of life). I carried Lilshu's dragon shield. Meandering slowly up to the grapple tree (so to give Reaver extra seconds to log on), I healed the spirit tree and then paused. I wasn't sure about that weapon at all, so I did what I should have done back in the bank, I consulted a friend. Well, three of them in this case, as they were in 'Canting Away' at the time, but neither Audio, Iggy nor Sayf had done the quest. In trepidation, I entered the cave, where nothing immediately attacked me. There was someone in there killing the warped terrorbirds dressed in full Guthans. I thought Wildman2054 was doing the quest, so hung back. Unfortunately, it wasn't far enough because the birds in the other room could still range me in the tunnel. :( I returned to the tortoise room, where nothing hurts you. The player and I canted about the quest, though it turned out that he was there for slayer. He thought that I might be ok, even without either a whip or a skimmy. It took me a while to realize that I had much further to go through this dungeon before I reached the scene of the final fight. I did much running and protecting from range then. Everywhere I went, things were hitting me. :rofl: I got right into the depths of the place, before I found a place to rest. Sipping some prayer potion and nibbling on a shark, I found that it wasn't too much further now. There was also another place on the map which looked like the area I was standing in. It might be another safe spot. I ran and it was! Yay! I loitered there, within sight of the final room, reading and re-reading the strategy. Find pillars, trap birdie, use chimes, protect from range... right. Just on it, I noticed that CJ of the Quest Cape was in Canting. Yay! It was his reassurance that I'd be fine with the weaponry I had which got me out of the tunnel and into the room. Of course, all that fine strategy went to pot, as the warped terrorbirds mobbed me at the door. However, I quickly realized that only one of them was actually attacking me, so I targetted him. Once he was dead, it allowed a second bird to attack me, but still kept off the third. Double yay! I was able to take them out one by one. It looks like there will be a third in this series. I do hope so!

This time it was a much more sedate affair, insofar as diseased passageways, poisoned traps, a room full of range-crazy high level monsters mobbing you and an insane high priest attacking can be called sedate. I made my way back to the dungeon fully prepared to take on the tasks for the levers again, however it appeared that I didn't need them. If I'd known that last night, I might even have been back to finish it! LOL Once you have successfully operated each lever to open the door, it remains open. I also took the time to find the traps, using the 'search floor' option, but they still got me. I paused to regroup, before dashing into the main room and west. I couldn't find the high priest's room! It was to the north, ok. This time I used 'protect from range' and it worked really well, until I found a trap in that room too. The resulting spike and poison damage hit me for about 20, while the pausing within range of monsters now meleeing hit me another 10. I ran. Once inside the high priest's room, I discovered that nothing was attacking me, not least him. I was able to regain full strength, even swopping innoculation bracelets (having had the foresight this time to take two) before clicking on him for the dialogue. It seemed that he continued from where he left off last night, as my opening line was 'can you remember speaking to me before you attacked?' or words to that effect. We went through only one incident of him attacking me again, before it was all over. He bade me speak to the High Priest in Sophanem and I was free to go. Woot! I then had a big decision, did I teleport out and make my way back to Sophanem in kinder circumstances, or did I brave the arduous trip back through that dungeon, the arena, the crocodile-iinfested swamp and desert and the heat? As I had five sharks and several pots left, I decided on the latter. It was all good. Well, I got battered to within an inch of my life, but otherwise it was all good. I made it back to Sophanem, straight to the bank for some Recilym's Balm, then off to the High Priest for the conversation which completed the quest. Yay!

I had absolutely no intention of doing another quest after the two I'd already done that day. I wrote my blog entry on 'In Aid of the Myreque', then logged on with all intention of exploring the new village to see if there was anything changed post-quest (sometimes things get unlocked), then going to do some farming. Then Reaver happened. He talked me into just starting 'Dealing with the Scabaras' on the basis that he fancied coming along and guiding me through it, plus he had 18 bronze bars to use up. I was quite tired, not going to bed tired but certainly no deep concentration please tired, however I figured that starting it might be fun as long as we stopped when I had to seriously pay attention. Yes... It was fun. We made our way to Sophanem and I carried on through the gate, staring back through the bars at Reaver going, 'come out of there'. He wanted us to go to the Agility Pyramid first. I had the guide opened (such luxury these days!) and Neo says to start in Sophanem with the High Priest. Reaver still wanted me out of that city and into that pyramid. Ok, off we go. I'd never been on the Agility Pyramid before. Actually that isn't technically true, as I'd been on the first level of it trying to find the Pyramid Plunder game once and had been ignobly pushed off it by a moving block, before finding the proper place to be. I've now been all the way to the top and down the slide, wheeeeeee, and discovered that it might be fun to train agility there. With the top of the pyramid duly stolen :/ and with 18 bronze bars and 10 Pyramid Plunder gold ornaments provided by Reaver, it was time to speak to the High Priest. This done, I learned two exciting things, that there is now a side-gate to Sophanem, where you don't have to go through all of that dialogue to get out of the desert heat and secondly that there's now more world down there! You no longer skirt the Agility Pyramid to find a void of darkness to your southern flank. Ok, the new world is full of level 89 crocodiles, but if you put on protect from melee and refuse to be provoked into a fight, it's all good. We pushed through reeds and found the archaeologists, then I learned that there was a maths test. Oh no! My As are all in the humanities, maths was stopped at GCSE level and then only at a C. Me and maths just don't get on, at all. Reaver abandoned me! He had siblings to supervise and so left me confronting maths! :/ Fortunately I was equal to it. In fact, stopping whinging, getting out a calculator and just doing it was far preferrable. By the time he was back, I was smugly grinning with a passed maths test behind me. We saw Simon Templeton and returned to Sophanem. In retrospect, this was the moment when I should have stopped. It was already knocking on 2am and I was tired, but I hadn't actually read to the end of the guide. I was just doing it as it came. Reaver said to grab melee stuff, pots and food, so I did and we returned to the archaeologists. It was a fairly quick interlude then to kill four creatures for the notes and that was when it finally dawned on me that we were approaching the end of this quest. They were the first of the three finale fights! Also in retrospect, I should have taken some food from Reaver at this moment, but I don't think either of us knew that once we'd descended the steps, I would be in a pre-quest completion scene and he would be unseen in a post-quest completion one. I started the golem - furnace - levers sequence. At first I didnt realize that failing one meant that you failed them all, so when I failed the strength room first of all, I continued to do the other three. I passed them too, but returned to stoke the fire and then to try the strength room again, only to discover that it didn't work like that. I had also used up both logs that I'd brought and was back by the archaeologists before I spotted something in the guide that said there were logs in the storage room. I returned. This time I passed the strength room first go, but failed the agility one. I immediately returned to the golem instead of re-doing the thieving and scarab rooms. On the third time of trying, I succeeded in pulling the levers in all four rooms, thus opening the antechamber. Woot! The golem was urging me to quickly go through. I was, by now, desperately tired and really should have been in bed. It was nearly 3am, which certainly added to the confusion of what came next. The guide urged me to ensure that I had enough food/prayer to survive the climatic sequence. I checked. At full health now, I had two sharks and three doses of prayer potion. I was wearing an innoculation bracelet. I was also wearing the ring of charos instead of my ring of life. Ok. At level 92 combat now (with 75hp), my haddled brain judged myself able to survive against the future confrontation. I walked on and was immediately hit for 15, then 15 again by the floor traps. One shark down. Really tired, I struggled with instructions like 'go slightly south, then follow it south and west until you see the room', or whatever it said. I'm guessing it would make more sense this morning. ;) Instead I figured I'd just run out and find the thing. I did and it was exactly as Neo had said, but in the meantime I took a lot of damage. As soon as I raced into the room, I ate my last shark. The last scene was highly confusing. Half-asleep at my keyboard, I was suddenly confronted with a situation where my hps are draining with no recourse to food and I'm flashing with disease (hitting 0s due to the bracelet, but with the threat of the bracelet running out of charges) and with poison (I used up four does of super anti during the time I was there). The dialogue made absolutely no sense whatsoever, so I was trying to cope with monitoring the poison and disease, plus watching for his attacks and applying the appropriate protect prayer, whilst also judging when it was time to leave, while also wondering if I was missing something important to stop this in the conversation that was taking place. It was like being extremely intoxicated! It also seemed to go on for a long time. He'd attacked me four times when I either made a mistake or else my character's tortured body gave in, because my hitpoints dropped dramatically and I was in immediate danger of death. I ecto-ed out. The flight from the temple to the bank was fraught, as I was poisoned and the next high hit would kill me. Nevertheless dying in Port Phas., with a chat channel full of people in possession of an ectophial was surely preferrable to dying in a cut scene on the far side of the desert. I careered into the bank, cursing the ghosts for their non-ghostspeak amulet conversation, then shoved everything from my inventory into it. I had a heartstopping moment when I realized that I hadn't taken everything from my person, including Lilshu's dragon shield, Cougar's dragon boots and my glory. I pushed them in, stepped back to check and I only had 5hp left. I stood in the middle of the bank waiting to die and also bitterly disappointed that I'd come so close to the end of the quest, but had failed for want of, perhaps, a single shark. I was just typing in the chat channel what had happened, when a beautiful player named Deshadeslay traded me. It was five monkfish. I had food in my bank, but that little act of kindness really turned that moment around. I healed myself and looked up to find Helk there saying 'hello', then CJ too. It was CJ's birthday! :/ Happy birthday, cariad. Instead of leaving on a low, disappointed because of failing by a slither, I left surrounded by lovely people. Thank you all.

I was in a quest mood, so was randomly farming whilst trying to decide which one looked good, when Cougar logged on. As a proud quest cape wearer, she knows her quests and so enthusiastically offered to choose one for me. There was no question in her mind but that it should be 'The Great Brain Robbery'. I've heard bad things about this quest, mostly, to be fair, about the final fight. When I was researching the 'most frightening thing in Runescape' for a Sal's newspaper article, Barrelchest from 'The Great Brain Robbery' turned up time and again as a hard foe to confront. I also recalled Kuemper saying that she beat him by the skin of her teeth. The quest was therefore an ominous one to contemplate but, as Cougar pointed out, there was Construction xp at the end of it. Woot! Sold on it, I quickly started collecting items. Most of them were in my bank, so it was all good, though I did need to go mining up Al-Kharid for silver and then to create and get blessed the holy symbol. My biggest problem in most of the quest then was finding people. I couldn't find Bill Teach's ship, until I spoke to him in the pub. Even then he just said he'd take me. I had to return to the 'Cabin Fever' guide to see where I'd left him. I was about to give up and take Hawk's advice on just chartering a normal ship, when I saw a gangplank, crossed it and found Bill Teach. Yay! My next lost person was Dr Frenkenstein. I swear I covered every inch of that castle before thinking to ask Lord... thingie. I had 'Creature of Frenkenstein' guide open for ages, trying to track him. I also spent a long time helping people doing 'Creature of Frenkenstein', bodyguarding one lower levelled person into the Haunted Woods to dig for a head, showing another where the Memorial Stone was and, after discussion with a couple of player mods informed me that it would be ok, directing another to Sal's guide. Meanwhile, you could spot the 'Brain Robbery' people too, as we all wore our breathing apparatus in Canifis. LOL One person, Cloud, was at roughly the same place as me, so we were going to do it together, however it wasn't really practical when the next part involved collecting furs (I killed werewolves for them) and zapping off to our houses. She did briefly join us in the chat channel, so to meet up later, but then we lost touch until the very end. I spent so long messing around Morytania that by the time I could actually go back and finish the quest, I was getting a bit bored of it. I think I'm a natural born skiller, so quests have to really grab my attention to remain interesting. I reached the point just before raiding the ship and killing the sorebones and I just wanted a break. I nipped off for a bit, defragged the other computer, had some tea, read the paper... tbh, if I hadn't been in Harmony, I probably would have gone farming when I got back on, but I figured I could just finish the quest. I'm glad I did, as the Dr Frenkenstein/brain sequence was very funny. Cougar had been off for most of the quest, but fortunately was on as I prepared to fight Barrelchest. She said that she had a hot tip for pwning him, which was good, because I was very nervous about him. She also volunteered to come over and watch the fight, which was reassuring in terms of my stuff! I packed for range, including four precious poisoned rune arrows. Unfortunately, as I dashed across the village, I was attacked by a zombie. I'd stupidly left my auto-retaliate on and so shot my poisoned arrows into him. Four arrows later, I was being smacked by the zombie, but not retaliating. Instead I was scrambling about on the floor trying to retrieve said arrows, while Cougar stood behind me going, 'what are you doing?' She took the zombie out, while I tried to regain my composure. I'd got 3 of the 4 poisoned arrows back. Once inside, I confronted the boss zombie and then stared Barrelchest in the face. I hadn't imagined that he'd be so big! As he lumbered towards me, I'm both recalling and being reminded via the chat channel of Cougar's advice. Hit him once and ecto out. I released an ordinary rune arrow into him, it hit for 8 and I ecto-ed. So far so good. I returned to the scene and as another zombie battered me a bit (switched auto-retaliate off so not to waste arrows, seeing as they were my posh ones) I hovered in the doorway, trying to see Barrelchest through it. With infinite patience, Cougar suggested that I stepped inside. I did and Barrelchest was there, waiting just by the backmost pews, in easy range. I swopped to the three poisoned arrows and carefully shot them, quickly clicking to add the bulk of my non-poisoned arrows straight after the last had gone. It was so easy then. Barrelchest just stood there and died, as I ranged from my safe-spot. Soon as he was gone, I rushed forward to retrieve my arrows, remembering almost as an afterthought to get the anchor too. LOL Back with Tranquility, Cloud was there too. She must have also had a break, because we finished together after all. ^_^ Cougar and I celebrated with a synchronized snow dance and now I'm in the mood for another quest. :o

'In Aid of the Myreque' is a daunting quest to start. The listed of items needed seems to go on forever, something which you wouldn't mind too much, but for the fact that even the most cursory glance at the guide reveals that you are going to have to go to the other side of the swamp in Morytania and all of these items aren't going to fit in one inventory. I think I started collecting them some time before, as I've had a piece of swamp paste in my bank forever. However, when I came to look for it, I couldn't see it. Assuming that I'd sold it when I was pretty much liquidating my bank to pay back Construction debts, I went and bought another. It immediately disappeared when stored in my bank, leading me to find the original one. :o As a side-note, when I eventually came to use it, miles away from the nearest serviceable bank, I found that I'd left it behind and so had to go and buy another from the shop in Morton. Having finally amassed everything needed, I studied the guide properly for efficient ways to make this trip. There weren't any, so I just had to accept that I was going to be crossing the swamp a lot. In the actuality though, this wasn't too bad. I've only ever made the journey before on an extremely lagging computer, so the first delight was that I could cross the bridge as quickly as I'd witnessed others doing so. The arrival of ghasts didn't make me stand still for ages and moreover the high detail gave me things to look at that I hadn't seen before. Though this quest had all of the hallmarks of one I was going to hate, it turned out to be a lot of fun. There were only two trips over the swamp for supplies (and a couple to the shop in Morton) before I repaired a bank down there and so could use that. Yay! I wish I'd done this quest months ago, as a bank down there would have been useful on so many occasions. I also enjoyed standing on the roof of the general shop for a while, looking out over a vista of... well swamp and ruined buildings, but pretty in its way. Escorting Ivan to the temple seemed, from the guide, to be a frustrating moment, but the reality wasn't too bad. I chose route 1, the harder but shorter route and, after a while staring at the guide map and trying to fit it to my knowledge of the environs of Canifis, I gave up and just did it. It's a cut scene area. :o I also missed my chance, the first time, to give Ivan his personally handsmithed steel armour and cooked snails. I was expecting it to happen in dialogue, but we were already in the cut scene area before I even thought to just use them on him. He wasn't interested, he just wanted to get out of there. I tried to manoveneur to into the safe-spot shown in the guide, but that wasn't happening and so he fled. Once back at the hide-out, I used the items on him and so our next foray out into vampire-infested lands had him armoured and fed. I tried again for the safe-spot, but ended up with both vampires attacking him. He fled. Round three, I gave up on any safe-spots and just stood where we'd arrived into the scene, pwned both vampires and job's a good 'un. I've said that I enjoyed this quest, but I did think that the rewards didn't match the length or work done in it. I've been there for hours for just 2k experience in three areas? Ok, the bank was worth it, but I'm not sure it was worth getting past that point other than for completeness. However, I'm strongly suspecting that I've just done a quest which was supposed to be a hard one for lower combat level players, rather than just a long one for my level. ^_^

I just couldn't face another basilisk first thing in the morning, so I decided to do a quest instead. I'd started 'Mourning's End Pt 1' at the time when I finished 'Roving Elves', so it was the obvious one to try next. Besides, it would finally demonstrate whether or not I can throw out those plague clothes that I've been holding since about March. I've heard very bad things about this quest, though I'm suspecting that it was part 2 that's the problem. Audina had warned me that I'd have problems with the sheep painting (yes, you read that right) with the lag that I experience, so it was a great thing to do it on this fast computer. Yay! As it was, I painted the sheep quite easily. Three out of four were on the first shot, though I did have to return to Lletya for dye and the Chompy Hunting Grounds for toads for the fourth. My advice for anyone yet to do this is to get spare dyes and toads. You can't pick the toads up and bring them with you unfortunately, you have to inflate them with dye over in the Chompy Grounds. Despite its reputation, I found this to be an enjoyable quest. I already had the naphta, which I did during Roving Elves, so I didn't have the frustration of that to spoil it midway. The best thing was the hours of fun I had watching my character in full mourner's outfit, carrying the painting device and running around places. I particularly enjoyed running around places that had nothing to do with the quest, just for the surreal sight. :( The rewards gave me level 60 thieving too. Woot!

I did log on with the intention of checking my trees and then doing 'Roving Elves'. As it happened, some of the Canters had bones to train prayer on, so asked me if I'd open my house. It ended up opened to the wider public too and so I was there several hours lighting burners. Eventually though only one person remained and she had over 4k left to do. She was happy to find somewhere else and so I was able to pack for 'Roving Elves' and set off to find this new pass. Oh! It was lovely. Only those who have had to travel through the underground pass several times recently can truly appreciate a stroll over the mountains in the fresh air. Ok, you have the odd dire wolf to dodge, but mostly it's skipping along admiring the valleys and llyn. The whole place looked modelled on Llanberis. :P I found my way to the spot with the campfire and, after a severe battering from the stick trap guarding it, made my way through to search the embers. Ok, now I just needed to wait for the elves to turn up. I waited. I waited some more. I did a little waiting, while I was waiting. There was a Scottish lad there, so we talked about midges as we waited. Then we waited a bit. First Whitewolf, then Guild and finally Cougar found us there and helped us wait. Somewhere between 20 minutes and half an hour passed from the moment I'd turned up before we gave up on the place. We picked our way through dense forestry, tracks and traps to the other place. Within a couple of minutes, the elves turned up. Hurrah! By now though, an expected 20 minute quest was threatening to take a lot longer. It was way past midnight and, if the others hadn't have been with me, I might have given up for the night around then. The notion of having company during the fight and also guides to take me through this beautiful, deadly land was so attractive though. We reconvened, via various routes as we all brought different modes of teleport, at Glariel's Tomb. Cougar took all of my stuff off me, except for the fish and my amulet, which was non-tradeable. Unfortunately, it was also impossible to get into the tomb with it. I ran to the gnome stronghold and banked. I was wearing nothing, I only had fish and the pebble, but I still couldn't get into that tomb. I tried several times and then, just as I was saying to Cougar, 'Still nothing', I landed in a heap at the bottom of the ladder. Whitewolf and Guild, bless them, were already down there. I hadn't been too concerned about the fight. I recently killed five ghosts, some of them higher level, without armour or weaponry, plus I knew I could use prayer BECAUSE IT SAYS SO IN THE GUIDE. :closedeyes: Unfortunately, you can't and this moss giant hit hard. I can categorically say that, for all my level 90 combat, I would have been dead if Whitewolf and Guild hadn't been dropping fish at my feet. Cougar led me back over the Pass, where we met the lads as it descended into Tirannwn. Processing in congo to the elves spot, Cougar took up the rear and promptly died at the dire wolves. We weren't scared... oh no... Back over to the Waterfall, Guild accompanied me. I lagged at the river and ended up half-drowning, while Guild informed me that he looked like a messiah on a ledge. I joined him to see. Me being there though meant that I couldn't see him, so I never got to see him in all its glory. He knew precisely where he was going through, so it was a quick process to get inside, find the key, run through various aggressive monsters, then plant the seed. I left him there for my long walk over the Pass, where I was met at the bottom again by Whitewolf. All aboard the Wolf Train! We chugged and wooted all the way across to the elves, where Guild waited for us. I got a crystal bow and started 'Mourning's End Pt 1', so I got access to Lletya and the teleport crystal. Yay! I can go and get my picture for my quest hall now.

I was in a quest mood, but the impetus for doing 'Regicide' really came the day before. Every builder's wish is to have a room completed to the highest level it can be. I found myself in the position where a quest hall (I have two) could be so, it only needed the addition of a rug (for which I had the materials) and a picture of Isafdor. I duly went to see the herald with some money and was thwarted. You have to do 'Roving Elves' to get that picture. I had to do 'Regicide' before I could even get to 'Roving Elves'. 'Regicide' seemed to me to belong to a slightly-lesser-than-the-Russell-Group-of-horrible-quests, insofar as people appeared to pause before doing it, but they didn't appeared scarred for life, as they did with quests like 'Desert Treasure'. It seemed a quest to be proud of completing. I read through the guide and two things stood out for me, a) oh no, I'm going to be stood at that blasted Iban Temple again with 2hp, no food, all my armour and the promise of a fight with a level 110 guard; and b) oh no, the underground pass... which is really a) slightly removed, but deserves the repetition. Therefore my confidence received a huge boost when I mentioned in chat that I was about to embark on this quest and Whiskas88 commented that he was in Isafdor at that very moment in time! Really? Is there a bank over there? Yes. Are you going to be around for a while? Yes. How easy is it for folk with quest capes to enter and leave Isafdor? Very easy. Whiskas88 :D He came to Ardoughe and took all my armour, stashed it in his bank and let me get on with traversing the underground pass without worrying about losing all my worldy possessions. As it was, I didn't sustain anywhere near as much damage as I had when I was there the last time. I was down to 33hp at one point, but with plenty of food on me. Despite the fact that I messed up the grid twice, fell off a ledge twice and fell from the temple labyrinth three or four times, the pass seemed easier both times I had to cross it. The latter part of the first time was frustrating enough to make me want to have a break, but that was mainly because Whiskas had extracted my stuff and was waiting just around the corner in anticipation of my arrival and I couldn't get to him. I was having situations where I had just fallen, with 19 points damage and the promise of a long walk ahead, and Whiskas response was, 'Merch, please hurry up.' I also had had a guide leading me through the labyrinth, who hadn't fallen once and was now merrily chatting with Whiskas waiting for me (I didn't have a clue which roads to take hereon) and also, in real life, I had people hovering after using the computer. In short, it wasn't an enjoyable quest at that point, it was like pulling teeth. Finally though, the other adult in my house had finished her rant centring around 'well, if you think that playing your children's game is more important than me paying this bill...' (just five minutes to get my armour, so this lad can get on with doing what he was doing, then you can have it for as long as you want) and Whiskas had come to meet me from the other side, thus giving me a point of reference to head for. I was through! Yay! I even had more time here, as the person ranting had gone to the shop. Whiskas offered to take me to Lord Iowerth's camp. Whiskas :D But we got to the track just to the east of it when the front door opened and I really had no excuse not to give up the computer then. I returned over an hour later to find myself in unchartered territory. The guide and, worse, the map made me lag terribly, but it was still quite exciting to be able to explore somewhere new in Runescape. I followed the wall, but was stopped by some trees (why hadn't I brought an axe?), then I poked the dense forest, but it refused to give way. I was thus employed in trying the entire forest edge for access when a voice beside me said, 'follow me?' Whiskas had come back! Woot! He was able to lead me through the forestscape and traps past the point of the fight and nearly to the first sighting of the camp, then he had to go for his lunch. I really enjoyed pottering around finishing that part of the quest. Particularly, I liked the general exploration in an area which has long seemed, from afar, Gielinor's answer to Wales. Let me qualify this. Firstly you have the letters. This area has places called Lleyta and Prifddinas, which have letters which don't work in English, namely 'll' and 'dd'. But they are both Welsh letters, distinct from 'l' and 'd'. You pronounce 'dd' as 'th' in English, while 'll' is slightly more complicated. If you stick the tip of your tongue against the back of your top front teeth, then breathe without forcing a sound, that is 'll'. Just breathe and, in the same breathy movement, bring your tongue down into the 'ey' sound, completing 'ta' as a short, hard sound rather than 'tar'. That is how Lleyta would sound in Welsh. It wouldn't sound like anything in English, as the individual letter starting it doesn't exist, though I'm guessing that generations of non-Welsh speaking players have been calling it 'later'. Prifddinas is actually a Welsh word, 'prif' (pronounced 'preev') meaning chief or principal and 'ddinas' (pronounced 'thin-cabbage'), which has mutated from the 'dinas' (din-cabbage) because of the 'prif' in front of it. Dinas means fort. So put together, it's the chief fort. Lleyta doesn't translate as precisely, but lletya is 'lodge'. (NB I've just read another guide which calls this area 'Lletya' not 'Lleyta', in which case my pronunciation guide is out, but it is definitely the Welsh for 'lodge'.) Then you have other words, Tirannwn isn't a precise Welsh word, it's a composite of an Irish Gaelic word and a Welsh one, both referring to the same thing: Tir (Irish, pron 'tear') and Annwn (Welsh, pron 'an-oon') - they are the otherworlds. To put it another way, when I die, as a Welsh Pagan, I'm going to Annwn. Moreover, a stunning beautiful landscape primed with traps for the unwary traveller? Yes, that sounds like my beloved Wales after 8 and a half centuries of English imperialism, use by the military as a training ground and strip mining. :P Back to the plot, I arrived back in Draynor as a happier bunny than the raw one in my bag and set about collecting the limestone to add to my bomb. I then tried to make the bomb. 40 minutes and 60-80 wasted coal later, I was losing the will to live. My computer lags way too much for Rimmington distillers. Though Pen Knee offered to come and hold coal, I was so despondant (and running out of time) that I thanked her but logged off to have a bath. Later, I returned much cleaner and smelling beautifully, to find Josh in the bank. It was a random meeting, but he followed me back to the distiller. With a break and enough experience to anticipate the dials and time-lapse of the lag, I was able to make the moves in enough time that they actually did move when they needed to. First time out, I got the coal distilled and the naphta in my bag. Yay! There was then a significant pause while I logged off, donned a feather boa and plastic tiara, picked up friends, travelled to the Birmingham NIA, screamed along to Manic Street Preachers's song until I was hoarse, and had a thoroughly great time. Once home, I logged on and the rest of the quest passed without incident. I even walked through the pass for the final time without once falling from the labyrinth nor taking too much damage elsewhere. As for the conclusion... what a cliffhanger!

Whilst I'd been chopping down yew trees for days, a few weeks ago, people had been doing the 'Land of the Goblins'. I knew it had a good storyline, shocking ending and that it involved much running around. I'd totally forgotten that I hadn't got round to doing it, until I was looking at my 'quests to do' list earlier. I figured that while I was looking up the link for the guide, to add to that list, I might as well do the quest. I'm luckier than most people I know who've done it, insofar as I had Simple's excellent guide to read before I went. I can imagine how annoying all the running about would have been, if I hadn't already got most of the stuff in my bag. I still had a fair bit of zapping all over Runescape to do, which was unavoidable in the context, but it wasn't too onorous. I did waste a bit of time pwning goblins outside the temple for a Goblin Book, before I thought to check the bookcase in my house. Yes, it was there, entitled 'The Book of the Big High War God' or something like that. I also wasted two sips of goblin potion, so had to go and make some more. I'd noted the bit about not wielding something that goblins couldn't wield, so thought I was being really clever taking my ancient mace. I transformed for the first time, took two steps and wielded it. Oops. The second time was when I wasn't paying attention to the bit about not fighting. I came out to pwn goblins to get the Goblin Book, ahead of my test, and whoosh, I was Merch Gwyar again. I enjoyed doing a quest again. The only really hairy moment came at the end, as I pwned five beings without equipment or magic. It was also without prayer, until it was pointed out to me, at the last fight, that this was perfectly permissable. LOL I'm looking forward to the inevitable next installment of this one.

It's not often that I get to the end of a quest and think, 'was that it?' The easy quests have a reputation for being so, while the hard ones make you work for your rewards. I'd heard terrible things about 'Olaf's Quest', largely regarding the walkway. The guide bills it the 'annoying' part, but I know from experience that some guide writers have a talent for understatement. 'Annoying' could very well mean 'you will want to tear your hair out and gnaw on your own foot rather than put up with another three hours of trying to do this blasted part of the quest'. This was precisely the impression that I'd received about it, though, to be fair, those reports came in day one, when a glitch made the walkway impossibly hard for anyone without an agility skill cape. Having not heard much about it in the meantime, I packed for longevity and hard agility. I planted a whiteberry bush, to be harvested when I return several days later. I added the quest items: spade, tinderbox and axe, an agility pot (I hovered over two... I don't know...), a prayer pot and so much monkfish that I had to go back and bank most of it again once I discovered the three ropes and barrel malarkey. I meandered on down, did the present deliveries, walked through a tunnel which threatened pneumonia and that's about it, pwned a skeleton with two hits for a key, solved the world's easiest puzzle (you pull four levers and press confirm) and I was ready to face the dread walkway. Here's where I'd gone through an agony of choice. I'd initially worn my black dragonhide, for its lightness, but my mind kept straying to the level 100 boss at the end. I studied the pictures. Everyone had started off uniformly in black dragonhide, but by the end, they are all in granite. It seemed that I'd have to cross the walkway, even if I bested it in dragonhide, then went to change. It all sounded like so much hassle that I thought I'd at least attempt it in melee outfit (rune platebody, dragon skirt, klanks gauntlets, rune kite, dragon skimmy, ring of life, salve amulet (glory in my bag) and green, pointy hat). I quickly learned that I could place one lot of rope and rotten barrel, then walk back to restock the next lot. At level 60 agility, boosted to level 64 with an agility potion, I was within a step or two of the gate before I fell for the first time. I took no damage and could practically click back to the tree where I washed up. I ran this time and arrived fairly quickly back at the walkway. Within two steps, I'd fallen again. The legend informed me that you can't run on the walkway, as it's too slippery. Oh. I returned, switched off run, and walked right to the end without a single slip more. Two slips! And one of them for running! Wow! I did have to wait for a Fremmenik Skeleton (which wasn't aggressive) to move his bony bottom before I could proceed into the cove, but that was only because I couldn't find a 'walk here' option through him. Ridiculously quickly, for all the build up, I'm now facing the boss. Ok. I created full screen, the better to reach my prayer, double-checked my arsenal, health and presence of my ring of life. Let's go. I then, without once using prayer or even a nibble of fish, pwned the boss with five whacks of my sword. Yes, you did read that right. (Combat level 89: 71 in att, def and str, 73 hp) He didn't even damage me once. So, quest complete. Was that it?

To recap: I attempted Dessourt before, from home, and my computer lagged, then froze. Only the Ring of Life kept me from losing a lot of valuable stuff. As I walked away from Falador Castle, blinking in the bright sunshine of utter relief, I vowed to return to the fight on a faster computer. So it happened, this dinnertime, on the work's computer, I logged on and home ported myself to Lumbridge. I was immediately side-tracked by two different lower levelled players wanting to plunder my own skills. This was the new 'assist' update, which came out today. It's quite an interesting concept and one which I had great plans for, though, under closer examination, there are several flaws in the system. (Not all skills are listed; the player assisting has to be standing right next to you and cannot do anything else whilst assisting you etc.) Nonetheless, it does seem like it might still come in useful. I eventually pressed through the clambering crowds to the chest in Lumbridge Castle basement and packed a super-set, an ectophial and several monkfish. I wore my black dragonhide trousers and gloves, rune boots, a rune platebody, my purple elemental helm, glory, ring of life and I carried my rune kiteshield with a dragon skimmy. Entering the chamber, Dessourt didn't freeze my screen. He hit high and frequently, so I seemed to be eating fish more than actually hitting him. (This situation was only made slightly better once I realized that my auto retaliate was off and switched it back on again. LOL) Eventually though, Dessourt was pwned and I was running as fast as my little feet could carry me to the portal. The most cursory peruse of my bank account told me that I didn't have enough (or, in some cases, any) of the 'carrier' runes to take on the Gelatinnoth Mother. I also didn't have any pressed essense nor much money. I did, however, have a cat. I popped myself over to Ardoughe, pausing to check the health of my jade vine, then crept into the plagued streets of the Western part of the city. I emerged shortly afterwards with a guilty conscience and 100 death runes. I have been assured that Loki will be well looked after and will be in his hellish element chasing rats, with a nice fire to curl up beside later. I packed the super-set, an ectophial, 100 death runes, 500 water, fire and earth runes, 250 air runes and a staff (all I had), a magic shortbow and 100 of my precious rune arrows, a poisoned dragon dagger, rune kiteshield and the rest were fish. This seemed like the hardest fight of all, so I included 5 of my cooked sharks. (I can't cook, or indeed catch, sharks, so my small stock of them is fiercely rationed.) The rest of my bag was filled with monkfish. I did consider getting changed, but the mixture of melee and magic attacks upon me seemed to equally fit what I already had on. I walked off to the portal. The Gelatinnoth Mother and I had a fairly leisurely fight. Unlike her predecessor in the 'Horror of the Deep', I could actually see her as we fought. The screen had been at a weird angle last time. I noticed that I barely took any damage if I was fighting with the right thing, but took a great deal as I swopped between them. For example, if she swopped from orange to green, I was fine whilst meleeing and then ranging thereon, but as I swopped between dragon dagger and mage shortbow, I was hammered. Though the fight went on for a while, I quite enjoyed it. I was gratified to see that my ranging actually seemed to do the most damage of all my attacks. Then she was dead. I raced forward to pick up my arrows (having forgotten to wear Ava's Accumulator), as the Culinomancer finished waffling and starting attacking me. I initially ranged him, as that was the last thing I'd been doing as the Gelatinnoth Mother died, but that didn't seem to be making much headway. I swopped to dragon dagger and shield, but in the meantime, the Culinomancer got some really big hits on me. I came closer to death than I had with either of the previous two fights! This was when the sharks came into play. I'd been guarding them like an old Scrouge, during the harder fights, but I needed them just to survive now. Wiser people would have probably healed and restocked between the two fights, but I thought I could handle it. I did, but only by the skin of my teeth. Yay! The longest quest in Runescape was finally over! After an agony of choice, I eventually used the 20k xp on runecrafting, thus awarding myself level 55 in that, with only 3k to go until 56. :s