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I'm an inactive player I played from 2007-2011 and I was just getting up to date on the game when I saw the Evolution of Combat update. IMO it looks like it totally ruined the game and makes me question whether I should start playing again. Every day for those 4 years, I played at least 4 hours a day and it was the greatest thing in my life the friends, fun, and not being bored. Seeing this update has made me more depressed than I have ever been and I just feel really bad that they did it. So should I play it again or just try and forget all the good memories I've had? Should I go back to RS 07?

'Or Eat Pies' Old School Log Lacking Pies I am in need of a banner, so if you are good at such things and interested in making one please let me know! ~~~Table of Contents~~~ 01. Introduction 02. What's Current 03. My Goals 04. Questing! 05. Combat and Slayer 01. Introduction Welcome one and all, fellow 'Scapers and Slammers, to my humble log no longer involving too many Pies. This is the boring part where I talk a little about myself and my Runescape self for all those interested. For all those not interested, I would like to direct you to the "What's Current" section of my log. A lot of you reading this log probably joined this forum after I went inactive (which happened a lot in my career, but for our purposes here I mean the final time when I went inactive for four years) and have absolutely no idea who I am. Also, a lot of you probably did use the forum but still didn't know who I was because I mostly never left this sub-forum. :P But hopefully as I come back to the world of Runescape and Sal's Forum's I will see at least a few familiar faces. If you don't care to find out who's being the computer screen on this end then don't read this section. My real name is Nathan, or Nate, I'm okay with indulging that bit of information because my username on Sal's was actually 'Nate' for a very long time. I attend school full time currently at a university but I live at home with my parents and commute to class/take online classes. So I get to miss out on all the fun parts of college, but we do those anyway our own way. I also work two jobs while going to school, 40 hours a week combined, and still somehow barely have money. Aside from all that fun stuff, and this game, I also enjoy a lot of outdoor activities; longboarding, skateboarding, I'm going to start freeboarding, disc golfing, golfing, camping, hiking, road trips, and I plan on running a Tough Mudder this summer. I also love reading, but not when it's for class. I am set to leave halfway through this summer for Air Force Basic Military Training, I'm going in for Security Forces, and I really hope to see the world. My Runescape career started when I was pretty young. I began playing in 2005, I believe, on an account no longer ranked on the hi-scores (in fact, none of my old accounts are now, can anybody tell me why this is?) named either Armyboy_1818 or Armydude_1818. I played on this account for a while, noobing out and getting the feel for the game. I made several accounts while playing on this one that I never really got into. But probably around 2007 and 2008 I started really getting into pures. I made so many I can't even remember the names of all of them, sometimes they'll randomly come to me. But I never really got successful at PKing. I started a few Level 3 Skillers as well because I had so much respect for them when I saw them. You might be wondering why Pies are all over the beginning and title of my log, besides the fact that my Username is 'Pies.' Well back around this time I was in Sal's clan chat, where I used to be a regular, and Fractangle, a few others and I were talking about the Evil Chicken. I'm not sure exactly how it happened now, but I'm pretty sure Fractangle and joked about the Chicken saying "Begone, Or Eat Pies!" and I thought it was a great idea, logged out, and BAM, 'Or_Eat_Pies' was born. That is the name that any of my old friends will remember me as. From that day forward I always got a laugh from Random Events, and Fractangle and I remained friends for a few years after until I went inactive. A few weeks ago I heard that Old School was coming back from a friend at work. I went home, bought the $2 membership, and then I was sucked right back into the crack-like addiction that is Runescape. Unfortunately I was not able to figure out the details for that account or any other account, so I made a new account, 'Toufer,' pronounced (Two-fur). And I'm ready to get back into the game, and hopefully reconnect with some old friends! Enjoy my log! Please leave a comment Any and all criticism is encouraged Any and all advise is welcomed Any and all support is awesome! 02. What's Current In this section I will post my current bank, my current quest points, my current skill levels, and maybe some more if I think of anything else... Current Quest Points: 8 (Expect this to be rising, as I am working on quests currently Current Cash Pile: 32K Current Total Level: 527 This bank is out-dated, I will get a current one up soon. My Old School Tracker: http://www.07tracker.com/track/toufer 03. My Goals My Long-term Goals are... Attack [ 40 / 70 ] Strength [ 32 / 70 ] Defence [ 32 / 70 Hitpoints [ 34 / XX ] - No real goal for Hitpoints; whatever happens, happens. Ranged [ 21 / 70 ] Mage [ 1 / 60 ] Prayer [ 16 / 56 ] Fishing [ 61 / 80 ] Cooking [ 57 / 80 ] Woodcutting [ 57 / 80 ] Firemaking [50 / 80 ] Fletching [ 19 / 80 ] Mining [ 19 / 60 ] Smithing [ 30 / 60 ] Crafting [ 1 / 60 ] Farming [ 1 / 50 ] Herblore [ 1 /50 ] Thieving [ 27 / 60 ] Agility [ 1 / 60 ] Slayer [ 22 / XX ] - Slayer will be my main means of raising Combat, no exact long-term goal for Slayer at the moment. Hunter [ 1 / 80 ] Construction [ 1 / 50 ] Completing all of these in 4 months while be near impossible. Maybe for some players it would be easy, but my Runescape background is mainly pures and Level 3 Skillers who are pretty limited in their training areas. It will be nice to use more of Runescape's features though. My current, short-term goals are... Attack [ 40 / 60 ] Strength [ 32 / 60 ] Defence [ 32 / 60 ] Hitpoints [ 34 / XX ] Ranged [ 21 / 70 ] Magic [ 1 / 60 ] Prayer [ 16 / 43 ] Fishing [ 61 / 70] Cooking [ 57 / 70 ] Woodcutting [ 57 / 70 ] Mining [ 18 / 40 ] Smithing [ 30 / 40 ] Slayer [ 22 / 50 ] Big Goal! Other Goals... Total Level [ 445 / 1000 ] Quest Points [ 8 / 100 ] Cash Pile [ 135K / 5M ] These will definitely be doable in that 4 months. I will achieve all of these short-term and miscellaneous goals. My Old School Tracker: http://www.07tracker.com/track/toufer 04. Questing This is the section where I will post all of questing information, achievements, maybe tips if I come up with them, and the what not. Also, I might ask some questing questions here, so if you can answer them for me then please do! Quest points goal [ 9 / 100 ] Got an Ice Warriors Slayer Assignment recently so I completed the Quest Knight's Sword! Got me 30 Smithing, I've been the lazy the past few days so no pictures. Just completed Tree Gnome Village, with the generous help of a friend who sat and blocked the Level 112 for me while I shot 500 Arrows at him to kill him. I have never before done this quest in my career, could anyone advise me on the spirit trees? Are they even useful? I couldn't find a guide about them. I completed Witch's House for a little Hitpoints experience to offset the experience from Waterfall, which I forgot to take a picture of. I also completed Waterfall and Cook's Assistant when I first started the account. 05. Combat and Slayer I was originally going to make my account a pure, but that's always limited my playing of the game. So I decided to hell with that, I'm going to play parts of the game I never got to before now. Attack [ 40 / 60 / 70 ] I competed Tree Gnome Village for 36 Attack recently, shooting for 40 first, then some Strength, and then I'll shoot for 60 and do some more Questing! Strength [ 32 / 60 / 70 ] I plan on keeping Strength even, if not a bit higher, than my Attack. In the past I've usually kept Strength a lot higher, but I'm going to keep a balanced player. Defence [ 32 / 60 / 70 ] I plan on keeping Defenced balanced as well, and I really need to start training it soon! Hitpoints [ 34 / XX / XX ] Hitpoints I won't worry about, it will be what it is. Ranged [ 21 / 70 ] I believe I almost reached 70 Ranged on 'Or_Eat_Pies,' but I didn't quite make it. I would love to get this achievement for once. Magic [ 1 / 60 / 80 ] I definitely need to get 45 soon for teleports. It's either a pain or a money-hole to train though. Prayer [ 16 / 44 / 70 ] I will just bury all the bones I get from combat as well as those I see laying around. I don't plan to buy any unless I don't get to my goal as planned. Hitpoints [ 34 / XX / XX ] I have no plans to specifically go for Hitpoints through combat, or not to. What happens, happens. Slayer [ 22 / 50 / XX ] I plan on raising Slayer as high as I can as early as I can, it's always a skill I've loved, even if I haven't done much of it. NOTE: There will be more coming soon, this much took me long enough. :P Oh and we happened to be friends add me in-game and send me a message! Username is 'Toufer' Shout out too... Finisterra Goggie Fractangle Wiltingplant Blake010101 Lord Earth Breaker Plasmid Rocky Old school forum supporter / friend Icyy Lord Earth Shout out to the guys that my Sal's profile says I'm friends with and I faintly remember... :P Magic of Woodcut MrBombi Xavi R.I.P... Svanbo, 4 years inactive Uther... 4 years inactive Peanuts/Can 0f Spamm... 4 years inactive That One Guy... 4 years inactive (I don't actually remember you at all, but my profile says your a friend lol) N0va... 4 years inactive ( Old school forum supporter / friend) Some of my old Runescape friends that I actually remember. Hopefully I'll remember more soon, and hopefully we get back in touch! P.S. you probably only know me as Nate, Or_Eat_Pie, or Blunt Skill Past Runescape names... Toufer (current) 3P Raven DMTedious Or_Eat_Pies Blunt Skill Skillerish Sha_B_A_M_Pk Banish3d (One or more of these lol) B4nished (One or more of these lol) Ban1shed (One or more of these lol) Armyboy_1818 (maybe Armydude_1818) Old Or_Eat_Pies pictures for nostalgic purposes.

Zach and I stood fishing on the shores of Port Sarim, rushing our catch to the range at Rimmington. A few yards away, Tabt raised her combat level on over-sized rats. Miles away in Falador and Varrock, MFI and Low-Ki were busily fighting for mining spots. Their ores were smelted into armour for us all. Someone died halfway across the world. Helm Larder called out in dismay, "I can't get to you! It's hard when you can't get anywhere much in two minutes." It was a sentiment echoed throughout Canting Away. But it wasn't enough to dent the bonhomie. The good-natured reply came back, "It's ok. I didn't lose anything much." Sour notes couldn't last long, when everyone was having so much fun. Adjustments in our reason to be were happening hourly, generally to shrieks of delight. Respirte was doing us proud. Each time he logged off he moved to the top of mining. The number one miner in the whole of 2007 Runescape - a Canting man! But then someone else would log off and the registered XP would knock him off his perch again. He'd mine more ore and the great dance went on. Meanwhile Warlock, Kicker and Alex were putting themselves through the toughest challenges. They were completing quests like Galadriel's Amulet, charging past bosses with little in the way of combat levels. Laughter, cheers of triumph and smug victory awaited. They emerged as high leveled players at just level 24 combat. Plus Warlock had another mission, which he'd vowed to accomplish. He needed the combat levels to get through Paterdomus - to complete Priest in Peril - because on the other side of that dreadful river is Canifis. And in Canifis, there is a shop. And in that shop, there is a hat. There was a prize of freshly caught cooked shrimp for the first person to reunite me with my hat. But that was all in the future. First there was this. The utter freaking delight of that music, that screen, those flaming torches and the old, old interface. I was bouncing in my seat here, thrilled to bits and mistyping what came next in my bid to be inside. I made it in eventually and gleefully skipped towards the first tutor on Tutorial Island. I remembered this back then, and how long it took me to walk out how to range a rat. The past was superimposed upon the present; and it was wonderful. I had to restrain myself from giggling, 'I know!', as the cooking tutor told me how to make a loaf of bread. I wanted to hug the blissfully unaware mining and smithing tutor, as he reeled off his speil about furnaces and ores. They were ghosts and I was amongst them. They were living reincarnations of something thought lost forever. An historian's dream to be there, moving amongst them, interacting with the past. There were so many people there! Even from Tutorial Island, you knew that the worlds would be vibrant and full. We couldn't talk on there, except with the tutors, but out in Gielinor we would. There the happiness was given expression in the constant exclaimations, as each old familiar sight was viewed once more. Oh! Lumbridge! I could log onto 2013 and walk along its beautifully rendered, high graphics streets, but I still missed it. This was the Lumbridge which I wished to see. MFI called it correctly. He said that 2007 looked like something a third year university student knocked up in his bedroom; and that was brilliant. Yes! That is precisely it! There is a friendliness to the 2007 graphics, which couldn't be carried into the high polish of 2013. It felt like something we were all in together. I danced on the streets of Lumbridge. I leapt for joy alongside the castle walls. I followed the fence off into Draynor, because that's what I did back then! Only then it was so I wouldn't lose my way. The fence led back to Lumbridge, where it was safe. As for the rest of Gielnor, here there be dragons. I followed the fence now because I was chasing nostalgia, not because I didn't know my way. Warlock had already diverted the old Canting crowd into the original clan chat. They were all there waiting, like the party had never been over, like the chairs had never been stacked against the wall and the lights switched off. And when Zach logged on, I admit that there were tears in my eyes. Something lost came back. After the horrible losses of the last few years - in a much wider scope than Runescape - the universe handed something back. Perhaps it's not too hyperbolic to call it a balm to the soul right now, at least for me; and, judging by the happy calls all around, for others too. When I think of 2007 now, I forget the long hours spent working off a year long redundancy notice at the university; the pain of a sprained knee is finally receding in my memory, along with the mud of that year's Glastonbury Festival. Instead I remember Runescape, during the year that I found it, and all that's wrapped up in recollections of selling rings of life in Edgeville Bank. Low-Ki humouring me through a nostalga kick reconstruction. The beauty in walking through Gielinor, or fishing, wood-cutting, fighting, coooking, mining, smithing and questing, was not only in the sense that we can somehow go back in time and do it all again. It was in witnessing everyone else feeling the same. Like sins, time and trauma could be washed away in a virtual time machine. Every time another Canting person joined us and went 'wow', I grinned that little harder. Doing the quests too took on a new gleaming layer of delight. The first time I ventured into the Stronghold of Security, it was with decent enough stats, but alone. This time, it was with Tabt, MFI and Low-Ki, with hardly a stat to rub between us. But Low-Ki and MFI had made our armour; MFI had plotted our course; Tabt had trained the combat to lead us through; and me... well.. it was combat, so I was as useless as ever. I provided the confusion, the screams and the extra challenge for the rest of them in keeping me safe. Completing it was almost as satisfying as getting through a decent grandmaster quest in the main game. It was certainly much more fun! This was gaming at its finest. No-one standing on street corners yelling out gold farming URLs. No-one yet being nasty to froobs and noobs (because we all WERE froobs and noobs). The worst kind of PKers not yet strong enough to enact an effective lure of the innocent. The best sort of PKers already realizing in ecstasy that they can now repeat all of the old tactics, the death dot and more. People helped one another in Gielnor last night. Strangers joined in quests. The original taxis between the towns moved in snaking congo lines along the byways. Even the competition was friendly. As Respirte mined his way to number one, his main competitor joined Canting too. They were chatting amongst us, even as their pixel pick-axes strove to strike the other from the head of the hiscores. And as for Warlock, he got his combat levels. He did his quest. He brought me flowers and collected enough gp to make a purchase on my behalf. Once, back in the day, I'd stepped into the Wild wearing my first hat; and I'd lost it. Warlock swore then that I would never be without my hat in Runescape for as long as he was still playing. He bought me ten hats to stick in my bank to replace that one which was lost. But 2007 made it so much harder to fulfill that oath. In truth my offer of a prize of shrimp was half in jest. I didn't think anyone would actually put themselves through the rigors necessary to claim it. Until one did. Warlock went to Canifis and he brought back my hat. And another as a place-holder for my bank. What can I say to something like that? Other than thank you and here's fifty caught and cooked shrimp. But what do I mean by that? I mean that I'm back so long as this is included in the price of the main game. Right now, it's pretty much free, because a vote gives you your first month free of charge. In short, voting now means that you don't have to pay for a single month of gameplay, in the main game or 2007. Fiscal sense, really; as the money that you do spend pays for the second month. I'm struggling to make ends meet IRL. I haven't got the extra $15 nor $5 to spend on any game. I could just about meet the normal membership rate. That will take 500k votes on the poll. It's currently at 323k. If we don't meet that, then I'll milk the experiences of having 2007 back for all its worth during the next month, then try to gracefully bow out. It's the graceful part which will take the effort. The rest gives me no choice. I also want F2P in 2007. It's not the same without them, though Jagex's anti-F2P stance of the past few years is going to make this a Herculean effort. I wish I had money enough to buy them all membership, but I'm more likely to be joining them. The world isn't fair and not everyone has the same recourse to funding. There are parents out there who have a choice between feeding their kid or buying a Runescape game-card. Which parent in the world wouldn't opt for the bread on the table? It will take 750k votes to extend a hand to our F2P friends. I'm not at all confident that will happen. Even if we got 500k, then it would take an extra 250k people to want to be that kind. The push will be for 500k and then it'll fizzle out. As a society, we've never been that brilliant at reaching out to lift up the poor. Finally, I would have the clan chats interlinked, so 2007 can talk with 2013. Tanya came in yesterday, bitterly disappointed because hardly anyone was in Canting. Well, we were, but in the old style one. There it was vibrant and bursting at the seams. But back in 2013, there were just three individuals - Tanya, a refugee from Sal's and a third whom many suspect may be a bot. This divide and conquer may be one blow too many for those loyal players who prefer the 2013 model. Link them up, so that the clans may talk across the ages. As for right now, Warlock fetched my hat. It would be rude not to wear it.

I killed Vanstrom Klause, arranger of the blood tithes across Morytania and arch-enemy of the Myreque, in a well planned assassination mission that took place over the course of several days, infiltrating darkmeyer, gaining a costume that made me look like a vampyre (it didn't, but whatever) and getting to know the vampyres until they trusted me as one of their own before nicking some sacred wood and making weapons with it to kill him. In the interests of recording information for posterity and helping anyone else that passes along the way, here is what I learnt about how to defeat him along with a few bits of info I wasn't told, but that was particularly helpful. Here was my method: Gear: Karil's top, coif, and skirt. Dragon boots. No ring (ring of life does more harm than good, I would have been teleported the time I won and it was very easy to be teleported while still having a chance to win. Not hard to get to your grave). Amulet of glory. Ardougne cloak. Blessed spirit shield. Bloodwood stakes. Attack style: rapid. You get damage in much faster, and it also lines you up nicely so that you always have room to turn for his darkness and blood attacks. I stood by the desk and got into a good routine there. Inventory: holy water, medallion, prayer renewal potion, ranging potion, 2x prayer potion, and the rest rocktails. 12 Rocktails in terrorbird as well. I did try brews, but they proved an expensive waste of time: although they had more health overall, my chief problem was suriviving rapid damage, which rocktails are better for. You also need to drink restores with brews, and it's just a pain generally. If I can get them to work, I'll give them a go, but for now they aren't worth the time to me. Sold the ones I had left. I had some rocktails left over. Boosts etc: I used the vampyrism aura (ha), eagle eye, and a ranging potion. I might have used the firemaking hp boost if I'd remembered, Oo'glog spa is unnecessary (my agility was 66, and you don't have to run too far in the flying attack: you must stay reasonably near to deal damage). Protect from range is also unnecessary, with Karil's blocking every magical hit that wouldn't have gone through prayer anyway, like blood. Notes on Vanstrom's attacks: During the flying attack, you can get great damage done. He fires two bombs, one under your feet, another in a seemingly random location. Avoid both, you never need to click very far though, so don't run across the room if you don't need to. Run and gun. You can really get loads of damage here, but if your health isn't full, attend to that first and do run across the room so you have lots of time to eat without any bombs under you. During the 'let the blood consume you', your best chance of avoiding it is to go in a straight line. This is harder to avoid than the darkness. During 'stare into the darkness', set yourself up in a straight line to Vanstrom and always have your camera facing his back, so you just have to tilt it down. You must be directly facing away: diagonals won't work as well, so be in a straight line. Standing near the desk works very well for avoiding this: it is not a hard attack to avoid and I think Vanstrom teleports before he does it. Minions: if you don't kill one immediately, switch to the other: your rapid attack will kill the first (hopefully) and then the second will die. If for some reason you're hitting badly on them, attract them to you, but make sure you kill them quickly as Vanstrom will continue to use other attacks once they are no longer going towards him. Other: Teleport to your house, then use the portal to canifis to set your hub there before using the medallion. This ensures that you will not use a medallion charge to get back to Darkmeyer if you die (as you'll spawn in Canifis). You don't want to run out of medallion charges: Merch did, and kindly told me on Skype. Remember this, and be wary: if you're on your last charge, use it to Burgh de Rott. Killing the boss will give you a great sense of acheivement and a very handsome amount of xp. You'll also get two spins on the squeal of fortune, so don't miss. Ava's accumulator will attract stakes, but you'll lose it when you die. Similarly, Tokkul-Zo is useful until you realise that it'll cost 48k tokkul to get it back again. Just make lots of stakes: I used about a thousand and used pretty much that many as well over the course of my fights. If you're having difficulty, ask someone who has done the fight for any tips. They'll doubtless be able to provide you with valuable information and (in the case of merch) also be able to calm you down. TL;DR new stuff I wasn't told: use eagle eye and a ranged pot instead of protect prayers, use rapid style, get karils. And lots of other stuff, but that is the really important stuff that I didn't know. ~Helm Lardar~

Hey guys! Just posting to let you all know that our Big Chompy Bird Hunting quest guide has been completely rewritten to be more up-to-date and useful than our previous walkthrough. Many thanks to Kemosabe for writing this excellent guide for us!

Hi all, Whenever I try to update my Quests via "Runescape Quest Management" I enter my current 'game' name and put in the captcha and still, everytime, I get the error: "An error occurred parsing the Adventurer's Log.2" and nothing happens after that. please help me, I've had this problem for months now, i was hoping it would get fixed Thanks,

Following on from part one, I was in the ninth room. Sometimes you can seriously over-think a situation. I was definitely doing this here. I was doing a lot of running into that room, doing my best, then dying around the third wave. On one notable occasion, I made it to the fourth wave, but then someone came into the room IRL and that brief loss of concentration was enough to see me zeroed. But this wasn't just idle suicide runs. I was watching constantly for patterns in where fireballs spawned and what they did next. I was getting so far because I anticipated their arrival and raced ahead of them to protect myself. It was coming a minor obsession. Position one, stand by the entrance door. Ah! Ok, when this happens, you have to rush up there. Do not get caught in the centre, because the blue fireballs are about to appear. I have them lured! Woot! Now to race to the entrance door again, because this is where I was killed last time. Go! Go! Go! Unusually for me (who won't even log into Canting while questing, because I like to immerse myself into the story), I was in Skype. The above was pretty much being given as a running commentary, while I worked that room like a boss. Finally there was a bit of a pause and Jethraw blithely commented, "I just used food to stop myself dying." .... .... .... It's times like this that I really know I deserve the title of noob. I teleported out to Lletya, fetched an inventory full of sharks and returned. I made it through first time, when I could heal between fireball attacks. My pride wasn't salved at all by the fact that I did it with Jethraw, MFI and Tabt laughing at me. Ahead of me were two more decision rooms and a firemaking puzzle. I saved both of my companions in the former, because it was downright obvious who had been possessed. They weren't exactly subtle about their personality changes. I had more difficultly in the puzzle room. I assessed immediately what I had to do, but I wasn't fast enough. Tabt was doing the same room and she was out of there much more quickly. It was a big puzzle, but the main issue was that I really needed the toilet. One I'd realigned my priorities and run to the loo, I got those fires lit correctly on the second try. Moral of the story: do not ignore your physical needs, even when you think you can pwn a puzzle! I'm not sure what the deal was with the tunnel to the boss room (yeah, there was one after all ;_:mad:. As I walked through, something was hitting me, but I couldn't see what it was! I just outlived their attacks and kept on going. However, there was a secondary threat, which just gave me the giggles. These were black shadow fingers, which seemed to come from the edges of my browser itself! I right-clicked and found the 'deter' option, which seemed to work. Not very fast though, because I was too busy crying with laughter over them. Entertainment for the win! By now, I'd already been warned that there was a boss. That made me sad, so did cast a bit of a stain over the latter part of the quest. I was trying not to worry about it, but Vanstrom is still too recent. I love quests with a passion, but the thought of another twitch combat situation coming as standard is ruining that. Several people had told me to stop fretting. This one wasn't Nomad. It wasn't Vanstrom. I would have no trouble at all; and even if I did, I had to recall one very big, shining fact - I had ultimately defeated both of those bosses. Why worry about pixels that I pwnt? I proved myself better than them. Even with that in mind, I entered the boss room in some trepidation. Fortunately, you're not thrown straight into the fight. In fact, I had all of the time in the world to wander around and take the measure of the arena. I could examine things and speculate on how they might help me. For example, there were two large pools and they had to be dangerous to a being made of fire. Amorite? Tabt was already in the fight and, at my prompting, she advised me to bring range weapons. I always default to range anyway. I'd started this quest in dhide, as I do every quest, but I'd switched to normal clothes halfway through. But she also mentioned a lot of running about. I didn't need armour at all. I'd be better off in agility clothes to lessen my weight. She was using throwing knives, so I copied her. I nipped out to the Rogue's Den and brought 100 of each from Martin. Tabt and I both came to the same conclusion - it doesn't matter what weapons you use. You could use your fist if you liked, though that would be highly unadvisable. Your hits aren't based on the greatness of your arsenal. It's on the amount of fires that have been lit. No fires = no damage. 1 fire = 100 damage. 2 fires = 200 damage etc. I returned to the arena wearing my agility legs and top with some boots of lightness. I was clutching steel knives (with 100 iron and bronze also in my bag) and the rest of my inventory was sharks. Round one was a near miss, but it was all my own fault. I was so busy lighting fires, that I forgot to actually throw the knives at her. I had loads of fires though! The whole place was lit up like a major witches Sabbat. Unfortunately, Char was still stomping around with hardly a scratch on her. By the time I realised my error, I was nearly out of food. I started chucking knives at her, but I didn't have enough healing power left to make it to the end. I died when she was three quarters dead. I didn't end up outside with a gravestone flashing though. I was transported up onto the balcony with 300 hp. I'm not sure if you can actually die in there, or if that is the general procedure for noobishness. I whooshed myself back to Lletya so I could dust myself down. I returned with the same outfit and supplies. I'd used 57 of my steel knives, so I switched to the 100 bronze ones instead. By now, we'd worked out that it didn't matter what you threw at her, as long as you actually did throw something. This was a sound judgement. Having attempted this once, I wasn't nearly so worried the second time. In some regards, there were Vanstrom-esque elements. You had to keep running, so you didn't receive damage. On the other hand, Char is very slow. While I could dash around using my agility level to the max, she could only plod after me like a golem. It was very easy to get ahead, light a fire, then rush on. I tended to keep to the walls, as that gave me a bigger area to run around. I went for the run on, light a fire, run on, throw something at her, run on, light a fire technique. It was working well enough, but Tabt had one better. She argued that it's better to get several shots hitting a lower number in, than to fire just one with a high target. I switched to her way. When Char glowed white, I raced ahead and made fires. When she glowed orange, I raced ahead, but constantly threw bronze knives at her. Luring her onto the pools did cause her to sizzle, but I'm not sure what other benefit was occurring. The narrative mentioned cooling off times, but I never did work out what that actually meant. When she was half dead, she summoned walls of fire to move down towards you. There are gates in them, which I managed to run through the first two or three times. Then I was really jammy. I didn't notice the wall until it was nearly on me. I panic clicked and accidentally got the precise spot that I needed! No harm! Woot! I was doing brilliantly and quite at ease until close to the end. I misclicked and got too close to her. Char hit me for 500. I ran away to heal, but hadn't seen a wall coming at me. It hit me head-on and I was suddenly in very big danger. My heartbeat was sounding in my ear and I was eating panic sharks like they were going out of fashion. Tabt was calmly telling me to keep on moving, "It doesn't matter how low your hitpoints, if she can't catch you. Run, Merch! Run!" So I ran and ran some more, but all into the wrong direction. I rushed away to the right and she was nearly upon me. I throw a bronze knife, while telling Tabt that I was dead. I wasn't. But Char was. In shock, it took me a moment to realise. Halfway through Tabt's commiserations and offers of rocktails, I wooted and changed my story. Boss over! Quest done! Flawless victory! Stats immediately after defeating Char. It took a bit longer to piece it together. Char had nearly caught me because I'd lit one fire too many. It gave me 700 damage range to throw at her. That final knife had been high enough and hard enough to bring her down. It took another ten minutes before I realised another fact. It was something that would have freaked me out had I known it at the time. That knife was the last one in my worn inventory. I've had some near misses in my time, but finishing a boss fight with my last knife and only 58 hitpoints has to be a contender for the closest of all. I didn't care. I was ecstatic. I'd made it to the end with all of my firemakers alive to tell the tale; and I'd beaten Char. Woot! Moreover, the XP reward knocked me well over my next agility level. 92 was in the bag! I really enjoyed that quest! Well done, Mod Ana, for developing it. <3

This is my kind of quest! Puzzles and strategies involving skilling. None of that boss fighting nonsense. Hurrah! I got off to a bit of a false start. I'd misread the announcement and thought that I had to speak to the Phoenix. I've had some Phoenix Lair telescrolls in my bank for ages, so this was their big moment. I landed in a pile of ashes and finally stopped to think about this. Have I really got to go in there to start a quest? Consulting my quest journal informed me that I'm an illiterate noob and to go to Eagle's Peak instead. I ran down there and spoke to just about every NPC north of the mountain. Then I climbed over it and followed a gang of people running south. I found the firemakers. Once inside the quest, it's a private world thingie, so you're not fighting through the crowds. I took the time to get to know my seven firemaking companions, because one of them had said it was a good idea. In my experience, any quest NPC mentioning good ideas means that it's likely to be vital later on. True story. It became necessary to know everything about them in around room four. I had to work out which one was acting out of character, then tie that person up. Memory, I love you! I've passed every one of those rooms so far, because it is a recurring theme. There's not much else to say at this point. Each chamber reveals another puzzle; and they do seem to be getting harder. A simple arrow pattern in room one became a complicated, zOMG where do I stand so not to be trapped pattern by about room five. I spent more time stuck between two fires, unable to move, than I did lighting the things! Nevertheless, it's not too taxing. It's all about looking around the room or in Char's journal to find all of the clues that you need to solve the puzzle. So far, I'm on room nine. This one seems a bit trickier. I've had about ten attempts to dodge moving fireballs, while protecting myself with walls of flames. If you fail, you just end up outside the door ready to start again. The furthest that I've made it is to wave three, then a rogue fireball killed me. I'm not entirely convinced that the fire walls are doing anything. There are certainly balls that can sail over the top of them; plus I've been hit several times (once to the point of death) when no fireballs were within two squares of me. There's probably a trick to it that I haven't worked out yet, involving one of the fireballs having a range attack. I'm going to pause for the evening on it now though, as real life is happening. :D

Five years ago today, I met a couple of friends for a drink in the pub. This was back in the days when there were jobs in the world and people earned wages. I'd just come from mine and it had been a particularly stressful experience, getting papers in order before the Christmas holiday. It took me a while to unwind. Not so my friends, who kept discussing some game that they were playing. It was great stress relief, I was told, I'd love it. A game. Like what teenagers play? Shooting people and stuff? A game that adults play. O.O An on-line game that was just a bit of fun. I came back from the pub and, after all of my e-mails were answered and on-line life updated, I decided to check out this game. It was called Runescape. Audina and Llandre67 were right, it was a great source of stress relief. Moreover, it reminded me a lot of the Glastonbury Festival. There you move from field to field in a voyage of discovery. No two areas are the same. There are always things to find and new delights to explore. I liked it a lot! I decided to stick around until I got bored. That doesn't appear to have happened. In fact, I've been in Gielinor for so long now that people in Lumbridge know me by name. I bumped into my old friend Hans earlier and he commented on my longevity. Happy 5th Runescape playing anniversary me! You can call me a veteran.

The Christmas Event 2011 is out and so it was off up to the Wizard's Tower for me. The quest was the usual mad dash around a building, fixing, finding and helping out. All good fun, especially since the whole thing was laden with Discworld and Harry Potter references. But my personal favourite was the appearance of Sion Corn! For the uninitiated, Sion Corn is Welsh. He looks, acts and pretty much is Father Christmas. Though Jagex's version seems to have him transformed into a fairy. >.> You really don't want Welsh fairies in Gielinor! Ours tend towards the dark and dangerous, rather than the floaty, gossamer winged type. Sion Corn helped me out though. I was dismayed to discover there was an element of twitch playing involved in her activity. I raced around catching nothing on my first attempt. I tried again, whilst complaining loudly to Calanon, MFI, Tabt and Jethraw, but there was really no need. I don't know if it was a glitch or Sion Corn helping me out, but when she reached the portal, she didn't go down it. I had all the time in the world to catch those rogue decorations and scoop them up into my inventory. Happy days! The only other thing which gave me any trouble was the first activity. That was only because I didn't know how to set the snow emitters! LOL Soon as I sussed that you simply had to click the floor, I was well away. Here was my solution: Oh! Er, that was before I finished it. :) You have to fill the central part first. All in all, a fun little quest! Thanks, Jagex! Merci beaucoup, Fred, for the banner!

I was looking forward to 'Ritual of the Mahjarrat', as I really enjoyed the predecessor 'While Guthix Sleeps'. In terms of sheer scale, cut scenes and drama, it lived up to the hype. There were some truly jaw-dropping moments, particularly in a cut-scene near to the end, but there was nothing that made me as engaged with the story as I had been before. I didn't have to pause the quest to dry my eyes over an aspect of storyline. This was the last quest that I needed to do to get my questcape back. Please note that there will be spoilers, so if you don't want to know, don't read on. I didn't intend to start RotM (attempt not to think of Rage Against the Machine fails) when I did. I'd only just pwnt Vanstrom and it was quite late. A new grandmaster quest felt like a very tomorow thing to do. But I wanted my cape back. I might as well just start it. I canted with Sir Tiffy and ended up on Mos Le Harmless. What ensued was a jungle version of the playground game 'Who's Afraid of the Big, Bad Wolf?' I had to follow a track of scorched foliage in more or less a straight line east. If I was out of the cover of a tree for too long, something would burn me. I'd be teleported to Mos Le Harmless with half of my hitpoints gone. It took me soooo many attempts. Most of them stemmed from being tired and therefore forgetting the previous successful routes. One time it was because a ninja impling flew by and automatic reaction over-rode common sense. I didn't even get the impling's prize. :P Finally I reached the other end and overheard Dragonkin talking about the destruction of the known world. It all sounded dodgy enough to report back to Sir Tiffy. After a brief sojourn in an archive library (I tried to read everything! I love archives! I'm an historian! But it wouldn't let me. :P ), it was off to find Bob. I'd put my catspeak amulet on the Cramulet, so it took some right-click experimentation to learn you could dismantle it. It wasn't enchanted any more, so it was a trek up to Burthorpe to give Hild 5 death runes. My amulet now told me that Bob was south. I teled to Draynor. He was north-west. I ran to Clan Camp. He was north-west. I ran to the Crafting guild. He was north. Do you know where I finally found him?! Yes, he was right up on the Death Plateau, standing in a bucket. How is that south of Burthorpe? :( I took the bucket too, just to make it worth my while having trekked all up there. The clue from Bob's collar took me to Kethsi. We'd all found that place before and there was intense speculation that it would one day be an agility course (me) or part of a quest (everyone else). Ok, the balance of evidence points towards the latter, but it definitely looked and felt very agility course-y when I went over it! Much agility XP and being nosy in bits of rubble later, I had a code. 3 = G; 4 = A; 1 = G; 2 = A. GAGA. Orly?! Yarly. This was the first time that I consulted a guide. It was only to check whether everyone got GAGA. (They don't.) This was also the moment when I realised there should have been a strategy in the above key hunt. I'd just jumped off the wall, checked my strange device, ran a little bit west and checked again, then ran a little further. By now I was near the end wall and that was the spot where my key was. I fetched the book and scroll, reported back to Sir Tiffy, then went to the digsite for a chat there. It was time to call it a night, especially since loads of NPC noobs were trying to send me into the Wild. Day Two: Much Fighting Happened The Wilderness always frightens me. I took as little as possible with me and was pleased to note that the knife on my toolbelt opens the cobweb to get in. I legged it all of the way to Ghorrock. For about half an hour, I was running around the fortress trying to remember how to get into the dungeon below. I eventually found the wall to scale after misclicking while trying to open a door. Once down below, I ran around and around and around. I found a heat globe and picked it up, then kept exploring. It finally dawned on me that I hadn't actually been told to come down here. I climbed back up to safety and opened my quest journal to read again what I was supposed to be doing. The blarb said 'near the fortress' not 'in the fortress'. Noob. I looked out from the ramparts and spotted the icy block to the West. My anti-fire potion had worn off, but it was only a quick dash. I made it intact. The tree to hang a rope from couldn't have been more obvious. It was a tree with a conveniently over-hanging branch. Happy days. Unfortunately, I'd forgotten to pack my rope. <_< On the return trip, I rushed straight over to the area, but I couldn't reach the tree from there. I doubled back and spotted what I'd somehow managed to miss the first twice. There was a tunnel through the wall, with a large, ostentacious wall around it. No idea how I ran past it a couple of times without seeing it. Through there, I headed west and set up my rope, then ninja-ed around the castle. I didn't find a lot. I did spot an armoured zombie and fled in the opposite direction. Little did I know what was coming on that score. Exploring the forest did eventually land me beside a tree, where I could hide a beacon. I shoved it in and headed south. By sheer luck, I got the north and south beacons lined up first time, but I struggled with the east and west ones. It was only when I was trying to put a beacon in an eastern tree that I discovered that I should have been avoiding broavs. One saw me and plonked me in prison. That was an easy escape. After some more faffing it turned out that my western beacon was in the wrong tree. There's only one tree it can be in, which is the most northern of the three. I placed Arrav's heart, canted with that bloke and discovered that I had been justified in entering the Ghorrock fortress after all. There was a pedestal which needed that heat globe on it! Lucky for me, I hadn't banked that heat globe that I picked up in there. Oh! There was a bit with puzzles in the castle too, which required me to kill the armoured zombie that I'd fled from earlier. It was only level 85. I'd been warned, before entering the ice tunnel, that there was fighting up ahead. I hate this part of any quest, but I dutifully went and got tooled up. I always default to range outfit, which worked out well this time. Usually I get into the fight only to find that I should tele out and put on some melee clothes instead. I wore black dhide, snakeskin boots, amulet of glory, Neitiznot hat, Ardy 3 farming cape, ring of life and Barrows gloves. I carried a rune crossbow and my shield with a face on, then packed some broad bolts. (Later on, I swapped the Ardy cape for a Soul Wars cape; and the bolts for Ruby (e) and Diamond (e).) It turned out that I had back up! Sir Tiffy had arrived with some dudes. The first fight was very easy. I basically just stood there and shot bolts. Nothing much to it. Hanging out with my homies. The second fight was much more involved. I nearly died and teled out the first time. I nearly died and got saved by the ring of life the second time. There was a weird glitch too, where I respawned in Lumbridge still covered in the titan's ice attack. I stood like that for ages. It didn't disappear until I walked away from the spot. Before the third time, I actually opened a guide and read about it. Then life was much easier. This was against two ice titans. The trick is to lure them east, off the ledge, then run south to where there's an icy rock and a dead tree. It's easy to trap them behind those and fire at will. You do have to avoid Lucien's mage attack, but there's plenty of warning and walking two steps to the side. The Ice Titan safespot. Then I came to the third fight. In the middle of this, I panicked and logged out of Runescape. I was nearly in tears in the middle of a large-ish Skype call. It was a twitch fight and I just couldn't do it. I died, teled out and got saved by the ring of life about six times, before I logged. I started to get really upset, because I'd just had weeks of trying to kill Vanstrom and this was shaping up to be an action replay. (I've just checked with Jethraw and MFI and they didn't realise that I was close to tears. I know it sounds daft to get in a state over game things, but there's stuff going on IRL too. Runescape is the last bastion where hard work stills equates an award.) I stepped away from the computer and calmed myself down. I hate twitch fighting, because I'm simply not fast enough to do it. I turned to YouTube to see how others had coped. Eventually I found this video: The person there was using melee instead of range, but I did notice something - (s)he didn't stay still. It was basically hit, run, hit, run, hit, run. Plus the dude kept moving between the ice demons. I watched that video twice and thought that I might be able to emulate it. I could. I learned from that video to stay still as the ice demons approach, just putting deflect from mage on. This forced them to split up, as they went either side of the Mahjarret. I then just fired, ran, fired, ran, fired, ran. It was a long, hard, endurance fight, but that strategy saw me through it. I've never felt more relieved when it was over though. After that things were much easier. I didn't really have to do anything in the fourth fight, except avoid Lucien's mage attack. The Barrows brothers killed all of the armoured zombies. Gaining Arrav's attention went without a hitch, so I lured him over to his heart. I had no trouble avoiding the glacor. The final section was truly amazing in terms of drama and cut-scenes. This was the only part were I felt like I really was in the sequel to 'While Guthix Sleeps'. The state of Draynor was engaging and the ghosts of the heroes had shades of 'Return of the Jedi', while also being poignant. That was ruined only slightly by their melodramatic messages, as they faded from view. It was a fitting end to a grandmaster quest, though it left me with Edgeville trashed and the threat of the Dragonkin in the distant future.

OMFG! FINALLY YES!!!! Yes! You read that correctly! Do I hear cheering? MFI and Jethraw did. I nearly took their ears off. I'VE KILLED VANSTROM!!!! WOOOOTTTT!!!! WOOOTTTT!!!! WWWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!! Ok story. There's not a great deal to tell you. I went in three times before I despondantly logged into Skype to whinge at MFI. The first time was a warm up and I got him over half dead. The second time I was so sure that the mist was coming any second now. I just had to hang on and stay alive. I naturally died within seconds. The third time was crap. I was killed with nearly a full inventory of food and prayer potions. It was patently time to have a break. I was running low on blisterwood stakes, so I used that break to make some. Me and my dragon axe bimbled into the room and chopped away. Then I came to fletch them and found a slight problem. There's a knife on my toolbelt, but Jagex obviously hadn't included blisterwood in the things that it can be used on. I had the option to either craft or burn the logs. No fletching. So I chose 'craft' and was confronted with the option to craft with a tinderbox or a knife. Knife please! Nothing happened. Nothing at all. I gave up and went to my bank for a knife. But there was no knife. I'd sold them all when the toolbelt came out. >.< I ended up having to teleport to Lumbridge to pick up the one that spawns by Lumbridge Castle. The blisterwood stakes were made. Rather a lot of them actually. I'd only planned on replenishing up to 500, but I was enjoying canting with MFI and I was in no rush to encounter Vanstrom again. I walked out with 1000 stakes to add to the 119 in my bank. (I've still got 991 of them left.) My outfit was: Armadyl chestplate, Bandos blessed dragonhide legs, amulet of fury, Robin Hood hat, Soul Wars cape, blisterwood stakes, Dragonfire shield, Ranger Boots, cabbage port ring. I carried my Holy Water, Medallion, healing aura scrolls and 3 prayer potions. The rest was filled with rocktails, a present from MFI. I naturally took my unicorn friend in with me. MFI and I spent ages testing different combinations of prayers. During the successful fight, I had on deflect mage, beserker, leech mage, leech defence and leech range. I lost count of the times I attempted that fight thereon. MFI came to Darkmeyer and blessed my grave for the first death. He hung about in Burgh de Rott, in the same world, just in case he was needed for the rest. I'd estimate that I died another 3-5 times before the last one. There was nothing different about the last one, as there was with the penultimate one. Of all of my deaths, that felt the most unfair. Vanstrom was attacking me with darkness, so I turned away. It hit me. I thought that unusual, but clicked a step forward just in case. I was looking at Vanstrom's back, then my back, in perfect alignment. I'd survived dozens of these specials, so I had been confident on them. But he hit me again and I was dead. It shouldn't have done that. It was weird. But that was the only time it glitched like that. Every other time, turning away saved me. The last one had me running around so much that I ran out of run. Vanstrom spent more time in the air than on the floor. I only had one darkness special, which didn't hurt me. I had a couple of the 'let the blood consume you' specials, which I managed to not only escape, but lure him across too. He got the damage. The leeches only came out about three times. Other than that it was a constant state of me running around a room, shortly followed by me walking around a room. I still avoided his hits. I swear that luck has as much to do with this fight as skill does. Then he was suddenly mist and I was all, 'Oh my God!' In Skype, MFI was telling me to heal myself fully before I did anything else. In a surreal state of mind, I did as I was told. I kept trying to use the Holy Water on him, instead of throwing it. MFI told me to keep calm and just lure him over it. It seemed to take an age, but I spam clicked that water and walked on over it. MFI was warning me that I was about to take a large hit and not to panic. I only vaguely registered it, because Vanstrom had just died. You probably heard my scream from there. The rest went in a bit of a blur. I think I might have been concussed. The place went black and a couple of vampiric women came in. There was some fighting that was done via me randomly pressing buttons. I shouldn't be in charge of buttons, when I'm that hyper. MFI calmly informed me, "If you can't find yourself, you're under a blanket on the floor." Oh! Yes. I'm the one under a blanket with a unicorn standing on my head. She pwnt the leeches, then it was all: Yes! Yes! I should bloody well think that you do!! After that, it was just a case of telling NPCs in-game and everyone in Skype (anyone who would listen really) that I'd killed Vanstrom. Finally, finally, this blasted quest was over! *happy dance* There was a tome of XP with it, which gave me three lots of 50k. I put two of them on Summoning, which gained me level 90. That was the last one! I now have every skill at level 90 or above! Woot! Happy days!

I feel so sick. I thought Vanstrom Klause was dead. He lives on. I'd run out of excuses not to try this boss fight again. I'd killed and burned all of those Vyrewatch. I'd chopped and fletched all of those blisterwood stakes. I'd done my dailies, my penguins and infused into pouches all of the charms that I'd received from the Columbarium. 60k from level 90 Summoning, but not a lot else I could do to attain more XP without getting more charms. I was casting around for something else to do and Rainbow Firg was killing a skeleton in the Rune Mysteries quest. It seemed as good a time as any to attempt to kill Vanstrom Klause again, particularly as Zach was willing to hang around Darkmeyer for grave blessing purposes. He also checked out my inventory. I'd spent most of my money on a Armadyl chestplate, then fetched stuff from my house. Zach loaned me his Fury. The outfit that he passed was: Robin Hood hat, Soul Wars cape, Amulet of Fury, Blisterwood stakes, Shield With a Face on, Armadyl chestplate, Bandos Blessed Dragonhide legs, Ranger boots and Ring of Life. In my inventory were my Darkmeyer clothes, Medallion, emergency blisterwood polearm, Extreme Defence Pot, Extreme Range Pot (more on this later), Prayer Pot, Holy Water, the last of Fred's rocktails and two panic sharks. I summoned a unicorn and packed some healing aura scrolls. I set my graphics to the lowest setting possible. I prayed soul split and leeched his mage, defence and strength. The first time I went in, I got Vanstrom to half of his life, before failing one of his blood bombing sessions. With Doddsy, Jethraw, RainbowFirg, Morte and Samsara were in Skype telling me that I could do this. Morte kept urging me to go back in there. In game, Zach was saying much the same thing, echoed by those in Canting, as he reported back to them. I sat with Zach in the bank and calmed myself down. Zach gave me a wonderful tip. He said that I wasn't to try and hit Vanstrom during the blood storms, but to prioritise running. Before now, I'd always run, then dash back to hit him. I listened hard to this and I did what Zach told me. I was shaking so hard. I nearly died more times than I cared to count. Twice I was lucky in running in just the right direction, when Vanstrom did his 'stare into the darkness' routine. It wasn't skill that turned me away from him. It was Guthix watching over me, I swear. Then, just when I thought I was dead, Vanstrom turned into mist. I had just 2hp. I was out of both prayer and prayer pots. I had no food left, but I did have a unicorn and that pile of pouches. I should have used them, but I thought that this was the end. I thought that all I had to do was throw the holy water and it would all be over. I was holding my breath. Even those in Skype, who could hear me, had no idea how close I was. I threw the holy water. The invisible narrator told me that I had to lure Vanstrom into the middle of the room. I ran forward. In mist form, he hit me. I died on the spot. I'm so gutted. It was so close. So ridiculously close. If I'd just healed before running forward, this would have all been over now for real, wouldn't it? I feel sick to the stomach and I logged out, despite the encouragement of everyone else to go back in straight away. Zach had to go, but MsClick was already grabbing her Darkmeyer outfit to take his place. I couldn't do it. I was shaking so much that I couldn't have controlled my movements in there. I'll try again tomorrow. As for that extreme range potion, it wasn't until I collected the stuff from under my grave that I made a discovery. I'd been guzzling antipoison ++ all of this time. They're both green.

To say that I'm having difficulty with the Branches of Darkmeyer is severely understating the issue. I've completed everything up to the part where I have to fight Vanstrom Klause. He is pwning me every time. I can't yet say that he's the new Nomad, in the nervous twitching of my Runescape nightmares. Nomad whooped my backside many more times than Vanstrom Klause ever has. But somehow Vanstrom seems worse. Much, much worse. It might be because no-one else seems to be struggling with him at all. MsClick and Fred are both wandering around in their quest capes, having taken him out early on. People like Wolfhe beat him first time. With Nomad there was company! Forums filled with people bemoaning the fact that Nomad was just too hard, too high, too fast, too reliant upon twitch gaming to defeat. I appear to be a lone lost soul in the Wilderness here. The only one breaking under him. Moreover, I couldn't see how to learn from my failures. With Nomad, the strategy was clear within a few attempts. It was merely a case of surviving long enough to apply it. Each visit saw me learning a little more, getting a little further, taking something away from the post-match analysis. This time it's not like that at all. Apart from the couple of times when I've accidentally clicked the exit door (and still been killed through it), I've been at a loss. Last night, I was encouraged by MFI, Fred and others in Canting to try again. It's been a while since I was there, so I figured it was worth starting out fresh. MFI spoke strategy into my ear in Skype. Links were produced, which I clicked on to read. I familiarised myself once again with how Vanstrom Klause fought and how his special attacks worked. He loaned me his Amulet of Fury. Meanwhile, Fred met me in Edgeville Bank and handed over his full Bandos and dragon claws. MFI and Fred both came with me to Darkmeyer, so that I wasn't so scared. I was. I freaked. My ring of life saved me and I couldn't type for shaking. Silence descended over the Skype call, as MFI, Whiskas, Elizabeth and Hannah tried to work out if I was being physically assaulted IRL. I panicked so much. As the story spilled out into Canting, Warlock left Killer to his own tribulations in the Fight Caves and rushed to Darkmeyer too. I now had MFI, Fred Gwyar and Warlock standing with me in Darkmeyer Bank, killing vampires in my path and helping with the post-match analyses. I went in there another three or four times and each ended in the same way. Vanstrom kicked my backside and I either died or was rescued by my Ring of Life. (There were people in Canting, newcomers to the game, telling me that they were investigating even now in Rings of Life from the GE. They were understanding from my blog and Vanstrom attempts that these rings were vital to game survival. MFI was trying to tell them that he never uses one.) The only commonality in these fights were instances when I seemed to freeze. Vanstrom does have a split second stun attack, but this didn't feel like it. We all hopped worlds, when it was demonstrated that this one had an unknown ping. I went for the lowest pinged world available to me, which was inexplicably in the USA. I didn't lag so much, but this was the worst freezing of all. I didn't even see the creatures come out, until Vanstrom's health was renewed. He immediately did his 'darkness' attack and I had no time at all to move away. MFI, Fred and Warlock began experiments outside, as they tried (eventually successfully) to entice me back to Darkmeyer for another attempt. Their conclusion was unanimous. The 'bloom' effect made the graphics up there really lag. They advised lowering my graphics. I did. It was a different world. Ok, you could see every pixel, but I could move! Vanstrom himself seemed slowed down, as I was given valuable seconds to react to his special attacks. I could run without apparent blanks in the narrative. The whole thing was so much calmer that it made me realise how people could beat him. I had another couple or three attempts and he beat me each time. But these were because I was unlucky or noobish. It felt to me like a fight that I eventually could win. But Fred and Warlock had already had to go, and now MFI was off to bed too. I didn't want to be up there alone, so I called it a night too. I returned MFI's fury, but I haven't seen Fred to return his armour too. Vanstrom will wait for another day. When I do eventually meet him, I'll have a couple more tricks in my arsenal. Under MsClick's advice, I've cut 500 blisterwood stakes. She found range much easier than melee with him. I've also camped out in Meiyerditch, killing over 150 vyrewatch generals so far. Their corpses are stacked up in my bank. As well as the psychological satisfaction of this, there's also the fact that I can burn those vyrewatch in the Paterdomus Columbarium. 500 dead = 50+ bonus on all blisterwood weapons. Maybe that will give me the edge that I so sorely need. In other news, and on a brighter note, I've also had a couple of very generous gifts just recently. Beyond the priceless gifts of time, support and advice, in these Vanstrom times, I've had two people ninja in expensive presents too. Firstly, there was Live Mma. He was the noob who lost everything and was given so much by people in Canting and those reading this blog. Within a week, he'd taken those donations and used them in staking up the Duel Arena. He'd made over 100 million. When I heard, I was cheering him along. Staking scares me, but it seems to have worked for him. Live Mma came to meet me in the citadel, where I got him chopping wood. (The citadel is really falling down now.) Suddenly he traded me. He wanted me to have a dragon platebody, worth nearly 8m. I naturally said no. It's his money and I can't take that off him. He told me that he wouldn't have had anything, if I hadn't helped him out that first day. I also introduced him to his clan and most of his Runescape friends. This was his way of saying thank you. I was very touched, but still refused the platebody. He logged out. But he was still talking to me in Skype. He told me that he'd dropped the dragon platebody on the floor and, if I didn't pick it up, it would disappear. I didn't believe him, right up to the moment when the platebody appeared at my feet. So, now I have it and he refuses to take it back. Second up was Fred. He was lending me things with which to fight Vanstrom Klause. I received his full Bandos and dragon claws, alongside a polypore staff worth over 4m. I just thought it was part of what I'd need and it was all being returned later. It wasn't until I was equipping them, that Fred informed me that the staff is a present. It's not a weapon to take to Darkmeyer at all. I protested, but he was adamant. Love that man. <3 Merci beaucoup, Fred, for the banner!

This is precisely the sort of quest that I like! That is to say that I don't have to kill anything horrific and scary at the end of it. (Vanstrom >:( ) Plus there was lots of pretty music to keep me occupied, even if I did keep having to move a couple of paces, just to get the choir to sing the next verse. It took me a couple of false moves to find the Abbey. The information said 'east of Al Kharid', so I ran as far as the stile. I knew it wasn't up there, because my slayer task is currently desert strykewyrms and I think I'd have noticed a sodding, great Abbey in the middle of my killing fields, don't you? So I raced down as far as the Shanty Pass, searching rocks for anything to climb over. Then doubled back and went to check up by the Duel Arena. By then, I was ready to ask for directions. I was sent over the stile into my slayer patch. -.- Even in the location, it took forever to get started. That was because of all of the distractions in the 'hood. I used the conversation with the strykewyrm hunter to sort out my audio levels. I've got one working ear and I'm expected to listen to background noises, music AND spoken conversation all at the same time! That's one humunguous blob of sound, if ever I heard it. I experimented, eventually losing the background noises, turning the music to half the level of the voices, then going with that. Of course, things got much better when I was actually through the gates. Because then the blasted desert strykewyrms shut up and I could hear myself think. The second major diversion was the troubadour and dance troope entertaining the crowds. There were some other players there too, so I joined the mosh pit. A nice bit of dancing later, I finally got around to questing. This was my sort of thing. A murder mystery with some serious detective work to be done. I love entering new places and poking around. It's probably why I don't get invited to many people's houses for dinner. I was deep into the rumaging and questioning, when I bumped into a celebrity! As any DiscWorld fan knows, the God Blind Io is one of the big ones. He's usually off making thunder and being divine and stuff. *Skates over the fact that I don't really know what deities do in their spare time* *Realises that I do know! They play Runescape!* Therefore it was a bit of a surprise to find him hanging around in a basement that is, all things considered, pretty much the property of Saradomin. We exchanged pleasantries, then I left him attempting to steal holy relics blessed by Saradomin. I suppose that I should have told someone, thinking about it. But I'm a Guthix girl and I had no divine intervention going on. My first suspect, before I found any clues nor spoke with any witnesses, was Abbess Benita. As soon as I saw that the window in Anna's cell was broken from the outside, I waivered on my gut instinct. Then I inspected her body and I knew the killer from that second on. That kind of put a dampener on things, because I think that Jagex expected it to take a little longer to work out. I was thoroughly enjoying myself right up to until the time that Elena got killed too. There were a couple of reasons for that. The first was that, knowing Jagex as I do after nearly five years of playing, I realised this was going to be a perfect opportunity to have to retrace all of my steps, speak to the same people and poke in the same cupboards and shelves. I was right. :( The second was that there was some kind of glitch with my notebook. No matter how often I investigated Elena's body and bloodstains, it refused to register with either the Abbess or the book. In the end, I had to log out and back in again, before it finally clicked. The extra bits of story nearly made up for the repetition. I'd still worked out the conclusion before the evidence arrived to prove it, so it was mostly waiting for the storyline to catch up with my mind. I wish there was some mechanism to guess the answers without having to trail around once you know. I did like the graphics too. The cloud scenes up in the tower were particularly lovely. I did enjoy meandering along the gallery above the choir too. I didn't love being hit down to just 2 hitpoints, just because I tried to steal a sacred lyre thingie. ;_; Nevertheless the world was saved and wootness was achieved. Then I went back out and rejoined the mosh pit in my fancy new robes.

After a two week sojourn, it was time to reclaim my Gielinor life. I started off in Miscellania, so did a bit of tree-chopping and replenished the coffers, as was only sensible. Then meandered off to Varrock (Guthix! I love having a spirit tree between the two!) to buy staffs and check out my Grand Exchange sales. I'd forgotten that I'd left my bank ridiculously full, because I'd been slaying. Nothing fills a bank like slaying with ignorance over drops. I'd been up the jadinkos, without any notion of what I was picking up. Naturally that meant I picked it all up. I have a tab full of seeds, which I know nothing about. I really should look them up and see what I should be doing with them, though I suspect that the gardening patch over in that 'hood will factor in somewhere. I've also got a load of Excrescence, which sounds like something you'd want to take Imodium to deal with; and hundreds of mutated vine. There was talk in Canting about whip vines, into which I blithely commented that I had hundreds of them. Amidst the shock, Zach correctly predicted that what I really had was mutated vine. I checked. He was right. But the central issue remains - I have lots of new stuff that I haven't researched dealing with, so my bank is up to capacity. Not to mention needing Joshua Mack to stop working so hard IRL and log on occasionally, so he can look at my summoning pouches and do maths and stuff. Then he can tell me what to sell, swap or use. I have been told the mathematical formula to work it out for myself. It was definitely a mathematical formula. *nod nod* When is Josh back? After running around doing weeklies, I was informed that the Hallowe'en 2011 event was up and running. I dropped everything and went to check it out. I liked it! I love that they had cosplayers there! The part sorting out the statues was easy enough. It was like one of those puzzles, where you have to seat people at a dinner party with clues. It got more tricky when I had to sort out a dancefloor. I opened the book and read the instructions. Maths. I turned the page and there was a picture of a skull. Win! I just copied the picture of the skull and ignored all of the blathering about mathematical formulas. (Josh IS coming back, isn't he?) I stepped back and proudly surveyed my skull. It was a good skull. I skipped over to Infinity the DJ and waited for him to look as pleased with me as I was with myself. He didn't. He just curtly said, "72 squares correct. The rest wrong." What?! But I'd followed the picture precisely! :o So I had to read the bit about maths after all. Then I read it again. Around the third time of reading I figured that I'd just experiment with pictures and hope for the best. So I danced over the floor, removing squares and adding others, with constant checks to see if I was doing it right. After a while, I started to get my head around it. You didn't have to do maths at all! You just had to ensure that the numbers matched the lit squares! I eventually made a pumpkin and Infinity liked that. Next up was the chess game, which I found easy enough. I know how to play chess anyway, though it was strange doing so sober. The only thing that bugged me was the dialogue going in. It's song lyrics and I can't remember the song! It's right on the tip of memory and I just can't grasp it! I spent the whole game, moving that chicken around the chess-board, trying to remember the blooming song! Worst of all, I've got the feeling that it's Carter or the Manics or someone I listen to a lot. :glasses: I'm going to be so embarrassed when I find out, aren't I? Oh! Oh! Is it Stereophonics? I almost heard Kelly Jones singing then. >.> Anyway, song debating aside, I soon finished the quest. Armed with a tip off from Helm Lardar, D1D, Kicker and There, I knew about the hidden extra in the theatre, so meandered on up there. I thought it was a nice touch, doing a crossover between Runefest and us lot in-game, though I was there a day too late to actually participate in it. Nevertheless, I had the code (handed to me on a plate >.>) and so quickly told Fame the answers. Yay! My grubby hands closed over a mask! I did go and look for Pumpkin Pete though, just because I wanted to see what one. I was a little disappointed that there was no end party. Last year's Hallowe'en event had that funky disco. When I ended up in the theatre, I thought that there might be a show or something on, but there wasn't. I did see another couple of players come in, so decided to put on a show of emotes for them. Unfortunately the invisible narrator wouldn't let me. I kept getting all manner of reasons why I couldn't do this emote nor that emote on that particular stage. *sigh* My 15 minutes of fame was over, so I went slaying instead.

It's a long way to Burgh de Rott from, well, just about anywhere. I remember once that Joshua Mack and I raced it, after I mused on the fact that Temple Trekking is actually a short-cut there. He went via Canifis and the boat; I did an easy route of the mini-game. I got there about a second before he did and blew raspberries at him from the gate. He said he'd lagged. I told him, 'No pic, no proof,' and after that mature exchange we left it at that. Nevertheless, Burgh de Rott remains a long way from anywhere. I thought those days were all over. I started 'The Branches of Darkmeyer'. To be fair, I've nearly finished the quest, but for killing Vanstrom the Vampire, which is not going well. Early on in the quest, you get a present. It's a medallion that teleports you to various locations in Morytania, including Burgh de Rott. I cheered. But the medallion is a little like a glory, insofar as it has charges. Once they're gone, you have to climb into a dank crypt behind the bank in that town and dip it in some blood. I've told myself that it's vegetarian blood, drawn from some quorn or something. The alternative is a bit too gruesome to contemplate. The first time I fought Vanstrom, the ring of life saved me. The second time, I died properly. My thundering heart and near breakdown panic was soon put into perspective, when that medallion teleported me within a few feet of the grave. It was time to stop being a noob and just get on with dying repeatedly. It's not like there's any obvious alternatives, like beating him. So I learned to go rushing back in, die, collect, prepare, rush in, die, collect etc, on an endless loop, until I got bored and went to get 92 prayer instead. Then, tonight, I was feeling all nimble and brave. I was also listening to 'Navras', which is definitely a pwning type of song. I decided not to think about it too much. I hurried off to Oog'log, dressed in my fighting clothes, jumped into the energy and the mega hitpoints pools, then bat teleported myself off to Darkmeyer. 'Navras' was all 'om shanti shanti shanti' and I was somewhere between Neo and Trinity, ready to take this ridiculous excuse for vampiric pixels off to his very end. Rawrrrrr! Except for the slight fail of not having nipped to Meiyerditch en route to get a replacement vial of Holy Water. Not to fear! 'Navras' has a rewind button! I was soon back and at the door. I was in! I was brilliant. I was so fast. I out-manoeuvred the blood-sucking cachi on two bouts of 'stare into the darkness'. For a second there, I even mistook myself for a twitch player. Vanstrom was three quarters of the way dead and my titan was laying into him. Then the vampire hit me with a lucky splat of blood and I ran across the room. I clicked my shark and hurtled back to poleaxe the creature in the... stomach. But disaster! That shark hadn't been eaten! It was still Jaws-ing away in my bag and I was nearly dead! :P I clicked like mad, but I'd taken my eye off the real danger. Vanstrom blood-splattered me and I folded into a mess on the floor. I was in Lumbridge of all places. It was the last area I'd been in, because of attempting to do my Tears of Guthix on Wednesday (another fail - my computer crashed as I entered and it counted as this week's visit, despite no tear being caught). I called myself every noob under the sun, then clicked my medallion. It was out of charges. Years ago, in Canting Away, we had a spate of people panicking as they died. With us all there and poised to teleport in to help, none of us could get there in time, because we didn't have the information. When people die, they tend to type, 'OMG! OMG! Omg!' a lot, which is neither use nor ornament for finding their gravestone. This happened a few times, with different people, before we instigated helpful tips upon death. The first was something like - don't die; but I skipped all the rules designed for people who could actually fight. The things that I had to memorise started with 'don't panic' (amended, in my case, to 'pretend you're not panicking'). Then came that all important tip: don't bother with niceties and explanations, when time is of the essense. Start with something like 'SOS!' or 'Gravestone!' or 'Dead!', then immediately give people the necessary information to help you. Location is the biggie, followed by world. So many people's possessions were saved that way; and tonight, they were mine. I love MsClick. Just repeating that here. I don't think she was even around in the dim, distant days when we made those rules, but common sense ensued. She didn't bother with pausing to type, 'I'm on my way', because she had to grab her medallion and robes, then hop a world to save my things. The clock was ticking. I am so grateful to her. It's a long way from Lumbridge to Burgh de Rott. I had to run into the basement under the castle, grab my home tele runes; run from my hallway into the portal room, then zoom to Canifis. I ran behind the bar, through the trapdoor and into the secret passageway. I was just out of the double doors and up onto the rope bridge, with that counter already closing in on ten minutes. I still had to cross the swamp, catch the boat, dash through Mor'ton and leap the fence into Burgh de Rott, before I could even charge my medallion to get back to Darkmeyer. But I was on the rope bridge when I got the message that MsClick was ahead of me. I wooted. ^_^ She even stayed to keep me calm, while I ran to reclaim my stuff, with Choco, Lillantra and Arct also cheering me on. No urgency now. MsClick had bought me an hour with her prayers. I've never read my gravestone before. A good epitaph, I think. It reminds me of this: Os treisiodd y gelyn fy ngwlad tan ei droed, Mae hen iaith y Cymry mor fyw ag erioed, Ni luddiwyd yr awen gan erchyll law brad, Na thelyn berseiniol fy ngwlad. Or, to put it another way: My country tho' crushed by a hostile array, The language of Cambria lives out to this day; The muse has eluded the traitors' foul knives, The harp of my country survives. Though said harp is strugging somewhat against that bloody vampire.

'Salt in the Wound' has been lurking in my peripherial vision for a few days. Whenever someone strolled by me in a questcape, it momentarily rose to demand priority again. But I had something to do first. I wanted 90 smithing and I was not going to budge from that forge until I'd got it. You wouldn't believe how fit I've got, lugging inventories full of gold ore into Edgeville's furnace, then carting all of the gold bars back into my bank. I've got blisters inside my smithing gauntlets! And you wouldn't believe how hot, sticky and clammy your hands can feel after nearly 10k worth of ores smelted. But I did it. (I watched the entire series of Harry Potter films doing it. By the time I ended up at the cinema last night to watch the concluding one, I'd seen every one of the previous films in the days leading up to it.) Tra la laaaaaa la la laaaaaa Quest time is now! I found the opening stages quite confusing. The Quest to Find Kennith In Order to Start This Thing took me in ever increasing circles all of the way around Daemonheim, until he finally showed up down the bottom off to the east. In fact, if I'd caught the boat from Al-Kharid, instead of teleporting with my ring, I'd have walked straight into him. The first thing that I noticed was that he'd grown during the past year or so. By grown, I mean grown a lot. More than a year's worth of growing. I know that with kids you take your eye off them for a year and they get bigger, but this is ridiculous. He leapt from about nine to nineteen in just a few months. Some kind of time portal going on out there? We had a little cant, wherein he mentioned Sir Tiffy, then he expressed the need for more privacy. Off he teleported. Ok. Ok. So Sir Tiffy is head of intelligence for the white knights. I've just spent half of my life in Edgeville, which is just up the road from Falador, yet Sir Tiffy sends preternaturally overgrown Kennith to Daemonheim to look for me. Daemonheim?! One glance at my stats will tell you that that's the least likely place for me to be! At 88, Dungeoneering is still one of my lowest skills. *sigh* But let's run with this. It worked. Kennith has run off and not said where he's going. Because he mentioned Sir Tiffy, I hopped onto the boat and grabbed some Fally tele runes from Al-Kharid bank. I hurried into the park and had a chat with Sir Tiffy. No mention of Kennith at all. I looked around. No Kennith there either. Sir Tiffy doesn't even want to talk about the quest! I returned to Daemonheim and went back down the steps, to see if Kennith was back where I'd left him. That's the only reason that I bumped into him en route. Was I supposed to know that he was up there? We chatted and gained Eva and Ezekiel. The quest was officially started. I admit to giggling over the next scene. Ezekiel blasted us straight into the middle of some random players' dungeon. I found the reaction of the players to be hilarious. Faced with a huge hole, which meant that they could sneak Dungeoneering items out, one of them exclaimed that he was taking the gatestone to the GE. Then they were going, fleeing through the breach. LOL Yep, I can see that happening. We did a couple or three rooms of a dungeon, before going to the slug citadel. Really the most difficult things here were learning how to effectively control the other three characters. I think that the intention was for the room puzzles themselves to be tricky, but they really weren't. Once you'd worked out what lever did what, then it was a quite simple task to know that you needed to deploy folk, and where they should go. But I was forever forgetting to click to stop giving orders to various people. So I'd have them beautifully positioned, then I'd run off to do something, only to find that one of the other dudes was now chasing after me. It took me until the third room of the citadel to finally have the whole control thing running smoothly. My only other panic was the fourth room, which involved being a general in fighting. I'd already ascertained that I was the best fighter in the room, but my hand was stuck in a box a la 'Dune', so I had to direct them instead. Do I look like someone good at directing a fight?! I have people for things like that! Grief, Warlock, Zach, Kayla or someone! What damn fool would put me in charge of a battle?! Until now, I'd just sent Eva wherever fighting needed to happen, as she had the most hitpoints. That turned out to be a fail!tactic here, as she was quickly getting battered. Once I'd realised that the risen knights weren't aggressive, I did some planning before I sent them into it. I even looked at the combat triangle. That dude with the scary sword got Kennith's mage spells onto him etc. Towards the end, all of my dudes were low on hp. I got cunning then. The ranger got Ezekiel attacking first with range, because he had the most remaining hp, but then Eva was straight in after him. She hit with melee, without getting hit herself, which was great considering she only had about 2hp at the time. We got through into the fifth room first time, then I think that sheer luck got me through, as I wasn't positioning people with too much strategy. We defeated the Queen Slug though. Win! And my quest cape is back around my shoulders. :D

I've had a busy week, so today was the first time I logged in to find my quest cape dislodged. That would never do, so some urgent fishing was clearly required. I shoved on that horrible cerise pink cape, that you get for having level 80 in each skill. It clashed with the general green/teal feel of the rest of my outfit, so I can't see me going out in public like that again. Nevertheless, I needed something to keep the chill out, if I was sailing out into the middle of the ocean. The only thing that I really knew about this quest was Fred's comment that it was very short. I'd agree with that. It would have been even shorter without the obvious padding elements, like trying to find a sprig of lowland heather which wasn't infested with spiders. I'm Merch Gwyar. I've taken on some of the biggest, scariest creatures in Gielinor. I've travelled into unknown lands and risked life and limb bringing back treasure. I'm monarch of two realms in the barbarian north. I've visited world 2. Do I sound to you like someone scared of spiders in the heather? Nevertheless, I was bound by the rules of questing to search through half a dozen of them, before I was allowed to pick one and drop it in some special tea. The quest started off, after a chat with Jones at the fishing guild, with all of the things that I dread. Running around to random people, collecting disparate items. It got better though. It was only two locations and, heather picking aside, didn't feel too much like unimaginative fillers. I wish I'd gone to Linza before The Guns though, as he gives you a life back to the starting point. I'd gone to the fishing master, then used a slayer ring to get to a fairy ring. From there to the Tower of Life, on the basis that I had a skills necklace to arrive at the fishing guild gate. Then I'd run around to Hemester. If I'd done fishing master, then Linza, then The Guns, I'd have cut out an extra journey. Nevertheless, I was soon back with Jones and The Guns, ready for my epic fishing trip. It felt more like a kebbit hunting trip. Areas were investigated and a trail emerged. Instead of tracks in the snow, this was flotsam on the water. Eventually the trail led to the Thalassus rearing up and attacking our boat. I enjoyed what followed. The conversation with the three sirens, with all its touchstones of Greek mythology, but it let only to a repeat of the same hunting thing. I did it all again, murmering, 'quest padding, filler, quest padding, filler', only to discover that this was pretty much the end of the quest. I thought that this whole voyage might be round one, but no, after delivering a tooth to Linza, it was all over. Fred was right - short quest. It was entertaining in part, but on the whole just smacked of shoving things in and repeating them to make it all feel a little more than it was. The fishing xp was very lovely though: 70k! There was also 26k hunting xp, with a potential for more if I go hunting the sea monster again. The wieldable nets will be useful and more bank deposit boxes are always good. I just need to find out where they are.

Before I start, I'd like to remind all Canters that the deadline of the Warm Fuzzy project is this weekend. Thank you very much to Tanyakins for organising it. This week was the Easter event, in Runescape. Entitled 'Holly and Hawthorn', I reckon it's the most Pagan event ever released into the game! We even had to invoke the elements, in order to complete the quest! So, is there a Pagan on the staff of Jagex now, or have they just been searching Google? I thoroughly enjoyed the Easter Event, even more so because I was tittering over the inclusions. It ran well and had a clear narrative. I enjoyed solving the puzzle of where to use my keys and claiming my two tiaras. I even have them both charged with six points each. So what do I think was going on there? The battle is actually supposed to be between the old stag and the new stag. (Gentlemen, every testosterone battle of wills you've ever had with your Dad invokes this.) It's the chasing of the seasons and the push for supremacy over the moment. The Holly King is slain by the Oak King (you did note the Season Tree, didn't you?). When 'of all the trees that are in the woods, the Holly bears the crown', then winter can come. But when the Oak takes over, then summer can come. These are the Gods in the wheel of the year. The Goddesses are present too, but they award sovereignty, not take it. One of these Goddesses is Eostre (you do know how to pronounce it). She's represented by rabbits and eggs, all of those symbols of fertility. This is Beltane, the fertile time, when Spring is blossoming and Summer is on the way. You need Eostre to birth it all, with the Oak King, after he's defeated the Holly King. Incidentally, Eostre's symbol is the Hawthorn. See why I had a smile on my face? In Runescape, we assisted Eostre (Sunrise Queen) by defeating the Evil Holly. As part of this, we invoked the elements (earth, air, fire and water). Once this was done, we heard the Queen say her ritual words and suddenly we were in Spring. But winter is always in the background. It will come around again, hence that nod of homage to the Winter Queen. Protect the Holly, defeat the Hawthorn. I did stop to see if the elements were at the cardinal points, but this wasn't done. Earth was at north-east; water at south-east; fire at south-west; and air at north-west. We did have to do them clock-wise though (which is the right way for invokation), in that earth was first, then water, then fire and air together (steam). Fascinating to see how they adapted it! Of course, being a good Wiccan, I carved the only sculpture that made perfect sense in this Pagan narrative. As it was the first choice, I'm assuming that many people did. O the rising of the sun And the running of the deer In the other news, now that my computer is stable, I've been dungeoneering again. I've had a couple of large dungeons, mostly with Coss, but also with MFI, Litster25, Ritster21 and Kayla. I'm getting loads more XP these days, after reaching the 42nd floor. I decided to solo some early ones last night. I was about to go in, when I heard an exclaimation from kingfredy101. He was in the foyee of Daemonheim and had logged on to find an unfamiliar IP address, as the previous log in. He'd been hacked. He had an anxious moment rushing to the bank, but his PIN number had saved him. He'd lost nothing! -.- I happy danced with him, then invited him to duo with me. I've long since suspected that the combat savvy members of Canting cringe when I meet new people. They have to hunt them down, just to assure them that not all of Canting are at my level of noobishness. The clan's collective combat knowledge should not be judged by mine. If this is the case, then add kingfredy101 to your list. He was utterly confused as to how I sailed past level 80 dungeoneering without buying a choatic weapon; nor why my level 80 was marked by buying the herblore scroll with much wooting. He also couldn't quite compute how I reached level 89 in all combat skills (124 total), yet still managed to consistently be wearing the wrong protection prayer over my head. I think I disgraced us again. -.- But here's your shout out, kingfredy101! It was fun Dungeoneering with you and I'm glad that your bank remained intact. Once he'd gone to bed, I soloed floor one, complexity six, medium dungeon. The latter was a misclick, as I was going to do small. But mediums aren't usually that big, so I decided to just do it. That was a bit of an error. I've never encountered such a complicated floor one in my life! It had no less than three puzzle rooms. The keys were so scattered that I was constantly having to go from the extreme north to the extreme south, then find another obstacle with the key to a door in the extreme north again. Even with the ggs and my personal gs, there was still a massive amount of running back and forth to do. There were also several doors that I had to boost to open. At one point, I found myself in a situation where I couldn't open a single door (despite five keys in my bag) and had to face the fact that I'd missed a key. I found in it about the 15th room I tried. I think that most people would have given up on it, as a bad dungeon, after the first half an hour, particularly because it was the lowest room. But I was tired and I'd reached that MacBeth point of, 'returning were as tedious as to go o'er'. I just kept plugging away until it was over. However, I was very gratified to see the xp that I got from it! It's left me just 28k from level 87 Dungeoneering! Woot! AND I nearly have enough points for a prayer scroll.

For me, I think Jagex made the Easter Event little bit more fun. The storyline is quite simple yet exciting. The ability to choose sides was not allowed for F2P but was allowed in P2P by chopping those evil trees. The ability fly/float/levitate was a nice touch when riding down or up the steam/cloud column. All together I think it was nice and the ability to chop down evil trees for the first time (for F2P) was awesome although no exp was gained. :P The battle between *cough* hot chicks *cough* The Cloud Spirit character picture was a joke. Made me :D Rocketing off, Rex

(NB MASSIVE SPOILERS FOR THE QUEST 'A CLOCKWORK SYRINGE'. GTFO OUT OF MY BLOG IF YOU DON'T WANT TO BE SPOILED AND, WITH THIS QUEST, I THOROUGHLY RECOMMEND THAT YOU'RE NOT.) .... .... Anti-spoiler break... .... .... Anti-spoiler break... .... .... I did this last week, the day after it came out, though I hadn't seen any guides, hence I experienced it as it unfolded. The first thing I experienced was a very unwelcome trampling of my daffodils! As anyone, who has read this blog for any length of time, is aware, my house is my pride and joy. Since I was a tiny nub, all of my money and resources have gone into building the best house that I possibly can. With the help of some boosts, like my crystal saw, all of the furniture in there is now at level 99 standard. You only have to come to one of my house parties to realise how house proud I am. I'm always screaming at Zach to wipe his feet, before he tramples all over my rugs. (The dude is level 99 Slayer, you don't want to know what he's been standing in.) So, when careless postal workers go abandoning big packages all over my daffodils, I'm a tad upset to say the least. With that out of my system, I figured that I'd better open the crate. (If only to lighten the weight, in the hope that my plants had survived under it.) You can imagine my surprise when a Barrelchest Mk II stepped out of it. I wasn't even prepared for battle! I'd been farming! I'd just nipped home, with nothing in my bag, to use the Varrock portal. I'm like, "Oh great, monster in my house, there goes my sunflowers too." I quickly dashed into the kitchen and closed the door, so I could examine it and work out what to do, without it attempting to kill me. Then it blew my kitchen doors off. I went into mild shock. Not only were the kitchen doors gone, but also the doors to my prayer room and my skill hall. Most pressing of all were those kitchen doors though, because I was in the kitchen. It crossed my mind to wonder how I was supposed to put the doors back on. I wondered if I would have to visit the estate agent to change the style, then change it back again. The Reaver Garden was a bit wrecked, which was sad from a sentimental point of view, but it wasn't going to break the bank fixing it. However, I also had this boss marching in towards me. It wasn't time to panic about plants; it was time for self-preservation! I dashed into the dining room, because a stone wall > a wooden door, when a sodding, great boss is trying to kill you. I was cowering behind this wall, when suddenly POW! He'd not only knocked a hole into my actual wall, but he'd taken the dining table that Teacuptime made for me! If I thought I'd been in shock before, then that was nothing on now. I actually got scared. Two things reeled through my mind: OMG! He's taken Teacuptime's table! And OMG! Is Grief still in Canting? I'd only just come out of Canting to do the quest. Only Grief had been in there and he was saying goodbye, as real life was happening to him. I know it sounds stupid, but all I wanted was to scream for Grief to come and save me. Panic attack much? But moreover, my mind really couldn't compute that this thing had just destroyed Teacuptime's dining table. I could barely breathe! So I ran. The more I ran, the more it destroyed, though, in truth, I was too much in shock to really register anything else. I was so stuck on that bloody dining table, that I didn't even blink when it took the demon thrones. It did occur to me that running outside meant a huge green field, with notably less furniture to destroy, so I did that. I ended up doing a circuit of the house, after spotting the menagerie and trying to lure it away to save my animals. However, Barrelchest Mk II didn't follow exactly. It stayed inside the house, trapped by the outer walls, following my progress through the rooms. In the end, I had to calm down. 90% of Runespace deaths happen through panicking. What would Grief do? That's how my shocked and benumbed brain finally kickstarted again. From the far outreaches of my field, I concluded that Grief would have long since bypassed the fact that he was unarmed and had nothing in his inventory. He would be looking for weaponry in the house, with which to defend himself. As soon as that popped into my head, I knew that I was fine! I had a whole wardrobe full of armour in the dungeon! I have amulets in the treasure chest! If it came to it, I could trap the boss behind a wall, then make some cakes for myself in my kitchen (if the larder and cooker had survived). I could kick this noob's ass! Feeling emboldened, I crept back into the rubble of my house. Barrelchest Mk II was still in the house, but trapped over in one of the portal rooms. The first thing that I noticed was that he had destroyed my stairs. I couldn't get into the dungeon. That was the armour and amulets out. I did, however, note that DarkLight was still displayed on my wall. That was a possible weapon, if I could get it off. I didn't get that far. I was too busy staring in utter shock at the state of my house. All my hard work. All my lovely furniture. My walls. My dining table, which Teacuptime made for me. My thrones. Everything. It was going to take forever to replace it all again. I decided to have a run through, in order to assess the full damage and to see if I could possibly make cakes for food. DarkLight + cake + shocked, righteous indignation at the state of my house. Could that kill him? The tour of the rest of the house wasn't pretty. The kitchen was wrecked too. And as I ran, the echo of memories came crashing down. 'Friends don't let friends spend 3m gp on marble portal holders!', 'Reaver just traded me 1m gp worth of materials instead of a fish!!', 'Happy Christmas, Merchy.' It was all gone. Everything was gone. And my salamander was crying, 'Eeeep!' I realised that I did have something. I was wearing a Ring of Duelling. I right-clicked it and teleported out of there. I ended up in the Castle Wars foyee, hyperventilating, and trembling over by the bank chest. A small part of me wanted to cower there forever, handing out potions and sharks to whomever would go into my house and save my animals. The bigger part of me took the moment of relative safety to get angry. That thing had come into my home and trashed four years worth of hard labour and gifts! It was even now making my salamander go, 'eeep!' I'm not ashamed to say that I came over all Sigourney Weaver. It wasn't exactly, 'GET OFF MY MOUNTAIN!', it was more like 'GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!' I. Tooled. Up. The plan was simple. Go back; pwn the boss; log out; go into the forums; pwn whichever Guthix-forsaken J-Mod thought it was a good idea to destroy my house. One of them had coded it! One of them owed me a lot of furniture! I put on my torso, dragon-skirt, amulet of glory, Neitiznot hat, dragon boots, barrows gloves, Ardy gardening teleport cape and a ring of life. I carried my shield-with-a-face-on, a whip, a rune crossbow, some ruby bolts (s), some broad bolts, several cooked sharks, an extreme superset, a prayer potion, an anti-poison and a Lletya crystal. I stormed out of the Castle Wars foyee, marched into Yanille and punched the portal, until it let me in. I was a little surprised to find that all of my furniture was back and that all of the walls and doors were intact. The creature was back in his box. Guthix only knows what my animals had done while I was out. In fact, considering that I don't think any of them have the requisite Construction levels (nor even opposible thumbs), they must have prayed to Guthix! Either that or one of the J-Mods had belatedly realised that destroying my house wasn't a good idea, so had rushed to undo the damage. Whatever had happened there, I was now approaching this crate again, with the full knowledge of what was in it, and I was armed to the teeth. Bring. It. On. I started with the ruby bolts (e), rushing back just behind my kitchen doorway to keep myself out of melee range. The very first bolt caused the Nomad Scream and took away half of Barrelchest Mk II's hitpoints. Knowing that ruby bolts are no good once that's the case, I immediately switched to my whip. As I danced forward to flay him alive with it, he decided that it was a good idea to blow my doors off. That opened the route directly into my throne room. Frankly, he could GTFO if he thought that he was destroying MY demon thrones again! It took about three whacks of my whip before he was dead. That was all. One Nomad Screaming ruby bolt (e) and three cracks of my whip. Then I had a decapitated zombie head, on a barrel, and nothing attempting to reduce my home to rubble. On the contrary, in fact, I quickly realised that I had a second visitor! The Estate Agent is here because...? Well that's alright then. As long as my house is put back EXACTLY as it was, including all dining tables and doors, then I'm not storming into the forums to demand blood and retribution. I will do the rest of the quest instead. The rest of the quest was brilliant! It is easily one of my favourite quests ever, even pipping 'My Arm's Big Adventure' for hilarious dialogue and fun moments. I'm not going to go into grand detail about it, other than to say that it is well worth not only doing, but examining all of the little details too. Sometimes it bordered upon the utterly surreal; other times it was an engaging yarn, with great puzzles and fantastic props (zomboats and seagulls, I'm looking at you). My one criticism was the fact that dressing as a woman was apparently the greatest torture that could be enacted upon a man. I don't think you have to be Germaine Greer to wrinkle your nose at that. It's like saying that femininity is so beneath contempt, that any red-blooded man (or half-decomposed zombie) worth his testicles, would rather betray his clan and/or die (or die more, re the zombie) than look like a woman. I just thought that that struck the wrong note, in an otherwise top-ranking quest. All in all though, it was a stunning quest! More like this please!

I loved this quest! Absolutely loved it! It was my kind of quest, in that it involved lots of puzzles, quizzes and no fighting whatsoever. Turn up in whatever clothes you like, you won't be called upon to change. Plus you don't need to take anything. You have Golrana with you, ostentaciously to teach me how to quest... *looks at questcape in my bag* *looks at 313 quest points* *smiles graciously at Golrana* Mind you, I shouldn't grumble about her. I hope that I'm that adventurous when I'm 200 years old. *nod nod* I didn't know about the quest, when I first logged in. I should have, because the first week of the month is traditionally quest week. Last week had slightly bigger news, that's all. :P I'd been in to check the forums for this week's penguin locations. The big news there, of course, is that Canada Grrl has relaxed the rule on not calling out Wilderness locations. However, I've been nowhere near the penguins, because quest time is now! PLEASE NOTE: THERE WILL BE SPOILERS! STOP READING NOW IF YOU DON'T WANT THEM! I love doing quests in the first few hours, when there are no guides. That way I get to experience them as they were written, without being tempted to look up the difficult bits. Therefore my first big element to this quest was working out how to start it. Golrie was underneath the Tree Gnome Village. Fair enough. That sounds like the place with the boulders that you have to push, when you have to nerf your crystal saw in order to kill mutated tortoises. I was half right. It was through that room, into the crawl hole at the back, then several rooms along on the other side. Thereon, things got easier. Golrie's grandad went missing years ago. He's just found a letter, which never quite made it to his nan, before she died. The letter was an SOS from grandad. Golrie's been using it as a bookmark. Nub. :/ Anyway, he patently needs a brilliant quester to go and rescue grandad... and I agreed to accompany her. Golrana is Golrie's Mum and she's a bit of a gnomish Lara Croft. She put up with me. Yes! Me! I've only saved your people about a billion times! > I really enjoyed the next bit. We had to find a pathway through the woods and under the mountain. My sort of terrain IRL that, so the pixel version engaged me too. Not much else to tell about it; other than the advice to test everything, as there are clues to the pathway hiding in all kinds of rocks and trees. We ended up in Lletya, where the puzzles really began. You will be given a novel to read. I swear that this is the longest book in the game. I sat and read it all though, before plunging on. The important pages are: the list of materials to build a device; the chapter on output intensity; and the list of combinations for 'pure yellow', 'pure cyan' and 'pure magenta'. However, if you're a lazy git, then here's the relevant info: * Certain materials are needed to build the device and they are all in the room. If you search every box, crate, light, picture and shelf, then you'll get those materials. You don't have to memorise them (after I did), as you automatically take the required amount. I do recommend checking the lecturn, then clicking on the chapter titles. You get two little films to watch! * Different shapes produce different output intensity. The weakest is a circle, as it has one side. The highest is an octagon, as it has eight sides. Sides = intensity. * Different shapes are dependent upon the amount of water in the crystal bowl. Just right-click it to automatically fill or empty the water. Crystals, for making shapes, are in the box beside it. * You turn the middle prism to change the colour. I don't know if it'll be different for everyone, but this is what worked for me. Please note BOTH shapes and colours: This part could be a nightmare for colour blind people. However, each of the coins and shapes do have a right-click option, which reveals their colour. The singing bowl doesn't. It starts on red and goes through the rainbow: Red, Orange, Yellow, Green, Blue, Indigo, Violet. It never deviates from that pattern. If the requirements are the same for every player, then you'll only need red, yellow, green and blue. Once you have your shapes, you should be fine, as you can read the colours. After the box is calibrated, then it's out to rescue Bolrie (grandad of Golrie and dad of Golrana). The quest is pretty straight-forward, so nothing really to tell. Thoroughly enjoyable though! Bolrie does ask some questions to ensure that you're not an illusion. If you've been paying attention throughout the quest, they'll hold no hassles. I didn't have to look anything up. If memory serves, he asked me his wife's name: Gena. The picture on his wall in his cave: The Grand Tree. The name of the elf who helped him: Ifreen. How many combinations of shapes and colours are there? 42. Ok, the latter did involve me looking at the screenie I'd taken, for the above picture, which showed my inventory at the time. I can count, oh yes! :/ Rescue completed and it all got really lovely. Reunion ftw! There's me, in my quest outfit, with the longbow that I didn't need. :/ I love the updated gnome graphics, by the way. It looks really great over in the Grand Tree and the Tree Gnome Village. Talking of the latter, we returned there for more reunions. *little tear* I do love happy endings. :) And the rewards weren't bad either! :o All told, it's taken me around two hours to both do the quest and write this blog. It's a master quest, but not a massively long one. More quests like this! Bravo!

The King of the Dwarves quest came out yesterday, so I'm a little behind here. I was on yesterday, but it was with Lunar Magicks, a bank full to busting and 'The Wonders of the Solar System' on a tiny screen next to Runescape. It takes so long to set up for the ZMI altar, that I was loathe to shift, even for a quest. But today, I was here and ready to go. It's hard to know what to write about 'King of the Dwarves'. It was a decent enough quest, that didn't go on for too long and kept me engaged, but for a significant hiccup in the middle. It didn't stir up raging emotions and it had a boss that was laughably simple to defeat. All good! But nothing that I can really report back on. The bit in the middle was the moment when I was told that I couldn't use a furnace in Keldagrim to forge some keys. It was no biggie in itself. I probably gloried to Edgeville, and then used the cart back to Keldagrim, faster than I could have run over the bridge to the Blast Furnace anyway. But it put me out of the location. Until then, I'd been entrenched in the story, gasping and ooohing along with its twists and turns. Then I was in Edgeville, back in 'real life', where people were doing ordinary things, in an ordinary day. It had the narrative effect of putting a good book down and suddenly realising that you quite fancy a cup of tea. I can't see any good reason for them having done that either. I logged back on, 10 minutes later, with a cuppa and a nice fairy cake. Back in Keldagrim, the rest of the quest didn't grab me quite so much. The second half of a quest is often the practical side, while the beginning is the story side. Having had that break, I just went through the paces. This isn't to knock the quest too much. It was a good quest. Just with an unfortunate break in the middle. But nevertheless, quest completed and cape once again on my back. Hurrah.

*As always, this is full of spoilers for the quest.* This is my preliminary report after spending hours on it. I have no idea, at this point, how far into the quest I am. I haven't seen any quest-capes out there and even RS Wiki has no-one actually having completed it. So far, it has all of the hallmarks of one of the more annoying RS quests. To me annoying = having to run back and forth to various places for no good reason. That started early on, when Senliten sent me to Sophenem to learn about the goddess Apmeken. She told me to ask the Sphinx, despite the fact that Senliten patently knew all about Apmeken. The Sphinx gave me a little information, then sent me to ask Jex, from the Temple of Small Lesser Gods, for more. So why couldn't a) Senliten or b) the Sphinx tell me about the goddess? They both knew. But no, this was padding to get me to run around a bit, thus lengthening the quest. Things like that sully the quest for me. Once the faffing was over, it was off to Ape Atoll. I did enjoy this part. The 3 Wise Monkeys were hilarious and the Monkey Guard luring was just challenging enough to be interesting. You have to lure him with bananas to the banana crate. The catch is that any other monkey guards encountered along the way will eat the bananas from your trail. If the trail is broken, the monkey guard that you're luring runs back to his post. It took me several abortive attempts along the most direct route, before I got savvy to this. I eventually got there by noticing two things. Firstly, if you took him around the outside of the room, you bypass all over guards; and secondly, that green bananas stayed on the floor for several seconds, before going brown, then disappearing. I laid the whole trail backwards, then placed the banana that lures him onto it. It worked a treat, until we got out of the first room. Then I realised that the latter two thirds of my trail, placed first, had disappeared! LOL I was truly wise by now. I filled my bag with bananas. I laid the trail in the tiny room immediately south of the wise monkeys. I lured the monkey guard. While he nommed his way around that room, I raced to the bottom of it and completed the trail. He was now so far behind me that I was able to place bananas without worrying that I wouldn't be quick enough. It worked a treat. A little more dialogue later, I was back in the desert buying a chimp choc-ice, made from my monkey amulet mould (yay for not throwing those out in the bank clearance yesterday). Here is where life got truly annoying. You have to get the choc-ice to Ape Atoll, without teleporting. It will start melting after a few seconds, so you have to hit it with an ancient magicks ice spell. The lesser ice spells are too weak, so you have to go for the one that takes 4 death, chaos and water runes. At first, I didn't suss that 'no teleporting' also meant the fairy rings. It took me a while to get to grips with the freezing of the choc-ice (click place; let it drop on the floor; cast your high level ice spell). Therefore it melted several times, before I successfully got it to the fairy ring north of Nardah. Then the teleport magic melted it. Since then, I've been discovering (at 1k per choc-ice) all of the other things that don't work. Magic carpets do work. Apparently ship charters do too, though I haven't tested that. I very smugly tried to call a gnome glider, by launching a grand tree pod. I got this message: I used magic carpets and a lot of running to get to the glider in Al-Kharid. The pilot there told me the same thing. I got it all the way to the spirit tree in the GE. The spirit tree melted it. I then got another one all of the way to White Wolf Mountain, after passing the balloon and wishing I'd thought to pack a magic log. At White Wolf Mountain, I ran out of runes for the ice spell. I'd packed 100 of them! One day, someone is going to be doing this quest using a guide. I do hope that you spare a thought to those of us on day one, who learned the hard way which modes of transport do and don't work, and who told you how many runes to take. I'll blow a kiss back through the ether to all of those who do remember us. I had to laugh though. On one of my many, many unsuccessful runs across Gielinor, I passed a fellow player in north Lumbridge. As we both cast our spells, he commented wryly, "No ice-cream is worth this." I had to agree. LOL Edit: Desert eagles, mate. How could I have forgotten that past the Nardah fairy ring is a desert eagle perch? I used him to fly to Eagle's Peak, then raced down to the Gnome Stronghold at the foot of the hill. Once you make it past Crash Island and get rowed to Ape Atoll, you pass a checkpoint. Unfortunately, the next bit is even more of a git. You can't cast ice burst while you're a gorilla.... Edit: The rest of the trip was relatively easy. I purposefully let myself get arrested at the gate, with the choc ice on me. Then turned into a ninja monkey and basically took the Monkey Madness initial route. That gave me safe spots to refreeze the choc ice. Got to the king with no hassle. Now I'm onto running around the desert with Ava's Alerter. I'm listening to the 'bwuk' with a strong sense of deja vu. There's a Discworld reference in there somewhere, isn't there? (Quest paused for today)