The Sad Tale Of Lord Shadwell

[Finway]

I wrote this story just because I was bored, and it took me about 25 minutes. Enjoy :P

 

The Sad Tale of Lord Shadwell

 

Lord Shadwell took a seat around a long, rectangular table, his short, grey beard and white hair looking cleaner than usual.

"Darquinis, what news do you bring from the operations by the Dagon'Hai?" he said to his second-in-command, the young Sir Darquinis.

"Not well, sir!" Darquinis took a deep breath. "Solos Dellagar has forced my top researcher to do his own bidding. This must be stopped."

"And how do you suppose we do that?" a chaos dwarf said. "Solos Darkheart has unlocked magicks we can't even begin to comprehend! He is probably the most powerful man in the world, as well as the most wanted!"

"I've heard he takes base at Edgeville," Lord Shadwell said, "preying along helpless wanders in the wilderness. In my eyes, we have two options: We could send an army there to wait until he arrives, and then seize him, or we could contact the Dagon'Hai of Varrock and ask them to aid us in his removal."

"The Dagon'Hai would never do that," Darquinis said sadly. "Solos Dellagar is a follower of Zamorak, or so they say. The Dagon'Hai swear an oath never to harm Zamorak's loyal, and powerful, followers."

"Well then, that leaves us with one option," the chaos dwarf said. "Lord Shadwell, you shall lead are forces against him!"

"Right," Lord Shadwell exclaimed proudly. "I will leave with a battalion at noon tomorrow!"

 

-----------------------------------

 

After a hard day of marching without any lunch or dinner, the Kinshra's leader was approaching Edgeville.

"Black Knights! Black Knigjhts are upon us!" cried the lookout from Edgeville. "Flee! Flee for your life!"

Lord Shadwell sighed. "I didn't expect this..."

 

"Master! White Knight are here as well!" a scout cried as he walked back. Approaching Lord Shadwell was none other than Sir Tiffy Cashien, his rival and nemesis.

"I'll handle this, alert our forces to halt at once!"

Lord Shadwell slowly approached Sir Tiffy.

"Greetings!" Lord Shadwell said coldly.

"What a lovely day!" Sir Tiffy replied.

"What is it you want?"

"Well, Shadwell, I've figured that since Solos Dellagar is the most powerful mage in the world, we could combine our forces for just this day for the sole purpose of capturing him."

"Capture him?"

"That's right, Shadwell!"

"You may capture him if you like, but if we Kinshra see him, we will kill him."

"Right then! Cheer-i-o, Shadwell!" That was the main reason Lord Shadwell hated Sir Tiffy Cashien: he was too jolly of a figure for his taste.

 

"Fellow Kinshra!" Lord Shadwell shouted. "Much to my regret, we must side with the White Knights just this once to bring down Solos Dellagar!"

"We won't side with any White Knight!" one soldier cried.

"You will follow my orders or you will pay!" Lord Shadwell said, and that was enough to end all arguments.

 

"So, you Kinshra no doubt think you can stop me? Solos Dellagar smiled. "Bow down before me, I am your true master!"

The mage produced a binding spell that pressured most of the men to bow down before him.

"I will die before I bow down to you!" Lord Shadwell cried. "I bow down to none other than Zamorak!"

"Oh? Than perhaps in the afterlife, you can!" Solos cast another spell right at Lord Shadwell, freezing him and injuring him deeply.

"Not dead yet?" The conjurer laughed, and cast another spell, and a fire erupted around Lord Shadwell. His will to live, however, was stronger than the spell.

"So Zamorak's very own flames can't kill you!" Solos thought for half a moment. "But I know this will!" a giant wind-like blast erupted slowly from Solos Dellagar's staff, striking Lord Shadwell squarely in the chest.

"Master!" he heard Sir Darquinis cry out. Lord Shadwell flew back several meters before landing on the ground, and his last sight was of the sky with it's clouds moving, and, knowing he would be dead soon, Lord Shadwell tried to pray the prayer of Last Rites that he learned and memorized so many years earlier, a prayer that even Zamorak would smile upon. But it was too late, and before he could begin, his frail old body hit the ground, and all became bliss as his soul and body were eternally seperated.

 

The End

Edited November 28, 2007 by finway

[w1ld]

kind of short :/ but still O.K. 6/10

[Sryen]

It's short, but it has a lot of potential. The dialog is very well written, except for the line "We won't follow no White Knights." You should fix that. Unfortunately, dialog is basically all you have.

 

It needs description. Instead of your scene switches, you could flow the story into those. Follow Shadwell as he leaves the meeting, show us what he does. Show us him preparing the troops, describe their marching. These whole story is looking mostly like a conversation.

 

Also, in the last paragraph, you have a really long run on sentence, which you could break up.

Edited November 28, 2007 by Sryen

[Guest Take This Post Seriously]

Sryen, in dialogue that's okay.

I really don't know how to grade this; it's a bit different. I'll give it this rating to be safe. It should be fairly accurate. (In any case, you have a better story.

 

Story #?- The Sad Tale of Lord Shadwell, by finway

Rating: [20/85]

|Primitive| > > > |Novice| > > > |Intermediate| > > > |Advanced| > > > |Expert| > > > |Master| > > > |Legend|

___________________^

 

~Chaoserver's Ex-Butler, Emanick1 :)

[Sryen]

It's ok in dialog, but that's if it would make sense for the character. I don't see a knight talking like that. Unless Black knights have a different training regiment.

[Finway]

Thanks for the comments and constructive criticism everyone :-P . I fixed several spelling errors I saw, and thanks for the rating Emanick :-P .

[haydntg]

i noticed errors like black knigjhts and of course short but overall pretty nice

[Finway]

Just to let everyone know, this is a complete story on it's own.