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definedeath2

The Chronicles Of Lost (chapt. 3)

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“Huh? Where am I? Who are y- did I pee on myself?” says Lost as he looked at his pants. “No son, I dumped a bucket of water on you earlier. Yes sir, you were out cold. I found you at dawn as I was taking my morning stroll through the wilderness.” Just then Lost remembered he looked at his shirt that had been ripped even more than it was before in the battle. He saw a scar, he looked at his shoulder, suprisingly the arrow wasn’t there and there wasn’t a bloodstain. “How long have I been here?” questioned Lost “Well I might be better off not telling you. For your sake and mine, let’s say things have changed. It something you and only you can stop. You were destined to do this; revenge is an evil thing remembers so. But I’m afraid you may get it in while saving the world. Now go! Go, to Flavor! Oh wait, I almost forgot you have new weaponry on the table near the door. It’s much better then the drab old stuff you used before.”

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I have a couple of suggestions:

1) Change the current present-tense of the story to past-tense. It makes it flow better and is more naturalistic and makes the story present better in general.

2) You need to start a new paragraph evey time someone speaks.

 

Nice to see you starting a story. Please continue! :aware:

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