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Sporkenstein

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//- Short and sweet. You really achieved the thriller style you were trying.

 

Jeff :beret:

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It's alright. Not poorly written, but nothing extrodinary. It lacks a real plot, and it's unrealistic(As I see it). For a mediocre and short thriller it serves it's purpose. 6.5/10

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It's alright. Not poorly written, but nothing extrodinary. It lacks a real plot, and it's unrealistic(As I see it). For a mediocre and short thriller it serves it's purpose. 6.5/10

I have to agree with this brutally honest response.

 

A kidnapping in the park is common; this just makes it interesting.

 

8/10. Keep writing! :P

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Remind me not to read one of your stories again :yawn: jk.

Great story, a thriller and one of the most "Giving a Suprise and Freak" I have ever read!

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it was a pretty good short story i think

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That's a really good story and I wish you could put more! 8/10 I loved it but it was short and you should write more.

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that was scary... (but good) *remembers a show called "carrie"* o ****

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Guest death man64

Wow! I read it and my stomach lurched. You could be a famous author if you keep it up. Excellant! It's too good to rate. :cry:

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Zach doesn't play RS or come on Sal's anymore so yeah...

 

Anyways, it is a fandidiliastic story. It actually makes you picture what's going on. :cute:

I really like it too.

 

And ummm... I get to know the end of tretam and you don't. Kthxbai. :P

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Guest i am armorgod

awesome story man keep it up! i really liked it and i couldnt take my eyes off it!!!! :xd:

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Guest gussy

Wow, that is an amazing story. So short yet so thrilling.

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Man that was one of the best stories ive read and i read alot of stories.

(Im a nerd)

Edited by Xaer77

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I guess it was ok, but the spelling mistakes ruined it for me a bit.

Also, I think it was a bit rushed towards the end. Otherwise, pretty good. :cry:

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:cute: ... ^_^ Spelling mistakes? All I found was that the two 'swingsets' needed to be changed to 'swing sets'. And I don't see how that could ruin a reading for anyone. Edited by Rune Forks

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It was the voice of a child, seemingly alone, whose head was against the trunk of a large willow tree. She continued to count on, "Eight, nine..." and then she paused, as if trying to listen for a sound, "Ten!"

 

I think it might be better with it was the voice of a girl.

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