Jump to content
Sal's RuneScape Forum
Sign in to follow this  
Guest Samster

Antigo

Recommended Posts

Guest Samster

Part 1

 

 

The musky aroma that rose from the plant-life around her was overwhelming. Each step could prove fatal if made incorrectly. These rich types often made their Pagodas into indoor gardens.

The woman had practised this skill for many years. The art of stealth, of tracking, of death. Her precise movements made it easier for her to approach her prey.

A cough, and the sound of a chair scraping across a wooden floor came from the room next. Deftly, Antigo sprung to the ceiling, pressing herself into a groove on the wall. One of the oldest tricks in the book, but it worked, and therein lay it's beauty. Simplicity.

The man waddled towards the door. He was wealthy, that was plain enough to tell from his attire, and wide girth. He lived a rich, quiet life. Luxuries were common for him. Luxuries that he had taken from the people of Antigo years ago.

She carefully, quietly drew a dagger from a hidden slot in her clothes. Sliding it up her body, she grasped it tightly.

He stopped at the door and yawned. For a moment, Antigo thought he saw her out of the corner of his eye.

Perhaps not. He continued walking and entered the next room, a dressing room. What she had heard today was vital information to the Guild Orion. Once Antigo had disclosed the Warden's plans to her Leader, they could finally take a stand against him.

Just as Antigo was about to drop, she heard more footsteps. A platoon of guards stormed into the room, all holding what seemed to be pikes. The Warden re-emerged from the dressing room in a fine silken gown.

"Glad you arrived. Search the Pagoda, I have received word that there has been a price put on my head, and the death is planned for tonight. I hope my spies proved worth a buck," he said with conviction. This was a man who was sure he was going to die, and feared death. The perfect mark.

"Yes sire! Men, fan out into the rooms. Johnson, split off and search the second floor. We'll rejoin you soon," the Captain said.

Half of the pikemen took to the stairs, and the other half spread out, storming into rooms, poking through walls with their pikes.

Antigo waited. The Warden followed the pikemen. This complicated things a lot.

She dropped, her arms seizing up from the pressure. Her knife was out, ready for action. She'd have to take down several at a time.

She strode to the door that the Warden had entered.

Suddenly, a hand shot out of the darkness, and seized her arm. She swung around, poised to attack.

Antigo brought the knife close to the attacker's throat, ready to split his trachea in half.

"Hold Antigo," the voice said.

"Engel! Jesus, you scared me," she whispered. They were in a very dangerous position.

"You can't do this alone, I thought you could use some help," Engel replied.

"Ever the hero, Engel."

Silently, Antigo and Engel opened the door. The pikemen were pre-occupied with tearing the place apart. They needed to act quickly.

Stepping to the left, Antigo lay a deft blow to the spine of one of the soldiers. A loud crack resounded across the room, causing the others to turn. The soldier lay dead on the ground.

His fellows looked menacingly at Antigo, but she only smiled. Engel had snuck up behind them.

Kicking out the legs of several pikemen at once, he disturbed the line. Like a coiled snake, Antigo sprang forward, taking her chance.

Together, Engel and Antigo danced around their foes, striking and dodging to stay alive.

Killing was just a game of chess, only the stakes were higher. Corner your opponent, and strike when the opportunity presented itself to win the game in one move. Cutting off the head of the proverbial snake was the job of the Assassin.

Soon, other pikemen began to spill into the room. Engel and Antigo continued to take out their enemies, making sure to leave the Warden alive for further questioning before he dies.

A gasp of pain came from her left. It wouldn't of bothered her, had the voice not been familiar.

"Engel!" she shouted. The Warden had run Engel through while they had their backs turned.

Antigo took down the last few pikemen with extreme prejudice. Rage bellowed inside her.

She sprung at the Warden, but he was already outside the palace, followed by his unholy minions.

Antigo turned to her dying comrade.

"Engel! You're hurt. Can you make it back to the Hall? We can get the healers to mend you. They can fix anything!" She said frantically.

"No Antigo. This is the way of things. As the seed becomes a mighty tree, it one day must return to the earth. It's the Circle of Life," Engel said in his calm tone.

"Stop your crap Engel, you're dying!" Antigo shouted.

"Goodbye Antigo. Gurk!" Engel replied, as he quietly passed away.

Antigo began to hum. It was her custom. Her humming was a Guild tradition, to carry Engel's soul safely into the Mists, and to ensure a peaceful afterlife.

 

An hour later, Antigo emerged from the bloodstained Pagoda, tears in her eyes.

She knew the cause of her pain, and she was willing to do anything to take him down and claim her revenge.

 

Antigo trudged back to the Guild Hall. Somebody had ratted her out, and she needed to know who. Could it be one of the guild-mates?

She entered the Inner Chambers, where her quarters resided. As one of the Inner Council, she had much influence within the guild. She was heading for the Leader's quarters. Filli would know what to do.

Filli was their wise leader. He had led them through many battles and to many triumphs. Retired from battle, he still knew more about the world abroad than anyone Antigo knew.

Antigo knocked thrice on the steel door. Filli emerged, sleepy-eyed.

"Antigo. Come in," he said.

 

 

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Part 2

 

 

Antigo stepped into the room. Filli's room was a marvel to behold, with it's odd assortment of objects and artifacts the man had collected over his time in the world. Popular rumour among the younger recruits was Filli's quarters was home to great dragons, or weapons with legendary power wielded by the strongest warriors known in history. It wasn't so. Filli was a collector of oddments. He often boasted that if he showed a person one different item in his livery every day, he could keep them entertained for a lifetime and a half.

 

Filli took a seat in his favourite chair, and gestured for Antigo to do the same. She preferred to stand.

 

"Filli, he knew. And he got Engel," she said, straight to the point.

"He got Engel... that's aweful. May his soul be accepted into the Mists," he replied. "You say the Warden knew you were coming?"

"Yes. He had a platoon of pikemen waiting outside his palace. It was that distraction which proved fatal for Engel. However, I got the information." Antigo replied solemnly.

"What of it, Antigo? You know how valuable this could be. By ending the Warden's tyranny, we could see that the people of Ea are saved from eternal oppression."

Antigo strode to the bizarre stone chair on the opposite wall, and took a seat. She closed her eyes, and concentrated deeply.

Momentarily, her sights and hearings from that night were displayed around the room. After some distortion, the Warden's smug voice could be heard clearly.

"Chancellor, I assure you, the armies are swelling. My plan is foolproof" said the Warden.

"It is unholy, and against the Gods' wills! It's un-natural, no matter how good you say it is." the Chancellor replied.

"What better way to achieve victory than by harnessing the power of death? These Death-Dealers, these mercenaries, they do their jobs as long as we pay them. When one of our men are struck down, they raise a creature from that soldier's lifeless corpse. It's the perfect attack plan!" the Warden said with conviction.

"I don't like it. I'm pulling your funding Warden. We will no longer back your operation. You've gone too far."

"Wrong! Fool, with this army, I will be unstoppable. This is higher than you. Once I've taken control of the artefacts the Guild Orion possess, I will be a God among men, and those that assisted me would be Gods too! But as you don't want to do that..."

At that moment, the colour began to drain from the Chancellor's face. His pupil's dilated. Blood spilled from every orifice in his body. He bled to death.

 

Antigo shook herself out of the dream-projection.

"That is most disturbing... most disturbing..." Filli muttered.

"Filli, what powerful artefacts? Let me know. As a member of the Inner Council, it is my right." Antigo demanded.

"No, not yet. Not ready for that knowledge, are you." Filli said.

"Have I heard that somewhere before?" Antigo replied.

"It matters not. What matters is that the Warden is stopped before he amasses an army larger than ever seen in Ea before. Antigo, gather a hunting party. I'm coming with you. We will stop the Warden at all costs. Spare no expenses. Money is no object!" Filli said.

"Erm... are you... feeling okay today?"

"LEEERROOOYYY JEENNK - gather your weapons, and three of your most trusted friends. Let's roll," Filli said, ending his insane tirade.

Antigo put it down to Alzheimer's, or just loneliness. Despite Filli's quirks, he was revered by anyone that met him.

She left the room. The Inner Council chamber was shaped like a circle, surrounding Filli's quarters. A path then led to the other Guild member quarters. It was structured like a dome.

As she strode around outside the Inner Council chambers, she knocked on three doors.

"Zulcara, Aember, Zaidra. Follow me. We're now on the hunt.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Part 3

 

 

Zulcara. A hunter. Once killed a pride of lions because they came too close to her encampment. Lethal with a bow, and a tongue sharper than daggers.

Aember. Pyromancer. A mistress of fire, she revels in destruction. If it can be torched, she'll torch it.

Zaidra. A Sage. Temper like the storms of the ether from which she draws her power from. Directs it at her enemies.

Together with Antigo and Engel, they had been brought up by the Guild Orion since they were each very young. All orphaned from the Warden's treachery. All had a personal grudge against him. The perfect candidates for the job ahead.

Careful to avoid the ears of potential spies, the warriors entered Antigo's chamber. Each took a seat.

"It has been a long time since we've been together, Antigo. What causes you to rouse us? Sounds exciting," said Zulcara, always the eager one for the hunt.

"Our orphanage was caused by the Warden. He took our families from us. He kills for pleasure, and he destroys lives for enjoyment. Engel is dead, and the Warden has escaped. He plans to raise a legion of undead minions to fight for him. He is a fool to believe such arts can be controlled, but a dangerous fool he remains. He must be taken care of," Antigo said.

Eyes glistening with inspiration, Zaidra rose from her seat.

"The Warden is a powerful man, but I agree. I will aid you, Antigo," she said.

"And I shall to," Aember joined in, also rising out of her chair. "Together we will end his backseat tyranny once an for all. His payback has been long coming."

"Ambitious are our goals, but together, they shall be realised. Pack your things, and meet outside the Hall in ten."

 

Ten minutes later, the party was assembled. Zulcara's quiver bristled with new arrows, her vials of poison could be heard gently clinking inside her hunter's cloak. Zaidra and Aember both had their staves by their side. Aember bore a red crystal on her neck, displaying her training as master Pyromancer, and Zaidra wore the traditional white robes of the Sagial Order of Orion.

Slowly they set off, conserving their energy for the long road ahead.

 

 

***

 

 

Barry could see a man limping towards them at a rapid pace. There were another two larger figures behind him. Anxious at the arrival of this stranger in the night, Barry tensed. An old man, quite rotund, came into view. The other two figures had disappeared.

'My imagination running off again.' Barry thought.

"Evening boys. Mind if I barter passage on one of these ships?" He said. There was something altogether unwholesome about his voice.

"Sorry Sir, we have orders to detain anyone who comes here. Since I don't much fancy having a struggle, howsabouts you just walks away, eh?" the Soldier replied in an accent denoting Karthan birth.

'Some backwash conscript being paid too much. These hick soldiers are petty.' The Warden thought to himself.

"Perhaps you don't understand who I am. I am the Warden of Ruricu. I own this land. You will let me past." the Warden said menacingly.

"No, I don't think we will, will we Bazza?" the soldier said to his mate.

"Nuh-uh. Nosiree." Barry replied lamely.

There was a rustle in the bushes. It un-nerved the guard.

"Hang on. We make the rules now. We have our orders," Barry said, taking a step towards the Warden.

"We shall see," The Warden said, almost cruelly, as he let out a high-pitched whistle. The two grey figures Barry saw earlier lumbered towards them. They stood eight-feet tall, and bore great scimitars of steel. They didn't seem quite human. Their skin looked as if it was stretched across too much bone-structure. Then he realised there were large gaping holes in their legs and other parts of the body.

As the figures leapt upon Barry, he cowered. The large figure of the Warden striding onto a Corsair boat was the last thing he ever saw.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Part 4

 

 

The companions scampered across the land at a constant but hasty pace, so as to not tire too quickly. This way, they were taught, would keep them battle-ready after many long leagues of travelling.

Antigo halted in front, and held up her hand.

"Halt! I smell smoke" she whispered.

She got down on her stomach, and crept forward to the brink of a ledge they were on. Below, they could see the smouldering wrecks of burnts boats. Splinters littered the grounds, as the docks were smashed to pieces.

Antigo analysed the scene. She noticed one of the boats was missing. She matched four boats to four docks, but there was no ship at the fifth.

Zaidra started down the slope, and the others followed her.

Aember strode forward to the remaining dock.

"Can I burn it? Can I, can I? Please please please!" she shouted, like a child at a candy store.

"Did she bring her meds?" Antigo said to Zulcara.

"As if she ever does" Zulcara muttered back.

Ignoring Aember, Zulcara looked upon the wreckages.

"A boat is missing. Footprints up there show three people came down this slope. The prints lead to that dock," she said, pointing to the one dock which was left in relatively good condition.

"You said the Warden had two companions?"

"Skeleton creatures of some sort, yes" Antigo replied.

Zulcara walked over to the dock, and kneeled, examining the site.

 

"How the hell are we going to follow him without a ship? All these Corsairs are destroyed, and it appears he made off with the last one," Aember said, her scarlet hair swaying in the breeze.

"Are you serious? You guys are always doubting my powers..." Zaidra said with a faraway look.

"Zaidra, how can you help us?" Antigo asked. A mischievous smile upon her face, Antigo knew that whenever Zaidra got pouty, she had a brilliant idea.

"Everything has a spirit, how many times do I tell you that? I can simply summon the spirit of one of these destroyed Corsairs!" Zaidra replied with enthusiasm. She loved her craft.

"Do it." Antigo commanded.

Zaidra set to work, summoning all her power to raise the spirit of the ship.

"Hell, I could even put wind in this baby!" Zaidra cried out.

Moments later, and ethereal-looking ship appeared. Zulcara, being of mundane mind, doubted it's seaworthiness.

"You sure this thing'll hold us?" she asked.

"One way to find out," Antigo said playfully. She leapt aboard, the spirit-ship bouncing under her weight like a real ship. The others clambered aboard.

"Take us out of here, and after the Warden," Antigo said.

Zaidra summoned a wind-spell, and the flags were filled with gusts, propelling them over the glassy waters, and towards peril.

 

--------------------

 

Part 5

 

 

 

The Jade Sea was named rightly by appearance. The light shone off the surface of the glassy ocean to reflect a beautiful jade green colour in the water. Treacherously beautiful, in fact. It's mesmerising allure had spent the lives of many sailors. Sailors that had spent too much time at the see, and began seeing funny things among the waves.

Antigo stared into her reflection, her ebony hair waving in the brisk mage-wind that sped their oceanic traversal. She began to imagine Engel. She thought fondly back to times when they were children, playing, training together in the courtyards of the Guild Orion's Hall. She thought she saw his reflection in the water.

She keeled back, and fainted. Images swirled in her head, interrupted by impossible thoughts and distracting colours. Everything came into focus.

She was in a room. The walls swayed as if it were afloat on the same sea as she was. Engel stood next to her.

“I used to come to this place during meditation,” Engel said, his voice an echo.

“Engel?” Antigo quietly said.

“Antigo, I have appeared to you to deliver you a message,” Engel said. Anticipation rose within Antigo.

“Before I died, I had been studying an art called Spirit walking. It involves entering the Mists via meditation, somewhat like Astral Projection, only your corporeal body goes with you,” Engel said.

“When I had mastered this technique, I began to do it more often. Eventually, I reached out and conversed with some of the spirits. Soon I found those who I was looking for. Victims of the Warden's madness. They had been watching him, and looking for a way to stop him,” he continued.

“I gleaned a great deal from those spirits, which information I shall pass onto you in a moment. But first, Antigo, know this. The spirits that have been lost in the Mists because of the Warden's ceaseless slaying are overdue in the Hall of Heroes. They are angry and restless that their bodies weren't properly buried. According to lore, if they can claim revenge on their tormentors, they will gain passage into the Hall, and pass onto the greater life. You need only to call upon them, and your pleas will be heard.” Engel finished. With that, he lay a hand to her forehead. Antigo reeled back at the shock of Engel's information. Flashes of bloody battles. Women and children slain, men cut down cowering and pleading for their lives. But most gut-wrenching was the evil that surrounded the scenes. Skeletal creatures, such as those Antigo had seen making off with the Warden, were everywhere, and with every kill, another one rose, the skeletal structure of dead foes cutting their way out of the flesh to join the Warden's ranks.

Antigo awoke to see Zaidra and Aember standing over her. Zulcara was still at the helm of the ship, navigating.

“We saw you faint and we panicked!” Zaidra said.

“We had a feeling you weren't well, Antigo,” Aember said.

“I'm fine, I'm fine. I know where we must go. Zulcara, take us north-west. We go to Luxon to face the Warden on his turf.” Antigo said fiercely.

 

They sailed onwards. In the time that passed, Antigo managed to recount her tale of spiritual exploration, and they had begun speculating on how the Warden had this mysterious power.

Zulcara lurked over to their circle after tying the mast in place.

“Long ago, I heard Filli talking about his artefact collection. Again. However, I was particularly interested in one artefact that he had not mentioned yet, and I questioned him if he had it.

For some reason, his face became taut, and his eyes darkened. He told me that the artefact I sought was apparently the only godly artefact he was never able to obtain, because it had been stolen right from beneath his nose. Crazy old man seemed to think it had the power to raise the dead. Suppose he wasn't so crazy? Perhaps he was telling the truth. This artefact could be what the Warden is using to source his power.” Zulcara said.

“Well what is it?” Aember said impatiently.

“Stone of Gulstaff” Zulcara replied simply.

“Mind explaining a bit more” Antigo said.

“Sure. The Stone of Gulstaff, as you've probably already realised, belonged to Gulstaff the Wizard of Light, or so they called him. Gulstaff made a deal with the Gods. He committed serious self-mutilation by biting off his own finger, to save his daughter. Not only did the Gods save his daughter because of this, but they realised for a Wizard of Light, mutilating the hands was a serious thing, and so they recognised his dedication to mankind by enchanting it for him. The Stone had the power to heal any wound, and cure any disease,” Zulcara said. He enjoyed telling stories, and his tales often had a great effect on his audience because of the way he told them.

“We all know about Tal the Defiled, who controlled the powers of blood and death, right? He was a great anti-hero in the time of Gulstaff. Gulstaff's Arch Nemesis, some might say.

Well, when Tal discovered Gulstaff's amazing healing power came from the Stone that was once his own finger, Tal set out to take it from him. And take it he did, and Tal corrupted it to give life to the already dead. He thought it was a brilliant plan, however the numbers of his undead followers became too great for the corrupted energies of The Stone to handle, and they eventually went rogue, and destroyed Tal. The Stone has been lost for countless ages, and it seems our friend the Warden has found it again,” Zulcara finished.

“Right. We need to find the finger, and take it from the Warden.” Antigo said with conviction.

“Easy enough”

 

 

The Cari were a peaceful race of bipedal bird-like creatures. They often lived in houses in treetops, and sometimes even in burrows. They were not openly friendly to humans, except those that had directly aided them, but neither were they openly at war.

Sliss, a Cari tracker scout was just finishing up his run for the day. He had done his patrol twice, and dusk was falling. It was time for him to return to his treetop eyrie.

Up around the corner, he heard the sound of wood scraping across rock, like the sound of a wreck floating up on the shore.

My lucky day. I love it when this stuff comes. Sliss thought, because the wrecks often brought gold and other shiny objects, which were of great value in the Cari community.

Sliss ran over, but he saw no wreck. Instead he saw a rotund bald man stepping out of a human ship. He was closely followed by what Sliss interpreted to be two very underfed Cari.

“Hail and welcome, friends!” Sliss said.

The two guards and the old man turned and faced Sliss. From the front, they didn't look so much like Cari after all.

“Oh, hello,” Sliss said. He prepared to run.

“Make a sound, and we'll kill you,” the man threatened.

Sliss turned heel and ran. He ran as fast as he can, the skeletal figures catching up behind him. He let out an almighty cry.

The treetops shook, almost as if it had a life of it's own. A breeze whipped through the undergrowth surrounding them.

“Wrong turn” Sliss said smugly to his pursuers. Arrows cut through the air like lightning as they sped toward their mark. It didn't seem to be having a lot of effect, but it was slowly chipping away their bones. They turned and ran.

Cari swiftly ran to his tribe elder, and notified him of the man.

“Good work Sliss. We have time to prepare. The disciple of Tal has returned.”

----------------------------

 

Part 6

 

Bursting out of the bushes, Cari warriors assaulted the Warden's two skeletal companions. Smashing them to bits instantly, the Cari then rose and turned towards the Warden. One of them gave a hawk-like cry, enough to strike fear into any man. But the Warden wasn't just any man.

Pointing a finger at one of the birdlike creatures, a thin stream of blood seeped out of the Cari and was absorbed by the Warden. The Cari dropped dead instantly.

The other warrior hesitated for a moment. Long enough for the Warden to strike and decapitate it with his concealed sword. Unholy energy coursed up and down it's edge.

The Warden rose more undead from their corpses. Suddenly, squawking arose everywhere. Thousands of Cari burst into the clearance. They were territorial, and got fierce when their Aerie was threatened, but now that the Warden had slain one of them, their rage was surpassed by nothing. They charged down the sides of the valley, archers nocking arrows to their bows, warriors drawing their sleek blades and raising them. The Warden was not afraid. Let the battle begin he thought.

Raising his sword into battle position, he deflected several arrows, and struck down the first opposing warrior Cari. More and more swarmed around him, each time beaten off or hacked to pieces by his demonic blade. With each Cari that died, another undead soldier rose in its place to fight for the Warden. Within minutes, the tides had turned. While the skeletal brethren were weak, they were plentiful, and sheer numbers began to overwhelm the Cari.

"For Great Justice!" Antigo shouted. She and her companions crested the hill and charged down the valley into the fray. Expertly dodging and striking, Antigo struck down foe after foe after foe. The Warden was running out of bodies, and Antigo was cutting a swathe straight for him. Aember and Saidra raining hell on Antigo's potential executioners with their respective talents, Zulcara running next to Antigo hacking with her hunting knives, chipping away at the bones of their supressors.

Slashing and hacking, Antigo reached the middle with Zulcara in tow. Leaping into the clearing of bodies, the reversed her grip on her dagger and flung in straight at the Warden's heart. It pierced his clothing, blood began to stain his shirt, and he fell to the ground on his knees. "That's for Engel, you piece of-" Antigo said, her last words muffled by the sickening crunch sounded from her boot connecting with the Warden's skull.

Their bony opponents crumbled into dust. The spell binding them to this world ended with it's caster.

 

"Well, I guess you got your revenge, eh Antigo?" Aember said. "I always pictured this scene to be more epic" said Saidra, always with a flair for the dramatic.

"I guess that's it guys. Thanks for the help. Suppose we should return to the Guild. Fili will want to know how we went," Antigo said.

"Err, what in the hell is happening to the Warden's body!?" Zulcara said fearfully. They whipped around, to see the Warden's body glowing a deep orange.

"Oh, don't worry Antigo, Fili already knows" the head of the Warden said, still bent on an odd angle where Antigo had kicked it. The Warden's face sagged, his clothes slipped off him and his skin melted to reveal Fili standing in gleaming silver armour.

"Weren't expecting this?" Fili said with a smile. Then he vanished.

 

Thus ends the Book I of Antigo. This is sadly the end for now. Undecided whether I will post another Antigo story, we'll see what happens.

Edited by .Drokarus

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Ooo the story is continuing...I love this story, how long is it going to be until it is completed? :/

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

umm masterneverdead already cared thhims story for you samster

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Wow... that was just amazing :P keep up the good work... :P

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest .Drokarus

The sixth and final chapter has been added.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Mind if i save it to my comp? Drok: continue it please.

Edited by un0numer0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest .Drokarus

Go for it. I'm not sure when I'll create a new chapter, but if I do I'll let you know.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Thanks! Do continue it if ya have the time. Ah...I corrected a few spelling errors. Remarkably few. :jester: :jester:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

how the hell d'you do it??? i mean, that was the best thing i've ever read on this forum!!!! please please continue!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

You. Friggin. Rock. I just read the first few SENTENCES! And from even just those and readinga few other sentences throughout, i know that you rock. THis is one of the best stories of ever read, Bravo!!! 999 Quadrillion/10

 

Oh, and i really like your BOOBS! image. It made me ROTFLMAO.

 

Sincerely,

King Zidane

Edited by King Zidane2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Amazing. Absolutely amazing. You never cease to amaze me with your skills. You have quite a talent here. Great job! :glasses:

 

 

~=~ITM~=~

Edited by im the monk

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

*Nods happily* Too often I find myself typing in why a story is lackluster about here in a post. But due to your brilliance, especially in your description. I find myself typing in a congrats to you :beret:. If only I could do this more often. Keep it up!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

It's certainly an interesting and QUIRKY story, and I can see you took time to write it. A couple of spelling errors I saw, but nothing that affected the overall story.

 

Good job, .Drokarus :P

 

~ Prot K

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I really hate to be the protagonist amongst the adoring crowds. I felt when reading it that you over-punctuated the story, its not nessicary to put a full stop after every ten words. it ruins the flow of the story

 

Suddenly, a hand shot out of the darkness, and seized her arm. She swung around, poised to attack.

A hand shot out of the darkness seizing her arm and causing her to swing round, poised to attack

 

----------------

 

Also try not to start with describing the surroundings, it kinda puts people off. Begin with something that grabs there attention.

For example,

 

1)My stolen horse was teathered to a tree in the small clearing, it was a plain clearing surrounded by trees with a few boulders scatter among the grass. Suddenly a man lept out.

 

2)"You stole my horse!" the man walked into the clearing, bristling with rage.

 

the second one is shorter and gets to the point in about 4 words.

Edited by SeNTia

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.
Sign in to follow this  

×

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Guidelines and Privacy Policy.