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I Write Haikus About People


Emanick

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Mr FANG: so keen

his teeth are a bullet's mouth

sharper than a sword

 

but they are so small

bullets are diminutive

teeth are smaller still

 

even sharpish teeth

are useless in street battles

when microscopic

 

but fang has a plan

he will go to the dentist;

get them gamma ray'd

 

now The Fang is back

his teeth excrete gamma rays

bitten foes die quick

 

goodbye manhattan

hope you like radiation

^ mr fang's last words

 

~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~

 

Mikeyy claims to hate

his claims are quite tenuous

they are tried in court

 

court says mikeyy fails

evidence is just not there

to show mikeyy "hates"

 

mikeyy now is mad

it's obvious now: he HATES

but court does not care

 

"double jeopardy,

lololololololol"

says justice roberts

 

mikeyy now is mad

he does not understand law

and hates jeopardy

 

so he burns down court

court flees into nearby woods

mikeyy burns down woods

 

finally, police

they try mikeyy for hate crimes

happy ending yay

 

~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~

 

Borghilde is Tabt

her name change is silly lol

my life is absurd

 

i no longer know

what is up and what is down

and what is pointy

 

save my bleeding hands

change your name back now tabt

why ruin my life

 

every night i cry

tears pool up into a pond,

thus i wet the bed

 

now my town is flood

rivers wash away the roads

all from tears you cause

 

i don't understand

why suddenly up is down

i pull out my spleen

 

~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~

 

Mista Hardrune runs

mista hardune's neighborhood

it is v good show

 

featured on fox news

and labeled "what not to do

if ur successful"

 

his neighborhood is

overrun by angry trolls

eating boys and girls

 

this is all because

people there made poor choices

and foreclosed their homes

 

bad economies

always cause troll invasions

this is proven fact

 

fox news got it right

mista hardrune's neighborhood:

good for slayer tasks

 

always remember

fair and balanced never means

no lethality

 

~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~

 

Sryen's summer blues

evaporate into foam

floating on a pond

 

he sees ice cream truck

driving at 10mph

sryen hops on back

 

driver yells "what up"

sryen shouts "i need ice cream"

response? "get a life"

 

sryen scales the roof;

climbs in side of ice cream truck,

KOs ice cream man

 

ah, the joy of sweets!

mint chocolate chip a-team pop!

such a spiffing taste

 

carpe diem guys

seize the day this fine summer,

scale an ice cream truck

 

~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~

 

_max is a great king

well-endowed with treasure hordes

from his villagers

 

but yet he is faced

with a great budget surplus

health budget is maxed!!!

 

what can_maxie do?

he won't lower tax rate of

hundred twelve percent

 

all nations nearby

are equipped with thermonukes

war can never be

 

_maxie has a plan

he spends budget all on fish,

wipes out ocean life

 

let this parable

teach you something about life

high tax rates kill fish

 

~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~

 

Scrum is helium

this makes him a party guest

people inhale him

 

he is popular

he's also invisible

plus he has no soul

 

this is a bad life

he can't star in hollywood;

he's a noble gas

 

gasses can't get paid

"they're not people" u.s. says

"so they don't have rights"

 

this ruins scrum's life

except that he has no life

he has noble gas

 

scrum escapes from earth

cries himself to sleep at last

among asteroids

 

gasses cannot cry

but this was an exception

for dramatic flair

 

~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~

 

Richman99:

hero of the soviets

he is very strong

 

he eats machine parts

as well as americans

for afternoon tea

 

he can melt the side

of an u.s. navy ship

with his laser eyes

 

with great power comes

great responsibility

he sleeps once a week

 

every may day

richman puts on commie socks

and jumps into sea

 

then he drowns himself

and regains his undead strength

(zombies are commies)

 

did you think that rich

was a nice human being???

check mafia thread

Edited by Emanick
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Tcmp3

he was born american

and will die that way

 

for i have my ways

i'm in touch with al qaeda

on my new ipad

 

he beat me in golf

so now i must have his head

boy i'm really mad

 

al qaeda hates me

they answered my message wrong;

said "don't play the fool"

 

i call up my foe

tcmp3 picks up

i yell "time for sobs!"

 

he doesn't get it,

offers golf tutoring class

this is good enough

 

~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~

 

Kyra109

i cannot finish her name

on one freaking line

 

why do people pick

such outrageously long names

it ruins my life

 

kyra mocks my cries

she throws trowel at my face,

says "get used to it"

 

this is pretty rude

i despair and gnash my teeth

she lifts up my chin

 

and stares in my eyes

"move on with your life" she coos

i think i'm in love

 

kyra, come back here

stop biking away from me

i want your number

 

~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~

 

Liger is a beast

lion and tiger combined?

holy hemorrhoids

 

he can stalk his prey

through the jungles of mumbai

jk, no trees there

 

he can stalk his prey

through the new york skyline scene

jk, he'd get shot

 

he can stalk his prey

in the runescape of our past

jk, he quit game

 

how then can he eat?

how will he raise a new race?

will he dance for food?

 

it appears he will

dancing ligers have no shame

son i watch in awe

 

~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~

 

Falzar: Lord of Mud

he can make the sky collapse

with the weight of mud

 

that he summons from

eagle eyrie in the sky

eagles collect mud

 

eyries open up

from different dimensions yo

they bring forth more mud

 

eagles have moved on

they no longer live up there

too much mud in nests

 

this is falzar's fault

he ruined ecosystem

of their dimension

 

i blame obama

epa is useless guys

it can't save a thing

 

falzar now has won

he is a republican

cue dramatic drums

 

~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~

 

Naota is here

he has brought the party home

let us now rejoice

 

gosh what could we do

without his festive spirits

we'd collapse in grief

 

in these turbid times

he gives us a clear reason

to forsake our fears

 

"hola monsieur Sal!"

cries our sombrero-clad pal,

arm in arm with fate

 

where naota treads

fiestas delight to dance

as does michael fox

 

"delorean's here!"

shouts the pizza guy in joy

michael fox takes off

 

with him goes our pal

the party dies pretty fast

i hate diet coke

 

~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~

 

Lute is ambience

he is but a background noise

to the stage of life

 

he lights up our lives

with the sound of thunder, rage

and a rabbit's squeal

 

without lute who knows?

we might live in silent screams

or hypotheses

 

that our lives were moot

we might formulate dull plans

to bring down the earth

 

oh wait we still do

that means lute must not exist

forget all i've said

 

i'm really confused

someone check my logic here

he should def exist

 

or maybe we're all

just dreaming a lucid dream

of his glorious sounds

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Borghilde is Tabt

her name change is silly lol

my life is absurd

 

i no longer know

what is up and what is down

and what is pointy

 

save my bleeding hands

change your name back now tabt

why ruin my life

 

every night i cry

tears pool up into a pond,

thus i wet the bed

 

now my town is flood

rivers wash away the roads

all from tears you cause

 

i don't understand

why suddenly up is down

i pull out my spleen

 

I love this! I'm sorry about your spleen but due to an oversight I cant be me again until christmas :(

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