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Author's Note

 

You'll get to see the perspectives of a bunch (currently four) of characters across Gielinor, young and old, male and female, rich and poor, et cetera, et cetera. Don't worry though, I'm going to put work into each of the characters so they'll all feel like main characters! Cheers! Inspired by my obsessive reading of George R. R. Martin's ASOIAF, and like ASOIAF the characters will be connected and they'll all be facing the same thing, kind of.

 

I have not played Runescape actively since I was approximately eleven so I apologize, it's been almost five years, I don't know the local mythology anymore. I've also taken some creative liberties, Varrock doesn't take a minute to walk through and there's a tavern in Burthorpe. Just stuff like that.

 

At the very least, I'll put up two chapters a week. Probably more though.

 

Hope you enjoy! I Constructive criticism super appreciated.

 

P.S. I don't know how grammar works. Sorry. Help me, please?

 

P.P.S. Sorry the first two chapters are insanely short! I just wanted to introduce a couple characters.

 

Chapter One: Rosen

 

 

 

"Come back inside, sweetling. You don’t want to be out abouts this time.” Clara called from the kitchen. Busy, talking, clattering noises floated out the door that clanged as Rosen swooped past.

 

“I’ll be just a moment.” Clara always pestered the girls sneaking out to meet their beaus. Of course Rosen had no interest in that foolery; she didn’t have time for it.

 

The ground felt frozen under her feet, which was silly, she thought. It isn’t near cold enough to freeze. Burthorpe was a cold, hard place and it always had been. Even the earth beneath her feet conformed. Rosen shivered and pulled her threadbare shawl tighter. The heavy clouds never helped to shield against the cold, they only added to the misery. Three more days. Just three. Rosen thought, legs itching as she tromped through a thick patch of weeds. Nothing can happen in three days.

 

Thankfully the walk wasn’t long and Rosen could soon hear the murmur of hushed voices as she approached her mother’s cottage. The wilting thatched straw roof and rotting oak door announced their poverty. “It’s Rosen, mother.”

 

Lamorna sighed. “Of course it is. Come in love.” As she entered the smoky hovel her mother smiled. A stupid sad smile, that’s what it is. “There’s a little stew left, if you like.” Her mother’s smile slid off, before pulling itself up again. “Cabbage, and I didn’t tell you but your brother found some onions growing behind Urs’s old cottage. The one that burned.”

 

“You went out.” Rosen looked at her brother accusingly. Idiot. Idiot. Idiot.

 

“I did, little sister. And I still have two hands and a head, how about that?” Kenver’s easy grin had always irked her, and this was no exception.

 

“Better than the poor fool in stocks. Lord Parfold plans on sentencing him tomorrow. Caught thieving a chicken.” Rosen dipped her bowl into the cauldron before settling in on the bench next to her mother. The only reason any food was left was because her mother and brother had forgone some of their own supper. She knew she should feel guilty, but she was hungry. They fed her at the tavern but it wasn’t enough for a girl on her feet all day.

 

“Well I suppose I’m a little sneakier than a hungry boy.” Kenver smirked, but his eyes weren’t smug. They were tired eyes, ready to give up. Sad little smile, like his mother.

 

“You are a hungry boy, remember?” Rosen said, although she didn’t smile. They were all hungry. Burthorpe was hungry. She made a face, “Gods, these onions aren’t even worth getting a strand of hair plucked, let alone a hand.” She reached over to her brother and yanked out a strand of his coarse brown hair, so like her own. “How long were these in the ground for, you think? Perhaps they’re older than me.” She said, waving the hair triumphantly before flicking it back towards Kenver.

 

Kenver glanced at their mother, and the mood in their cozy shelter changed.

 

“Rosen, I was visiting old Widow Beryan and she told me in addition to the thief’s sentencing,” Lamorna cleared her throat, “a traitor is to be put to the gallows tomorrow.” Cabbage water turned to mud in Rosen’s mouth. Her mother continued. “He’s a nephew of hers, she said. Knew he would end up-“

 

“You want to? Tomorrow then?“ Rosen interrupted, her mother looked startled, then nodded slightly. She looked at her brother, who had suddenly found the packed earth beneath his feet wildly interesting. “The Gods have a wicked sense of humor.” She laughed without mirth.

 

“Less time for something to go wrong.” Kenver stated. “That must be worth something.” Rosen instinctively sought for the dagger hidden in her boot. One day, she thought. One more day.

 

 

 

 

Chapter Two: Sevi

 

 

 

 

“Get out of the way!” the woman in the respectable gray dress shouted. The richly dressed, plain looking man on her arm led her off, comforting her. “Filthy little street whore,” she muttered, the crowd rushing past. Sevi heard her though, she always heard, and she never minded.

 

These little Lords and Ladies always going Places and seeing Things, they were arrogant sorts and that made it easy. Sevi grinned; she’ll be calling me worse names when the man finds his lady love’s spending money missing. Gods, they may be too stupid to know it was me.

 

She slipped through the crowded Varrock marketplace until she found her shadow spot. It was nestled among the broken stone at the base of the fountain, and proved a very effective watching place. This time of day she’d be hidden in shadow, never noticed, never suspected. She could watch here, and Sevi was very good at watching. The Lady Adulteress was wearing a timid gray dress. Humility? No. Guilt? Perhaps, however that jewelry at her breast was not from her Lord Husband. More like fear then. She’d noticed the Lady’s affair almost at first glance, but she wanted to solve the puzzle now, settled in her own little place. The adrenaline from thievery didn’t let her think very hard.

 

“Any fish bit, Strawberry?” Beary asked through a mouthful of pastry. Sevi looked up, startled by his voice. Beary was stick skinny, filthier than her and had a fresh crop of pimples invading his face, though you could hardly tell through the dirt.

 

“My name is Sevi.” A crumb fell, landing on her bare feet. “I was thinking, you idiot. You interrupted me.” She accused.

 

“I’m not the idiot, Strawberry.” Beary took another bite, grease shining on his lips. “You are, I mean. You should stop thinking so much you know, it’ll get you in trouble.” Sevi harrumphed. “We’re not the worst things out there Sevi.” He said, in all seriousness, as he sat down next to her.

 

“Gods, you might be. You smell terrible.” Sevi said in answer, pinching her nose. Beary just grinned.

She and Beary sat a moment, her sneaking his crumbs, he telling her of his unbelievable acts of cunning and bravery (and mostly thievery). Then she heard the first scream. It was nothing in and of itself, but then the energy of the crowd was changing and surging. Sevi could hear shouting and onlookers screaming. At least she thought they were onlookers. She stood up then, but it did no good. The shoppers and thieves and grocers and people had formed a wall of screaming, frightened animals. Sevi watched with distaste. “Beary, boost me up.” The scrawny boy scrambled up, just seconds behind her.

 

“You’re bigger than me berry-girl.” He complained, brushing crumbs off his shirt. Sevi silenced him with a scowl. They could barely hear each other over the shouts and clatter.

 

“My eyes are better.” And it was true; Sevi had always been an eagle-eye, with ears sharp as a bat. Beary sighed.

 

“Fine, Sevi, but hurry, everyone’s so scared. Why’s everyone so scared?” He fell into a crouch, and Sevi climbed on to his shoulders. He stood up slowly.

 

He’s strong for such a scrawny one, she thought. And then she saw. Sevi was a watcher, an observer, she saw everything and anything and this was not the exception. Sevi saw the blood and the bodies, limbs strewn far from where they belong. Bodies that weren’t bodies, more grotesque than the slaughtered children on the ground, bodies that were breathing and moving and killing. But mostly she saw the people. She saw a mother abandoning her child, husbands pushing their wives down for a chance to escape, to escape the monsters made of demons and dead flesh and people’s misery.

 

Her body heaved and she thought this must be what utter disgust feels like, like the things she’d seen were sickening her. She heard shouting, from below her? Beary? Or maybe the king. Yes, definitely the king. Wouldn’t that be grand? The king himself, shouting at her! A story to tell Beary perhaps, he’d be jealous, Sevi was sure of it. Oh, Beary. He was telling her something and she couldn’t quite hear. She tried to form a question, but when she opened her mouth she could feel the air being sucked out of her longs. She coughed, or tried. She couldn’t breathe. It felt like her head was being squeezed and thinking was oh, so painful. She felt herself falling, dying. She reached out, looking for anything to sustain her. She leeched on to something, something familiar and comforting. She smiled. Sevi thought of the first time she saw Beary, except she saw herself. This isn’t right, no, what is this? No, this it’s wrong, it’s wrong, Gods I’m so sorry. Her head hit the ground; Sevi could feel the pain behind her eyelids.

---------------

Cold. Beary? Sevi thought sleepily, she felt him underneath her. Good. Sleep. She sighed a happy sigh, No, no, the bodies. She lurched up, her head ached and she could feel a sharp pain in her lungs. She coughed and tasted blood in her mouth. She spat.

 

She looked around, it was dusk. The crowd had disappeared, except for the noticeable cloaked men of the King’s Guard. Someone must be cooking, no, that’s not right. They’re burning the bodies. Sevi thought vaguely. The demons were gone, what they had left behind were being stacked into neat piles. Sevi estimated one hundred or two hundred dead.

 

“Beary, we need to go.” It occurred to her that he may have suffered worse injuries in their fall than she did. She had fallen on top of him after all. “Beary?” he seemed cold, she turned him over. Her breath caught. His eyes were black as onyx, and he wasn’t breathing.

 

 

 

Edited by Teagan

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To begin, the writing style looks great. Sentences flow smoothly and you've avoided common mistakes such as repetition or a limited vocabulary.

But there's a few clear grammatical errors, some of which were consistent:

Lamorna sighed. “Of course it is. Come in love.” As she entered the smoky hovel her mother smiled.

It should be "Come in, love" since it's using direct address.

The heavy clouds never helped to shield against the cold, they only added to the misery.

I'd replace the comma with a semicolon or a period, as you have no conjunction to separate the two clauses. Make sure you can identify each sentence and set them apart from incomplete ones. "He ate the bread because it was good" is a complete sentence, but "He ate the bread, it was good" is not, and the comma should be a period because it's two sentences. I noticed you've done the same later on but I didn't bother to point out each. Maybe it will help if you pick out each error yourself :P.

“I was thinking, you idiot. You interrupted me.” She accused.

Quotations are hell. It took me a while to figure out the rules of ending a quote. Here's the gist of it.

In the example above, the phrase "She accused" is not a full sentence; it only details the quote. Therefore, "She" should be "she". But wait, there's more! Because whoever laid down the foundations of English was a jerk, a quote such as this has an exception. Whenever the words following the quote are an incomplete sentence, a quote which ends in a period magically turns into a comma. This only happens with periods; no exclamation points or question marks (those are identified by the fact that the following words aren't capitalized. But then why turn the period into a comma if a reader can identify those follow-up words by their capitalization? As I said, it's because those doggone old linguists are jerks.)

So it should be "You interrupted me," she accused."

Notice how something else such as "“My name is Sevi.” A crumb fell, landing on her bare feet." (quoteception!) works differently. Specifically, the period doesn't mutate into a comma and the article "A" is capitalized. That's all grammatically correct, and that's because the sentence following the quote can exist by itself, whereas "She accused" cannot.

I believe you made this mistake a few other times. Find them yourself -.-.

“I’m not the idiot, Strawberry.” Beary took another bite, grease shining on his lips. “You are I mean. You should stop thinking so much you know, it’ll get you in trouble.”

"I mean" is a parenthetical expression (or an appositive, or something) like the phrase "or something". Therefore, it should be separated from the rest of the sentence with a comma, thus creating "You are, I mean."

“My eyes are better.” And it was true; Sevi had always been an eagle-eye, with ears sharp as a bat. Beary sighed.

Unless you're speaking of some strange species of bat whose body is simply a pointy ear, I believe that should be changed to "sharp as a bat's".

“Fine Sevi, but hurry, everyone’s so scared. Why’s everyone so scared?” He fell into a crouch, and Sevi climbed on to his shoulders.

Another parenthetical expression (or an appositive, or something. Gah, I forget the difference) like the phrase "gah". The population density concerning commas in that sentence is a bit unsightly as-is, but I'm afraid it will have to be "Fine, Sevi".

She tried to form a question, but when she opened her mouth she could feel the air being sucked out of her longs.

*lungs :P

 

Also, it's spelled "Varrock", not "Varrok". I found it unnecessary to get a direct quote.

 

Apart from these grammatical errors which I see in just about any amateur writer ever, it looks nice. Introducing the characters separately in the beginning of the story isn't quite a concept to which I'm accustomed, but I believe it will work out well.

Lastly, I wouldn't worry about those particular chapters being "insanely short". I've a habit of making mine even shorter. I prefer the length you currently have since it isn't too short to have a billion chapters and isn't too long so as to not give time to stop reading.

 

Good luck! I'll try to keep up-to-date with the story. :)

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Holy crap, thank you for going through that! I cannot believe I spelled Varrock wrong, haha! I really appreciate this. Gonna fix Varrock then eat pie. I'll fix the rest later, buaha.

Edited by Teagan

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