Sir grodus Posted August 6, 2006 Posted August 6, 2006 Day 2- 2 allies join together The shadow quickly pulled out a bow with great speed and fired an arrow which sir grodus barely just dodged. Just as the arrow past there was a loud screech. He jumped round to see the creature which attacked just moments before lying there with 2 arrows lodged in its back twitching gently. He looked at the shadow which walked up to him. It was none other than master bowman fryer pie. Grodus span round to see a black unicorn there. “Thanks” said sir grodus catching his breath “Bit humiliating been beaten by a black unicorn…” “Not really you didn’t see him coming” said fryer pie heroically. Grodus pulled himself up to see a man with a full set of armour and a giant sword none to which grodus had ever seen before. Before Grodus could talk Fryer pie shot an arrow right at the person which hit him just at the neck point. The man fell down and screamed in pain as Fryer pie shot another arrow which hit the man again the leg which didn’t have much effect. The man seemed to be dead as he was not moving. Fryer pie ran up the man and kicked him a little. Fryer pie turned around and shouted to come over. All of a sudden the man stood up and struck Fryer pie in the back which sent him flying across the ground. Sir Grodus ran up to the man and swung for him but the man was just too powerful and hit sir grodus in the head. “He’s just too powerful” shouted sir grodus to fryer pie. “Yeh” said Fryer pie with blood trickling down his face “We should double team him” said sir grodus Both heroes’s stood up without fear. Fryer pie shot an arrow which the man blocked he swung at fryer pie but fryer pie dodged the man spun around to see Sir grodus lunging at him with his sword and stabbed him in the chest the man screamed in pain as Fryer pie kicked him the man spat on Sir Grodus’ feet and disappeared. “He must of teleported” said fryer pie calmly eating a piece of tuna. “But how you told me you couldn’t teleport in the wilderness” Said sir grodus darkly. “I heard that you can teleport to another location in the wilderness, so he’s probably still here” The 2 allies walked further north to see a group of 6 or 7 people dressed identically as the man before. They dived behind a rock and saw a small crevice in it. The dove into it not knowing what dangers lied inside… The 2 heroes found themselves in a completely dark room. Sir Grodus struck a match to see a body on the floor. Fryer pie kicked it and it moaned slightly and lay up. Fryer pie pulled up his bow and took aim. Sir Grodus quickly grabbed his arm and said “Wait don’t I think that’s luminoth4.” Fryer pie gazed more carefully. “Yeh I think it is” The body moaned even more and then stopped. Sir Grodus turned the body over to see a gash mark on his chest. Suddenly the match cut out and there was a faint scream in the air. Sir Grodus lit another match to see that Fryer pie and the body was gone. Sir Grodus looked around desperately and saw a shadow against the wall…
Dissentor Posted August 15, 2006 Posted August 15, 2006 The shadow quickly pulled out a bow with great speed and fired an arrow which sir grodus barely just dodged. Should be "just barely dodged". “He must of teleported” said fryer pie calmly eating a piece of tuna. Should be "must have teleported". Missing a few commas here and there as well. I can't comment on your plot line because I never read part 1, but it seems to be okay. The story feels like it's going somewhere, unlike the one in Miami Vice.
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