April - Rune Oxide
Join us in this month's edition of the Santafish Monthly as we try to reach second base with intelligence.
Table of Contents
- Around RuneScape
- Santafish Monthly Investigative Exclusive: Does Rune Rust?
- Swingin' for the Fences
- To that guy who only rides the elevator for one floor
- Joke of the Month
A somewhat controversial graphical update came this month with the release of a skillcape rework. Skillcapes, released in 2006, had never been updated prior to this and looked outdated. An update to the look was needed, but the updated look removed much of the prior qualities of skillcapes such as the shoulderpads and thick width. The update has had a mainly negative response, and further tweaks to how these skillcapes look are expected to come given the response.
200th Quest: Dimension of Disaster
The 200th Quest, named Dimension of Disaster, was released this past month. The spiritual successor to Recipe for Disaster, Dimension of Disaster involves an alternate dimension in which the player has never existed. With nobody to stop them, enemies have won and largely taken over the world. In Varrock, Delrith ruined the city before finally being controlled by the Mahjarrat necromancer Zemouregal. Zemouregal then killed all of the inhabitants, reanimated them as zombies, and renamed the town New Varrock. He administers his rule over many familiar figures.
Dimension of Disaster has four subquests: Shield of Arrav, Demon Slayer, Defender of Varrock, and Curse of Arrav. It also takes a break from the serious sixth age quests and goes back to a more humorous story found in earlier quests. It is chock-full of references to older parts of the game.
In RuneScape 3, the Easter Bunny's stock of eggs has been raided by a band of imps. You must complete several puzzles to remove these imps and save Easter.
In Old School, the Easter Bunny is having a bad hare day. His warren has been infested with possessed creatures of chocolate and he needs help to get rid of the pests. Using one of Diango's ghost-busting machines, our mighty adventurer must annihilate these (probably delicious) monsters. The plot thickens when the chocolate demon who created the vermin arrives and reveals his boss: Anti-Santa! Apparently he gets bored around this time of year. Rabbit feet are given out as a reward, along with all the previous Easter holiday items if you did not have them already. After the event is completed, you may continue to blast chocolate creatures for extra Easter eggs.
Membership bonds also came out in Old School with this update.
Santafish Monthly Investigative Exclusive: Does Rune Rust?
Few questions have plagued the Sal's Realm community. Proof of God? That was a pretty easy one to figure out. Where are Biggie and Tupac? I'm not sure if that is even worthy of discussion. However, the question "Does Rune Rust?" has never been answered, and despite experimental and philosophical debates, we have never found the definitive solution.
Until now, that is. Thanks to modern day technologies advances in science, our recent studies have given us what we believe to be the correct answer. To begin, let us recap the past debates.
Expert Testimony from 2007
Does Rune Rust? A Study by the Famous Anthropoarcheologist Sir Egghebrecht
In order to answer this question we have to start at the beginning. We all know the metal rune, the hardest metal there is that we know of, so hard that it takes 8 equal pieces of coal in order to be able to smelt the ore. And even the most experienced of our smiths can only work it when drunk on mature dwarven stout. And that is the first important fact connected with the metal rune, a certain 'elevated' state of mind that is required to work the rune. It will become clear later one why this is so.
If we begin with the beginning we have to start with the ore. The rune ore is very rare and only found in very specific regions, many of which are now part of what we now know as 'beyond the wall" or "the wilderness". So I went to the Varrock Museum and began a search in the archives for old maps of the region where rune ore is mostly located.
The search wasn't an easy one but in a dust covered chest, hidden under a pile of old documents in the deepest, farthest part of the archives I found a crumbling tome containing a treatise which spoke about that region from ages long past. The subject of the treatise was the long lost Blue Goblin Tribe. Nowadays only 1 big brown Goblin tribe is left but even in that tribe you still hear Goblins telling stories about the old orange and green clans that were united to form the brown clan. And from an adventurer I even heard a story about Goblin armor dyed blue which can only be understood as a reminiscence to the old Blue Goblin Tribe. Maybe some of them survived the disaster that struck! But more on that later.
But aside from that old treatise and vague stories by Goblins there is no sign of the Blue Goblin Tribe left in this world. And that is why I set out to do set up a dig in the wilderness. But setting up a dig isn’t something you can attempt alone and funding for this kind of research is hard to find so I searched for affordable help and found in the form of a company called "Good Olde Sweatshop Inc". They agreed to provide me with 10 workers for only 9.99 already conveniently equipped with a pickaxe.
So we set out to the wilderness with my team under supervision of their leader qquajhe11214 to find out what happened to the Blue Goblin Tribe. Soon we reached the famous “rune ore” spot and started our dig disturbed only by the occasional people suddenly appearing, cursing and disappearing again. It was a weird and unsettling feel but a hardened anthropoarchelogist like me doesn’t let himself be spooked so easily. While at first I had some doubts about the capacities of my team these were soon swept away by the performance of the workers who copied the actions of their leader almost to perfection and never ever wasted a moment by idle chatter or showed any sign of being disturbed by the apparitions appearing out of nowhere and cursing them.
Soon we had collected a full inventory of specimen for research and could return to varrock to study what we found. But while we were on our way back to the civilized part of the world disaster suddenly struck. The workers were walking single file when out of nowhere I suddenly heard someone utter arcane syllables and the last 3 of my poor assistants were transformed into big ice cubes and then got shattered into tiny bits.
The rest of us decided to run for it since there was nothing left to do but mourn for poor qquajhe11224, qquajhe11223 and qquajhe11222. But their unfortunate demise proved to be the final piece for the solution of my quest so their death was not in vain.
When we finally arrived back with the samples I thanked my quiet assistants and started my studies into the material itself. I soon determined that the ore had a weird structure completely different than what we would expect from a normal metal ore. The structure immediately reminded me of something familiar but it kept eluding me. And then at night whiel being revisited by horrible dreams of my assistants being frozen and shattering into tiny chunks it dawned on me. I was looking at an organic material suddenly stoned and shattered by ancient magics just like what happened to my assistants.
So now we know what terrible fate befell the lost Blue Goblin Tribe!
As experienced metalworkers know rune has special properties unlike any other metal, that it requires a certain state of mind, a certain inebriated state of mind. A special state of mind for working with stoned Goblins. A state of mind attuned to that of a stoned Goblin. And that is why many a smith needs mature dwarven stout to be able to work the material. To get his mind attuned to the material he is working, the stoned Goblins of the lost Blue Goblin Tribe!
And from there on the rest was simple. I went to the Goblin village and examined the Goblins there to see if they rusted. And after a meticulous examination I concluded that Goblins don’t rust. And since Goblins don't rust and rune is nothing but stoned blue Goblin we can conclude that rune doesn't rust.
So here I sit awaiting my Nobel prize that I will undoubtedly get for this important discovery.
I thank you and remember
RUNE = STONED BLUE GOBLINS and GOBLINS DON'T RUST! => RUNE DOESN'T RUST
On the Corrosion and Rust of Rune. By: Dr. Russ T. Nayle
I have been called by my fellow colleagues to participate in a popular discussion among the plebeians of our society: Does rune rust? To fully illuminate this question, I believe we must fully discuss why iron rusts.
As has been known for many ages, iron's ability to rust has created several problems in the past. For one, it has caused painful embarrassment to one defence pures, who are unable to equip any satisfactory armour but iron. These pures will go months and months wearing the same set of iron, destroying societal rejects (main accounts) who dare to venture into the wilderness. One day an iron wearing pure by the name p0p30wn3r stopped by my office to discuss a horrible event which happened to him in late 2005. While looking for prey, p0p30wn3r became sleepy and took a nap on the Ice Plateau in the wilderness. When he awoke, a rush of thirst stuck him. He opened his helmet and consumed all of the snow his stomach could allow. While on his way to the Hobgoblin Mine, a sudden call of nature came upon him. When he attempted to take off his iron platelegs, he had found that they had rusted over the night before. He attempted to jiggle them off, yet to no avail. He continued trying until his bladder exploded. To this day, he lives without a bladder.
In order to prevent such a tragedy from occurring again, I teamed up with philosopher Pomponio Accardi to explain the chemical mechanism which causes iron to rust. We quickly turned to the standard, go-to experiments. We reacted an iron chainmail with Helium, Neon, Argon, Krypton, and finally Xenon. When no rust reaction occurred, we realized that there must be a reason for the rusting of iron that lies outside the realm of chemistry. We went to the closest museum and examined an iron platebody from the first age. The ceremonial platebody, which has never been worn or brought outside, showed no sign of rust whatsoever. It was clear that age was not the reason for iron to rust. It was at this point that Accardi reminded me of a famous optical illusion. When one closes his or her eyes, urinates, and then opens their eyes again, their pants should be significantly darker then they were before. This definitively proves that iron rusts because of the dense structure of the iron metal. A common response to this conclusion I drew among the scientific community was "This makes no sense." To answer this I will have to ask you in return "What do you mean by 'no sense'?" Now, you could respond with a similar question: "What do you mean by mean by 'no sense.'" To answer and fully delve into the dark pits of truth we're going to have to describe the relationship between the olfactory nerves and basal ganglia. You see, when one smells the inside of a prickly rose flower, the exotic cocoa plants of the infamous Karamja isle, or the air flowing above a Varrock Sewers manhole, the olfactory nerve sends this particular smell, which gets rotated 214.7 degrees 57 minutes, and then reacts with the basal ganglia to create the spelled out word "who" or the spelled out word "whom." To understand the distinction between who and whom, we must consider the words of King Narras of Ardougne: "He whom smelt it dealt it." To continue our discussion and crack your heads with knowledge, it is clear the if iron is smelt it can only be successfully refined 50% of the time, which leaves us with our understanding of iron today.
With this proven, it is clear the if one metal is denser than iron, it will rust. Using ancient techniques for calculating density, I have discovered that rune is approximately 1.43x the density of iron. This leads me with no choice but to believe that rune does rust and any words that state otherwise are heresy.
Recent Speculation and Answer
The question remained unresolved and in the background for years afterwards. It was not until this month did the question re-arise, in a Scape Lounge topic posted in the past month by The Darkest. He challenged the community to seek out new information regarding this crisis and finally answer the question. The Santafish Monthly staff accepted this challenge.
After several days of experimentation and observation, the team decided to attack this problem at its core: go to Jagex themselves for an answer. After some looking around, the staff discovered that a Lore Q&A would take place on March 25th. And so they waited eagerly for this day to come.
Finally, the day and time came to ask the question. The question was almost not asked because there were issues in figuring where the Lore Q&A was (yeah, we should have figured that out way before hand, whatever). Several minutes before the Q&A closed, the topic was found on the RuneScape Official Forums. Strategically placing the question at hand after a question they were more likely to answer, the question was posted. Finally, an answer came.
Let's magnify this a bit for those who thought otherwise.
Rune does NOT rust! Any data that says otherwise is wrong.
Now that we have answered this question, the Santafish Monthly staff can move onto other previously unanswered questions. Next, we hope to answer one of the greatest questions plaguing our generation: Who put the bomp in the bomp-bah-bomp-bah-bomp?
Swingin' for the Fences
Excited? Well, you should be, because Baseball Opening Day is April 6th! Yes, the annual day that assures us that spring is here and summer is on its way. And if you live outside of America you... don't care.
Anyway, here are a few things to look forward to:
- The San Fransisco Giants will now have to defend their World Series title among tough teams including the Washington Nationals, the Boston Red Sox, and fellow division team Los Angeles Dodgers.
- The Chicago Cubs are now contenders with the signing of pitcher John Lester and new manager Joe Madden. Will the Cubs win the last game of the season? Unlikely; the Chicago Cubs still haven't won a World Series since 1908.
- For the first time since 1995, the Yankees start the season without future Hall of Famer Derek Jeter on the club. The team is left sputtering with the 40-year-old Alex Rodriguez, who was suspended the entire 2014 season due to steroid usage.
200th Quest Review
Quests are an integral part of the game and many would argue that quests are the gameplay aspect that separates RuneScape from other similar games. With that said, the 200th quest was a wonderful celebration of this.
The story takes place in an alternate reality where the player has never existed. Varrock, the setting of the quest, is at best a zombie slum. When the player arrives, an avatar of Zemouregal openly challenges the player to topple him, knowing that there is no way the adventurer would be able to kill a powerful necromancer like him. The four subquests that follow (Shield of Arrav, Demon Slayer, Defender of Varrock, and Curse of Arrav) involve the player more or less trying to accomplish what he/she did in his/her dimension to stop the villains from taking over Varrock in the first place.
I personally found the quest to be very enjoyable. Most recent quests are based upon serious stories and characters, which can be interesting, but it's nice to take a break from time to time. This quest does not take itself too seriously. Although it seems from the outside to have a serious story, it's mainly humorous. For example, Delrith, the big bad demon that you probably killed in the Varrock stone circle, actually doesn't want to be here. He helps the adventurer kill him so he can return to his home plane and party. The incantation that gets him there is Latin for "He applied to be the Drunken Dwarf, but failed the intelligence test."
Another thing good thing about this quest is the vast amount of content that exists outside of the quest. To help compensate for the bigger plan Jagex had for this but ultimately did not accomplish, they added minor references into the quest (the graveyard containing many recognizable characters for instance) and a task set (which includes a Romeo and Juliet task). The examine information can be fun to read and you may end up spending half of the quest looking around. There are also a few other funny things you can interact with that have nothing to do with the quest itself, such as throwing rotten tomatoes at Pauline Polaris or defacing paintings.
The quest also gets right what other quests in the past have gotten wrong. The best example of this is the final boss fight, where Arrav takes on Zemouregal. In Ritual of the Mahjarrat, Arrav facing Zemouregal is nothing more than a sideplot. It's not a very fitting end to the Arrav storyline (which is the only storyline that began when RuneScape began). Here it's better. There are no other big events going on, so the player can focus on Zemouregal vs. Arrav. The boss fight also contains engaging mechanics and ignores stats and inventory (healing can be an issue).
With that being said, there are a few weird things I found in the quest. There were a few odd sexual references in this quest, which felt out of place for RuneScape (especially in a quest celebrating early quests). At first I thought they were cheap sex jokes. Later I decided that they were subtly placed to describe one of the characters; nevertheless, they felt out of place. I also disliked how there were undead cows in the boss fight. It seemed to take away from the serious showdown. Besides from that, the quest was well done and probably belongs in my top 10 favorite quests.
To that guy who only rides the elevator for one floor
No just... don't.
Joke of the Month
Writers: Egghebrecht, Sobend, Shooter585, Guitarguy
Other: The Darkest, Mod Stu, Micael Fatia
In case you were wondering, Mod Stu's response to the first question was, "There are certain themes and running references I like to work into my content. Hopefully you'll be able to pick out some of them in Dimension of Disaster if you look closely enough. :)" Another Jagex moderator also replied to this question extensively but not the rune rust question.