Another Slice of H.A.M.

By: Simple013
Special Thanks to: Damaged500, Egghebreght, Evolution, Hawk, Leo Crimson, Lilshu, Morty, Mrcsupertrain, OnYx, PoBear, Roy, Sea Rayn, teacuptime, Thomas154321, Trey, Whiskas88, Xaria

Essential Info

Start Point

Begin by speaking with Ur-tag or the Ambassador Alvijar.


  • Skills: The ability to kill two level 30 opponents with range or mage, the ability to defeat a level 100 'boss'.
  • Quests: None.
  • Items: Bulls-eye Lantern is the light source of choice. If not be sure to bring a Tinderbox. Furthermore have this in your inventory all the time.


  • Difficulty: Intermediate
  • Length: Medium

Getting Started

To start this quest make your way to Dorgesh-Kaan any way you see fit. Three fast p ossibilities are at your disposal:

  • Travel to the south end of the City using the Fairy Rings, code AJQ.
  • By way of Teleport Sphere.
  • By way of Home Teleport/Lumbridge Teleport and through the basement of the Castle.

Upon arriving, make your way to the northern end of the marketplace and climb the ladder. On the second floor walk to the second house east and speak with either Ur-tag or Ambassador Alvijar.

Ambassador Alvijar

You will be told about the construction of a railway between Keldagrim and Dorgesh-Kaan, but there are some concerns about it. Some artifacts have been found and, rather than destroying them, the Cave Goblins want to learn about their history.


Luckily you are one of those rare, educated, adventurers and thus be asked to assist in the excavations. You are told the 'patch' is in the south-west corner of the city. Head out the door, and walk south-west, you need to stay on the same floor.

Enter doorway

On your Mini Map a transport symbol will appear. Enter the doorway and you will have arrived at the subway station, ready to commence operation, if it wasn't for those excavations.

A New Vocation

Walk south and at the sloping part start following the tracks, until you reach three tables. Both Zanik and Tegdak are there and you will need to speak to the latter one. He will ask you to find certain artifacts. You will need to find a total of six.



BrushTrowelHe will hand you a specimen brush and a trowel that you will need. The trowel is 'used' on the artifact buried and the brush a bit later at the specimen table. Now you, adventurer cum archeologist, need to find six artifacts hidden in the tunnel to the south. They are a bit tricky to find: Nothing more than a big blob in between smaller blobs. Playing this part in low detail could help you, as they appear more pronounced that way.

Excavation site

Once you find them use your trusty trowel on it and it will end up in your inventory. Two of the artifacts are between the tables, four are further down the tunnel.

2 artifacts are near the table

Once you have gathered all six use each of them on the middle (empty) specimen table while having a specimen brush in your inventory. When you are finished, speak with Tegdak again.

When given to them, the artifacts: ArtifactArtifactArtifactArtifactArtifactArtifact will spark a conversation between Zanik and Tegdak, with you injecting the missing information. Of all the artifacts, only one has them stumped: the item that you correctly identify as a mace. However, even an adventurer as yourself cannot discover the meanings of the odd markings on it. But all is not lost- there's a scribe found in the hall just west of the house that you started the quest that can help you.

The scribe's house

Alas, the scribe is no help either but he has a solution: Visit the surface dwelling Goblins, or more correctly, the ones you had some dealings with before, Wartface and Bentnoze. Zanik, with her reluctance to travel over land suggests a Moving-Over-Distance Sphere.


To find Oldak, exit the room, go down the the stairs, and head for the room in the northwestern corner of the market place.


Oldak obliges and produces a sphere that will teleport the both of you to the Goblin Village.

Goblin Diplomacy Revisited

After just one small mishap during your teleport, you end up in the Goblin Village where both Bentnoze and Wartface have some trouble accepting Zanik as a true Goblin. But they do confirm the ancient origin of the Mace.

General bentnoze

Enter stage left our intrepid model of Goblin Diplomacy: Grubfoot. He relays to both Generals the dream he had last night. He saw Zanik surrounded by a large number of Goblins from all over the world where Zanik was proclaimed as the Chosen Commander. True to their form, the Generals have all Goblins gather and ask Zanik to speak to them. Completely at a loss, Zanik is interrupted by H.A.M. assassins.


Time to take on another job, this time as Zanik's bodyguard. Run/walk northward around the building, then back south again to reach a safe spot. From that point either range or mage the assassins. If you climb up the tower where the snipers are standing, you can pick up a crossbow and 50 bronze bolts to range the snipers with. One other possibility is to climb the tower and stand behind the crates to mage/range them. Melee won't work on them; they are securely hidden behind a number of crates with not a way around them.

Goblin map

Sadly your efforts of killing both assassins is in vain, Sigmund, H.A.M. leader has taken Zanik hostage and leaves you, but not before telling you exactly where to find him: Why is it crooks are always the stupid ones?


Goblin/Human Coalition Saves the Day

Ancient maceThe Goblin Generals, afraid of their future, maybe, offer their help in the form of two Sergeants who will wait for you at the Lumbridge Swamp Dungeon entrance. When talking to the Generals make sure you have one inventory spot free: You will be handed the Ancient Mace, and you are going to need it. Should you not have a spot free you can get it but will have to pay 1000 gp. Head over to Lumbridge Swamps and strike up a conversation with either of the Sergeants.

Lumbridge swamp entrance

They will tell you one important factor: They will attack the guards to give you an opportunity to slip past. This part of your plight will probably the hardest, or rather annoying, don't despair, you will get past it.

Climb down into the dungeon and down the ladder. Follow the corridor and enter the room. Both Sergeants will follow. Wait until the first two H.A.M. guards have passed and open the door. Tell one of the Sergeants to stay and he will attack the two guards when they return. Follow the corridor and have the second Sergeant attack the next two guards. Follow the corridor and once again down a ladder.

And, oh horror, you will be confronted with a not so pretty picture. Stolen from ancient westerns, the damsel in distress, tied up on the tracks with a train approaching.

Tied up on a train track!

Wield your newly acquired mace and attack the level 100 Sigmund. Thinking he is invincible with his recent level 43 prayer he will scold you. Open up the ability book and use the Backhand ability under the Attack section and this will drain his prayer. Once his protection prayers have been drained, you may finish him off at your leisure.

Zanik will desperately call out to you to free her, oblige her and both of you will stand with your backs to the wall, watching the train thundering by. The same train used in the grand opening of the rail connection with Keldagrim.


A short speech from Ur-tag, explaining what rewards you will receive and it is: Quest finished!

Congratulations! You have completed the Another slice of HAM Quest!


  • 1 Quest Point
  • Ancient Goblin Mace 3,000 Mining experience 3,000 Prayer experience Access to Dorgesh-Kaan -- Keldagrim train route (free passage) Ability to buy Goblin Village Teleport Spheres (cost: 2 Law runes, 1 Molten Glass)


Ancient Mace Stats

Ancient mace stats

Fast Quest Walkthrough

  1. [^] Speak with Ur-tag or Ambassador Alvijar in Dorgesh-Kaan
  2. [^] South-west of start point enter doorway, follow tracks south
  3. [^] Speak with Tegdak, receive brush and trowel
  4. [^] Dig up 6 artifacts.
  5. [^] Clean at table
  6. [^] Go to Scribe next to quest start point
  7. [^] Go to Oldak, receive teleport sphere
  8. [^] Talk to Bentnoze and Wartface
  9. [^] Walk round hut and kill assassins
  10. [^] Talk to Bentnoze and Wartface
  11. [^] Go to Lumbridge Swamps, enter then down the ladder
  12. [^] Make way past four guards
  13. [^] Down the ladder, Kill Sigmund with Ancient Mace
  14. [^] Quest complete.

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Published on: April 27, 2007 01:30 AM UTC by Salmoneus
Updated on: January 18, 2014 04:58 AM UTC by Sobend